Kidless morning

We’re kidless for the next six days. The boy went to camp last weekend for two weeks and the girl went today for a week. Of course, we will miss them. But still. No kids. A week. Imagine.

Personally, I expect to be naked a lot more than usual. This isn’t a sexual thing. It’s just how I prefer being. I’ve been naked most of the day (and am now) and the recent spat of nice weather has left the windows open and the gentle breeze rustling through my exposed body hair. There are few things better than that feeling (and it’s only improved upon by the combination of sunlight heating the skin at the same time).

Belle got back from dropping the girl off and we sat in bed, her reading the Times and me on my computer (having already pawed through the paper earlier). Her, fully clothed, me buck naked (except for the steel). We took a nap. Well, Belle took a nap. I tried to take a nap but couldn’t fall fully asleep. I let her sleep while I poked around on my phone.

Once awake, we laid there and snuggled and kissed and discussed the Jail Bird I’ve had on since yesterday. It’ll be going back to MM next week for the locking screw modification and I’m wearing it for a few days to make sure the fit and finish is all good. I have to say, even with the bulky lock in place, this device is loads better than the last one I wore. I’ll have lots more to say on this, of course, but the addition of the double A-ring has made it a much more comfortable device. The ring looks to be pretty much exactly the same size as the Steelheart’s, though it’s slightly ovoid and, with the double rings, much wider. Since the rings are 1/4″ wide, I had MM make the new cage a 1/4″ shorter than the last. Also, though I didn’t ask for this, MM put the locking post up on the ring so the top of the cage lines up with the top of the ring. (Lots more on the alignment of the cage and ring of a stock Jail Bird here.) Short story, I’m really digging the new JB and could imagine doing serious time in it. The old one, I could barely wear overnight.

Belle, though, doesn’t like the looks of it as much as she does the Steelheart. They are of two different aesthetics, that’s for sure. Belle said it was the difference between Apple and Dell, though I don’t think that’s entirely fair. The JB still has the Masterlock on it which, to my eye, ruins the lines of the thing. The bulky black square of the lock sticking off to once side does make it appear much more utilitarian and less sleek than the Steelheart. That’ll all be fixed soon enough, though.

Anyway, laying there, appraising my steel, kissing, etc. In another time, I’d be annoying and all over her trying to get into her pants. Even now, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want to, but I have been consciously trying to find satisfaction in how my frustration and desire resonates in me. Yes, I did want her. Badly. Her mouth tasted heavenly and the feeling of her soft, full lips on mine was intoxicating. Literally made me light-headed. But I wasn’t trying to be pushy. I wasn’t trying to make anything more than what was happening happen. I was enjoying my nakedness and her warmth and the time we were having.

“OK, fine,” she said, “You can give me an orgasm but then I have things to do.”

I was a little hurt. Her words and movement suggested I was being annoying. As if she was finally relenting so she could leave and be productive. I tried to tell her that wasn’t my intention, but she didn’t seem to believe me. I would have debated the point further, but by this time her pants were off and other things were jockeying for my attention. I remember thinking I may as well indulge if she was going to lay out the goodies.

I sucked and fingered her breasts and felt her hips gyrate as my caged manhood pressed into her. As I put my fingers into her hot wetness, I started to kiss her. I made a special point to make this more romantic. More like love making rather than just sex. I wanted her to know how much I loved her and appreciated the access she was giving me.

Eventually, as her snatch became more and more lubricated and her hips more and more animated, she pulled her mouth away and put her head back, visibly retreating into the pleasure I was giving her. This is my signal to stop and just get her the fuck off. I moved my face back to her breasts and concentrated on her movements and reactions to what I was doing. Finally, she pressed my hand down hard onto her pussy with hers and brought her other arm around my neck and squeezed. The Jail Bird was bursting with caged meat as I felt the pale echo of her orgasm washed over her.

After, as she was slowly uncoiling in afterglow, the knot of passion was still high in me. I forced it into neutral so as not to ruin her moment. Then, as she basked, I palpably felt the knot release in me. I hadn’t come. Of course I hadn’t. But somehow, my body responded to her afterglow. The frantic desire I held within fell back. Then again. Then I, too, was glowing. A kind of post-orgasmic warmth without the orgasm.

