Tag: Mature Metal

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Device déjà vu

A couple Twitter followers took me to task for reviewing the Badass Workroom BA-31P:

IMO, I define a “knock-off” as an exact copy of a product designed to appear to be that product. The male chastity device market is awash in these. Once upon a time, they were fake CB6Ks and then they were fake Holy Trainers (replete with the name “Holy Trainer” stamped on them), and now you see fake Cobras and devices that look like Evotion’s. In fact, you still see all of those. And that’s just plastic.

In my original review of the Rigid Halfshell, I said…

All in all, their products appear to be knock-offs of Mature Metal and Steelworxx designs at perhaps slightly better prices (though it’s hard to tell with currency fluctuations and option costs) which, all by itself, would make them barely worth a mention. But. They have a PA security design I’ve never seen before and it’s really interesting.

And that, to me in today’s market, is where “knock-offs” diverge from “inspired by.” A lot of the stuff on Rigid’s site looked like things other makers were offering. And a lot of stuff on the BAWR site look like things other makers are offering. But in both their cases, they have taken bits of those other devices and put them together in new ways. Hence, the BA-31P. It is, in my experience, unique. As I said, a cross between the Steelheart and the Halfshell. Not either. Both. And by making that leap of design — a leap nobody else has made, AFAIK — they’ve made something unique.

It’s not a 100% straightforward issue, to be sure. Patent and trademark lawyers make good money arguing about prior art all day long. All I can do is apply how I see it. In the case of the BA-31P, we find a new and unique combination of past designs. Good enough for me to think of that as a new, legitimate thing.

A case that I don’t think is difficult to call is that of the metal “Holy Trainer” I reviewed back in 2017. This was a product that was marketed as a device from the Holy Trainer maker, but in metal. It was the same design, after all, so…plausible? However, Holy Trainer only works in resin. They don’t make metal devices. And this specific device was awful. It literally injured me. Clearly, this is the worst kind of knock-off, even though one could argue making the design in metal was a new innovation. Perhaps. But they tried to pass it off as being something it was not (made by the Holy Trainer people) and, on top of that, it was total shit. It could hurt whoever would buy it and that would, by extension, hurt Holy Trainer’s brand.

But then I think of the brass barrel lock used by Steelworxx in many of their devices. When I bought my first Steelheart in 2009, I was unaware of any other maker using them. Steelworxx could have been the first (or maybe they weren’t, I dunno). Certainly, it was a very uncommon feature at the time. Now, you find it everywhere. Rigid uses them, the Holy Trainer has it, the Cobra and Evotion devices use them. It’s, like, the default way to lock a male chastity device. As is should be. It’s better than a small padlock in lots of ways. Are every one the devices I mentioned (and the perhaps hundreds of others I didn’t) all “knock-offs” of the Steelworxx design? Of course not.

In one alternate timeline, Steelworxx could have patented the approach. Perhaps, I’m not a lawyer. And that could have kept everyone else from copying their innovation. But that didn’t happen and, I’d say, the community of male chastity device wearers are better off for it.

Another example is the proprietary screw mentioned in the first tweet above. Lori’s devices had them ages ago. So did Mature Metal. And so does Steelwerks. And so does BAWR. And so does the men’s room stall I use at the office. Custom screw heads to make entry harder is not an own-able idea. The specific design of them could be. If BAWR was making S-screws like Steelwerks, that would be a clear knock-off. But they aren’t making those. They’re implementing a feature used by many other makers.

The last thing I’ll say about all this is the aspect of BAWR’s offering I mentioned in the first paragraph of my review. I was able to order a fully custom metal device and receive it within one calendar month. I have heard from dozens of guys who have ordered from Steelworxx and Rigid, specifically, who have waited 10 times as long (or longer) to receive their devices. This has been going on for years. I assume this is because both of them are overwhelmed by demand. In either case, they’re reported to be very poor at communication, so it’s hard to know. So, in a world where the two makers who have been apparently damaged by BAWR’s “copying” can’t even make devices in anything like a marginally reasonable timeframe for the customers they have, it’s literally the free market’s job to allow someone else to take advantage of the unmet demand. And BAWR has done that. They make a quality, custom product that many people want and cannot get. Capitalism doing its thing.

I don’t pretend this is all black and white. There’s a lot of fuzziness each person can interpret their own way. I have long been an advocate of not buying the cheapest devices available and supporting innovative makers. I long advocated for Steelworxx and Rigid and even Mature Metal. I also am a big fan of the Holy Trainer and Evotion devices and the Cobra. These are all makers who have innovated in their own ways. I do not think people should buy $20 versions of their devices. But people will and do and they have their reasons. I am saying I would not.

I also acknowledge that BAWR does have devices that could be called copies of others’ designs. But, like Rigid, they also have their own innovations they’ve added to the mix. And they can deliver which I know for a fact their all-metal custom peers struggle with.

Steelworxx, Rigid, Mature Metal, Badass Workroom…a lot of makers have devices that look like one another’s designs. They all get inspiration from one another. It’s all familiar. It’s up to you what you do with that. It’s up to you who you support with your money. I have no issue supporting BAWR because they offer the one combination of features I have wanted for years. Nobody else does, to this day. I don’t care what language they speak or what continent they’re making them on. They put exactly what I wanted out there at a fair price and in good quality.

What else could anyone ask for?

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Mailbag

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Steve forever

Welcome back to another exciting installment of the DT Mailbag!

Brooke bothered…

Hey Thumper, I was curious if you’ve ever come across the practice of using ‘Athletic Tape’ for light chastity play before. If you’re not familiar, it’s like a thin and stretchy fabric tape that athletes use to stick onto their skin. It’s designed for adhering to skin (although maybe not to genitals), and you can cover your glans & frenulum using a few strips. It works pretty well to stay in place, lowers your sensitivity from skin to skin contact, and is painless to remove if you gently peel it off. I like that there’s no prep involved to get protected fast (no stocking method), it’s lightweight, and you can sleep in it easily. It’s not supposed to prevent an erection or be a substitute for a cage, but in between it fulfills its role pretty well if you just need to not have a sensitive naked penis for a few hours or for one day. It’s also sold in most stores.

No, but it sounds intriguing. Seems like the instances of DIY or pervertable chastity play has become much less prevalent since there are so many devices out there now at nearly any price point. But the bondage enthusiast in me likes the idea of being bound up like that.

Mike mathered…

Excellent blog – it’s extremely useful to a newbie to this like I am. With your years of experience, perhaps you can help here?

I’m trying to move to a HTv3 after being in a CB-6000s; in the CB I was wearing the #3 ring width the second smallest spacer, and had been wearing for about 3 months. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary, other than the usual CB annoyances with the ring.

I’m now trying the HT with a 45mm ring, and while everything seems fine before I put the cage on, once I put the cage on my balls start to turn a dark red/slight purple colour and get a fair bit cooler to the touch (but not outright cold). My veins also become more prominent on my scrotum, which has me believing that the ring + cage is too tight (despite being larger than the one I wear on the CB), even though I can slip a finger between the ring and my shaft.

In your expertise, is this indeed a sign that it’s too tight, and that I should look at moving up to the 50mm ring at this point?

Yes, that’s too tight. At certain points (full pressurization), a flushing of the scrotum skin isn’t out of the ordinary, but cold is no good at all and that seems too tight for those times it’s not stuffed with an erection. One of the advantages of the CB-X line is the spacers. Sounds like you need to bump that base ring up, at least for a while.

Another Mike mouthed…

Hi great blog, been a lurker for a while. and into the life for about 20 yrs off and on. Mrs M not really interested so tends to go in cycles

Just about to go full steel, currently self locked CB600 & more recently HT2 (plus some junk from China)

Looking to go with the half shell, however, struggling to get a reply from the website, do you know if they are still trading, any tips on getting their attention. Wanted to modify the head to a single hole as per your thoughts

Keep up the good work, you are THE resource for us out here…

I’ve heard from others who have had issues getting a response from Rigid. I also hear it about Steelworxx from time to time. Both these outfits are small manufacturers (AFAIK, it’s just Deitmar at Steelworxx and Rigid is, I think, a couple). They get backed up with orders and the response levels drop. I’d think that’s especially a problem with Rigid since their designs are so innovative. FWIW, that’s a complaint I’ve never heard about Mature Metal.

Apparently, there are many more penises looking for custom metal securement than there are craftspeople to make them. One of the reasons Chinese Ebay specials have become so popular, I guess. Cheap and readily available.

Darrell demurred…

I’ve ordered a steelworxx looker 02 about a month age ( anxiously waiting now ) any how 58mm total length you reviewed it quite some time ago just wondering what you think of it now having owned one for awhile…..do you still wear it…

Lol, yes, I still wear it. So far this year, I’ve worn it nearly sixty days total. My only complain is the base ring is borderline too tight. Other than that, it’s Belle’s main axe.

A mysterious stranger said…

I’ve been following your blog for a while and wanted to share some info based on your recent posting “Of Trust and Locks“. First off, I totally agree with you, a lock isn’t necessary and it’s the trust factor that’s important.

You then mention switching to the HT for travel. I just wanted to share that I just returned from my 5th flying trip in the last nine months and have had no problems with my Mature Metal Queen’s Keep. I have gone through metal detectors and the body scanners with no problems. I’ve been pulled aside twice and they wanded me and it gave a small beep, but then they just let me go. This has been both in the US (various airports) and in Costa Rica. I’ve got another trip coming up in a week and I won’t even think about it.

The first time was kind of a fluke. I had been locked for about 3 months by that time and on the day of travel I went to get the key (I knew where it was, but had never used it, as is laid out in your posting) and tried to unlock to no avail. I tried anything I could be for whatever reason the lock wouldn’t work. We just shrugged it off and took our chances and found out it was no big deal. I have yet to replace the lock (at 9 months continuous now) and have gone on numerous other trips all while caged. Maybe the Steelheart is different, but the Queen’s Keep is a fair amount of metal.

That’s really interesting. The Queen’s Keep does look like it’s less metal than the Steelheart since the Steelheart is a solid tube and the QK is mostly cage. I wonder if the Looker 02 would make it through security the same way.

It’s funny that I still see people worry about the little brass lock in a Holy Trainer triggering a metal detector. No way does that even get close. Next time I’m traveling alone or just with Belle, I might try wearing one of the less solid devices and seeing if I can get through.

YET ANOTHER Mike monotoned…

I read your blog about using the Njoy Pure Wand tool for prostate milking and I am thinking of getting one myself. What position are you normally in during your prostate milking session while using the Njoy Pure Wand? Which position is the best position to cause a release of seminal fluid? Do you think the Njoy Pure Wand is effective at prostate milking and causing seminal fluid to be released?

The curve should be aimed toward your belly button and the knobby end should be sliding over the gland. Other than that, it’s more about how hard you’re doing it and for what length of time. Also, it doesn’t always work for every guy. Some won’t respond while others will express quite a bit of fluid. It’s about how you’re wired and configured.

