That is interesting how when “forced” lockup goes from being a fantasy to reality it is no longer appealing. That tends to happen a lot in life and it doesn’t look like chastity is immune. Hope you snap out of it and enjoy yourself soon. It is more fun when it is a cock cage and not a ball and chain.
Perhaps I overstated it. It’s not that it’s unappealing. I’m still on board with the practice and am nowhere near withdrawing my consent. Somewhere in my head, the usual feeling that the device and I are one hasn’t been allowed to set in and rather than feeling I am in my normal state, I feel the opposite. It’s not as appealing to me, but it’s not unappealing. I’m not not enjoying myself. The other morning with Belle was fantastically intense and really fucking hot.
That being said, yes, even your life’s sexual fantasy, if practiced long enough, can become mundane.
The sleep. It’s a killer. If there is one thing that kills me it’s lack of sleep. The one big downer to denial those sleepless periods.
Agreed. Typically, I’ll not sleep for a few days then, due to exhaustion, sort of collapse into sleep for a day or two. That’s what’s happened this time, too. I’ve slept relatively well the past two nights and was only woken once by the stupid penis at 4:45 each morning.
Seems like a you want what you want until you have it situation to me. Enjoy it for the rest of us whose wifes didn’t like the idea one iota.
Hmm. Perhaps. However, after living this for three years and writing about it the whole time, I don’t think I’m the kind of person who “likes what I want until I get it.” It’s far more complicated than that. Also, I expend no effort trying to “enjoy it” for all those reading whose wives are uncooperative in making real their husband’s fantasies. I’m not unsympathetic to those guys, but this isn’t a porn soap opera here. It’s my life.
After Belle read the post, she said she didn’t care much for the title. I can see that. It does have a bit of an accusatory tone that I didn’t intend at all. Sometimes, the title of posts are obvious, other times I struggle with them. That happened yesterday. I wasn’t trying to send a message with it.
She mentioned the idea of a break, but we didn’t really discuss it. Even though I wrote about it, I wasn’t prepared to talk about it. Since I’m not miserable or “in a bad place”, I don’t think I need a break. I would like one, sure, but I don’t need it. She will allow me to have it or not.
Going back to the metaphor of the relationshop stack made up of layers dependent on those below them to operate properly, the D/s layer is near the top. All the stuff I’m feeling is happening in there, not lower down. This isn’t a crisis at all, just a different manifestation of my submission. Therefore, the “solution” can come entirely from within the D/s stack. That means it
has to can happen on her terms, not mine.
Meanwhile, I have a doctor’s appointment today and, while I don’t expect it’ll involve any groping or xrays or anything, you never know. Belle’s left me with the key so I can take the device off before I go. I’m working from home until my appointment and am painfully aware that I have at my disposal the means to remove my encumberment and am completely unsupervised. I nearly took it off when I showered this morning but left it on knowing that the soapy, slippery shower is a dangerous place. Now, I’m sitting with my computer and thinking about working on The Portfolio which is really dangerous. I’ll leave it on. I’ve decided I’ll only take it off just before I have to go.
How does this jive with the feelings I described yesterday and above? No idea. I think it means I want to be good even when the lesser angels of my nature are whispering in my ear. In that hotel room, I succumbed to their ministrations. Today, I’m just a bit stronger. At least for the time being.