I thanked her for her orgasm. She said I was welcome. Then I held her, sleepily, until she decided that was enough. Then I wrote this.

I’ve included a sneak-peek of the new Jail Bird after the jump for those interested in such things.

Continue reading “Kidless morning”

How I should be

Got home Saturday after three days on the road. I love these trips, but the getting there and back is grueling. Before the sun went down, Belle was already saying I needed to go back in to the steel. Not until Sunday, though.

Sunday morning, she was up early getting the boy ready to leave for camp. I wanted some fun, but it wasn’t to be. By midmorning, I had the Steelheart back in place. But, you may be thinking, didn’t I have a new Jail Bird waiting for me? Yes, I did, but it wasn’t right. I ordered it with a security screw and it came with a hole for a regular little padlock. I tried it with the one and only little padlock we still have from the old CB6K days but it was one of those black Masterlocks with the plastic shell and it made the unit too bulky. It was quite visible poking through my sweats. Also, I’m not a big fan of the way the lock sits sideways on the JB.

I don’t really consider the screw omission to be Mature Metal’s fault entirely. The order started as an email exchange about getting a new base ring, the more observant of you might remember, and it evolved into a whole new device after several messages sent back and forth. We ended up using a non-standard channel for the order and they missed a detail. Had it gone through their site, I’m sure it would have been right. In any event, it’s going back to get screwed.

By Sunday night, Belle and I had found some personal time. Naked, I laid close to her with my head down on her chest while she fingered my sack and basically drove me crazy. She asked me how I was doing being back in and I, in that state with that sensation, would have told her anything. I said I was glad to be back in. I was happier that way. I told her how I never got used to having a normal penis during the trip. Each time I took a leak it felt weird handling a soft flap of meat rather than a steel tube. And in the morning, the unencumbered erection was a distraction. I felt like I was cheating somehow. It was wrong. She told me I was suited to being locked up. That it was how I should be. Then she let me get her off.

When it was over, I was amazingly turned on. The tube throbbed with beat of my heart, bit into my nascent erection and pulled on my nuts. I wanted…something. Not to be out, but to be out. Not to fuck her, but to fuck her. Not to come, but to come. All the conflicting and otherwise contradictory urges that come with the denial of orgasm.

I’m on my third day back in the steel and it feels like I was never out. Belle’s right. This is how I should be.

I neglected to add…

Belle got home late last night and wished me a happy anniversary. I had no idea what she was talking about.

“I read the blog,” she said. Ahh, I see. Four weeks. As in, my observation on Saturday that I’ve been locked for four straight weeks today. That anniversary.

And it was, truly, late – a school night, no less – so I didn’t think anything sexual was going to happen. And it didn’t. But even just hearing her acknowledge that my condition was known to her made a difference. That she hadn’t forgotten and, presumably, didn’t take it for granted. I laid next to her in bed, half rolled over on my side, and she left her hand in a spot where she could idly finger the hair just above the penis in its prison while we fell asleep. That minor, intimate contact along with the simple words charged me up. It was enough so that when I woke up this morning with the massively tight tube I didn’t feel grumpy or annoyed. I felt contained and comforted. I don’t need to be strung up and whipped or tied to the bed all night or facesat until I turn blue to know she cares. Sometimes, all it takes is a few words and a gentle touch.

Regarding the the thing I neglected to add as referred to in the title of this post, I forgot to mention in my previous missive that working out has become a sure-fire way of avoiding the dreaded chastity insomnia. I am trying like hell now to work out every day, not just because I crave it and want to feel good, but I’ve noticed that no amount of hormonal blood level can stop me from sleeping on the days I either see the trainer or run for three miles.

Friday afternoon, for example, I wanted to run badly, but the kids and I went out to see a movie and have dinner. We didn’t get home until after sunset and while I wanted to, I didn’t put the shoes on and take off. Subsequently, I was restlessly tossing around until after 2:30 AM. Not sure when I finally slept, but I knew as I laid there staring at the ceiling and doing everything except looking at porn (which is what I really wanted to do) that had I exerted myself, I would have been in dreamland.

