Kinky or no?

On a recent post, a reader left this comment:

Belle appears to be very serious about having things her way, which I think is wonderful. She should keep you locked up until you think it is kinky to be otherwise.

On the face of it, this might seem to be a fairly innocuous thing to say, but this same reader then went on (in another comment) and said I lacked “true submissive values” and that I demonstrated too much of a concern for my own pleasure and not enough for hers. You know, that same old bullshit. As a matter of fact, as any long-time reader of my blog knows, I do consider myself something of a selfish sub, but that’s not to say I’m still not a sub. Who in the hell wants a partner, submissive or otherwise, who seems to have no interest whatsoever in their own happiness? Isn’t one of the hot things about topping someone that you occasionally make them wait (or even refuse outright) that thing that they really want? Isn’t that part of the fucking dynamic? If they don’t really want anything other than to please you in some servile, pathetic way…then what?

And besides, I think it’s incumbent upon everyone to be mindful of their partner’s motivations and needs. You’ll just have to trust me on this, but I know my Belle. Better than any of you. She really wants me to have what I want. She wants to give me what I need. It’s just how she’s wired and it’s part of the complexity of structuring a D/s relationship since what I seem to want isn’t always what I say I want and she’s left to decide which she should be thinking about. For example, the other night I said to her that I really, really wanted to fuck her. Like, really. And, of course, that was true. But, what I really wanted, more than anything else at all, was for her to tell me I couldn’t. To refuse me the thing I had a very strong urge to do. Because she can and I like it when she does. See? Fucking complicated!

But whatever. I digress. The real point of this post was to mark the approach of one month locked up and how my dear reader’s comment has stuck with me.

I think she locked me up around July 6. That would make today my 29th day encumbered which, while not a record or anything, is the eve of a bit of a milestone worth noting. Oddly enough, I have no idea what my longest stint in a device is. Seems like the kind of thing I’d remember, but I don’t. I suppose it’s recorded here on the blog somewhere, but it’s not in my brain. I know it can’t be much longer than five or six weeks, though. I’ve either had to bail out due to physical damage or she’s decided she wanted to play with the contents or I’ve had to travel or something before it got much past that point. So anyway, I’m going to say that six weeks is the record duration just for conversation’s sake.

Will I be locked up longer than that? Well, she’s intimated that I may be locked up until our anniversary in mid-October. That’s still 10 or 11 weeks from now. I’ve never done anything close to 100 days in any device, so the prospect is exciting. However, she’s been coy about that and I haven’t been able to pin her down. Our anniversary might just be the next time she lets me come. Or maybe that’ll be this weekend. I honestly have no idea. I do think she’s heard Sarah’s “add 50% to whatever he says he wants” advice and is pondering it in application to me. I would be thrilled to be made to wait longer than my last longest orgasmless duration, but I’d also really want to fucking come way before then…see my earlier point about complication.

In any event, back to the comment. “She should keep you locked up until you think it is kinky to be otherwise.” While I certainly don’t think being unlocked is kinky, I can say that when I’m in and have been for a while (like now), it’s hard for me to imagine what being out and about is like. Plus, I get to a point where being locked seems both normal and natural for me. I like feeling like this, as hard as it is sometimes, and I like having even the possibility of sneaking in some quiet edging (or more) taken away from me. So, I start to think being locked is normal and natural and I get a happy, warm and even comforting feeling being that way. It’s at times like these that I totally understand that whole “being locked up for the rest of my life would be so fucking hot” thing.

It’s also when I actually do the opposite of what my dear reader wanted. Instead of thinking not being locked up is kinky, I stop considering being locked up as kinky. Like I said, it’s natural. It’s normal. It’s how I should be. So? And then I want to share it with people. I think it’s just human behavior to want to tell your friends when you’ve found something fantastic that’s changed your life. I wish I could find a way to explain it to them (some of them, anyway). But I can’t. Because even though I don’t think it’s kinky anymore, they do. And this isn’t some run of the mill relationship advice. This is my sex life. And I think it’s inappropriate to bring anyone into your sex life if they don’t want to be there. So I’m stuck.