Personally, it’s worked for me maybe half the time I’ve used it, but every time is an intense experience. I prefer the larger end since it seems to make better contact and stimulate more surface than the small end.

Gimli gamboled…

I’ve just stumbled across your marvellous blog so I hope these questions aren’t too tedious.

I’m in something of a different head space to you in that I’m a solo player (my lovely partner lost all interest in sex at menopause) and my interest is in somehow denying that I have a cock – I’m not quite sure why my head works that way, I have zero interest in switching gender, so perhaps it’s a sort of revenge for the various escapades that my cock has led me into over the years!

I’ve purchased a couple of cheap Chinese devices in the past but the quality has left much to be desired and one of them delivered a nasty UTI (my own fault for being too impatient to sterilise it on delivery).

I was particularly interested in your review of a micro trainer, as it seems to meet my goal of making my cock ‘invisible’. However your comment about messy urination matches my experience. I’m wondering whether you have any feedback about whether a urethral tube would solve this problem, and what drawbacks that might have?

I’m also wondering whether you might have come across some device that traps testicles up in their canals, ideally while holding the penis down in a tucked position. Of course the obvious answer is a chastity belt, perhaps a female one, but most of those I’ve seen seem designed for their visual effect and not for practical daily wear. My ideal would be something that places the head of the penis about mid perineum so that urination (albeit sitting) could take place without removing the device.

Yes, I think a urethral tube would make urination a much better experience in that device, but they were sold out when I ordered and I didn’t want to wait. Without that feature, they’re strictly a pee-while-sitting device.

I absolutely get what you’re saying about minimizing the presence of the penis. The micro is quite good at that.

Yeah, I think what you’re describing is a full belt option. Perhaps a reader can leave another idea in the comments.

Bert burped…

Have you ever been on a nude beach / clothing optional area or resort wearing a cage? What was your experience?

No, never have. Alas. If only we lived in a world where a) more places like that existed, and b) chastity wearers would be accepted without issue.

Sam, a fellow rabbit, sidled…

I’m fascinated by the concept of chastity and really want to get into it. However, I’m a college student, and I don’t have the money nor the privacy to invest in most cages. I’ve almost pulled the trigger on many products, but I’ve been too scared to commit. Do you have any guidelines for cheap devices under $50? The last thing I want is an experience similar to your metal holy trainer or some Chinese plastic rotting my knob off. Your wisdom is appreciated.

Under $50? Your only option is a Chinese knock-off, I’m afraid. That comes with risk, sure, but it’s enough for you to figure out if you even like wearing a device. Recently, I got an inquiry from a site called Oxy Shop. Can’t vouch for them, but they have a lot of devices in your price range.

Andrew opined…

For 24/7/365 wear, what is your TOP recommendation?

We’d like something that breathes, non-noticeable, comfortable, secure, and perhaps goes with a PA piercing.

The search for a perfect device is so frustrating!! Thank you so much!!!

Holy Trainer. If the PA thing is important, then I’d say a Half Shell from Rigid (if you’re OK with waiting, see above).

Yes, getting the right device can be a long and expensive project!

Phil fancied…

I’m still debating the steelheart and I was wondering..

So.. in terms of the rod allowing the PA to slide up, wouldn’t a small divot in the middle that the ring can nestle into prevent that? Perhaps expanding the ends a bit longer to prevent it from sliding forward enough to escape the valley?

The idea of the fixing I designed is to allow the ring to slide up when the penis withdraws so as to avoid the Very Nasty Pulling that can occur. That last sentence…I just don’t understand. 🤨

Simon sashayed…

Getting through the night! I am on my second Jailbird much smaller and snugger than the first; I probably have on average a relatively high/ tight scrotum BUT I struggle with the pain of the device when I get nightly erections (I am 56), would be great if you have any helpful tips.

I’m assuming, based on what you wrote, that the pain you’re having is under your balls. Have you applied silicone lube under the base ring? That’s my top tip when it comes to that issue. Otherwise, a larger ring is in your future, I’m afraid. Also, of course, it’s kinda supposed to be some level of uncomfortable. Not painful, necessarily, but one man’s discomfort is another’s agony. Hope that helps!

Annnnd, that’s all I got for the moment! Usual apologies for those who had to wait a while to get their response.

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The best male chastity device

A bit over a year ago, I was asked by a reader what the best male chastity device on the market was. I penned (keyed?) a missive on my thoughts and threw it out upon the waves of the World Wide Web to float among the other jetsam and debris like any other post and moved on.

But then a funny thing happened. People, it turns out, Google “best male chastity device” quite a bit and, through a happy coincidence of longevity and narrow subject matter, this site does pretty well in those kind of searches. That post I chucked out there one afternoon without a great deal of fanfare all of sudden started being among the top visited here every day.

Turns out, I no longer agree with my conclusions from 15 months ago. So I will, with this post, reassess the field in a slightly more thoughtful way than before.

Gray stuff

When people ask me about chastity, they’re usually coming from a pretty particular point of view. They are not the kind of people looking to wear a device or have their man wear one for a simple evening’s romp. They’re usually thinking about it in the same way Belle utilizes it with me in our marriage. That is, a semi-permanent thing leading to long-term orgasm denial (“long-term” having no set definition, just longer than a day or a week). They’re also usually (the guys, anyway, though occasionally their partners, too) really hot and bothered over being locked in the mythical impossible-to-defeat device that they can’t ever take off no matter how hard they want to OH GOD how horny CAN. I. GET!?

I’m sorry. That device does not exist.

Not as an off-the-shelf thing, anyway. You hear about these inescapable devices in the hawt chastity porn, but you might notice their description is always a little vague. That’s because the flaccid male penis has all the structure and significance of an octopus arm. It really can’t be easily contained. A guy, especially a wet and soapy one, can get it into and out of all kinds of crazy little nooks and crannies as long as his fleshy friend stays soft. So no, there is no trapped-ball device (that is, one that is worn around the penis and scrotum) that cannot be defeated with little more than cursory effort.

Yes, I know, a trapped-ball device can be made inescapable, but only if you’re willing to get a genital piercing like a Prince Albert. For a lot of guys, that’s way over the line. Short of that, no, there is no inescapable trapped-ball device, I don’t care what that one guy on Chastity Mansion wrote.

This is why I say the very best chastity device is the one between your ears. I know (trust me), the idea of being forced against your will to remain locked and horny is a significantly powerful fantasy, but it is just that. A fantasy. You, as the man being locked up, have to be invested in staying locked up. That means, you need to have the will power not to cheat and slip out the back for a quick wank when nobody’s looking. If you can’t do that, then don’t even bother with anything else. Don’t even bother your partner with the idea. Chances are very good you want to be locked up. So let yourself be and don’t fuck it up.

Personally, when I’m in an easily-escaped device, I tell myself it’s not. I suspend my disbelief and act as though there’s no way out for me and I’m stuck with my fate. I also think very hard about the commitment I made when I allowed Belle to lock me up in the first place. I do it for her as much as myself. I do it for us.

I view the device as what it is: Not an impenetrable fortress, but a symbol of respect for an agreed-upon dynamic I asked for in the first place.

So, before we get to the aspects that should be considered when choosing a device, the very best way to enforce male chastity is to get your brain on straight. The best device is the one in your head.

Devices

I’ve worn twelve (12?!) different chastity devices over the years: CB-6000 (both clear and “chrome” edition, standard tube length), CB-5000, Holy Trainer v1 and v2, Birdlocked Neo/Mr. S Boytrainer 2.0, Steelworxx Steelheart (one larger, one smaller), Steelworxx Looker 02, Mature Metal’s Jail Bird (two different devices), and the KHD X3 espresso 3D-printed device. I can tell you right off that I wouldn’t recommend the CB-5000 or any device made of silicone. The CB5K is an odd duck because it requires a PA piercing and all silicone devices pretty much suck as chastity devices. No, they just do. Trust me.

That said, there are five attributes I judge when considering devices: Cost, comfort, perceived security, hygiene, and stealth.

Cost

You can spend anywhere from about a hundred bucks for a 3D-printed device to thousands and thousands for one custom-made of stainless steel. If you’re just starting out, my advice is to stick with plastic. The most popular device is certainly the CB-6000 which will run you about $150. The other leading plastic device is the Holy Trainer. It costs a bit more (about $170). Custom stainless from manufactures such as Mature Metal in Texas or Steelworxx in Germany will average about twice plastic once you factor in options (though they can be had for less with fewer bells and whistles [no, not literally bells and whistles]). The KHD X3 espresso can be had out the door for under $100, but it’s not without issues.

Protip: If you go with the Holy Trainer, don’t buy it from their site. Some people end up getting charged exorbitant duty fees (though, for some reason, not all). I got mine from Kept For Her. Paid a little less with shipping and had no nasty surprises from the government. 

Personally, I wouldn’t cheap out on something that will spend hours and days locked onto what is likely the part of your body you have the closest and most emotional connection to. Buy name brands from reputable retailers and check Google for reviews. Cheap devices fail (usually by splitting along seams) which can lead to injury or they aren’t finished very well and have spots that rub or cause discomfort.

Thinking about a newbie, it’s hard not to give the edge in this category to the CB-6000. Its price is reasonable and you get a lot of sizing options in the box. The only thing you need to decide when ordering is how long you want the tube (and you probably want the short one, sorry). Even though the KHD X3 is the cheapest I’ve worn, the device has too many other shortcoming to recommend at this time.

Regarding steel, keep in mind that the Steelworxx site displays all its prices in Euros including VAT (value-added tax). If you’re outside the European Union, you don’t pay the VAT. Register an account with your shipping address to see the real prices. I think Mature Metal and Steelworxx are about a wash, price-wise, for those in the United States, but I find their designs to be different enough that it doesn’t matter. Most seem to gravitate towards one look over the other anyway.

Comfort

Enforced chastity is, by its definition, not always a walk in the park. Penises grow while devices don’t. However, it’s also not supposed to be a test of pain tolerance. In a well-fitted device, one’s discomfort should be limited to feeling the pressure of an erection being arrested and contained. Depending on how you’re wired, that’s not necessarily a bad thing. Far from it.

The degree of comfort desired is also something of a personal choice. Some men and/or those who lock them up are trying to inflict erotic pain as part of the chastity experience. Some devices have add-ons or options specifically designed to make a penis trying to be erect very uncomfortable. I don’t think these kinds of tactics are good for the kind of long-term thing Belle and I practice, but it’s entirely possible excessive comfort isn’t on one’s shopping list.

Plastic device design has advanced quite a bit in recent years. In this category, the CB-6000 scores very low in my book. Its rings are perfectly round and have sharp edges and gaps and seams that bite into the base of erections and cause sores. Wearing a CB6K can be a miserable experience. The Holy Trainer, by comparison, is significantly better thanks to it’s ergonomically-shaped A-ring (the part that goes around the penis and scrotum). The KHD X3 is also quite comfortable.