Speaking of dreams, I’ve had several recently in which the chastity device was featured. I can’t recall the details, of course, but in one, the device just fell off of me. I’ve had that happen in dreams before and each time I remember feeling like I’m going to be in trouble. Try as I might, the device simply won’t go back together and I’m left with it in pieces in my hands. Other times I suddenly find myself in a situation where the device is visible in front of other people. I’m either all of a sudden naked or it’s out of my pants or something weirdly dreamy like that. At least one dream involved a urinal and other people. Not sure how, exactly, but the device was discovered.

Speaking of devices, I’ve ordered a new Jail Bird. There’s not a thing wrong with the Steelheart (obviously since I’ve been in it for a month) but sometimes a boy just wants some variety. For those keeping score at home, the previous Jail Bird went permanently out of commission when I accidentally snapped the post off the A-ring in an attempt to make it less constricting. I was going to just send the cage back and get a new ring, but I can’t find the damned thing. It’s got to be somewhere, but it’s not in any of the little hiding places I’ve used before. I suspect I got clever in where I put it but too clever to remember where that was. So, in any event, a new one has been ordered. I went with a slightly larger A-ring this time and opted for the oval option. We’ll see how that works. Expect a full report when it arrives.

Finding myself

So I’m tending the porn farm and come across this (obviously, that’s a NSFW link there). And I’m thinking, Daaaaamn. That’s fucking hot. Then I think, Wait a minute. Is that…?

Turns out, I had seen that picture before. Right here. It’s me in the Jail Bird. As a guy who puts dirty pictures of himself on the internet, I do, from time to time, find those pictures regurgitated by others on the endless pornographic rotisserie that is Tumblr (usually this one, though). It’s to be expected. I’m not in any way disturbed by it (though a simple shout out of where it came from would be nice).

The thing I find funny about this is that I didn’t even recognize myself at first. And to be honest, the thing that tipped me off that it was me wasn’t the penis or the device, it was my hand in the background. Then I noticed the way the hair was clipped and how the nuts hung and it all clicked. I didn’t remember the photo since it wasn’t HNT or anything, just a quick pic demonstrating how the JB makes the penis shift into its off-center cage.

Speaking of the Jail Bird, I do admit to liking how that cage looks. There’s something about being able to see the penis behind bars (and then pushing out between the spaces in them) that really flips my switch. Alas, the JB’s A-ring post is broken (and the ring was always a bit too small anyway) so it’s not available to me. I asked Belle if I could send it back to be fixed but she prefers the Steelheart. The fact that it’s almost the exact opposite in the way it totally hides the penis. Out of sight. Gone. She doesn’t seem to like seeing it anymore. I guess that’s how it should be. How I want it. But still, I’d like to wear a real cage every now and again.

Mailbag

New submissions from readers:

I was wondering you thoughts on Mature Metal’s Jailbird outfitted with one of the anti-pullout pins (maybe even a second base ring) vs. a Steelheart with the penisring (http://steelworxx.de/Penisring-51p.html).

I know without a PA piercing the inescapable trapped ball device doesn’t exist, but I want to get as close as possible. I have seen mixed reviews on MM’s anti-pullout pins but I’ve seen absolutely nothing about Steelworxx’s penisring. Frankly, I don’t see how the ring would stay on when flaccid but I’m still curious about it.

I am currently locked in a Birdlocked Mini, my first device, and am looking to purchase my next device… one of the above hopefully. Since you are coming from a place of experience I would love your take on the two devices described above.

Both those devices work by trying to bunch up the flaccid penis skin making pull out more difficult, not unlike the KSD-G3 for the CB6K. The KSD is the only thing I have first-hand experience with and it does make things a bit more secure down there (and feel more secure, which may be more important since security absent a piercing is mostly in one’s head), though, of course, a few seconds of fiddling in the shower can defeat all these kinds of devices. The downside to the KSD is that it would often leave abrasions on the shaft of the penis from when it would try to become hard in the CB6K and press against it with some force. I would assume MM’s anti-pull out pins would be even more likely to do something similar. Honestly, I never liked the look of them. They seem like they’d be quite painful (and not in the good way). The Steelworxx penis ring might be somewhat more gentle, but again, I’ve never used one. I considered it back in the day, but by the time I ordered I already had the PA and didn’t need it.

I wonder if one of these guys couldn’t fashion a KSD-like insert out of stainless? I know Dietmar at Steelworxx will try anything, but the cost might be prohibitive.

