Supreme irony

All this yakking about “feeling blah about the denial, oh woe is me, yadda yadda yadda” and actually laying out the 10/100 plan to Belle last night has, ironically, left me pretty turned on. A lot and all of a sudden. I had the sleeping disorder that’s a signature symptom of excessive horniness and tossed and turned all night. I woke several times with ephemeral erotic visions drifting though my sleepy mind and a tube so full my balls felt like a bouquet of purple pansies grasped too tightly by a desperate, sweaty fist. So, yeah, I guess it’s back. Teh hornies.

Not only that, but the submissiveness is back, too. The desire to serve her. To do hard things. To make her as happy as possible. Frankly, that’s been at a very low ebb lately. I’ve been going though the motions, but not getting any of the fluttering in my stomach that goes with it. This is how I felt when I committed myself to her service in the first place and it feels good.

So now the issue is that today’s supposed to be my date. That is, today’s date was written on a little slip of paper randomly drawn out of a hat several months ago. That means I’m supposed to come. Now that I’ve found my mojo, though, I don’t want to. Like, I really don’t want to. I am, right now, where I want to be (the best place for both of us, I think) and it’s taken two weeks to get here. If I come now, that denial boulder will roll down to the bottom of the hill. Maybe I’ll find myself horny again right away because sometimes it works like that. Or maybe I won’t. Maybe it’ll be back to Funksville. Who knows?

And what of the 10/100 plan? Should we still try it? Am I only turned on because there’s the prospect of 10 orgasms spread over 5 days in front of me? If that were suddenly withdrawn, would my mojo go with it?

7 thoughts on “Supreme irony

  1. Great to hear that things have turned around!

    As for today being “the day” guess you better think of something REALLY nice to do for her in order to persuade her to overturn the verdict.

    I say 10/100 can be put on the back burner, you were thinking about starting it on memorial day anyway, right?

    (sorry for the stalkery, I don’t have much to keep me preoccupied at the moment)

  2. Heck, it’s Belle’s cock,right? So if she decides to use it tonight, then Bunny just gets to do it. And an orgasm that she commands from you is a form of service. Soon enough you might be asking to go back in the SH early.
    But you can always try groveling-and folding the laundry. But that may leave her with more energy for later….
    Sounds like quite a conundrum.

  3. Here’s my own perspective. I got for fairly long periods without orgasm, but I don’t think that I lose my libido over it. Rather, I think that sometimes it just gets routine. When it does, we talk about it, and for some reason, just the talking seems to get things rolling again.

    You know how you were writing that you tend to be a bit introspective? It’s possible that you’re so introspective that you’re having all of the conversations in your own head before you even talk to Belle; for you, things end up getting played out too soon. But when you engage her on changing things, you’re no longer following your internal script – the effect is like trying to tickle yourself, versus having somebody else do it.

  4. I think Tom has hit the nail on the head; it can creep up as topping from the bottom if you tell Belle that she’s in charge, you’ll do laundry & other chores etc. then a month later up pops a ‘new’ plan. What if she came up with her own plan and imposed it upon you without asking your opinion?

    I think it’s an all-too-common scenario to have the man (who wears the device, therefore it’s on his mind a lot more than his partner’s) overthink things. Do I do it? Hell yes (currently locked up in the CB2000). Most women (wives, girlfriends) seem to take chastity on board as just another “thing” in their day; it’s a much bigger slice of the wearer’s mind-pie. So we fill the difference in space with endless mental chatter. Last night my wife spent much of the evening on the phone with one of her girlfriends, while I surfed the web looking at bondage toys. She knows I’m locked up, but it wasn’t a pressing concern for her at the moment. Maybe that’s how it should be?

    1. Billus put into words something that my wife and I have talked about when I’ve had “needy” periods. For Mrs. Edge, her life hasn’t really changed at all, but for me, I’m wearing the device 24/7, so even though it has become a routine of sorts, I’m always aware that it’s on.

      This can be discouraging during those times when, for one reason or another, we just can’t have quality intimate time. Job stress, winter colds, family issues, vacations, etc., can too easily turn into several weeks without real intimacy.

      Maintaining interest while in chastity depends upon a mix of tease along with the denial (remember the Red Queen?). Without the tease, denial is merely frustrating.

  5. I am a little after the fact with this comment, so you have probably already done whatever it is you decided to do. But I still wanted to add my thoughts:

    All this talk about your selected days for orgasms and the 10/100 plan show that you continue to frame your service to Belle in terms of Thumper’s sexual drive. Of course that happens because that is where all this D/s stuff begins.

    The male sex drive is a whopping big motivator. If a woman controls that she is well on her way to a very rewarding D/s relationship. So we all (at least all us sub males and Dominant females) start off more or less from that same place. Our early development is all about crazy, often kinky, definately more than vanilla, sex.

    But that is a head-place you both will leave behind to get to the head-place you seek. You need to get to a point where everything is *only* about what Belle wants (sexually or otherwise) and Thumper’s wants are recognized as willingly subjugated to hers.But don’t worry about that not being sexy anymore. It is often very sexy, but not in the same old way.

    One aspect of going through that step is your desire for kink may greatly diminish. Kink is still lots of fun, but it is no longer a defining compulsion of the relationship. Instead your service and Belle’s joy will come to define your relationship, and a lot of what it takes to accomplish that is pretty vanilla. But the wonderful and very diferent-sexy feeling Thumper will get when he does please Belle is a world away from vanilla. So if you have been finding that the two of you are not the crazy kinksters you were a few months back, that is a sure sign of good progress.

    IMHO all this stuff about selected dates and prescribed times for orgasms, or agreed to periods of chastity, represents a structure Thumper created for Belle to follow. I think that it could all be getting in the way more than it helps at this point. But I don’t equate it as topping from the bottom. Obviously Thumper is seeking ways to better perfect his submission.

    If Belle wants to do the 10/100 thing because she gets off on the idea, then do it. But don’t it *just* because it is what Thumper asked her to do.

    Perhaps the time has come for Belle to demote ALL those dates from being structure to being only suggestions. Nothing she is obligated to follow unless she wants to. No special day marked on the calender when Thumper gets to come, and no set period of time to keep him locked up. No duration goals to keep him chaste. Only what Belle chooses when she chooses. In cluding, if she so chooses to elect to follow the calender.

    No doubt in Thumper’s mind that has always been the case, but is that true for Belle too? Or is she still finding her way along the path to her Dominance by using them as a structure that she feels obligated to follow?

    BT

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