On the steel side, Steelworxx offers an “anatomical ring” which is slightly bent to allow some testicular pluming from getting crimped. I find the Mature Metal A-rings to be too narrow, though they will build them double-width if you ask (and I think you should). MM also has an oval option which, like Steelworxx’s anatomical ring, is meant to allow the testes extra room. I also recommend that.

Plastic or metal, sizing is critical. Read my chastity sizing guide for tips. Short story is, the tube should be the size of your normal flaccid penis. You might think a longer tube would be better for when you get hard. You would be wrong. Smaller tubes are better.

Comfort is the thing most people are thinking about when they decide to go with a silicone device. I found these devices to be difficult to size and keep on. Also, an erection in a stretchy, squishy tube is an erection that can be all too easily coaxed into orgasm. I don’t recommend silicone. The Holy Trainer is just as comfy and feels like a real enforcement of chastity.

Security

I know, I said there wasn’t any such thing as security in a chastity device. It’s true, unless you want to punch a hole in your dick (which, all by itself, is pretty fucking hot, but totally a personal taste thing). However, some devices feel more secure which can be very helpful in the little game I think we should play with ourselves regarding the total inaccessibility of the penismeat.

To a large extent, the feeling of security is a product of fit. A loose, ill-fitting device won’t feel secure at all while a nice tight one will but may cause you too much pain to wear during the fun parts.

Some devices feel more secure as a result of their design. The Holy Trainer, for example, with its sleeker and simpler construction creates a greater illusion of security than the CB-6000. The KHD X3 never really felt that secure to me while I was wearing it for some reason. This may be something that varies from person to person.

Devices like the Looker 02 from Steelworxx feel a tiny bit more secure thanks to their integrated urethral inserts. They have hollow tubes that go inside the penis and extend a bit past the back of the device. This may sound like the worst possible torture you can imagine, but I’ve actually found Belle’s Looker 02 to be the most comfortable metal device she locks on me. The hollow tube in the penis is far from uncomfortable. In fact, it can be very stimulating.

Hygiene

In general, metal stays cleaner than plastic and open designs like the Jail Bird stay fresher longer than closed tubes like on the Steelheart. This is another thing where fit is important. If the tube is well fitted with an absence of space inside while the penis is flaccid, more urine will flow out and less will be trapped. If the design features a cage, this is not an issue at all (though errant urine streams and splashing can be a problem).

If pee squicks you out, chastity may not be for you. It’s part of the bargain. That love rocket you’re having locked to the launch pad is also the main way you eliminate waste from your body. There’s just no getting around that chastity devices need to be attended to or they’ll start to stink.

Stealth

Stealth has two components: Visible and audible.

In my testing, I found on the plastic side that the Holy Trainer was the least visible through clothing. For metal, both the Jail Bird and Looker 02 were pretty sneaky. Note that I was wearing the short Trainer tube and the two metal devices are both about the same size. The solid tube of the Steelheart makes a rather more noticeable lump. The KHD X3 was also very good in this department, I think mostly because it lays very flat with little forward protruding.

If you live in a situation with children as I do, audible stealth is also critical for those time when you’re padding around house in your pajamas or sweats. The CB-6000 has a separate lock that clicks against the tube as you walk while the Holy Trainer’s lock is integrated and silent. Both Mature Metal and Steelworxx offer integrated lock options (for MM, it’s a security screw rather than a lock and key). The KHD X3 also has an integrated lock (the same kind as is used on the Trainer and Steelworxx devices).

Another advantage of the integrated locks is they leave a lower profile to show through your clothing.

Conclusion

My old advice for newbies was to go with the CB-6000. However, the second generation Holy Trainer is a better device in nearly every way. It’s simpler to use (only three pieces rather than seven) and so much more comfortable. However, it is more expensive and you need to be more certain of your ring size then ordering. Another issue that seems to follow the Holy Trainer around is breakage. The plastic they use is affected by body heat in a way that makes it a bit pliable (though not much). Some people report the tube cracking and breaking, but I’ve not had that problem (and, with my last unit, really tried to “accidentally” break it). Personally, I have no problem recommending the Trainer with that caveat. I think its design is that much better than the now long-in-the-tooth CB-6000.

On the metal side, it’s really about aesthetic preferences and how important each of the above variables are to you. I prefer Steelworxx designs, but Mature Metal makes a very good product and their customer service is fantastic. Also, their domestic location makes communication and alterations much easier for US-based buyers. I don’t recommend anyone’s first device to be custom steel. It can be tricky getting the fit right and, until you know chastity is something you really want in your relationship, it’s a more than insignificant investment.

Which do you think is the best? Leave a comment below.

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Mailbag

I have been a very bad chastity blogger. Very, very bad. I deserve to be punished. Severely. So…uh…wanna?

OK, maybe later. In truth, I have yet again totally ignored my DT email address and a whole lot of feedback has piled up and I truly do feel guilty about not replying. So, without further ado, here we go…

B asked:

I’m considering purchasing a Looker 3 but can not find any reviews, opinions, or even pictures of it being worn.  Have you ever tried a PA lock of the style before?  I’m curious if it pinches or gets in the way to the point where it is uncomfortable or irritating.

No, I’ve not read or seen anything on the ‘net regarding experiences with that device. My concerns are the same as yours, though. I’d be afraid of getting pinched between the shackle and the lip of the cup at the end of the cage. It looks hot, though. When I first noticed its availability, I wrote a post about it. More thoughts over there.

Pup Colt queried:

Hi! I am looking at getting a Looker2 as my first steel device and was wondering would you suggest ordering it the way it comes? or would you suggest ordering it without the bulb on the end of the insert?

I like the bulb myself. I suspect it makes the end of the insert less likely to irritate the urethra, though that’s just a guess. Subjectively, I just like how it looks and the feel of the little bulge deep down in there. The only thing I’d change if I were ordering the Looker 02 again today (except to maybe make the cage a smidge shorter) would be to increase the circumference of the insert. I’d personally like something about 50% bigger around since I think that’d make leakage around it less likely and would allow urine to drain out of me faster. Sometimes, when I really have to go, I find the narrow tube slows things down.

K wrote a big one:

I’ve been following your blog on and off for a few years now.  There is so much great info in it. I find myself returning every few months to catch up and re-reading a lot of the valuable info.  Thank you for taking the time and energy to teach us Want-To-Be-Thumpers!

That’s cute. I imagine a bunch of baby bunnies hopping around.

I’ve enjoyed chastity on and off for many years now.  I’ve worn only one device, a CB6000.  I’m sick of it. I’m long overdue for an upgrade to a custom steel unit. I’m ready to jump off the bridge and order a Steelheart 2 from Steelworxx, but I’m terrified about getting the sizing right.  I’m hoping you might help me with some advice on sizing as well as a few other random questions from your experience.

I’ve worn the CB6000 on and off for years now and feel pretty confident that I’ve found the right setup for me in the CB6000.  But now I’m scratching my head for how to translate the CB6000 setup to a new Steelheart.  You obviously had a learning curve with your first Steelheart so I’m hoping your experiences can help me make smart decisions.  When I try and translate my current setup to Steelworxx’s offerings, I get this:

He shares a lot of measurement info…

Now that I’ve shared all that data, I’m sure you’re not interested in studying my personal measurements [don’t bet on it — T] so suffice it to say the Steelheart measurements seem to be at the large end of his range.  I’m pretty average in size, certainly no monster.  Since you found your first Steelheart to be too big, I’m thinking that there are some tricks to translating these measurements.  Here are some specific questions I’d greatly appreciate your help with:

1.      You have said that the same size A Ring in plastic and steel did not work.  How much smaller is your Steelheart A Ring compared to your CB6000 size?  I figure I’m between 48.6mm (CB6000) and 44.5mm (my regular cockring size).

As I recall, I was in the 45mm CB6K ring and ordered that in steel. WAY too big. I eventually settled into 40mm in the Steelheart but find the 42mm anatomical ring of the Looker 02 to be a much better fit. Remember that the size you wear in a cock ring will be much too big for a chastity device. Cock rings assume a big old erection on the other side while a device will keep that mostly in check. The less room your erection has to grow, the less room you need in the ring.

2.      How should I determine spacing between the Tube and A ring?  It appears the Steelheart tube is angled away from the A Ring on the underside so I’m not sure how to figure these two distances.  The website doesn’t offer customization for these distances so maybe this is moot.  But the Steelheart appears to have less space at the top and more at the bottom.  Doesn’t more space at the bottom mean more space to pull the balls out?  If this is a set parameter on the Steelheart, then do you add or subtract to the length of the tube to make up for this difference in measurement?  Keeping in mind that on paper I’m almost maxed out on Steelheart length.  I can’t wrap my head around this.

Sure, a bigger gap in the bottom means your balls could have more room to escape, but if you look at the Steelheart I wear now, you’ll see the gap is far too small for any testicles to get out (I assume). This gap is a function of the A-ring size and is another reason why getting that right is important. If I had to choose, I’d err on a slightly smaller ring than larger. But that’s me.

Regarding the spacing between the tube and ring, that’s a measurement I’ve never changed. In the three devices I have from Dietmar, I always went with the default.

3.      The optional curved “anatomical A Ring” seems interesting to me for comfort.  Have you tried this one?  Any insight?  It seems like if the bottom of the ring curves back against the abdomen, the space between the bottom of the Ring and the bottom of the Tube gets even bigger, which sounds bad for security.

Yep, the Looker 02 has that and I love it. If the ring isn’t too big, I doubt you’ll have security issues.

4.      I’ve got a 4 gauge PA and working up to a 0ga eventually.  I’m going to ask Steelworxx to modify the Steelheart with a PA slot on the tube so I can wear my jewelry through the tube to secure myself.  But I’d also like to order a PA fixing so I have the option of securing inside like you.

I also wear a 4ga ring, but not with the Steelheart. I found it took too much space inside the tube and caused pinching. I wear a 10ga ring when locked up. It’s just as secure and is a lot smaller overall. If you’re going to build a slot in, my issues may not apply.

a.      Sounds like your experience is that you cannot fit anything larger than 8 gauge jewelry inside.  True?

Nope, I can get he 4ga in there, it’s just not as comfy. I bet I could get even larger jewelry in there, but the heavier the ring the more noise will be made as it hits the inside of the tube.

b.      How much added length and diameter should I add to the Tube to accommodate the PA fixing and jewelry, to achieve your setup?

I’ve been asked this before and I wish I had a good answer. I’d say at least another 1/4″. If you’re going to use bigger rings, maybe more.

c.      Really no issues with pinching inside with PA fixing?

Not with the smaller PA ring, no. Occasional. Not serious.

5.      Finally, I also want to order a urethral insert for some added fun from time to time.  (I realize I probably have to remove the PA for that).

a.      Do you use the insert with your Steelheart or only on your Looker?

b.      Any thoughts on how long the insert should be?  It appears to be longer on the Looker (extends past the A Ring) then the add-on option in Steelworxx’s offerings.  Is this purely personal choice or are there any security benefits?

c.      Does your insert have a bulb on the end?  If yes, do you like it?  Does it help with leakage?

d.      Does the insert have a cap to screw on the end or is it always open at the end and prone to leaking?