Here’s another question along similar lines…

I have been reading some (not all) entries of your blog and found them very informative. I myself am into chastity play with my wife. We only started very recently (last year) and my first device was a Looker 02 from Steelworxx with the penis-plug. The plug did extend quite a bit (around 1″) through the A-Ring, so this added a lot of security.

However for various reasons I needed to be circumcised. Now the scars are healing and me and my wife will get pierced. I will get a PA and she will get a vertical hood piercing.

Since the Looker with the penis-plug is not possible with a PA and we were intrigued by the added PA-security, we plan on getting a Steelheart (or Steelheart 2) with an internal PA-fixture (the one you designed).

I hope you don’t mind me asking you a few questions since it seems you actually own and wear just that type of device.

Basically it is about measuring. I am unsure about the length of the device. When measuring for the Looker I took the total flaccid length and subtracted half an inch. This worked quite well and the tip was comfortable at the front nearly all the times. For diameter I chose the flaccid diameter plus the Plug-diameter. However this turned out to be slightly on the loose side. It was no problem and it was comfortable but there was a little space around while flaccid.

Anyway, my questions are, how do you measure the length and diameter when you have a PA? Do you need to add a bit to the length and diameter to accommodate the PA?

How far do you think you can pull the device down while wearing it. Do you fear ppl. with shorter tools than yours would be able to access the PA?

Sorry for babbling at you and I hope it is not too much trouble to share your information. But you seem to be the only source I can find 🙂

When I measured for our second Steelheart I went much shorter on the tube but added a bit to my normal flaccid length since I needed to accommodate the PA ring and the fixing. In truth, I may have added too much. In my opinion, you probably shouldn’t make it shorter than your normal flaccid length. The circumference is trickier since you also want to leave room in there for the fixing which does take some of the space up. I find the penis will sometimes knock around inside the tube I wear, but it’s often. I don’t think I’d want it any tighter. You also need to think about pinching and such. I assume that less circumference would make that more prevalent.

So, short story, keep it just a bit longer than your flaccid length and just a tad bigger around. The other thing you need to think about is the gauge of the ring. My PA accommodates 4 GA jewelry, but if I wear a ring that big while in the device I get too much pinching at the end. If I scale back to 8 GA, things are a lot better.

Regarding how much I can pull out, I can get just to the edge of the penis’s corona, but that’s it (see for yourself). You don’t need to worry about getting tools down there. It’s impossible. Even if you could somehow get the ball out of the ring, you’d never ever get it back in and would eventually get busted. There’s not nearly enough room in there to maneuver. That said, I don’t think getting the ring out is even possible. That would be an advantage of using a thicker ring since the ball would be really hard to remove without tools. Hope that helps.

Question about your Looker 02. How long were you able to wear it at a stretch? Did the urethral tube ever cause you any problems?

Question, comment or general chit-chat? Use the feedback page!

Viewer mail

I know, you’re not really viewers, you’re actually readers. Whatever.

Ive been reading your blog on and off again for a couple years now.  Great reading.

A question for the steelheart: does your pa ever get caught between the tube and the retaining bar?

I’ve owned a cb3k and switched to the 6k a while back. I have the security cable from keptforher and when I used as instructed, it caused some bleeding from my pa not being able to move when flaccidity set in. So I thought, put the cable in the inside. Works okay, but as the ring rides the cable down and I get hard again, sometimes it will catch around mid tube and as I keep growing it can be painful. Lately I’ve just been putting on more lube and it works.

I’ve had my eye on the steelheart when i read about it on your blog. Wife loves the look of it. Just haven’t taken the leap to buying one. Don’t want the back and forth to Germany if something goes wrong.

Thanks for the blog. Insightful.

Short answer, yes, there is occasional pinching. Since I can’t see what’s going on in there, my guess is that some portion of foreskin remnant and/or the little strip of meat between the PA and penis slit get’s trapped between the bar and the tube wall. This is most annoying in the early AM hours since it’s all too compressed to do anything about, but when the internals are depressurized, usually all it takes is a pull and a twist (in one direction or the other) to sort things out.