Someday, maybe, after the consumption of alcohol perhaps, certain topics might come up in conversation that would allow me (or Belle, even) to share the secret in a way that seemed, at the very least, relevant. In the mean time, I’m exactly where I want to be. And it feels really good, whether or not it’s kinky.

6 thoughts on “Kinky or no?

  1. Thumper;
    1st :I have just spent the last 2 weeks reading your entire
    Blog,from start to now,and just want you too know you are not
    alone.I have been in a 15 year chastity relationship, and I still wonder how did it ever get this far?Does she really enjoy this too?Am I asking too much? How does she really feel about this whole thing?Am I crazy?What did I get myself into?
    Then it comes back to she does hold the key.
    She does decide when it gets unlocked.
    She does seem to enjoy my suffering.
    She does “LOVE” the look of the device.
    She says their will be “NO” going back.
    She only unlocks it when the locking collar goes on.
    So she must be happy , I guess.

    You have only gone through a year and a half, and I must say the “you” as a couple have really learned, changed, and loved each other a lot in the process.I think you have to sometimes slow down and enjoy what you have already gone through.You cannot expect your wife you know
    all the things that are going through your brain,We as men
    get our selves into a lot of different ideas, that I thing most of the time they never ever think of…..
    or want to think of…..

    You are a very lucky guy, with what sounds like a beautiful Keyholder…

  2. Dang, I just wrote about selfishness today. (In my blog, I mean.) Being selfish might even be the reason for me for wanting to submit in the first place. It’s doing the opposite of what comes naturally: being prominent, dominant, in control and also selfishly succumbing to all my hedonistic tendencies. It’s all the more powerful when my pleasures are taken away, or when I’m submissive, because it’s not my natural state. There are people out there who feel differently, I’m sure, subs and doms and moms, but what have they got to say to my own self evaluation – or yours?

    You’re not a true submissive is like a fucking children’s playground phrase. It’s equivalent to saying that you’re not a real man because you sometimes do the dishes. I can appreciate the irony if the sentence comes from someone who themselves think they are true submissive, then. But wait, not to anyone, anytime, anywhere? Hmmm. Must not be a true submissive then, after all.

    And to the complicated set of mind – yeah, I hear you. Pushy subs are the damnest thing. Whatever they want to do and willfully do to us, we are more than happy to receive. It boggles the mind that sometimes (though not all the time) it’s just so much sweeter, when it’s not what I asked for. As long as it’s not neglect.

    1. “It boggles the mind that sometimes (though not all the time) it’s just so much sweeter, when it’s not what I asked for. As long as it’s not neglect.”

      Yup. That right there.

  3. Personally, I have no patience with anything about kink that starts “you should…” or “she should…” That’s somebody getting wrapped up in their own hot fantasy, which is nice for them. But there’s always the (small) risk that someone might take them seriously, which would be a shame because they really know very little/next to nothing about you and Belle.

    Thanks a million for writing on the “I want but I don’t want” dynamic. As someone who identifies as submissive but has realized that there’s a huge issue around my being able to ask for what I want, I’m still trying to grapple with those kinds of contradictions. They’re real and valid, and just because they’re complicated doesn’t disqualify your relationship from anything, it just means there’s exploring going on. As a friend of mine once said, “Live in that tension.”

    I’m also really glad to find someone else who doesn’t obsessively keep track of how many days/hours/minutes/seconds/milliseconds it’s been since being locked up (or in my case, allowed an orgasm).

    Thanks
    Jamie

    1. I like that: Live in the tension. That’s what we do, isn’t it?

      And I kinda sorta *do* keep track obsessively over the whole orgasm thing, but not, for some reason, the lock-up duration. Odd. In any event, I’ve tried not to obsess openly since Belle doesn’t like it.

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