Category: Chastity Nerdery

Those posts where I (mostly) drone on endlessly about living in enforced chastity.

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March metrics while miles high (with timey-wimey update)

NOTE: The original version of this post used numbers reported by my tracking app at the moment March ended while we were still in the U.K. and in British Summer Time. That screwed things up since my month started in the U.S. in Central Daylight Time and the trip began under Greenwich Mean Time. In any event, I’ve re-run the numbers now that I’m back home and have updated the post accordingly. It wasn’t that big a difference, but it would have bugged me forever.

Interestingly, since they switched to BST while we were in the country, I seem to have lost an hour in March. Thirty-one 24-hours days should make March 744 hours long but I only tracked 743. I would get that hour back in the fall, but since I already lost an hour when the U.S. switched to Daylight Savings, I will never get that BST hour back unless I go back to the U.K. when they revert back to GMT. 

The end of March is also the end of the first quarter of the year, so we’ll be looking at both today. Currently, according to the screen in front of me, I’m crossing over the east coast of Greenland at an altitude of 34,997 feet at a speed of 490 MPH on my way back from a family vacation. Presumably, I’ll be somewhere closer to the other side of it once I’m done with this post. I feel so Drew-like.

I ended my last post on metrics like this…

This month, we’re travelling to Europe for Spring Break. This will mean some extra time out for TSA, etc., and there’s no telling how much of the time we’re vacationing she’ll want the penis locked up. It hasn’t seen more than 2% of free time in five months. Might it even get into double-digits in March!?

Belle read that and said, “Double digits? You think?” Well, no, I was just speculating. That’s all. Innocent speculation. Sweetie

Perhaps that encouraged her to crank things up a bit because up until the last day of the month my time tracking app reported 0% free time. It was rounding down since the actual percentage was about 0.45 before she let me out the night before we were to return home. At 11.5 hours, that’s the longest period I’ve been out of one device or another since 4-6 September last year when I was unlocked for nearly 48 hours. Of course, since I was let out on the evening of 3/31 some of those hours ended up in April, but also complicating the figuring is the time change from BST to my local CDT. In any event, the unlocked night bumped the percentage way up from just under half a percent to a titch over 1.5%.
I was in four different devices including the new one (whose review is nearly done but not quite), the lucite version of the Steelwerks Schandmaske. I wore the Holy Trainer for one evening I knew I was going to be wanded by a metal detector at a concert, the Halfshell for a few days, but otherwise it was Belle’s favorite the Steelheart. Rather than have me in the Schandmaske or Trainer for the TSA (both of which would have been fine), she had me go through free and relock on the other side. And that’s how I stayed until she gave me the key last night.

I took the Steelheart off before my shower. It was the first shower I’ve had outside a device in I can’t even remember how long. I don’t track that. Perhaps six months or more. First time this year for sure. Just being out and by myself in the bathroom with the prospect of soaping it up left it hard and insistent, but I was nearly all businesslike. I shaved it and my balls and cleaned it well and only gave it three extraneous squeezes with no stroking whatsoever. All in all, I’m fairly happy with how I handled suddenly having a penis again.

During cleaning, I found the head to be remarkably sensitive. The slightest touch made me shiver. That’s to be expected, I suppose, considering how infrequently it feels anything but the inside of a hard object, but had we been in a position to have sex and she let me put it in, I would have not lasted long. I considered wearing the A-ring to bed and, had it been the Halfshell’s, would have but the Steelheart’s A-ring is far too small to wear absent the tube to help keep erections in check. The best I could do was put it on when we were getting ready to go to the airport. It did, by the way, set off the metal detector but didn’t trigger a closer examination following a body scan.

It’s been more than three weeks now since Belle allowed me inside her. Partly this is due to me being away from her for a weekend, but there were plenty of opportunities before and after and even on our trip since the kids had their own rooms for all but the last night. She simply chose to leave me secured during sex. I will admit there’s a part of me that finds it difficult dealing with the lack of pussy access, but those feelings are a feature not a bug and they’re the most challenging in the minutes immediately after her orgasms when she’s basking and my fingers are still in her and the penis is filling the device tightly, stewing in the reality that it will be denied what it so badly craves. But I find these emotions transform and mellow into contentedly frustrated submission after a short while. This is, as she often points out, good for me. And as long as it’s what she wants me to feel, I can handle it.

Speaking of her orgasms, it was a bit of an off month for her in March. She came just six times. I gave her five of those and she took care of the sixth while I was away. She let me fuck her just twice and I ejaculated both times but had no orgasms in the month. My last orgasm was on February 18, forty-two days ago.

