Mailbag

CR from Deutschland said:

I’m following your blog for I think several years now. There a quite a few male chastity blogs on the web, but yours is the best.

As I read your last post, better to say the one that’s linked in the comments (“Tent me“), I really thought “This is so me”!. I’m also caged by (or is it for?) my partner for about 1.5 years now, wearing the cage almost all the time. It’s not that she is very enthusiastic in denying my orgasms (although I would really like that), it’s more that she enjoys controlling my sexuality and my orgasm. I get to cum quite often, but only when she unlocks me. Like you, I know where the key is, but I won’t ever take it to jerk off or for anything else, without asking her and most of the time I really don’t feel the urge to do so. What also reminded me of myself was, as you wrote about that strange feeling being unattended, not in the cage. For me, it happens sometimes, mostly when life get’s in the way and I don’t have the chance to lock back up after we have sex. Most of the time, I manage to lock up after a few hours, but sometimes it happens that I’m remaining unlocked for days. But I’m not satisfied with this, as I know that she expects me being locked up and for myself I don’t want it to be other than that. So I texted her about this, after I read your post, telling her that I have to improve with this and encouraged her, to tell me to lock up immediately after sex more often.

Although I think, you’re getting feedback like this quite often, I really wanted to write you my thoughts about this. Feel free to answer if you like, I really would appreciate this!

This is great for a couple of reasons. One, there is no One True Way™ to do male chastity. The important thing is to find a way that works for everyone. The one being locked probably has a very good idea of exactly how they want to be locked, but the one holding the key needs to be able to find the way to do it that makes them most comfortable and that they can feel ownership over.

Two, struggling with being unattended and living with a vagueness as to expectations. I found after Belle added the rule that I would always be locked absent a very good reason or permission from her, it made me a much more contented bunny. My submissive side never had to worry about un-submissive thoughts rationalizing bad behavior since there was A RULE and the kind of sub I am adores enforced rules. This particular rule came about as a result of bad behavior on my part, but I think has made our dynamic better and has left me more satisfied as a submissive.

Finally, communication. “I texted her about this.” Yes. We need to remember our partners are not mind-readers. Hopefully she took your feedback under consideration.

Some John asked:

Do you have any idea how to get into a Steelworxx securo cage? It uses the same PA mechanism as the schandmaske but like spending 40 minutes poking through the PA hole trying to find the screw part without pinching the urethra was really frustrating

Yeah, it can be a bitch to get those kinds of tubes on. I have no secret other than fishing the PA bar around until it gets home. The Securo wand looks harder to get into place than the Schandmaske if only because the Schandmaske was a curved single unit and the Securo wand is two pieces and you need to line up the hole on the bar with the part the screws into it. Perhaps you can get a lock like on the Securo 01? It’d be easier to get in, that’s for sure.

Pat asked:

Hi, I finally took the plunge and got my PA done at an 8ga on the 16th and I could not be more happy with it. My question is when I’m healed what won’t you stretch to and I’m looking at the Steelwerks chastity cages for my fist one to use with my PA when it’s healed. What would your recommend from them ? I have a HTV2 and I never really liked it because it was a pain to keep clean. I really like the curves barbell Steelwerks made for you. I’m having to teach my self how to pee and it’s not easy lol.

Peeing with a PA is a problem except when it’s a PA inside a solid tube like the Steelheart’s. Then it’s nothing at all.

If you’re looking at Steelwerks from Montreal, Chris will make anything your heart desires. You and he can correspond and talk it all through. If access for cleaning is a priority, he’ll take care of you. He has a lot of models on his site, but honestly, I’d view them more as idea starters than anything else. Steelwerks is the definition of bespoke. The Savile Row tailor of male chastity.

Now, if you meant Steelworxx, the maker of the Steelheart, that’s another matter. The Looker 02 is a peach of a device and very easy to keep clean (though the insert does tend to hold on to urine perhaps more than you’ll be happy with — maybe think about the Looker 03). Dietmar will also make pretty much whatever you want, but the language barrier is a bit more of a challenge and his customer service can sometimes leave something to be desired. His “Tube Jacket” models might be good for you, too, but I’ve never worn them and can’t vouch for their wearability.