A) Only on the Looker 02. B) Dietmar’s default on the L02 worked well for me. It could be a bit longer and still work. I’d be careful going too long. C) See question above. I do like the bulb. It may help with leakage. D) The insert on the L02 I wear is integrated. No screw (literally).

I’m very sorry this came out so long.  Hopefully you didn’t get bored after the first paragraph because your insights would help me feel much more comfortable before throwing down hundreds of dollars.  Thank you very much for sharing your experiences with all of us and being such a fantastic source of info.

And now I feel especially guilty for not answering your questions in a timely manner.

Alex asked:

I was reading some of your blogs on the MM Jailbird cage and had a couple of questions in regards to the sizing. Just hoping you could help out if you’re not too busy.

GUILT

I noticed you’ve used the single round ring, double round ring, and oval ring. I’m torn between the double ring and oval ring. I’ve never had an issue wearing a round ring with previous devices (CB6000s, Jailhouse), other than some mild chaffing. Which is most likely because the rings weren’t a custom fit. So I’m not too worried about that happening once I get the correct measurement. I’d like to know if you have any feedback in regards to which ring you’d recommend and/or prefer.

Also, if I end up going with the double base ring I thought I read somewhere that it adds an extra 1/4″ to the length. I plan on getting a proper length measurement and subtracting 1/4″ (MM recommendation). Should I take an additional 1/4″ off again to compensate for the double ring?

I have a double oval ring on the Jail Bird and recommend it. The oval shape leaves room for tender bits and the double width means less “cutting” by the ring (their default width is too narrow, IMO). The double ring does indeed add a bit of length (you probably read that here) so do cut that back from the overall length you order.

Chris kringled:

I have a CB6000 and am planning to buy a MM JB. One question I have is about the base ring. Can you leave it on, while removing the cage, and then have sex? I’m a bit worried that blood will not flow back if the ring is kept in place. The idea just seems interesting: quickly remove the cage and don’t bother about the base ring. Have sex (but probably no cumming) and then put the cage back on. Do you have any experience with this?

Yep, I’ve done exactly that. The JB ring is about 3mm smaller than my normal cock ring size so the extra constriction isn’t really an issue. You have to remember to rotate the ring upside down so the post doesn’t poke your keyholder (then it sits under your balls but I didn’t have a problem with that).

M said:

Hey,  I have read your blog for about three weeks now.  First of all, you are very articulate and I can tell that you obey your wife and want to be obedient to her.  You are doing a great job and it shows.  My Master who I signed a contract back on May 3, 2014; requires that I not have an orgasm.  This is very hard to accomplish.  I have not been faithful to Master and had four since the order was issued.  The most recent was after going two months with an orgasm.  I have been instructed to finger my boi pussy any time, I need to obtain pleasure or get horny.  Master doesn’t want to put a cage on me, because I am married and have kids.  The longer I go without having an orgasm the more difficult, it is with me not cumming.  I will make this work.  We are back to the beginning and will work hard to obey my order.  I have also been ordered not to play with my dick or get it hard.

Extended, unsupervised denial without a device is incredibly hard for me. It’s hard even to obey her rule about not playing with it. I don’t really know what to say that can help you except I totally feel your pain. It’s all about willpower and the one place most men experience the least amount of that is between their hand and their dick, especially when they’re horny.

My advice would be for your Master to let you play with yourself on occasion for a specific period of time (say, five minutes) as long as you promise not to come. That might help a bit. At least then you’d have some outlet for your built-up desires. Alternatively, you could have an extended heart-to-heart with your wife and tell her what you’re doing, etc. It would be a lot more enjoyable, I bet.

An anonymous reader wrote:

First of let me say how useful your blog has been about male chastity. My wife and I are new to this world and we for one are glad about this blog existing – there are many aspects to this experience and you express them well, both the fun times and the not-so-fun times (like the “No then Yes” post). Good job!

Thanks!

I came across your site first thanks to the ever useful “tips and tricks for the cb6000” page. That page helped a lot for the initial introduction to wearing a cb6000. In fact, I think that page ultimately convinced the wife to go ahead with the purchase of the device.

But as I mentioned, we are very new to this. In fact, I think we have only had the device for a month now. And here is where I turn to your advice once more. I am able to wear the cb6000 throughout the day with no problem. In fact, it is so comfortable that I sometimes don’t even realize I am wearing it. We are able to go out, ride bikes, do groceries etc all without incident. This is of course fantastic as I did not expect it to be so easy. But the real issue comes in at night when I try to sleep with the device. I have tried this 4-5 times and it’s a real pain. Like literally a pain in the sack (pun?). This happens almost immediately once I start to lie horizontally, either on my back or on the side.

I know you have written about this in the tips and tricks page – I have tried those suggestions but still with little success. Here are some details: I am currently on the second smallest spacer but still the largest ring. Most of the pain I feel is at the base of the ring (the A ring?) kind of like a burning sensation. Initially it is ok but as the night wears on it gets worse and worse. Like I can’t sleep and need to get up and sit somewhere (the pain is much reduced then but it does not go away instantly). I do put silicon based lube on the A-ring and that helps. But perhaps I don’t put enough lube. I don’t think that I get really strong erections at night because I don’t ever feel “full” in the tube. Right now we go 2-4 days without me cumming so it’s not like I have been starved for weeks. I never have the biting pain near the base of the penis where the tube starts. Perhaps most importantly, I sleep in some shorts that are meant for runners. I usually wear pretty tight briefs but started sleeping without them as I thought that was part of the problem. But as you mentioned, now things just flop around and that may be part of the issue. Sleeping naked did not work either; that was a bad idea.

As you can imagine the biggest danger of unauthorized “action” is likely to happen when the wife is fast asleep. So far no incidents, but 2-4 days is easy going. 5 days was tough for me (damn you Barbara Bermudo). But besides for that, I want to be locked up for her with the key around her neck, because that is so hot. And she obviously likes that too.

That’s tough. I can tell you the CB6K ring is a bitch and I recall being in a lot of pain sometimes as well. The more lube, the better, I found. Moving to steel resolved nearly all the kinds of issues you’re describing, though a certain amount of them are unavoidable. An in between measure would be looking into the Holy Trainer. MUCH more comfortable ring, IMO. Also, with time, your scrotum will stretch out. That will lead to fewer ball sack problems.

Some men I’ve heard from and whose accounts I’ve read never figure out how to handle the nocturnal wood in a CB6K. It’s not the end of the world, though I understand where you’re coming from.

I had read recently on a blog that the cb3000 had a larger ring (not shipped initially). If you contacted the company they would send it to you. I wonder if the same is true for the 6000? Apparently 2 mm does matter (hah, another pun?).

I don’t know anything about that. As far as I know, the only rings available for the CB6K are the ones packed in with it.

I am not sure if there is any advice you have but I thought I’d try anyway. It’s much appreciated.

Thanks a lot for this blog and taking the time to write solid material!

GUILT

Vicky wanted to know:

I stumbled across your blog when someone left a review on lovehoney website about the cb6k and said they had recently been reading your blog. Curiosity got the better of me, so I started reading and then I was hooked! I decided the only way to fully understand the situation, was to read from the beginning. I am currently at August 2010 and obviously have a long way to go!

You might cover the following questions/comments in later blogs so I apologise in advance if this is the case!

1. I noticed Belle had answered a few questions in the blog and I was wondering if she has done anymore blogging? I would love to hear more of her views, sort of a he said/she said type of thing.

She hasn’t. Alas. But stay tuned. Developments developing on that front, perhaps.

2. Have you written any more porn? I read the hotel room one, where you described a situation in which you were exposed in front of a window. I really enjoy your style of writing and your way of describing situations, that make the text come to life.

I have, but I haven’t finished any of it or published it. I have more ideas than time and writing it while locked up and denied is unexpectedly difficult. I get too worked up to think straight.

3. Have you got any tips for complete beginners, starting out experimenting with chastity? In my relationship, I think we would both enjoy taking turns being a top and a bottom but are unsure how to take the first steps. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Whew. Big question. For a guy, I’d say get a Holy Trainer and have fun. Take baby steps at first, don’t worry about doing it “right” as long you’re both enjoying it.

4. I just wanted to say I am thoroughly enjoying reading the journey of discovery that both of you are on. I also want to say ( as I have seen you post that a large percentage of people are not bothered by HNTHUMPER) I really enjoy seeing these pictures, please continue to post them 😉 I completely agree with Belle, when she said the steel heart looks better. For something made of metal, I strangely think it looks really natural.

Thanks! Speaking of dirty pictures, I posted this to Tumblr today. Not full-on filth, but close.

Bob enquired:

Would you ever consider broadcasting on Skype or Cam4 and have Q&A conversation about chastity. Not a broadcast showing nudity or body parts… legit chastity Q&A?

You mean like a broadcast to a large audience? I can’t say I have thought of it, but I wouldn’t be opposed, I guess. The main issue would be protecting Belle’s privacy, of course. I wonder if there would be any interest in that kind of thing (he asked unselfconsciously).

That’s all I got for now. Again, apologies to all for the long wait.

Posted on

Mailbag

Reader Ayshorn asks…

I’ve been reading this today and it chimes like no other. I’m in the same situation as you, but a few years ago. Eight years married, two young kids, spark thoroughly gone. I’ve also got the same background, subby, kinky and have an almost universal craving for sexual contact, be that from a guy or a girl. I also had some times with guys when I was younger (and since)

I’ve never cheated on my wife with another woman, but there have been a lot of guys from piss nights in London to getting wax dripped down my cock in paris I’ve taken the opportunities to walk on the dark side wherever I could.

We’ve moved to a smaller city and I know that if I keep this behaviour up it’s going to come and bite me on the ass (and not in a fun way).

The thing is, I do love and desire my wife and feel that if I could get an outlet this way I wouldn’t be sucking cock in the bushes.

I’m subby/switchy and although wife is a bit of a boss domestically I suspect she wants to be submissive in bed. I’ve found her secret cache of erotic literature about it, so the spark is still there.

And I want to fix this.

Here’s my question. I don’t think she would go in for the chastity thing, as she’s pretty vanilla. But could self imposition (with the key ‘unavailable’ or difficult to get to) during the times when I’m away or at work?

Would get me back on the task of sorting out my sex life, rather than (Exactly as you put it) cumming down the bathroom sink and cruising squirt at lunchtimes.

Any tips from someone a few years further down the path than me?

First thing, communication. You need to talk to her about what you want and get her to disclose what she wants. The chastity/denial thing, by itself, doesn’t solve problems. It’s when it’s combined with old fashioned talking and opening up that you can really gain traction with it.