Q1 2017

img_3497Belle has allowed me to be unlocked just a hair under 1% of the time in the past three months. Last night made up nearly half of the time I’ve been out of chastity since the year stared. The penis has breathed the sweet air of freedom barely more than a day out of 90.

The Steelheart claimed just over half the time with the Halfshell picking up a more than a third. The Schandmaske got 9% and the Holy Trainer was on so little as to not even get a full percentage point.

During the quarter, I had one orgasm while she had twenty. She achieved one of those orgasms while riding the penis, four were self-administered, one I gave her with the vibrator, and all the rest were done with my fingers. None were oral. I was allowed inside her 10 times, including my one orgasm.

Comparing March to the quarter shows what a big deal a whole night unlocked was for me. Due to rounding, I was unlocked twice as much in March versus the quarter, but the actual difference is a fifty percent increase. One night equals about a third of the time I was unlocked all year so far.

Six month view

I tend to think of the way we do male chastity now as a kind of new chapter for us and that really started in September of last year. Therefore, it’s interesting to me to pull numbers for the past six months for comparison to the last three to see if there are any trends. Turns out, the past two quarters look very much alike.

img_3497-1Belle has let the penis out for a little more than two days worth of time in total over six months. It was locked in just four devices in that time, almost even split between her favorite (the Steelheart) and mine (the Halfshell). I’ve had two orgasms in that time and, while I wasn’t tracking hers last year, my gut tells me she’s not coming as often now as then, but there’s been a lot of travel and time apart.

Speaking of which, Belle is traveling again in April. She’ll be gone for about a week. And, as I write this sentence, I see we’re just about to cross over the west coast of Greenland. Seems an appropriate time to stop, then. Halfway home, now…

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And no, I will not be speculating about April. Not at all.

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February, by the numbers

The shortest and most obnoxious of Winter months is behind us here in the Great White (but not this year) North. Here’s a breakdown of the month’s activities using the newly expanded metrics.

img_2790February was all about the Halfshell. I went into it just before February started and stayed in it for all but .07% of the month. Belle was travelling again in February so that less-than-1% outcome is mostly due to her not being around to let me out for her pleasure. Pretty sure .07% is the lowest amount of freedom the penis has experienced in any one month since the new “it shall always be locked” rule was implemented.

Just like in January, Belle’s travels worked against her having a normal number of orgasms. She enjoyed the same number, seven (in a perfect world, I’d like her to have 8-10 in a month). Two were self-administered (presumably with her vibrator), four were via the ministration of my fingers, and one was while riding the penis (and yes, I was able to resist coming myself).

I had my first orgasm of the year on the 18th. It was just OK. Not the head-exploding release that is physcially painful but also not purely enjoyable. Two days later, any lingering effects were totally gone. Through February, the Belle-to-Thumper orgasm ratio is 14:1.

Like last month, I was only allowed inside her four times. Three of the four resulted in ejacualtion without orgasm, the fourth was the one orgasm I had in the month. I think she likes it when I shoot in her and that’s half the reason she lets me do it. I’ve gotten pretty good at knowing where the line is between ejaculation and orgasm. For most men who aren’t focused on staying denied, that line is the width of a human hair. For me, it feels like it’s five feet across. I know exactly where it is, even when it shows up more quickly than I was expecting.

This month, we’re travelling to Europe for Spring Break. This will mean some extra time out for TSA, etc., and there’s no telling how much of the time we’re vacationing she’ll want the penis locked up. It hasn’t seen more than 2% of free time in five months. Might it even get into double-digits in March!?

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January Metrics

“Oh, hold on,” I said and turned away from her in bed moments after she allowed me to take off the chastity device.

“What?” she asked.

“Just a sec…” as I reached for my phone.

“Oh. Data collection. I see.”

January, of course, means a new year which means all the numbers go back to zero. Last year, I counted only hours in each device plus how many times I came (more or less, I lost track). This year, I’m tracking the devices plus…

  • How many times she comes
  • How she came (fingers, vibrator, oral, penis, etc.)
  • How many times I am allowed inside her
  • How many times I ejaculate
  • How many times I orgasm
  • How I orgasm (though there’s really only one option there)

img_2167I was locked up, according to the time tracker, roughly 98.5% of January (733.3 hours). Nearly three-quarters of that time was in the Steelheart with the remainder pretty even split between the Halfshell and a newcomer (ahem) from Steelwerks called the Schandmaske. I’ll be writing up more about that device in the future.