Lori of Lori Tube fame left me a comment saying they also produce devices secured by PA hooks and pioneered the type of device. That’s true, they’ve been making PA-fixed devices forever (I recall seeing them before I knew what a PA was and wondering how they worked). However, I’ve never worn one of their devices and have no personal experience ordering from them.

A dude called Bear left a lengthy (one might even say girthy) comment. Here are the salient points…

I know plastic is off your radar and I understand why. However, there are a couple minor updates re HTv2 you may want to incorporate into your review of same, for guys like me who are doing research. So, you wrote your review of v1, then did v2 from a here’s what’s different POV. I don’t know if these things weren’t available at that time, or if you missed them, or if you did include them but I missed it in your post. If the later, I apologize. It’s available in a fourth color, pink. Not for me, but there you have it.

Also, there is a fourth ring available–36mm. So, you can get the HTv2 with rings of 36, 40, 45, 50. I think that lines up pretty well with the options offered by CBxK.

I don’t believe pink was available when I bought it or I would have said so. Also can’t recall a fourth ring size. I assume it was just three since that’s all I remember. Man, 36mm is small.

Also, I know you say nothing is totally secure without a piercing. I respect that and I have no doubt you’re correct, but I’m very much not in a place where I’m ready to do that. Do you happen to know anything about the guardian ring KFH is offering for use with HTv2? There’s one review of it on their site and the guy claims it makes it inescapable. Wondered if you’d heard anything or had any personal experience. I’m most likely gonna buy it, only 17 bucks anyway. I was thinking pretty seriously about signing up so I could login on your blog anyway. Once I’ve tried this guardian, I’ll put my thoughts about it in a comment under your review.

I’ve never used that specific device but have experience with similar types. Those doodads are not equivalent to being held in place by a PA, but they are an added layer of deterrence for guys who either need it or like the feeling of it being there. I personally don’t like the added bulk and complication they introduce and wonder if the flexible material used is non-porous or if it’ll harbor bacteria (which would make odor more of a problem).

In any event, a motivated guy could still without a lot of effort back out of an HT2 sporting that thing, do their business, then work their way back in (stocking method, anyone?).

Speaking of KFH (lol), have you ever had any problems with them? Do you trust them? I don’t buy stuff online. Maybe three times I have. I got trust issues, whatever. Anyways, I’m wary of giving KFH my personal info. (I don’t really understand why last name is a required field there when I’m using PayPal, but that’s not really what you’re here for. They obviously need my address, so they could find my name easy enough if they wanted to.) point is: are they trustworthy?!!?

I’ve bough a few things from them without any issue. I trust them as much as anyone online. Personally, I don’t lose a lot of sleep over giving my card info away online and certainly have not been worried about identity issues with them. The few times I’ve used them, they were discreet.

Okay, complete change of subject, and we’re almost done I promise. I have major moral/ethical/QA, QC issues with fake and forged goods. Seems like I’d be preaching to the choir with you about that, so I won’t go barking up that tree. But I want to say this. There were some comments on your review of the “HTv2 metal” by people talking about grinding and drilling on them. I’m not an alarmist, but it’s worth mentioning that EVERYTHING that comes out of China has lead in it. Having things around the house that contain lead, and handling them, is not a problem. Everything made of brass contains some lead, for example; find me a house with no brass in it. However, if an alloy containing lead is going to abrade your skin badly, or if you’re going to grind it into a dust which will inevitably become airborne, you now risk getting it into the bloodstream. It’s extremely unlikely that this would pose a problem if you’re just grinding one, for yourself. But I felt I had to say something.

Those are good points and something I think I touched on in not so many words in the review. It bothers me they don’t specify the “metal” used in the device’s construction. I don’t know if “everything” from China has lead in it, but I certainly don’t trust something that’s too cheap and where materials aren’t well-specified.

Probably because I’m a creative professional myself, but the idea that someone would be OK buying a cheap, potentially harmful knock-off in order to save some money rather than buying from a source that actually cares about their clients’ well-being after they’ve invested who knows how long designing and developing a product is really a problem. I’d rather support creators and not moochers.

And the mailbag is now empty!

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