If I were to be at point zero today and knew I had this kink but also suspected Belle wouldn’t be into it or even that into trying it out, I’d probably start by leaving a device out of it. I’d tell her that I was only going to allow myself to orgasm when I was with her. No more jacking off in the sink. No more sneaking off. In my experience, that kind of sacrifice can be very significant to a woman. Romantic, even.

Assuming that went OK, I’d suggest that she let me not come after sex once just to see what it was like. You know, ease into it. Give her a taste of what orgasm control (rather than denial) had to offer and hope she’d eventually come around to taking the reigns. But she may never. Especially if she’s basically a sub at heart.

In which case, I don’t know what else to offer. You’re a switch, so perhaps you could take the opposite path as us. Maybe she’ll open up to you about that and you can explore her sexuality in a way that still lets you express this part of yours. If she’s like a lot of people, she may be ashamed of her kinks. You need to help her see that everyone has something hiding in their closet and there’s nothing at all wrong with that. Haul out a few of yours to help her get started on hers.

I’d love to know how things work out.

Another reader asked…

Hi Thumper, found your blog a few months ago and thoroughly enjoying exploring it.  I’m considering my first actual device and came across the Chamber on a couple websites, but can’t find more than one or two reviews of it.  Wondering if you’ve heard of it, have an opinion, etc.

Wow, that’s a new one on me. At first glance, it looks like it wouldn’t feel too secure. The cage looks big. Also, there are a lot of little nooks and crannies that might pinch or make hygiene a challenge. Also also, peeing while vertical seems like it would be nigh on impossible.

I dunno, though. Price is pretty good. Anyone else use The Chamber before?

Reader three asks…

May I please ask you about your Steelworxx PA fixing device?

I think the design looks GREAT and I think it would work for me as my jewellery never comes out…

But…

May I please ask you what it feels like when you get hard?

It looks pretty tight and I’m wondering if you feel it rubbing against you?

Or if there is any ‘pinching’ between yo and the inside of your Steelheart as you swell…?

Would it be OK to please ask you for a thorough description of how the PA fixing works for you and the feelings you get when hard…?

With many thanks and the absolute kindest regards

It can pinch if the ring is too big. My piercing allows a 4ga ring but I wear an 8ga ring when locked in order to leave less metal in the tube. Besides being a lot more prone to pinching, the heavier 4ga ring makes noise in the tube whereas the 8ga rarely does. I can remove the 8ga ring with by fingers, but not when it’s attached to the fixing (and, on the off chance I could figure out how to get it off, there’s no way in hell I’d ever get it on again). The secret is leaving a bit of room in the tube for the extra hardware to have a place to go. This includes making the tube just a bit bigger around to accomodate the fixing itself.

How it works is easy to describe, but I’m sure you have read enough to know all that already. How it feels is trickier. And it’s changed over time. At first, being totally locked into a stainless steel trap with no way to escape short of physically cutting into or sawing the steel posts or ripping my own flesh was hot as fuck. I can even still get hard just thinking about being totally and 100% securely locked away. No chance whatsoever for escape. But I’ve also found that level of certainty isn’t as necessary as it once was. I’m totally invested in Belle’s control over the penis and my orgasm and even when wearing the Looker 02 (like now) or the Jail Bird (or the Trainer, for that matter) — all devices I can easily slip out of — I don’t even think about doing so. Security is a state of mind. All I need is a well-fitted device. One that doesn’t practically slip off all by itself (like the original Steelheart did). If I can feel like the device is holding on I can do the rest in my head.

Reader four asks…

I’m very interested in wearing a chastity device but I’ve been looking around and found it quite hard to find devices for us a bit more girthy fellows. I’m about 4,3cm in diameter or 1,7-1,8″. All the CB devices seem a bit too small for me and those are the ones that I find most appealing as well… I looked at the Bon 4 L but the “cage opening” is only 1,38″ so almost half an inch too small for me.

Ordering a custom made Queen’s Keep or Jail Bird isn’t exactly an option since I’m studying at the moment and don’t have the funds for anything really above the 100$ mark. Got any recommendations?

I feel for you. The sweet spot of all mass-produced chastity devices are definitely a one-size-fits-most kind of thing.

Your measurements are when hard, I assume. At that girth, I wouldn’t recommend any of the devices with split tubes (made from two separate parts). I bet you’d break a CB-X device in the first week. Also, I can’t even imagine what that would feel like. Maybe too much of a good thing. Silicone is an interesting option for you because it’s stretchy. You could use the stocking method to squeeze in and I expect the sensation of constriction wouldn’t be too terrible because the material would give. But, if it’s always constricting, you could end up getting edema. Not the end of the world, but not fun. I used to get that from the CB6K all the time.

You could try the Curve, but it’s a lot to carry around in your pants (and is “only” 1.5″ in diameter and might still split). Another cheaper option that would give you a taste of what chastity feels like would be a locking cage or even one of those “gates of hell” devices. Not long-term options, but cheap.

If I were you, I’d save my centavos and get a Steelheart. It’s about $200 at today’s exchange rate (protip: create an account on Steelworxx.de to see the non-VAT prices). I was going to also suggest the Jail Bird, but it’s a lot more expensive right now ($320!). You will be much happier with a well-fitted custom device than you will be if you end up blowing a hundred bucks a couple of times on stuff that doesn’t end up working for you.

Posted on

By the numbers

The fourth Denying Thumper reader survey is over. Following are the results. Since I didn’t take my own survey, I’ll place asterisks next to my relevant responses.

Gender

In 2009, 70% of my readers said they were men. In ’10 in was 72% and in ’11 it was 69%. Now, it’s 80%. This number may be the most surprising to me of all because, it seems to me, women are more like 50% of the commenters (maybe more) and seem to be something like two-thirds of those who “like” posts. When I write, I think of myself as talking to a female audience, not a male one. Of course Belle, but in general, when I think of who’s reading my words, I think of a woman. I probably will continue to think that way, but in fact, 4/5 of you are dudes.

Two percent identified as something other than the binary choices usually presented. Maybe next time I should offer more options.

Age

Chastity and denial seems to be a more mature person’s game.

Under 18 0%
18-23 4%
24-35 23%
36-45 26%
46-55* 31%
56-65 12%
66-70 3%
Over 70 1%

This is the first time the 46-55 group came out as the highest represented. We’re definitely skewing towards an older audience over time here at Thumpermedia Worldwide.

Sexuality

Still a pretty straight audience, but moderating from previous surveys.

0 – Exclusively heterosexual 19%
1 – Predominantly heterosexual, only incidentally homosexual 29%
2 – Predominantly heterosexual, but more than incidentally homosexual 20%
3 – Equally heterosexual and homosexual* 13%
4 – Predominantly homosexual, but more than incidentally heterosexual 8%
5 – Predominantly homosexual, only incidentally heterosexual 5%
6 – Exclusively homosexual 7%

It’d be nice if there was a way to study true sexuality based on brain scans or whatever. I suspect this self-reported thing skews towards politics, religious upbringing, social pressure, etc.

Kinkiness

Older, more queer, and now relatively more kinky.

1 – Not kinky 0%
2 1%
3 3%
4 3%
5 8%
6 10%
7 23%
8 28%
9* 14%
10 – Kinkosaurous Rex 10%

Eight was still the most popular response, but more people scored themselves as nines and tens than in the past and we only had a single little one (which rounded down to zero percent). Hello there, poppet. Don’t be afraid!

Power play

I was about call these results “unsurprising” but I don’t know if they’re surprising or not.

Dominant 9%
Submissive* 53%
Switch 25%
Curious 9%
Something else 3%
Not kinky 1%

Not sure why more people identified as “not kinky” here than in the previous question. Also, I put “something else” in there but thought I had it pretty well covered with the choices offered.

Pain play

Interesting to me that in the same way there are more subs than doms and bottoms than tops (not just here but, it seems, everywhere) there are also more masochists than sadists.

A sadist 7%
A masochist 28%
A little of both* 23%
Curious about pain play 20%
Not into pain play 22%

Anal

New question this year! I was honestly shocked at how many people were into anal sex. Or, more precisely, how few said they weren’t into it.

Hell yes!* 56%
Feh, it’s OK 27%
Hell no! 4%
Maybe, I haven’t tried it 13%

What I realize now, though, is that the question is pretty broad. A guy who fantasizes about fucking his woman’s ass could say “Hell yes!” but might never think of taking a strap-on in return. I should have broken this out somehow to suss out bottoms versus tops. Also, I’m really interested to know how many otherwise straight men are getting fucked by their women.

Still, this is probably a sign of the times. Back in my day, anal was far more polarizing.

Chastity

The number of people who say they have been locked up or have locked up someone has gone from 52% positive in ’10 to 57% in ’11 to 75% today. Not sure what to make of that. Is it more popular? Have I become more specialized in my audience? Something else?

Anyway, quite the jump.

Chastity devices used

This was interesting. The CB-6000 comes out on top of most used devices if you combine the standard and short variants at 28%. But, if you break those out, the Mature Metal Jail Bird is the top most used device with 17%. The Queen’s Keep appears to be the second most popular MM device with 3%. The most popular Steelworxx device based on usage is the Steelheart at 6%. Any version of the Looker series comes in second with 5%. I would have thought SW would have scored better overall, but I suppose the German thing and their notoriously finicky customer service work against them. Interesting to see so many still rocking the old CB-2000s and 3000s.

When asked about all devices ever used, the CB-X series scores very high as they’re pretty much everyone’s “training wheels.” With regard to silicone, it seems like a lot of people have tried them, but many fewer use them as their main axe over time.

Use most often Have ever used
CB-2000 4% 7%
CB-3000 5% 12%
CB-5000 0% 1%*
CB-6000 12% 16%*
CB-6000s 16% 14%
The Curve 1% 4%
Holy Trainer 2% 1%
Holy Trainer (short) 2% 1%*
Other plastic device 2% 2%
Any silicone device 2% 6%*
MM Jail Bird 17% 7%*
MM Dungeon 0% 0%
MM Pet Trap 1% 0%
MM Queens Keep 3% 1%
MM Watchful Mistress 1% 0%
SW Looker 01/02/03 5% 2%*
SW Steelheart 6%* 4%*
SW Steelheart 2 1% 1%
SW Crossfire 1% 0%
Other Steelworxx 2% 1%
Any Steelwerks Extreme device 1% 0%
Any Lori’s device 2% 2%
Other steel trapped-ball device 7% 7%
Any full belt 1% 2%
Something else not listed 5% 8%

I would have expected the Holy Trainer to do better because I think it’s such a promising device, but it hasn’t been out that long I guess.

In retrospect, I should have asked how many total devices do you own. That would have been very interesting, I think. Note that I only included responses from those who use or have used a chastity device. Also, there were more than two and a half times more responses in the “have ever used” question than the “most used” question.

Orgasm denial duration

Another new question (and I did get both sides of this one). I only included responses from those who practice orgasm denial. “Denied” is the longest the respondent has gone without orgasm and “denier” is the longest they’ve made someone wait.