January was the fifth month where I was locked up north of 90% of the time and the fourth in a row where I was I was contained nearly 100% of the time. This is, of course, “the new normal” turning into just “the normal.” Most of the time I was out was when I travelled for work. Belle was away for about half the month travelling, as well, so the excess time I was out for the TSA was balanced by her not being around to let me out for sex.

Belle came seven times in January. Had she been home, that number would have been higher, though she did get herself off a few times while she was gone. Four of her orgasms were from my fingers, one was from her vibrator, and two were when she was on her own (probably the vibrator again, but I count solo orgasms sepreate from any she has with me).

I had no orgasms in January.

I was allowed to fuck her four times and each time I ejacualted rather quickly.

I did not masturbate in January.

Belle will be travelling quite a bit again in February. She has a weekend in Mexico with some friends then she’s off to Paris for work and to possibly see England (the man, not the country) and who knows what. I’m not travelling as far as I know so there’s little reason to believe February will provide any reasons for me to be unlocked even as much 1.5-2% of the time.

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2016 metrics

Just about a year ago, I said…

I’m keeping track of when I’m locked up and in what purely for the statistical data. I’ve often said things about how often I think I’m wearing a device or how many times I come in a year, but I don’t really know. I lose track. So I’m using a little time tracking app on my phone to quantify these things. I hope to create a log that covers the whole year.

And I did. December and 2016 have both come to an end and so I have a year’s worth of metrics to look over.

Turns out, it was difficult for me to keep accurate track of the orgasms I had. I think the number is around sixteen. Of those, twelve happened in the first  half of the year and the other four happened in the second half. Most of those (all but a handful) were orgasms Belle let me have. The remainer were either accidents while inside her or blatent theft on my part. She was quite generous as 2016 started (far more generous than she had been in 2015, as I recall), but following my camping incident at the end of August, she put the hammer down. I came once more by accident inside her and then not at all until yesterday. I have no idea, of course, what 2017 will bring regarding how often I come, but if the recent past is any indication, it will be a fraction of 2016. I shall endeavor to keep better track this year and am thinking of also tracking hers. Because, you know. You can never have enough metrics. (And for those looking for an early read, she already leads 1-0 on that score.)

I’ve been asked several times what app I use to track which device Belle locks me in and for how long. There are a lot of time tracking apps on the App Store, presumably for those who bill by the hour. The one I use is called ATracker. I set up each device as a seperate task and turn them on or off as she lets me out or puts me back in. I had to pay to be able to unlock unlimited tasks, but it wasn’t much.

img_1607December was perhaps the strictest month of the year regarding time locked up, even with some air travel at the start of it. I was in the Halfshell 99% of the time. That equates to eight and a half hours of free penis time out of 744 total hours in the month. I was careful to take the device off just as I was leaving for the airport and packed it in my carry-on (in pieces spread out all over) and put it back on right after security. The majority of the remaining time was when the Halfshell was soaking in vinegar to get really clean. Whatever’s left was when Belle wanted to be fucked.

As I said already, I came once in December on the last day. I’m told the next time that happens will be a long time from now.

img_1609For the year, Belle had me locked up for a total of 6,799.5 hours. That’s the equivalent of 283.3 days or 77% of the time. The Steelheart, always Belle’s first choice, was on me for 54% of that time. Had the Halfshell not come along, it would have been more like 70%.

The Halfshell has been my near constant companion since it showed up and has been on me almost 1,300 hours, or about fifty-four days, accounting for 15% of the time I was locked up on the year. The Jail Bird came in a distant third ahead of the Looker 02 and the Holy Trainer, but they were pretty much all the same.

Breaking the year into thirds, it’s clear things got more serious as the months went by. I was free 30% of the time through April and 35% of the time through August. There were a few months where I was unlocked far more than I as locked. To be honest, by mid year I was feeling like the wheels were kind of coming off our chastity and denial dynamic. I was out too much and coming too frequently and it all culminated with me jacking off by myself more than once. Luckily, though, I was able to get my head on straight again by the end of summer, not coincidentally when Belle doubled-down on her control over me and started to lengthen my denial.

I’m going to keep tracking in 2017 mostly because I’ve become so used to doing it and to stop would seem weird. The data-loving nerd in me wishes I had this information going all the way back to the first day of being locked, but I don’t. Best I can do is keep it going. However, as always, this is simply me reporting what Belle decides to do and is not meant to be something that influences her choices. If anything, it can inform her decisions since she often loses track of some details (such as forgetting it had been three months since I last came), but I don’t lobby or cajole or do anything else other than what she wants.

And with that, I hope everyone who read to the bottom of this boring post has a happy and prosperous 2017!

