I want

We leave today for our three-day, two-night, adults-only trip to the charming B&B next to a river in the boonies somewhere. Apparently, there are things to do around the B&B, but I don’t care. If it were up to me, we’d never leave the room and stay naked the entire time. It would be hour after hour of debauchery and dirty, nasty sex punctuated with occasional beatings (and maybe some sleep).

Belle has been keeping me on a pretty short leash. It’s been days since I’ve been allowed to have sexual contact and last night she told me that was on purpose. She says I need to become stronger. More motivated to see to her pleasure. That’s why she only let me massage her feet, even though she had made enough comments during the day as to my obviously desperate state to lead me to hope I’d get some action (which, of course, is code for “she gets some action”). I rubbed with abandon. At one point, I was practically masturbating her feet.

I feel as though the cock’s hard all the time now. I’m so desperate for any kind of sexual or even sensual contact and she knows it and does nothing about it. I can’t give her just a peck. When she’s near me, I want to give her deep, reaching soul kisses and I find my hands on her tits and migrating south to rub her mound through her clothes. I can feel the static sexual charge crackling up and down my spine.

This afternoon, when we’re in the room, I’d want her to tie me up and hit me. Besides the sex, I’m craving pain. I want to be tied up, hit with various objects, have my nipples clamped cruelly, the cock slapped, my balls squeezed and crushed. Oh, Jesus, I almost want to be hurt more than I want the sex. It’s been so long. I want to be tortured and used and abused. I want her to tie me up and then sit on my face until she comes. I want her to ride her cock to orgasm, but every time I get close to coming, I want her to slap my face or reach back and crush my balls. I want her to cuff me and leave me that way all night. I want to be collared. Oh god, do I want to be collared.

Then, of course, there’s my ass. Whenever I’m like this and locked-up for a while, my ass (which, for me, is a valid and available sexual organ) beckons – “Always open!” it says helpfully. She’d never do it, but I’d also like her to violate my ass while I’m tied to the bed. If we had a gag, I’d want her to put it on me so I couldn’t complain or tell her to stop (note to self: get gag). I want my ass pounded, fast – really fast – and hard until my prostate sings and my entire body burns with the feeling of it.

Can you tell? Can you tell how surreally horny I am?

But, when it’s over, when all the reservoirs of frustration are drained and I come off my hormonal high and back to earth, I just want to fuck her. I want to fuck and fuck and fuck her in the sweetest way. I want to be in her body like when we first started to date. And then I want to take a week off from all this. I want to be able to come on to her like any other man can with his wife. I want to have normal, vanilla sex a half dozen times just so the sturm und drang of denial leaves the memory of my body and my Belle gets to be just my wife for a little while.

And once that’s done, I want her to tie me, beat me, and lock me because where I am right now – seathing in my own sex – really isn’t such a bad place to be after all.

7 thoughts on “I want

  1. Thumper

    You don’t know me but I have been lurking for a while. I enjoy your writings and I am the one in the poll whom you told to comment. So here it is:

    “But, when it’s over…I want to fuck and fuck and fuck her in the sweetest way. I want to be in her body like when we first started to date.”

    It seems to me that Belle gives you a lot. Maybe she rather make Love to you in the sweetest way. Maybe that would be a greater gift than all of the foot rubs in the world.

    gat1207

  2. Continued after more thought

    Thumper

    You note touches in me a battle that rages in me and has for a long time. That battle has been termed “temporary power exchange.” When I lay on my back or kneel before my lover and she knees or kicks me in the nuts until my insides churn am I giving her my power or am I simply topping from the bottom.

    “I want”…, and I must say that you have summed it up in this post well, am I really considering what she wants. When I kneel, or rub her back or her feet, when I lay with her and I postpone until I ache and drip, am I really giving her what she wants or am I indulging my own fantasy under the pretense that it is all for her.

    How much do I really consider her needs? How much power do I really exchange and does she really want my power. Maybe she wants to intermingle our power. She on top, me on top, shared power for the benefit of our society. The battle rages and I wonder.

    It sounds as if you have a wonderful vacation planned. I query whose plan?

    With respect
    gat1207

  3. gat1207,

    Thanks for finally stepping out from the shadows!

    Maybe she rather make Love to you in the sweetest way.

    I fully acknowledge the self-centered way I wrote that post. It’s why I called it “I want” because that *is* what I want. What I get will be what she gives me, so we’ll see how well the two align. I certainly won’t be disappointed either way.

    Some guys who blog on this subject do it from the POV of the total submissive – the guy who’s really only in it for Her (or says he is). I’m not that guy. I don’t refer to myself as “i” or Belle as “Her” because, as I’ve recently written about, I don’t consider myself to be beneath her. I’ve ceded my half of our sexual partnership so that she’s the dominant partner, but not the *superior* one. I can’t say I understand it all that well yet, but that point alone separates me from lots of other submissive men in the blogosphere.

    How much do I really consider her needs? How much power do I really exchange and does she really want my power.

    I’ve had that same debate inside my own head (and on this site) for months. I’ve decided it doesn’t matter. I’ve ceded power to her because I like how it makes me feel. She takes it because she likes how it makes her feel. We both get something out of it.

    Again, thanks for the comments!

    1. Bravo

      I quite agree:

      “Some guys who blog on this subject do it from the POV of the total submissive – the guy who’s really only in it for Her (or says he is). I’m not that guy.”

      For me that is were the question roots. I think it would be much more easy to ge the totally submissive guy…Then there would never be any question of topping from the bottom. Oh Well

      Enjoy your vacation I look forward to read more of your story

      gat1207

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