My experience with cables is much the same as yours, though I never bled. I also experimented extensively with different types of cables and varying lengths and even putting it inside, but it was never good. I think the biggest diference between the cable inside a CB6K and the bar inside the Steelheart is that there’s just more room in the Steelheart tube. It’s cylindrical rather than oval and things can move around in it more easily. As you’ve found, the ability for it to move along the fixing and not be stuck at the end of the tube is critical.

The going back to Germany thing is a pain, but the end result is really worth is. You may want to consider Mature Metal if you’re concerned about the back and forth, though they don’t have a model equivalent to the Steelheart. Which is a nice segue to the next question…

I’ve been following your blog for some time, and am using the CB3000. I do feel like swapping out to the steelheart like yourself.

Should I base the dimensions on my CB3000 fit? I’m not sure if I make it too small, and when my buddy turns super horny?

Can you give me some suggestions?

If you haven’t already read Steelheart vs. CB-6000, you should. There’s all kinds of stuff in there for people in your position.

I ordered my original SH according to my CB6K fitting and it turned out way too big. Both the A-ring and the tube. I eventually got a smaller ring that would have been nearly impossible to wear had it been multipart plastic. I can’t explain this definitively, but I suspect that the combination of how the steel interacts with skin (less grippy) and the less severe shape (not squared off) make the SH ring significantly more comfortable (the same would be true for any steel device, not just the SH).

For me, the difference was 5mm in the A-ring. I wore the 45mm combination in the CB6K and have a 40mm ring on the SH. I think you could easily knock 3mm off from your plastic fitting. With regard to the tube, it’s not so easy. That’s a more customized thing. I think the best measuring advice I’ve seen is on the Mature Metal site. Remember that a tube which allows for less growth of your erection is, in my experience and as illogical as this sounds, more comfortable.

Princess Annie (whose blog you should check out), asked in an email:

Thumper, this is one of my central questions. How do I know if my boy, my pet, has ejaculated without me? He could lie – you could’ve lied. I can act like I will know… but I wouldn’t really. hmmmm…

Tricky. My answer is, if he’s a good actor, you can’t know. Absent a secure device, there’s just no telling. You have to trust him and he has to commit to accepting the control he’s presumably give to you. There are times when he’ll be weak and will succumb to temptation. We’ve all been there. If and when those times happen, he will need to be honest with you and admit them as soon as possible. If he doesn’t, then he’s not a good fit for that kind of relationship.

Practically, you need to be a keen observer of his personality. What is he like when you know he’s been chaste? What is he like after you let him come? That kind of thing. Other than that, I’m afraid I don’t have much for you.

This one was submitted via The Portfolio:

Hey Thumper. I always enjoy your Portfolio and I have wondered about the mix /selection of pictures as it relates to your chastity lifestyle. Do you know the ratio of heterosexual images vs. homo erotic images? Do you find that you post more homo erotic images the longer you are locked up? Or do you find that the less attention that Belle is able to give you the more you fantasize about guys and pegging and the like. – Just Curious

Regarding the mix of hetero vs. homo imagery I post from day to day, to be honest, it really depends on what I find on my dashboard in the morning. I follow 366 372 different Tumblrs of all kinds and some days the mix is heavier on the boobs and beavers and some days it’s more cocks and hanging nutsacks. I try to keep things mixed up, but I only have so much time in the day to look at porn (alas). I don’t know the exact ratio, though it’s probably slightly more gay than straight. For whatever reason, gay porn has always been more stimulating to me than straight so I’m sure it gets favored over time. However, with the addition of the Pit Stop, I’ve found some male images going there rather than on The Portfolio (meaning the female ratio should be going up).

Regarding how my chastity affects what I post, I know it does, but I’m not sure I can tell you how exactly. I post more the hornier I am. I think I usually post more graphic images when I’m really in the soup than at other times when I might favor more arty compositions. I think I end up feeling more crude and base. I’ve written before that being locked up makes me more fascinated with pictures of cocks. I get kind of entranced by images of guys jacking off and I’ll watch a whole video only to see the shooting at the end (though I try to never post an image of a guy coming on The Portfolio). I always vacillate in the middle of the Kinsey scale, so I don’t know how I feel is different or the same as other guys, though anecdotally, it seems as though chastity and long term denial can make nominally heterosexual men more interested in images of other men (which supports my contention that all people are, if only a little, bisexual).