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Mailbag

It’s that time again. MOAR MAILBAG!!!

James jammed…

I can’t help but feel foolish asking comfort-related questions to a self-described masochist but I was wondering if you could help me pinpoint another issue regarding the Holy Trainer 2, or possibly even suggest a different device? (I recently took your advice from the HT2 review comments and bought a bigger ring).

I really like my HT2 because it’s lightweight and allows me to use a urinal but I’ve found that I just can’t sleep in it due to the pain caused by night-time erections. The metal device I got from Amazon is much more tolerable in that regard. Also, I find that the HT requires more reapplications of lube throughout the day.

On paper (or calculator), everything seems to match, size-wise. The metal device’s ring is 1.75 inch and the HT ring is 45MM. The metal device’s ring is a conventional circle shape rather than anatomical or oval, so I’m basically trying to determine if the discomfort being caused by the HT ring is due to its shape or because it’s plastic.

Based on your charts, it appears that you spend the vast majority of your time in metal. Does comfort play a role in that decision?

You mentioned that the Steelheart isn’t very secure for un-pierced guys. While I don’t really need Fort Knox level security, I also don’t want something that could allow the penis to slip out all by itself.

Does the Steelheart require un-pierced guys to use the ‘stocking method’?

Do you ever experience discomfort from the flesh of the penis tip getting pushed out of the urination hole of the Steelheart? I remember you mentioned a similar problem with the square opening on the Jail Bird but can’t remember if that ever happened with the Steelheart.

Thanks!

You know what they say (well, it’s me that says it), every penis is like a special little snowflake. It’s surprising to me a circular steel ring that’s essentially the same size as the HT2 ring would be more comfortable. I’m left wondering if it’s a tube size issue rather than a ring issue. If the metal device’s tube is larger than the HT2’s and your erect penis is thicker or otherwise larger than the standard distribution. Without seeing pictures and/or being able to measure myself and/or get more data, I’d guess that.

The Steelheart is less secure in that one can pull out the back without too much trouble, but if it’s sized reasonably well nothing’s going to slip out absent intent. The diameter of the Steelheart’s tube is customizable so if you get one very close to the diameter of your flaccid penis, you may be aided by the stocking method, but I doubt you’ll need it. The plastic devices have tubes that are more oval shaped and, as such, the stocking method helps get all the way in. Again, depending on how you order your Steelheart.

I have not had any issues with the penis coming out the end of the Steelheart, but the PA fixing and PA ring would stop that from happening for me. I have felt little bits of skin extruding from the Halfshell, but not in a  way that led to discomfort.

Good luck!

Chris commanded…

You’ve mentioned before about the Looker 2 that you wish there was someway to secure it via your PA piercing, Steelworxx does offer the Looker 3 which is made to be secured by PA. The only issue I personally see with it is that the PA lock is not hollow to facilitate urination which would make a mess, but that could be fixed by getting it made so the holes can fit a Prince’s Wand of the same gauge as your piercing. Thoughts on that?

You’ve also mentioned on the Looker 2 that going back to it takes about a day or two to get completely comfortable with the insert after returning to it after a period of using other devices, what do you think of wearing a urethral plug –

(like the one offered by Steelworxx: https://steelworxx.de/Penisplug-for-all-cb-s-50p.html
Or a pear drop penis plug that more closely resembles the Looker 2’s insert (though it does not have a thru hole): http://www.steelpleasures.co.uk/webshop/penis-urethra-plugs/pear-drop-plug/ )

– while using other devices to make that change less jarring? Could possibly also prevent urine from getting trapped in the Steelheart.

Lastly, what are your thoughts on full belts? There are ones like the T-3 or Neosteel that have a cage around the penis that’s very similar to the Steelheart, which I’m sure you’ll enjoy, along with the option to attatch toys to the back panel like the Rattler. There’s someone on chastity mansion who uses the T-3 with toys and says it’s great for long term wear ( https://chastitymansion.com/forums/index.php?search/3914117/ )

Thank you for your time.

Steelwerks makes hollow urethral inserts. I’m not sure if the other metal manufacturers have the ability to drill with such precision, but it’s worth asking. Yes, a Prince’s Wand at the right length and with some kind of locking mechanism would also do the trick. Again, the best implementation of this is the stuff Steekwerks is making.

That pear drop insert is pretty hot, but the little discomfort that comes from wearing the Looker 02 in the first few days (and the infrequency at which Belle lets me wear it) doesn’t make wearing an insert all the time necessary. Also, with the Halfshell, the PA is already occupied. If you switched back and forth a lot though, I could see the appeal of what you suggest if it could be made to work.

