Category: Chastity Nerdery

Those posts where I (mostly) drone on endlessly about living in enforced chastity.

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The best male chastity device (Or, the post in which I use more than 1,300 words to answer a relatively simple question)

NOTE: This post has been revised and extended. Read it here.

Reader Doc has asked:

It has been decided — no, not by me — that I’m to start wearing a ‘device’. Though you’ve reviewed, compared, and described many, many devices over the time I’ve been following your blog, I would like your evaluation of which is (a) the best, and (b) what is the second best of all available. I know this would be subjective, but I’d rather not ‘reinvent the wheel’. (Oh, it has been agreed that I’m to start after the holidays — on January 1st, 2014.) I suspect others may find your “final” recommendation(s) useful, too… Thanks!

Hmm. I feel not unlike the Sorting Hat…

First things first. I assume you’re cool with being locked up and the “it has been decided, no not by me” thing was just a bit of hotness tossed in to torture the poor unlocked guys who read my blog. If so, well played. If not, are you sure you want to try this? If you don’t and are doing it for your keyholder, any device you get will likely end up living in a drawer far more than your pants.

With that out of the way, allow me to prevaricate a little more.

I like to say the best device is the one between your ears. In that, and touching on my first question to you, if you don’t want to submit to the device in the first place, then you’ll end up wanting to cheat and slip out of it or whatever. Of course, some folks go about this denial thing without devices and that’s fine if it’s what floats their boat, but even those of us with hardware need to have the proper mindset. I’m currently in the Looker 02 and have been for something like going on three weeks. I can pull out of it any time I want because it’s insignificantly more secure than the Jail Bird or the CB6K or any other stock trapped-ball chastity device.

But I don’t pull out. Ever.

I’ve already bought on to the deal with Belle. She decides when I’m locked up and when I’m not and I abide by her wishes on the matter. There are lots of times I wish the device was off me so I could have access to the penis, but I’m well past the point where I’d cheat to get around it because I want far more for her to care that I’m locked up. If I want her to care, I have to care.

So anyway, then there’s the issue of defining what “best” means. There are arguments to be made that cost, comfort, security, hygiene, and stealth are all important factors when considering “best.” Also, keep in mind I’ve only worn seven(!) different devices (CB-6000, silver CB-6000, CB-5000, Birdlocked Neo, Steelworxx Steelheart [two different devices], Steelworxx Looker 02, and the Mature Metal Jail Bird [two different devices]). The only way to know what the best one is is to know how important each of those attributes is to you.

Here’s my take on them (with the silicone device essentially ignored because it sucked so much and the CB-5000 ignored because it’s an odd bird).

COST: We’re fortunate enough that cost is not the driving factor in any decision Belle makes with regard to buying a device. We’re not so fortunate that we don’t have to stop and consider the very high cost of something like a Steelwerks device, but even that is, eventually, something that we could afford if she wanted it. I was just in a conversation with some folks on Twitter about buying knock-off CB6Ks the other day. Doing so saves you some money (sometimes, a lot), but, as I eventually said, you only have the one penis. Why risk it for a few bucks? If you can’t afford a real CB6K, wait until you can. We call that “saving.” But I digress.

Steelworxx versus Mature Metal are about a wash, cost-wise. There’s a perception that MM is cheaper and I’m sure in some cases they can be, but once you start adding on options, they both get to the several hundred dollars pretty quickly (Pro Tip: The prices shown on the Steelworxx site include VAT which those outside Europe do not pay. Create an account with your shipping address and watch those prices magically fall.)

The plastic/silicone devices are far cheaper than the metal. Also, metal devices are all custom so you need to be sure of your measurements if you don’t want to deal with costly and time consuming do-overs.

COMFORT: Complicated. Except for the silicone devices, comfort is all about fit. The Looker 02 and Jail Bird I wear have A-rings 2mm bigger than the Steelheart. The Steelheart wakes me up and is, occasionally, uncomfortable. Like, it can hurt. The other two are cake. I sleep through the night. No issues. That’s 2 lously little millimeters.

You could use something like Mature Metals sizing rings or do what I did and pick up stainless rings from the hardware store, but I’ve found that measuring like that is an imperfect science (Belle’s first Steelheart was way too big, both in the A-ring and tube length). For those who have not yet played with enforced chastity, my recommendation is to start with the CB-6000. It’s inexpensive (relatively) and allows lots of fit combinations to help you figure out the best sizing for you.

That said, I don’t think the CB6K is the most comfortable device. The A-ring in particular has nasty corners that dig too much during erections. Right now, the most comfortable device I wear is the Looker 02 (even with the urethral insert). The Jail Bird is a close second and would be just as good as the L02 if not for its open design at the end of the cage. The Steelheart, with a well fitted A-ring, would also rank pretty high.

SECURITY: The only really secure device (as defined as one you cannot get out of) is one that incorporates some type of piercing. Short of that, you want a device that feels secure. That’s, again, about fit. You want it to feel snug but not tight. Something that seems like a second skin until an erection comes along. The first Steelheart hung too low and was too heavy to feel like I couldn’t slip out at a moment’s notice without the PA fixing in place.

So, the best device in this department is the one that’s attached through your dick. I only wear one like that.

