Mailbag, the “better late then never” edition

I am a terrible person. That’s how I feel every time I realize I have, yet again, totally ignored my Thumper email address which is where all form submissions from the feedback page go.

See, I am continually on the hunt for the perfect email client and, as yet, I have not found it (though I’ve been using Outlook for iOS for a while now and, surprisingly, like it). Each time I try a new one, I set up my main email accounts (work, work 2, personal, personal 2) “just to see how it goes” and never include the Thumper mail or other accounts until I settle in. Thing is, I often forget and those email addresses fill up with unanswered and unseen messages, most of which are crap but some of which are from real people who would like to know what I think about things.

Anyway, that’s my excuse. Let’s dig in to a large backlog…

A guy named Ray asked:

Is there a short chastity device that allows a man to pee standing, without making a mess? I’m not well endowed, but enjoy chastity!

Yep, an enclosed tube design like the Steelworxx Steelehart makes that a snap. It’s possible in devices like the Holy Trainer and CB6K, too, but a little fussier and more accident prone.

David wanted to know:

My partner and I are big fans of your blog and we decided to take your advice and make our first device the Holy Trainer v2. However since the arrival of the device, I have been unable to wear it for more than 12 hours, due to the fact that while it fits snugly when I’m flaccid, when I gain an erection I get a large bulge at the back of my device, my head pulls back from the end by about 2.5cm and the whole device shifts up my balls until it is squeezing them between the device and the base ring. This sensation becomes incredibly painful, especially when I’m so horny that my erection doesn’t go down. I have been told that there is meant to be a certain amount of erection coming out the back, but this seems really excessive. So much so, that when I am fully aroused in my device, all it takes is a little tug downwards on the device and my penis will come out of the device entirely.

I don’t know what the problem is, I was hoping that maybe you might have some insight into this.

Hmm. I’d be curious which size Trainer you got, the normal or the short. Also, how big are you when erect? Also also, how much scrotum do you have? In other words, are you high and tight or low and loose.

Yes, a certain amount of bulge at the back of the device is normal. I found that the bulge was more internal when I started wearing a device but, over time, my ballsack stretched to such an extent that it was outside as well as inside. This is normal, I’ve found. Also, yes, some discomfort during erections is to be expected. What’s insufferably painful for me might be moderately uncomfortable for another, so it’s hard to know if what you’re dealing with is too much. My rule of thumb is if things are blue and cold, it’s too tight. If they’re just flushed and squeezed, that’s more about personal threshold.

To me, your issues sound like they stem from the Trainer being designed for the high bits of the bell curve and your bits falling outside that range. I don’t know why your head would pull back like that. When I wore the CB6K, the tube was too long and if the penis was pulled back a little that’s where it’d be during erections, but it didn’t pull back because of erections. If you can so easily pull out while hard, it may be the case that the A-ring is too large.

Good old schnoff said:

I came across this on Fetlife:

Following a visit to the doctors after a few months of discomfort, it turns out I have two epididymal cysts and am in need of further scans as they’re rather large

Googling that condition shows that these cysts form when ” fluid builds up in a tube behind the testicles called the epididymis, which stores and transports sperm.” 

Have you heard of people having that kind of an issue? I’m guessing the most likely cause is a ring that’s just a bit too tight. Though for all I know any ring, no matter how well sized, when worn for months, could have this effect.

I’ve never heard of that, no, nor have I experienced it. The linked-to article says it’s an issue in a third of men, so it’s not technically a chastity issue, though I suppose not having regular orgasms and being confined in a device could exacerbate the condition. Also, good to hear it’s typically benign.

Ronjoe wondered:

As a fellow wearer of a Steelheart, I’m looking for some advice. I’ve been trying to push toward 24/7, but I’ve been having some irritation at “10 and 2” positions on the ring after about five days. I’ve got a short cage, keep well-groomed, and use petroleum jelly as my primary lube. Any suggestions?

Two things. First, knock it off with the petroleum jelly. It gets sticky which is the opposite of what you want it to do. Use silicone lube. Expensive but totally worth every farthing. Second, I find that I develop similar irritation in the exact same spots (where the top of the ballsack folds over the shaft of the penis) in the days following shaving. The newly emergent stubble rubs against itself and causes problems. This is exacerbated by continued shaving of the irritated area. I only shave every few weeks and live with the grown out hair, at least in that area. I shave once it gets to about a 1/4″ or so. I bet if you upgrade your lube and cut back on the hair discipline, your problems will go away.