I’d really like to try a full belt sometime. Andy over at Ruffled Sheets has reviewed the Behind Barz belt and it’s fucking hot. That’s probably the one I’d try first, though my wish list of sexy things is already pretty long.

Reader nic noticed…

Buck_Pup on Fetlife said:

“One question about a problem I’ve had with this and the cb6k.. is there any way you’ve found to avoid the irritation when fabric brushes up against the tip that’s exposed at the end of the cage? ”

I’ve had this problem with chastity devices. I have a couple of solutions. One is to use a cheap condom rolled over the outside of the device and then cut off the end tip/reservoir. You can pee without mess. Another is to use a sleeve of tubigrip that will cover the device like a cloth condom. You can use this with an open or closed end.

Ugh. But OK.

Tommy trumpeted…

Was wondering about your kids, how much are they aware of your lifestyle (chastity mainly) I saw you posted they don’t know about BF, is that still true?

As far as I know, they’re totally in the dark about both our D/s and my extracurricular activities. I think they probably pick up on the subtle obvious ways I defer to Belle (like, for instance, how when there’s an odd number of us at the table, she sits at its head), but that’s about it. There have been a handful of incidental contacts made with odd hard lumps over the years, but they don’t seem to think about it (or, at least, say anything).

Another James jumped…

 I just wanted to thank you for steering me in the right direction to the holy trainer. I was once using the CB-6000, that is until it broke. Ever since then I have been looking for a new one but I realized I did not want another CB-6000 because it was very uncomfortable while wearing. You recommended getting the holy trainer and I have been hooked ever sense. I have only been wearing it for about two weeks now and I really like it. The first thing I like about it, it is really comfortable, so comfortable in fact I forget it’s even on. I also like the fact that it doesn’t slip out like the CB-6000. With the CB-6000 I had to wear and anti-slip device to keep my cock from sliding out, or from being pulled out by me. I hated them because it cut through the skin and I could not wear them. Not so with the holy trainer. Somehow it keeps me from pulling it out allowing me to do what I’m not supposed to be doing, and that is jacking off to porn. As you see I have a porn addiction, and this is the only thing that helps. I also like the fact that it doesn’t allow your cock to slip back. This makes it easier to go to the bathroom and you don’t get urine all over the inside of your device. The CB-6000 allowed your Dick to slide back a little so your urethra wasn’t up against the tip, causing urine to go all over the insides. this is great because you don’t have to clean as often. I also like the fact that the only trainer is very stealthy, hardly noticeable under clothing. I could keep going on about all the reasons why I love the holy trainer, there is so much I like about it. Don’t want to bore you so I’m leaving this at that. All I know is is if there are any people reading this post, go get one NOW! Do not get anything else.

Agreed that the Holy Trainer is superior, disagree that porn addition is a thing. But whatever works for you!

I have one more email that asked me about how Belle became involved and interested in keeping me locked up, but that’s a longer reply than would work well here so I’ll post about it separately. In the mean time, check out the older mailbag posts and, if you have a question or feedback, let me know. I might get back to you eventually!

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November metrics

Time for another report on the numbers as I’m sitting at C3 at the Minneapolis-St. Paul Airport.

I was locked in either the Steelheart of the Halfshell 98% of the time in November. That’s down by one percentage point from October which is an extra eight hours. All tolled, I was in one or the other for over 700 hours, a little over 150 of which were in the Halfshell. I’m going to be posting a follow-up to my review when I get to 1,000 hours with any observations that I come up with after really wearing it. That should be sometime in January, I guess. 

For the year, I was locked for 75% of the time. That should go up slightly assuming I’m in the 90’s for December, but we’ll have to see. 

I didn’t have an orgasm in November, though one time I got pretty close. There was some tingling and quite a lot of ejaculating, but it didn’t quite get to full orgasm status since I wasn’t hit with all the post-orgasmic hormones. The last time I came was at the start of September (unauthorized, but inside Belle). I’ve kind of lost count of the orgasms year-to-date, but I think it’s about 14. She was pretty generous with them for a while, but has gotten more stingy as the year wore on (and I took two by myself in a blatant disregard of my commitment and her rules). 