Denied Denier
A few days 8% 9%
About a week 5% 25%
About two weeks 15% 14%
About three weeks 8% 2%
About a month 14% 11%
More than a month but less than two 22% 11%
More than two months but less than three 9% 7%
More than three months but less than four 7% 9%
More than four months but less than five 2% 0%
More than five months but less than six 1% 0%
More than six months but less than a year* 5% 9%
More than a year 4% 2%

So two weeks and a month or a little more are the most popular answers from those who are denied but about a week is by far the most popular for those doing the dening. Don’t know what to make of that (or the opposite swing at more than a month). Interesting also that there’s a dip after more than three months but that it comes back at six months and a year.

Again, in retrospect, another thing I should have asked here is how the denial period is determined. Random chance or some other method? Is it always the same? Never the same? Also, is the date or duration disclosed ahead of time? Is that good or bad? A lot more digging could be done here.

Male genital piercings

I’ve always wanted to know how many guys have done this.

Yes, but it’s unrelated to chastity play 3%
Yes, and I/they got it at least partially for chastity play* 9%
No, but I/they have some other kind of male genital piercing 6%
Nope, no piercings down there 82%

Relatively few, it turns out. One respondent pointed out I left off as a choice “not yet but going to.”

Most simultaneous sex partners

Just because I wanted to know…

One 56%
Two* 25%
Three 9%
Four 5%
More than four (!?) 6%

I bet this looks very different based on age and sexuality.

Feedback

I left an open-ended box for people to say whatever they wanted at the end. Much encouragement and good feelings there and I appreciate them all, truly. Here’s some notable comments/questions out of the many that were submitted.

I love your work, it is a very nice read. Recently I have been forwarding a selection of your posts to my beloved key holder, who actually isn’t much of a read. However she enjoys reading you and I notice it is helping her to understand better some of the male psychology behind the chastity experience. And also her own through Belle’s. For instance on her feeling guilty for the denial on which you wrote some excellent blogs. Thank you for that! A Dutch fan (6 months into the journey)

Thanks for putting all the time and effort into writing and maintaining this! It really hit home, and gave me an insight into the practical world of male chastity/orgasm denial. Well, at least your personal experience with it. My fiancee and I are slowly moving towards something resembling what you two have, and I’m happy to say that we’re both loving it! So thank you very much for being an inspiration, answering questions before I knew I had them, and giving me topics to think about and talk with my fiancee about! Keep up the great work!

I show my fiancée the posts describing the accounts of sex. Every one since last December maybe. The way you write is very elegant. We both really love the dynamic you and Belle have, it is what I like most about orgasm denial. I don’t like to consider it chastity play since its not a game for us. The fact that it makes me a much better partner is the real benefit. The “Gay stuff” is a turn on as well. I just haven’t told her that. Keep doing exactly what you are doing on this blog.

Thanks so much for your blog. I learned a hell of a lot through your own accounts and it helped me define and explain to my wife what I wanted. I am from good old Europe but I did an exchange year at the Unversity of Minnesota’s Twin City campus in the 1990s. Therefore, I have a sweetspot for Minnesota and really like your mentions of Minnesota Nice, the cabin etc. Reminds me very much of a great year I had back then. I’ll let you know the next time I am around… 😉 Best wishes to you and your family!

I have followed your blog since I discovered it and have gone back and read from the beginning. Your blog has been a positive influence on our relationship.

What you write seems real instead of the fantasy blogs written by older men living alone in their basements. Accordingly, I consider your blog SFM ( safe for marriage ) and I encourage my wife to read your blog. It makes us feel more “normal” and we have learned a thing or two along the way. Thanks

Thank you for posting some insight on how the submissive male mind works. One of the most useful things I’ve taken from your blog was a post that mentioned something along the lines of “what a male submissive wants most is to know where he stands”. I’m really into the psychological aspect of D/s and denial, and this morsel has not only made things easier, but has opened new doors so to speak. Thanks again 🙂

While embarking on the path of chastity devices for hubby, your site was a great help with a lot of useful information from the perspective of someone actually living this way and it’s been great.

This is my go-to sex/erotica website. As a timidly dominant woman (sadism is hard with a guilt complex!), I get a serious rush out of the descriptions of both the everyday and the sexual power-play between you and Belle. And the love between you two comes through very clearly in all of your writing. I secretly enjoy the “evil dominant, insists-on-capital-pronouns woman” stuff out there, but the blogging here is genuine, sharp, and very well-written! And the relationship stuff is both reassuring and grounds this blog firmly in reality. Sweet, kinky reality. Belle seems lovely, both physically and personally! I wish you all the best.

Thank you Thumper, for sharing so many intimate details. You really helped me accept my husband’s fantasies especially the ones involving men. Seriously, your posts on the subject opened my mind, eyes and heart.

Our chance to say “Thank You!” Integrating chastity into our D/s marriage was a big step and your blog really helps us talk, explore more and not feel so weird.

Just started reading from the beginning a few weeks ago, and I’m somewhere in 2012… Thanks so much for your honest account of chastity and orgasm denial. It has spurred many conversations between my husband and I. We’ve played around with a cb3k on and off for a couple of years, but we’re now deciding which metal device to get for more frequent use. Your insights have been invaluable — especially for a not-naturally-dominant female whose husband has somewhat recently come to identify as submissive.

Your blog gave me the confidence to tell my man I want to lock and own him. We’re investigating it all now!

I love hearing that people share the blog with their partners on either side of the key. I especially like hearing that we come off as “normal” sounding and that’s proven helpful as the the idea of chastity has been shared with an unsuspecting partner. Very cool.

Just wanted to say thank you. I think I’ve been doing the chastity thing longer than you, but you and Belle do it better 😉 Keep up the good work, you kinky fuckers. You guys are an inspiration to those of us who struggle with trying to make the Domme/sub lifestyle work for us. Plus, you are a good writer and you tell your story in a readable, engaging style. I appreciate the fact you try and balance your lifestyle with your lives. Kids, work etc. etc. Thanks for doing what you do.

It’s nice seeing the sort of almost effortless dynamic you two have built. And I am occasionally envious of your toy chest. Heh!

You have been inspirational in our own journey. Glad to find we’re not the only ones who are like this.

Thank you. I’m just getting started and have devoured your information – it’s easily the most “real” and straightforward, most honest and complete. While it scares the crap out of me after reading it all (how in the world am I going to do this??) it’s exciting as hell too.

Been reading you for years now (I’m your one lesbian reader who’s never done any chastity play irl, still here hi!). Thank you for sharing your experiences in such an articulate, vulnerable, and sexy way. I’ve honestly learned more about men, relationships, and people from you than from perhaps any other stranger besides Dan Savage. I don’t always 100% agree with your opinions or understand, where you’re coming from, but your honestly invites me to reflect on my own blind spots in a surprisingly deep way. Plus it totally turns my crank to read about kinky real life sex and relationships. I always want to get inside other people’s heads and worlds and you provide that like no other. Thanks, and keep it up.

Odd to think that we’re an inspiration, but nice to hear!

Belle was popular in the comments…

Belle – you let Thumper out waaaaay too often. He doesn’t need it. Really.

You once wrote that Belle said you have evolved nicely. Obviously so has Belle and we (my wife especially) would love to hear more from her POV / perspective on the evolution of your relationship.

How does Belle feel about sex toys, before, during and after using.

Like to read more from Belle’s perspective. Keep up the good work!

I’d like so read some input from Belle, if possible, especially as she seems to be gaining in confidence through this journey.

Belle, I am impressed by your commitment to your relationship and your willingness to work with Thumper to come to a place that you can both enjoy. I hope that you are as satisfied with the situation as he seems to be.

I’d love to read more from Belle!

Belle, you need to teach more ladies in their 20’s to hold keys!

Thank you for the effort to create and continue the blog. More from Belle’s side about what she’s thinking. What she likes and doesn’t from her perspective. Or the occasional commentary on her motivation, response to your post.

First off, thanks for the wonderful blog. I really enjoy reading about how the chastity dynamic works within your relationship. I also enjoy reading how Belle has grown more confident in her role over time. I would like to ask a question of Belle if I may? Belle, when did you first recognize you were OK denying Thumper (that you did not feel weird/uncomfortable telling him “no”)? Would you feel comfortable telling us about that event?. Thanks 🙂

Belle must be one special woman.

Belle’s fairly comfortable in her behind-the-scenes role and doesn’t want to write, but I’m considering ways to get her perspective on the blog more often.

Extracurricular activities…

Anymore boyfriend talk for belle?

Looking forward to hearing more about the potential male partner(s) for Thumper or Belle.

We talk about Belle’s imaginary boyfriend all the time. And trust me, as soon as there’s something to report on either front, you’ll be hearing about it.

Would you find it arousing to wear your chastity device at a nudist resort?

From what I understand about places like that, they tend to discourage things as innocuous as piercings below the neck let alone chastity devices. While I’d really enjoy going naked (and even in the device), I’m just not sure how many places there are where such things are possible. My dream vacation currently is to go with Belle to somewhere warm and temperate, rent a house, and be naked the whole time. That would be really cool.

What made Thumper begin denying himself?

I never did! I’ve only ever been denied with Belle, never on my own.

How old are you both and how long have you been in to chastity?

Forty-six and since October 12, 2008 (or thereabouts).

This isn’t a criticism because when I am I into it and it is totally hot, but chastity, submission and orgasm [denial] can be a very self absorbed kink. If “FLR” is totally great for women, why don’t many women blog about, and when they do, it is pretty fleeting? I’d like to see more from a woman’s perspective only because I am fascinated about how men and women fit together on this stuff. I feel like it is like getting my wife to play video games. When we are relaxed, she will try it out and have fun with it. But she’ll never be obsessed with it like me.

Complicated question.

When it’s the guy who’s interested in directing their relationship in the direction of FLR, it’s imperative that he let her find her own value in the dynamic. Also, he has to understand that his fantasy version being the guysub in that dynamic will likely be very different than the reality. Using the video game analogy, you need to ask are you interested in playing video games in general with her or Madden specifically? If she doesn’t like Madden for whatever reason, then is it video games she’s rejecting or just that one? She needs to find her genre, so to speak. FPS, puzzle, MMO, multiplayer vs. campaign, racing vs. RPG, etc. If you think about it that way and let her find the game she likes and not view her rejection of specific titles as a failure, you’re doing it right.

Belle had to come to a place where she could fit what became our version of the FLR dynamic into her life and desires. Once we got there, things became really good. I had to let go of my expectations and Thumper-centric vision of how things should be and recognize there was this while other person involved.

WRT to their lack of blogging, I think that’s related to their level of passion on the topic. Blogging about one thing is hard and blogging about it for an extended period even more so if not really into the subject.

The Lancelot is interesting – I have one. Invisible, comfy, easy to clean. You can easily come with it on, but you cannot get erect or big. Order a bit on the shorter side…

I came thisclose to adding the Lancelot to the list. It’s a device in which I’m very interested. Too bad to hear you can come in it, though. That puts a damper on my enthusiasm for it.