Mike shared:

I am 30 straight, new to chastity first time being locked and locked myself in a HT V2 for the last 2 days I woke up today with the extreme urge to have my ass played with and i had leaked all over the place during the night and I am still leaking as i type this. I have never even thought of playing with my ass before. Is this something that I am going to have to get used to or does it go away?

Wow, two days? I mean, yes, as you become more frustrated you will find the idea of doing things with parts of you other than your penis becoming more erotic. You might find men to be sexually attractive or (and these two things are entirely different) you might suddenly develop an urge to play with your butt. There’s nothing straight or gay about enjoying ass play (the prostate gland knows no gender or sexuality). But two days? That seems pretty fast, though who knows. We’re all special little snowflakes.

Will it ever go away? In my experience, sexual desires, once recognized, never go away. However, I bet if you jacked off you’d find the notion far less attractive immediately afterward.

My wife/keyholder and I are still relatively new to chastity (less than 1 year). We have been using a CB6000S off and on since March with my current time locked now approaching 60 days, my longest such period yet. 

My wife would like to be able to wear my key as a pendant on a necklace, but the standard padlock keys are not exactly attractive as jewelry. Do you know of any site or outlet where we can find attractive locks and keys that will fit a CB6000?  

I’ve found that the prettier the key, the less secure the lock. For example, a heart-shaped lock has a fairly attractive key that could easily be worn as a pendant, but the lock itself is stupidly easy to open without the key. So, is she wiling to trust you? Can you trust yourself? If so, that’s the way to go.

Hank hunkered:

I’m looking for advice on devices. 

But first, I want to commend you on being a really great source of information on chastity. You are articulate, intelligent, but more than either of those, sane and sensible. These last two appear to be strangely (extra-) rare in the online chastity community, for some reason. The advice I’ve obtained from various sources is… strange. 

I’ve now gone through a normal progression of cheap metal devices. I have one that works… okay, but isn’t functional without significant amounts of rubber tubing covering problem areas of the device. It is also chrome plated, which means the clock is ticking on its lifetime. 

The rubber tubing, which makes the device wearable without inflicting those small cuts within hours, precludes overnight wear, as it causes the device to not slide or shift against me at all. Overnight wear becomes incredibly painful. All the skin just comes right along with, as opposed to sliding. 

I’m looking what so many others are looking for – a metal device I can wear for a week at a time (with free time for cleaning and fun). 

This is going to cost me. The money isn’t an issue, except that I’m frugal, which leads me to the question: 

Assuming I measure correctly; 

It’s obvious I can easily spend $500-$1000 on a device. Do these custom made devices actually work? Are they a long-term solution? Am I going to have the same problem with a cheaper device, where it arrives, I wear it for twenty minutes before finding 15 problems that immediately exclude it from any further use? I don’t care so much, when its 20-30$ that turns out to be a total write-off. Spending hundreds for similar results will change chastity from something my wife and I enjoy and need in our life… to a mistake we’d rather forget.

The custom device I wear most often, the Steelworxx Steelheart, would be on the low end (if not under) your range and is absolutely a long-term solution. I have worn it for upwards of a month at a time with little or no breaks (months at a time with only a day or so out for R&R). Mature Metal makes several devices that would be in the same price range as the Steelheart that are also very much “lifestyle” wear devices. 

Reader Rex rumbled:

I think I read you saying your steelheart is your most secure device? (you’d have to cut it off). So are you also able to pull out of it like your other ball trap devices. Thanks for the clarification. 

I’m in a home made harness that is quite secure. A PA would be fun someday, if my wife ever likes the idea

Without the PA fixing, the Steelheart wouldn’t be very secure at all. It’s my position that no trapped-ball device, absent a PA fixing, is 100% secure all by itself. Even anti-pull out additions only slow you down. I know full belts are considered more secure, but never having worn one, I don’t know. 

I love my PA. Haven’t regretted it for five seconds. If your wife doesn’t like the look, you could always leave the jewelry out when not using it in a device. With a small enough gauge piercing (say 8ga or so), it’d be hard to see.

OK, that’s enough for the moment. I have a ton more of these to get through still…

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