Belle hasn’t let me out of the Halfshell since the weekend before last. I think we’ve had sex about four times since the last time the penis was allowed inside her, most recently last night. That was especially hard for me since her pussy felt so hot and wet and inviting but all the penis could do was swell up under the steel. She’s either making me wait on purpose or simply isn’t interested in getting fucked. Either way, we had a short conversation about it on Sunday. She wanted to check in and see how I was doing and I told her it was frustrating and difficult to stay in after I get her off, but it’s not something I will complain about, of course it’s her decision, and I hoped she wasn’t feeling any guilt about denying me even that pleasure. She told me she wasn’t feeling a bit of guilt and so I’m still waiting for her to want to feel me inside her. In any event, the Halfshell hasn’t woken me up until this morning when the penis seemed especially swollen during its usual early morning tumescence. 

I’m about to go to New York for the weekend to meet up with Frodo. I have her key on my key ring, but she reminded me several times that I was to be locked up right after the TSA checkpoint until I was about to go through it again. That’s going to be nagging me, especially since Frodo has suggested we might just hang out in the room and “watch TV.” I’ve been trying to get the vision of his perfect penis out of my mind, but it’s been getting harder to do as the trip gets closer. Even though, I’m still struggling with leaving Belle for the weekend. I’m a lucky rabbit to have such problems. 

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More metrics and more

This morning, I found myself horny. Unexpectedly since recently I haven’t been feeling especially sexy. I have a chronic issue with my foot which has essentially halted any cardio exercise for me and that’s led me to be out of what I’d consider even passable shape and it’s really impacted my mood. But this morning, I was horny. Just kind of randomly while in the shower.

When you have a penis that’s locked up a lot (and the one on me has been lately, bigly), something strange can happen even when turned on. I was there in the shower, my mind had wandered to nice and dirty places, and I could feel the energy of being hot and horny burning in my balls. I could feel the tingle of it along my perineum and even in the penis, and the flutter of it in my chest. But that’s it. No hard-on. No pressure in the tube. At most, there was a chubbing of meat, but nothing remotely like an erection.

As I moved about and the hot water ran down my body, I could feel the heaviness of the steel shifting and pulling gently on me and that made things that much hotter. Knowing I was getting turned on and feeling that firehose of need and desire beginning to turn uselessly on the hard barrier between me and satisfaction, but it wasn’t until I soaped up and was cleaning the device and its contents that a seemingly perfunctory erection finally materialized. The hot, smooth steel was implacable in both its resistance to the internal pressure and the frustrated squeezing and groping from my slippery hands.

Even if looking at Tumblr, which I was shortly after finishing the shower, erections are not guaranteed. I will get hard if a particular scalding video or image goes by, but the attempt is fleeting. Back when chastity was new to the penis, long-lasting ragers were not uncommon. Painfully tight and throbbing. But the penis knows now. It’s been trained. Getting hard is pointless. Getting hard gets it nowhere. So it barely tries.

When it’s out, it’s a totally different story. Besides getting hard from nothing more than the feeling of the penis moving around inside my pants as I walk around, its ability to stiffen up is hair-triggered. So clearly not a functional issue. It’s all internal. Instinct tempered by discipline. Though hardly an issue anymore since the necessary condition for free erections is so rare.

So anyway, I haven’t done a metrics update in a while. I’ve been tracking my time locked up since the start of year and, even though my mood’s been spotty and I’ve been a bad rabbit and not as juiced up as as I’d like, I never stopped tracking.

fullsizerender-22Going back to August, you can see some of what I think led to my unauthorized orgasms while away from Belle. Besides staying unlocked for a week at home in which she thought I was locked, I used my emergency key to let myself out while away after about 48 hours. Honestly, I’m just not very good at keeping my hands off the meat when I’m alone with it (I admit to being a weak creature in that regard) and there was a too much time in August in which that was the case.

There were two orgasms in August, both yanked out in my tent while camping and neither authorized by Belle. That led to an amendment to my rules and, as you’re about to see, a marked increase in being in a protected state.

fullsizerender-38In September, the percentage of time in a device increased to 93%. Basically, the penis was secure for all but the equivalent of two days total. I can’t actually remember why that was now, but it could have been due to some little sore spot or something. Pretty sure it was that kind of thing and not Belle feeling the need to have it out while not in use.

There was one orgasm right at the start of the month and it was also unauthorized, but it was inside Belle and an accident. That was the last one I’ve had. Nothing in the rest of the month except some healthy spurts while fucking. One time might have been pretty close, but still not a real cumshot. None of the dopey sleepy post-coming hormones.

fullsizerender-37October is when shit got real. Under the new rules, I’m expected to put the penis away after Belle’s had her fun with it as soon as possible. Usually, that means sliding the tube back over the still wet and sticky and more than slightly chubby meat, but once a month or so I’ll clean the Steelheart well and shave the bits that are hard to get to, etc. But October was different.