Did you ever try wearing the urethral insert in the Steelheart? And if so, could you wear it with the PA ring and the fixing for security? I currently have a Steelheart and I was wondering about whether it’s worth getting the insert, but not if it’s going to be insecure. Also with the insert installed, did the tube stay cleaner? Did it make it harder to get a finger in and clean it out without removing the device?

Nope, never wore the Steelheart with the insert. You would need additional holes at the end of tube to make that work since there’s usually some urine that goes around the insert. It would end up being much less hygienic than either the Looker or the SH. And no, you wouldn’t be able to use a PA ring and the insert at the same time. I can’t imagine that would work.

The use of the word “snatch”. I don’t know why I hate that word so I cringe when I see it used. I know it’s silly, that’s just my two cents.

That’s one of the reasons I like it. It’s a very “nasty” word. Also, I need a few more ways to describe it when writing and I’ve never really liked the word “pussy” very much. It seems silly to me.

Where did the pain and bondage go? I haven’t read about a nut smack or handcuffs in a while.

It just doesn’t happen that often anymore. I’d love to be flogged or caned, to be sure, but I don’t think Belle gets much out of doing it and I haven’t pushed the issue. Regarding cuffs, I have some ideas about that I hope will happen in the near future.

I wonder if there is, as far as you know, a place where we can meet ( on the net that is) people who are into chastity as well? It would be nice to have some ‘online friends’ who are in the same dynamic?

I like this place.

Finally, you may have noticed I didn’t mention the “strangest/hottest/craziest place you’ve ever had sex” question. There were some really great answers in there for that and I’m saving them for another post.

Thanks to everyone who had a chance to participate!

Posted on

Mailbag

TK has some questions:

Been following your blog for a while – finally decided to catch up from the beginning (I’m up to March 2013). You’ve been helpful in so many ways, and you’re a great writer, so thank you. I have two questions – if you have a moment to respond, I’d really appreciate it. You answered a question about the MM a few months ago, so we will be buying a new device in the next few weeks. However, it’s cold here (North East) – but I noticed you’re in MN – so my first question – how do you wear any of your devices when it’s this cold out ? My testicles recede so far into my body when it’s 5 degrees out, it’s like they’re up by my neck somewhere. I’m terrified of trying that while wearing the device.

Usually not a problem for me. I’m rarely out for more than a little bit without underwear or normal pants (like to drag the trash to the curb or whatever) and can only think of a few times when the boys tried to crawl up inside me and were thwarted by the steel ring. However, I can also say that being locked up for so many years now that my ball sack is much looser than it used to be. That might have something to do with it. Without a device on, I’m just about as far away from “high and tight” as a guy can get. Occupational hazard, I guess.

My advice is to make sure you’re in underwear (layers help with warmth) and thicker material pants until you’ve figured out how you’re going to react.

Second question (related) is what you do about pants while wearing the device. I’ve slowly been weaned off of baggy (i.e. comfortable) clothing in favor of tight jeans (part of our dynamic revolves around my wardrobe) – I’m not sure how I’d wear the device for any extended period in jeans. Right now, it’s a nighttime only device, and only during certain times of the month.

Skinny jeans and a chastity device you don’t want people to see don’t mix. Also, there’s a definite comfort issue. Not all are created the same, though. I could probably easily wear the Looker 02 in tight pants without too much trouble. The Steelheart would end up crushing my nuts flat. And, you know, there’s the stealth question. You don’t say what device you’re going to get, but a standard CB-6000 would stand out quite visibly. If making your condition obvious to passers by is also part of your dynamic, then score! If not, you may want to look into some looser clothing, for the sake of your modesty and your anatomy.

Doug asks:

Hi, I’ve been following your blog for some time now and usually check daily for updates.

Bless you.

I’m a young, single, gay male with an interest in chastity.

FUCK, that’s so hot to me. Why is that so hot?

I’ve locked for a few days at a time in a cb6000s over the past couple years and enjoy the intense horniness and frustration and all that comes with being locked and denied.

Almost three weeks ago I purchased a Jailbird knockoff, locked my penis in it and gave the keys to a friend. This week and today in particular I have been horny to the point of continual distraction. I have to admit that I have a love/hate relationship with it and I want to continue and stay locked and denied for a few months or so.

The love/hate thing is awesome, isn’t it? I think it is. Clawing at the cage wanting what’s inside but not being able to get at it. Lovely.

After reading your posts on That Little Cupid Prick, I thought I’d drop you a line (sorry this is becoming so lengthy) to ask how you manage the intense, distracting horniness. I had trouble getting anything accomplished at work today because of it. I only expect the horniness to continue and grow over time (which I want, btw 🙂 ) but need to learn how to deal with it. I’m sure part of it is just the nature of the beast and I have to deal with it. Do you have any tips or thoughts?

Regarding the distraction thing, all I can say is it gets better. At first, it’s really hard to concentrate. How long will it take to get to a manageable place? Hard to say. We’re all different. The good news is, it isn’t an ever-upwards ramp into the heavens. Eventually, your hormones will plateau and even fluctuate downward from time to time. Those days aren’t any fun, either, but for a different reason. Also, the first week or two are always the worst.

I could tell you to stop looking at things like this blog which only feed your fevered sexual state. Stay off the Tumblr, etc. But I know you won’t because I’ve been there (am almost always there) and you’re going to do what you’re going to do. You could try channeling that energy into other physical activity. Use your powers for good, so to speak, while you wait for the initial rush of hormones to wash through you.

Chas inquires:

I’ve been wearing a CB6000s on and off for 2 plus years and my wife has decided that its time to upgrade to steel due to aesthetics, hygiene, comfort and hopefully long term 24/7 wear. Even with extensive rounding of the 6s base ring I develop a nasty sore spot on my upper right side (my right side definitely hangs higher than the left. Day to day this irritation is minimal and keeping it lubricated goes a long way towards preventing it. The problem is nocturnal erections where I wake up with an attempted raging hardon and it backs up in my body and the A ring is deeply dug in as the whole package is being pushed away from my body.

BEEN THERE. I really grew to hate that fucking ring. I had exactly the same issue as you in exactly the same spot.

We are planning on ordering from Mature Metal with my wife leaning towards the Queens keep or the Jailbird.  My question is regarding the tube length. MM and I believe you recommend have a tube length that is shorter than your flaccid length. My thinking is the shorter length is going to make the pulling and resulting digging of the ring that much worse. Also do you have any recommendations as to the ring thickness (Double ring?) in terms of comfort and or minimizing irritation. Any guidance or suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

I think it should minimally be the same length as your flaccid state, erring on the short side, yes. It seems counterintuitive but, in my experience, creating more room in the tube leads to a greater degree of discomfort. As if letting the penis achieve partial erection and then stopping it hurts more than forcing it to stay at its normal soft state. Yes, that will lead to pulling. No doubt about it. But that’ll happen anyway and won’t be nearly as uncomfortable in a smooth, rounded steel ring as it is in the torture device otherwise known as the CB-6000 A-ring. Assuming the ring is sized right, it’s actually a feeling I really enjoy. (Another benefit of a shorter tube is easier concealment and lighter weight.)

Regarding Mature Metal’s ring, I do recommend the double thick option. Their rings are a narrower gauge than Steelworxx and I found them to be a bit more biting. Doubling the ring thickness added a lot of comfort. Don’t forget to add the thickness of the extra ring to the overall length of the device.

PS How is your book writing coming along? I look forward to reading it.

Ah, yes. That.

My feeling now is I’m not going to write a book, per se, but publish a series of long articles here on the blog. That way, I could kick them out in a more serialized fashion. Instead of charging for a book download, I’ll likely create some way for those interested to optionally toss a few shekels my way. Like a tip jar. Also, my work style is much more collaborative than solo, so I’d like to garner feedback from my readers as to what topics the “book” should cover. Something to help me devise a structure for the thing.

Before I wrap, I’ll highlight a couple of great things I came across recently. First is a Tumblr called Erotic Drawings. Men In Bondage filled with original pen and pencil sketches of…well, men in bondage (having been put there by other men). It’s really beautiful work. Even though they’re drawn in a rushed and somewhat crude style you still get a sense of emotion and can empathize with the guys tied up. Woof.

Second thing is an episode of a podcast I’ve just found. The show’s called Men Submit and the episode in question is number nine on — what else? — chastity. Listening to them, I found myself nodding my head in familiar agreement half the time and wanting to butt in to build on or clarify a point the other half. I enjoyed the conversation and only wish it could have been longer. Regular readers of this blog should check it out.

That’s all I got for now. If you have a question or comment or other morsel of communicative goodness you want to pass my way, don’t forget about the feedback page.

Posted on

The best male chastity device (Or, the post in which I use more than 1,300 words to answer a relatively simple question)

NOTE: This post has been revised and extended. Read it here.

Reader Doc has asked:

It has been decided — no, not by me — that I’m to start wearing a ‘device’. Though you’ve reviewed, compared, and described many, many devices over the time I’ve been following your blog, I would like your evaluation of which is (a) the best, and (b) what is the second best of all available. I know this would be subjective, but I’d rather not ‘reinvent the wheel’. (Oh, it has been agreed that I’m to start after the holidays — on January 1st, 2014.) I suspect others may find your “final” recommendation(s) useful, too… Thanks!

Hmm. I feel not unlike the Sorting Hat…

First things first. I assume you’re cool with being locked up and the “it has been decided, no not by me” thing was just a bit of hotness tossed in to torture the poor unlocked guys who read my blog. If so, well played. If not, are you sure you want to try this? If you don’t and are doing it for your keyholder, any device you get will likely end up living in a drawer far more than your pants.

With that out of the way, allow me to prevaricate a little more.

I like to say the best device is the one between your ears. In that, and touching on my first question to you, if you don’t want to submit to the device in the first place, then you’ll end up wanting to cheat and slip out of it or whatever. Of course, some folks go about this denial thing without devices and that’s fine if it’s what floats their boat, but even those of us with hardware need to have the proper mindset. I’m currently in the Looker 02 and have been for something like going on three weeks. I can pull out of it any time I want because it’s insignificantly more secure than the Jail Bird or the CB6K or any other stock trapped-ball chastity device.

But I don’t pull out. Ever.

I’ve already bought on to the deal with Belle. She decides when I’m locked up and when I’m not and I abide by her wishes on the matter. There are lots of times I wish the device was off me so I could have access to the penis, but I’m well past the point where I’d cheat to get around it because I want far more for her to care that I’m locked up. If I want her to care, I have to care.

So anyway, then there’s the issue of defining what “best” means. There are arguments to be made that cost, comfort, security, hygiene, and stealth are all important factors when considering “best.” Also, keep in mind I’ve only worn seven(!) different devices (CB-6000, silver CB-6000, CB-5000, Birdlocked Neo, Steelworxx Steelheart [two different devices], Steelworxx Looker 02, and the Mature Metal Jail Bird [two different devices]). The only way to know what the best one is is to know how important each of those attributes is to you.