Just under the wire

OK, so maybe I will squeeze in one more post before I’m out of here…

Regarding the Jail Bird, it’s not going to happen. Aware that I’ve never been able to stay in that device for more than a few days without developing significant discomfort and suspecting that it’s likely a fit and spacing issue, I decided to try something I read about on Chastity Forums. Not sure who it was that did it, but they were able to create a little extra space between the bottom of the cage and the A-ring by slightly bending the post upward. I tried this yesterday afternoon and the post promptly snapped off. I don’t know much about metal work (whereby “not much” I mean “pretty much nothing”), but I thought welding would create a stronger bond between two pieces of metal. So now, if I ever want to wear the JB again, I’ll need a new A-ring. Which I probably needed anyway.

And, as I’ve been harping on, this now means I’ll be unsecured for the duration of the trip. Belle does not want me in the Steelheart and I guess I understand. Regardless of understanding, it’s her decision. It doesn’t help that I’m in that golden sweet spot where the device and I feel fused and there’s little to no discomfort and I’m even sleeping through the early morning tightness and find it creates a comforting sense of security rather than being something I need to endure. I don’t know if when this happens that anything physical has changed or if it’s all in my head, but I’ve even found myself, when waking with a fantastically full and tight tube, flexing the penis in order to feel more tightness and constriction. As with so many other things, my level of tolerance increases over time.

It’s not like I’ll have ample opportunity to take advantage of my temporary freedom, but I really don’t trust my hand and the penis together unattended even for short periods. There will be little moments (and the chance for several hot, soapy showers in hotels on the way there and back) and, of course, every morning it’ll be all perky and proud and asking for attention. Thing is, when you’re a man in my condition, you end up thinking about what’s in your crotch an awful lot regardless of its state. However, it’s an entirely different flavor of obsession when a healthy ribbon of opportunity is swirled though it. I will try to be strong. Upon return, I will no doubt be anxious for Belle to put me back in.

Belle and I chatted a bit last night about some of the recent blog posts. She’s mad at me (or trying to be) for taking the device off without her knowledge (though I strongly disagree I did it out of spite, as she suggests). While I took it off, I also put it back on, so I feel like I should get some points for that. Also, we talked about my reaction to being belittled, humiliated, made fun of, etc. She says she can’t really see herself humiliating me, but is OK with belittling me. I don’t see much of a difference, but if she can find it in her heart to make fun of me every once in a while, I’ll be happy.

In a related development, I’ve decided to update Thumper’s Rules of Usage and Style regarding how I refer to the sex organ attached my body. It’s clearly established that I never refer to it possessively (it’s not “mine”). I either refer to it as a separate object (i.e., the sex organ) or as hers (though I tend to favor the former style because the latter can be confusing to new readers – “Wait a sec. She had a cock?”). I have typically called it a cock but have just decided to no longer use that word. To me, “cock” implies something unrelated to me or it. A “cock” is an aggressive, action-oriented thing meant for fucking. An in-your-face kind of tool that’s been designed for erect penetration. My little piece of meat doesn’t do any of that. It’s very seldom any longer than the 2.75″ allowed by the Steelheart. From the outside, it never seems to change at all, regardless of how I’m feeling or how much pleasure Belle’s letting me give her. It certainly has practically nothing to do with Belle’s pleasure like a cock would. The only time it gets to be inside her is when she’s giving me one of my infrequent orgasms. Last two times it happened, I’m not even sure she had her top off. It may give her emotional pleasure to let me orgasm, but the act itself doesn’t provide much sexual pleasure for her. The thing’s roll has been demoted to little more than an instrument of prostate maintenance. There’s no aggression down there and certainly little action. It’s not a cock at all. It’s just a penis. And that’s what I’ll be calling it from now on.

I can almost hear eyeballs rolling in some sockets from here, but it’s my blog and I can call it whatever I want. So there. At the end of the day, for me, words have significant value and power. Thinking of it as just a penis strongly resonates with my submissive core. Thinking of it as a little penis just about makes me swoon.

So, finally, this is the last post I’ll make until I’m out of the woods sometime after the 17th or so. As I said yesterday, there’s an HNThumper loaded up for next Thursday, but that’ll be all. I might be able to reply to comments depending on access to cell reception. We’ll see.