I was only out three times in the first two weeks and only long enough to fuck and clean the device. In the second two weeks, Belle and I were traveling with the family. We had our own room for part of that trip, but she left the key at home so I was in the whole time. Then this past weekend, I was away from her on a road trip and, obviously, not out for that. I didn’t even ask because absent a real reason (like a federal agency’s security checkpoint), the rules are pretty clear. What this means is I’m in my third week of continuous lock-up and that’s reflected in the 99% achievement.

And as I said, no orgasms in October.

fullsizerender-23For the record, this is what the year-to-date numbers look like. It’s been all Steelheart all the time since July so that device is living up to its reputation as Belle’s favorite. The Rigid Chastity Halfshell has been shipped, though, so November’s chart will have more than one shade of blue on it. Presumably.

I can’t imagine Belle will deny herself a fuck for much longer so there’s no way I’ll go a solid month in lock-up. She’s not really into arbitrary accomplishments like that, anyway. The continued lack of orgasm is also something I have no insight into. I doubt she does, either, since letting me come seems to be a game-time decision for her most of the time. I don’t really crave one, of course, and can probably go indefinitely without it, but when it happens it’s not really for me. Like letting me out to fuck, that’s mostly because she likes how it feels. Same with coming. Sometimes, a girl just likes to feel a guy shoot his load inside her. Right now, I’m the only guy she’s got, so…

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Random thoughts about sex

One of the biggest impediments to people picking up the practice of chastity and orgasm denial mid-life as a way to build intimacy and/or strengthen a relationship is that a lot of people have very specific ideas of what sex is and is not. Who does what and when and how and with what. Of course, it’s that kind of thinking that generally leads to sexual malaise in closed, monogomous relationships, but it also makes the idea of chastity and orgasm denial weird and kinky in that the kind of sex it allows is not like “normal” sex. This was an issue early on with Belle who didn’t consider sex in which I was locked up the whole time to be us having sex.

Thing is, sex comes in all kinds of flavors, shapes, and sizes. I’m not going to spend too much time trying to define what is and is not sex, but generally speaking, if you’re erotically stimulated and doing things to specifically enhance that stimulation (up to and including orgasm), it’s sex. And you can even have sex just with yourself, though we call that masturbation.

So I wanted to put down some general observations that may come in handy for those thinking about doing this chastity/orgasm denial thing (they’re not the same thing, remember?). Things that now, to Belle and me, seem second nature but weren’t always that way. Things that probably everyone should know, whether or not one of them has their junk locked in a contraption.

De rigueur disclaimer that this post is very specifically written from the point of view of a man with a penis in a relationship with a woman with a pussy, though if that’s not your configuration I’m sure a lot of the concepts still apply.

1. The penis is not the point

I remember the first time Belle and I had sex during which the penis played no part whatsoever (mostly because I wrote about it). Fairly early on, it took us about five months or so to let go of the idea that if the penis wasn’t starring in the production, it wasn’t really a play worth seeing. This concept is not one that just men bring to the party. Women are socially conditioned to assume a supporting role. As if the pussy exists to create a place into which one puts a penis (remember, Belle didn’t used to think it was sex unless she got fucked). This is just complete bullshit.

Penises are not magical. There’s nothing special about them. Sure, I’m a big fan and think they’re really great, but a woman can be deeply sexually satisfied without involving one. Now, we have penis-less sex all the time. Sex in which I remain locked up and she never even touches me anywhere near the device is not that big a deal.

Even if you’re not in a D/s thing or chastity or whatever, the point is sex does not begin and end when the penis gets wet. As the post I linked to above demonstrates, sometimes it starts hours before. Sometimes it’s about things that are all in your head (or hitting your ass). It is actually possible to have really great, satisfying, and breathtaking sex without using the penis for anything in particular.

2. Your whole body is a sex organ

Related to the first point, there’s all kinds of things on your body that can either get your partner off or get you off. If there’s one thing not having access to a functioning penis can teach you, it’s that “erogenous zone” is a misnomer. Mine starts at the top of my head and ends at the tip of my toes. It’s only when the big obvious one is struggling against a hard object that the rest of the board lights up for some guys.

Alternatively, you can use all sorts of things to get your partner off. Sure, fingers and tongues are obvious, but I can also get Belle going by pressing my forearm against her pussy. Pressing my whole body into hers. Wrapping her legs in mine. Touch is what we crave. Sensual (as we define it — a hard slap on the ass can count for some) contact. A demonstration of seeking their pleasure. Of trying to find a vector into their ecstasy. I don’t have issues with porn as a general rule, but if you only watch the kind where the guy bangs the fuck out of the chick with big tits, you’re not only missing out, you’re probably going to end up with a lot of unhappy sex partners (unless you find one who wants to be that banged up chick).