Here’s my take on them (with the silicone device essentially ignored because it sucked so much and the CB-5000 ignored because it’s an odd bird).

COST: We’re fortunate enough that cost is not the driving factor in any decision Belle makes with regard to buying a device. We’re not so fortunate that we don’t have to stop and consider the very high cost of something like a Steelwerks device, but even that is, eventually, something that we could afford if she wanted it. I was just in a conversation with some folks on Twitter about buying knock-off CB6Ks the other day. Doing so saves you some money (sometimes, a lot), but, as I eventually said, you only have the one penis. Why risk it for a few bucks? If you can’t afford a real CB6K, wait until you can. We call that “saving.” But I digress.

Steelworxx versus Mature Metal are about a wash, cost-wise. There’s a perception that MM is cheaper and I’m sure in some cases they can be, but once you start adding on options, they both get to the several hundred dollars pretty quickly (Pro Tip: The prices shown on the Steelworxx site include VAT which those outside Europe do not pay. Create an account with your shipping address and watch those prices magically fall.)

The plastic/silicone devices are far cheaper than the metal. Also, metal devices are all custom so you need to be sure of your measurements if you don’t want to deal with costly and time consuming do-overs.

COMFORT: Complicated. Except for the silicone devices, comfort is all about fit. The Looker 02 and Jail Bird I wear have A-rings 2mm bigger than the Steelheart. The Steelheart wakes me up and is, occasionally, uncomfortable. Like, it can hurt. The other two are cake. I sleep through the night. No issues. That’s 2 lously little millimeters.

You could use something like Mature Metals sizing rings or do what I did and pick up stainless rings from the hardware store, but I’ve found that measuring like that is an imperfect science (Belle’s first Steelheart was way too big, both in the A-ring and tube length). For those who have not yet played with enforced chastity, my recommendation is to start with the CB-6000. It’s inexpensive (relatively) and allows lots of fit combinations to help you figure out the best sizing for you.

That said, I don’t think the CB6K is the most comfortable device. The A-ring in particular has nasty corners that dig too much during erections. Right now, the most comfortable device I wear is the Looker 02 (even with the urethral insert). The Jail Bird is a close second and would be just as good as the L02 if not for its open design at the end of the cage. The Steelheart, with a well fitted A-ring, would also rank pretty high.

SECURITY: The only really secure device (as defined as one you cannot get out of) is one that incorporates some type of piercing. Short of that, you want a device that feels secure. That’s, again, about fit. You want it to feel snug but not tight. Something that seems like a second skin until an erection comes along. The first Steelheart hung too low and was too heavy to feel like I couldn’t slip out at a moment’s notice without the PA fixing in place.

So, the best device in this department is the one that’s attached through your dick. I only wear one like that.

HYGIENE: The most hygienic device I currently wear (defined as the one that stays the cleanest after a day of normal urinating, etc.) is probably the Jail Bird. The Steelheart will always trap a small amount of urine even after the most thorough attempt to get it all out. Some guys seem really creeped out by that (it’s no big deal as long as you rinse it out at night). The Looker 02 has a tendency to retain urine in the urethral insert and therefore leaks after you’ve peed. The CB6K is about as good or bad as the Steelheart, but, since it’s plastic and not metal, it’s a bit harder to make thoroughly clean.

In any event, if the idea of dealing with lingering urine squicks you out, the JB is the way to go. Next best is the Steelheart, then the CB6K, then the Looker 02.

STEALTH: Stealth is defined by two metrics. Visibility and sound (as measured when wearing sweats or pajama pants, etc.). The Jail Bird with the security screw option is totally silent. The Looker 02 is nearly so. The Steelheart with the PA fixing and PA ring in place occasionally makes some noise, but not much. The CB-6000 was actually the noisiest due to the lock banging against the tube when I walked around. With regard to visibility, the CB6K (non-S version) was the most noticeable of all I’ve worn by far. The others are much less so (with the Looker 02 being the least visible), but of course, they’re all custom so YMMV.

SO…which is the best?

It’s a bit of a Sophie’s choice. They’re all good for different reasons. I guess, right now, if I could only wear one, I’d lean very slightly towards the Looker 02. Its tendency to trap urine in the tube is annoying but not a big deal for me. It’s super comfy and pretty fucking hot. However, if you’re new to a device, I still recommend the CB-6000 (probably the S version depending on your flaccid size). It’s a relatively inexpensive way to dabble and will help with figuring out sizing if you ever decide to go with steel.

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More mailbag

This, from reader AB, came in right after I posted the last one:

After ordering an ill fitting Steelheart, I’ve bought the sizing rings from Mature Metal to try out some “mock” chastity. I’ve been wearing a larger ring around the base of my cock, which is tied onto another ring around the bottom of my shaft. I think i have a good size picked now due to fact that when flaccid, it’s almost unnoticeable, yet doesn’t move around.

My question to you is in regards to getting hard in chastity. When i get hard (and i do get fully erect without a cage to contain it), my junk has a dull ache, not quite pain, but almost, and the skin turns purple-ish (not flesh damaging extreme, but obviously showing that the cockring is too tight when erect).

Is this a normal part of the chastity experience? I’m imagining that this is why guys have trouble sleeping, but just want to be sure before shelling out more cash for a new device.

Your description of the sizing set-up reminds me of the Double Cockring I got from Steelworxx. With that, I ended up ordering the penisring (which is what Steelworxx calls the ring that…wait for it…goes around the penis!) to be just about the same size as the erect penis shaft (maybe just a tad smaller). I wanted to feel some grip, but not have the throbbing and purplish thing. 

Remember, though, when the penisring is attached to a chastity tube, you’re not going to get fully erect. Not even close. In my experience, the penisring and tube shouldn’t be any bigger around (or longer) than the normal size of your flaccid member. You don’t want to give it more room than that so as to avoid the issue you’re describing. I mean, yeah, it’ll still throb because it’ll be locked into a steel trap, but in a good way, and, as I’ve said before, smaller tubes and cages are more comfortable overall than bigger ones. I know for a fact that the penis on me doesn’t get purple in the Jail Bird, for example, but I know it would if the cage wasn’t there to keep shit under control.

Also, regarding your cages, does the jailbird have any of the pull out pins, and if so, what is your review on them.

Never messed around with them. I did use something similar in concept with the CB6K. They made the device a lot more uncomfortable (not always in the bad way) and perhaps made it a little teenie bit harder to pull out, but not much. A soapy soft penis can get out of any predicament. I’d think of them more of a CBT thing than a security thing, but I invite other readers who have used them to chime in.

in your SH-s, how much space did you leave to accommodate for the PA, as well as the tube size (with the addition of the PA fixing)

I think you’re asking how much additional space I left in the tube for the PA. Not much. The different devices measure tube and cage length differently, but if you see the comparisons of Belle’s SH-S and Jail Bird, the usable space inside them appears to be about a quarter inch different. I certainly wouldn’t allow for more than that.

Are you going to try wearing a PA with the JB? I find I can’t do that due to pinching. I also can’t use it for security with the JB for the same reason.

And finally, you blog is so hot. I would gladly suck your cock and let you lick my armpits.

You’d be sucking steel, but that could be hot, too. The armpit thing we might be able to work out, depending on how Belle feels about it. In either event, thanks for the compliment!

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Houdini style

Some of you may be paying sufficient attention (or have sufficient interest) to recognize that my Belle has a bit of a pattern: I usually get extended free time over holidays. One might think this is because she’s feeling generously moved by the holiday spirit or something but I think it’s mostly because she’s more relaxed at those times and wants easier access to the device’s contents. In either event, the recent long holiday weekend here in the US was one of those opportunities for freedom. Except this time, we drove several hours to the familiar retreat in the woods only to find the means to my escape was left at home. And, really, it was all my fault.

Let’s back that up. A week or so before the holiday, Belle had let me out so she could fuck me. Weekend releases used to be multi-day affairs, but now she’s more inclined to let me out the morning of and put my back in that same day. On this particular day, she told me she wanted to “change my outfit” (meaning a different device sprinkled in). I had been in the Steelheart for months (with only these day or two releases) and she wanted a different look. In the past, even if I knew her intentions to lock me up by a certain day, I’d wait for a direct order to do so or for her to bring me the device she wanted me in. But this time, I took the initiative to follow the spirit of what she told me. I went to the pouch in which she keeps her three steel devices and selected the Jail Bird. She hadn’t told me which one she wanted but I picked it anyway.

The Jail Bird, you’ll remember, is secured with a screw, not a lock. Instead of a key, it has a special bit that fits the security screw’s odd head. You can’t screw it in or unscrew it with any off-the-shelf screwdriver. I found the JB in her device pouch along with both the little bits and put it on and placed the bits back in the pouch so nothing would get lost. Then, later in the day, when Belle grabbed my crotch and started to tell me it was time to go in, she was happily surprised that I had already taken care of it. She was even going to pick the Jail Bird, so all was copesetic.

But.

I didn’t follow the typical ritual. That is, she brings me the device and key (or key-like thing) and I go and put it on and bring her back the key-like thing when it’s over. This time, I left the key-like thing in the pouch. Mistake. My fault.

While we were getting ready for the long weekend, it occurred to me a few times to ask her if she wanted me out while we were gone and, if so, to remember to get the key-like thing, but this time, I didn’t want to appear presumptuous. I try not to expect release and don’t ask for it and am totally satisfied being out of the decision-making loop. And I figured she knew what I was in and what it would take to get me out. So, when the moment came when Belle wanted to use the contents, she plopped the Steelheart key next to me on the bed. And the situation we were in became instantly clear. She had forgotten how the Jail Bird was different in the only way that mattered at that moment.

Of course, we had sex anyway, but the penis didn’t get wet (except at the tip and all down my balls where it leaked like a motherfucker). She really wanted it and I felt bad that my screw-up was denying her, the person who’s not supposed to be denied anything. At some point, I realized I could probably break out of it. Of course, it’s not a lock. Had it been, I’d have been screwed (well, you know, figuratively). But it was just a little screw with a weird head. I had a plan.

To be clear, I asked Belle for permission to try and break out. And that fact that I could even consider this is one of the things some folks don’t like about the Mature Metal security screw option. It’s not actually that secure (which is why some guys order their JBs with an extra hole in the post next to the screw where they can affix one of those little numbered plastic lock thingies to ensure accountability). All I had to do was go and find a pair of needle-nose pliers. I was able to grip the head of the screw sufficiently to turn it with the pliers and, just a few minutes later, handed Belle the screw. I was out and stayed that way for the rest of the weekend. It’s possible, had the screw been more tightly turned, that I wouldn’t have been able to escape. But it wasn’t, so there I was.

After that, the penis got good and wet. I was even able to hold my shit together sufficiently to allow to get off on it. Everyone was happy.

When it was time to go back into the Jail Bird back, I made sure to screw it on nice and tight.