3. Toys count

If you listen to Dan Savage long enough, you’re bound to hear a call from someone whose male sex partner finds her use of vibrators to get off threatening. It’s like clockwork. His poor male ego can’t handle the fact that she needs something more than his Wonder Cock to achieve orgasm. This fact makes several points for me. First, a very large percentage of women require clitoral stimulation to come some or all of the time. Like, maybe only half can come through vaginal intercourse all by itself. Two, what that means is the pussy is its own thing that needs what it needs and, a lot of the time, that’s something more than a penis (and sometimes, not even a penis). It is not simply the vessel of the cock. It’s not there solely to make a wet hole for one. Three, guys in general invest too much of their own personal self-worth in their dicks. Like, duh.

It is, OF COURSE, still sex if a vibrator is involved. Even if she’s the one using it and all you, the guy, are doing is attending to other points of focus (nipples, etc.). Think I don’t count it as sex when Belle pulls the vibrator out and finishes herself off? Oh yeah, I do.

The objective of a successful sexual encounter is mutual satisfaction. “Satisfaction” has a surprising number of definitions, it turns out, but it can’t be defined as only being archived via a specific method. There are a multitude of paths to satisfaction. If, at the end, everyone feels good about how it went, bingo.

4. Something something orgasms

This last bit has proven hard to put into words. There are some things I want to say that might be controversial. But, I think I can really get behind this:

She should always come first. Always.

This is simple human physiology. Men, after orgasm, are fighting millennia of evolutionary programming just staying awake whereas woman are often (but not always) just getting started. It’s an interesting question as to why that is. For the answer, I’d direct you to the exceptional Sex at Dawn. But I digress.

Men are designed to lose interest in sex after they come. So if you haven’t already been a good sex partner and made her happy beforehand, doing so after will feel like you’re doing it in molasses wearing 30 pound backpack (i.e., a lot harder).

Of course, I don’t think men need to come. They feel like coming, sure. It can become the most important thing in the world to them. And woman are programmed by our culture to invest a lot in his orgasm. They’re conditioned to feel guilt if they impede it (while also being taught that even to be in that position is not what good girls do). But there’s lots of good reasons they shouldn’t. But I guess this whole blog is about that, so we’ll leave that there.

The bottom line is there is no one way to do sex. We get too hung up on the standards. On the way it’s portrayed in popular culture. We lose sight of the fact that it’s about happiness and pleasure and therefore anything that leads to those things among consenting adults is fair game. This is all written from my point of view as the kind of man I am in the relationship I’m in. Your mileage, as they say, may vary.

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My rules

There are several things I need to get to blogging-wise, but I first I want to formalize the newly updated set of rules under which our D/s dynamic operates. There have been various versions of this over the years, but the most recent list has stuck and now there’s a new addition that makes them just about complete (though, of course, I don’t decide that). 

  • I can only come when Belle tells me to and, if she tells me to, I have to.
  • I must be wearing a chastity device at all times, unless she says otherwise.
  • When it’s not locked, I must never play with the penis without permission.
  • I must never volunteer to her how I feel about having an orgasm and must never ask for one.
  • If I have sex with someone else, I must always have a locked penis. No exceptions.

The addition is in the second rule. It used to be that I had to be locked up when she told me to be so. A couple of weeks ago, I was unlocked for a whole week during which time she assumed I was locked. When she found out I wasn’t, she was surprised and my weasely explanation was she never told me to go back in (and, of course, I didn’t bring it up). Since she prefers me when the penis is locked and, absent some extraordinary reason to be otherwise, sees no reason for me not to be, the assumption now is I will always reclock the penis as soon as possible after she lets it out for whatever reason unless she explicitly gives me permission not to. 

The others are pretty straightforward. The fourth rule is written that way because sometimes I want to come and sometimes I don’t but, according to the first rule, she decides when that happens, not me. Therefore, it doesn’t really matter how I feel about coming (either pro or con) and, obviously, asking for one is out of the question. The thing that’s interesting to me about orgasm control and denial is, the longer one goes without coming, it’s often the case that one wants to go longer and actually starts to dread the idea of it. By resisting or complaining or in any way trying to influence the one who decides, one cannot truly be said to have given up control over that part of their existence. I’ve found that once I really let go of all that and thinking on how long it had been and how long it would be, etc., I was much happier. And so was she. 

The last and unspoken rule is that Belle makes the rules and I live under them. Unless I fuck up miserably. That’s the next post…