HYGIENE: The most hygienic device I currently wear (defined as the one that stays the cleanest after a day of normal urinating, etc.) is probably the Jail Bird. The Steelheart will always trap a small amount of urine even after the most thorough attempt to get it all out. Some guys seem really creeped out by that (it’s no big deal as long as you rinse it out at night). The Looker 02 has a tendency to retain urine in the urethral insert and therefore leaks after you’ve peed. The CB6K is about as good or bad as the Steelheart, but, since it’s plastic and not metal, it’s a bit harder to make thoroughly clean.

In any event, if the idea of dealing with lingering urine squicks you out, the JB is the way to go. Next best is the Steelheart, then the CB6K, then the Looker 02.

STEALTH: Stealth is defined by two metrics. Visibility and sound (as measured when wearing sweats or pajama pants, etc.). The Jail Bird with the security screw option is totally silent. The Looker 02 is nearly so. The Steelheart with the PA fixing and PA ring in place occasionally makes some noise, but not much. The CB-6000 was actually the noisiest due to the lock banging against the tube when I walked around. With regard to visibility, the CB6K (non-S version) was the most noticeable of all I’ve worn by far. The others are much less so (with the Looker 02 being the least visible), but of course, they’re all custom so YMMV.

SO…which is the best?

It’s a bit of a Sophie’s choice. They’re all good for different reasons. I guess, right now, if I could only wear one, I’d lean very slightly towards the Looker 02. Its tendency to trap urine in the tube is annoying but not a big deal for me. It’s super comfy and pretty fucking hot. However, if you’re new to a device, I still recommend the CB-6000 (probably the S version depending on your flaccid size). It’s a relatively inexpensive way to dabble and will help with figuring out sizing if you ever decide to go with steel.

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What the Google givith, the Google also taketh away

Recent invasion of Frenchman notwithstanding, I’ve noticed a definite and consistent drop in the amount of traffic this site’s been getting on an average day. I thought, OK, maybe the world has finally gotten tired of me. Bound to happen. I can take it…*sniff*

But no. It’s not you. It’s not even me. It’s Google.

I mentioned last year that my CB-6000 Tips and Tricks page had been slowly but steadily attracting more traffic to the site. I surmised that this might be due to an increase in general interest on the subject of chastity. Well, the party’s over. Well, maybe not over, but it’s not as much of a party as it once was. Well, maybe “party” is the wrong metaphor to use in any case. Well, why don’t I just show you the stuff?

Here’s an updated version of the number of views the CB6K page has received since it was published back in 2009:

Screen Shot 2013-10-31 at 3.14.29 PMNot very hard to see where the drop-off happened. However, that doesn’t look like a natural decrease. Something, I thought, must have changed suddenly and drastically. It was the Google. Last year, I was the third result listed organically when searching for “cb6000.” Today, I’m not even on the first page.

the googleA link to the tips and tricks aren’t found until the second page. So, for all you nascent interactive marketers out there, the difference between being on Google’s first page of results versus the second is…pretty big! It cut 75% of the traffic that page was getting.

On the one hand, you know, whatever. No skin of my nose. On the other hand, it’s somewhat concerning to see real content (inasmuch as I can refer to my site as “real content”) being replaced with a bunch of redundant shopping links and videos.

This is all the apparent result of Google’s new “Hummingbird” search algorithm which they put into service sometime in September. I won’t pretend to know all that that entails, but the results are pretty clear. The kind of content bloggers produce (at least when it comes to locking up penises in clear plastic) is not as valuable, Google surmises, as shopping links and videos.

And no, it’s no better over on Bing. In fact, it’s a little worse. Still on the second page, just a little lower down. Not that anybody uses Bing, of course…

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Mailbag

LadynMonkey asked…

Right now, I have hubby in an “off the shelf” bird cage until his Jail Bird is done. Unfortunately this means he is able to get a partial erection inside the current cage. I have made the decision to remove his cage for teasing when I an dragging our the teasing for hours. Do you feel this is a good idea? I mean how long can a guy be squashed in the cage turning deep reddish purple? It can’t be good to have him hard like that for 3 hours at a time, right?

Well…you might be asking the wrong guy that question. In my opinion, as long as nothing’s gone numb or turned blue, everything will be fine. I don’t know that I’ve ever been raging hard while locked up for three full hours, but I’ve spent many hours in that state (hundreds) with no ill effect.

The other thing I’d found is, with time, his dick will become “trained” and not get hard while locked up, even if he’s super turned-on. That happens to me all the time. The same situation will leave the penis tiny and flaccid while inside the cage and stiff as a board outside. The body adjusts.

So currently we are just getting to one week locked and denied but I’ve decided for the next few nights of tease sessions I’m going to remove the device for a couple hours and then he can lock back up when I’m done.

Whatever works for you guys. There’s no one right way. Some guys are always locked up, some only during the day, some for certain periods but not others. Find what’s good for you and don’t be afraid to try new things.

Also did/do you whine to Belle about the pain from getting an erection while caged and wince and complain “omg that hurts”? Do you want to be told to deal with it? Told poor baby all locked up and hard, that’s too bad I’m not letting you out?

Er, yeah. I whine. I want her to know I’m suffering and I want to hear her say that’s what I have to do. One hundred percent. As long as you’ve established a safe word or some other indication he can use when he really needs out for some reason, just tell him to suck it up. That’s what he probably wants to hear, too.

Devilsfan wrote…

It has been a long time(about 10 years)since I was last in chastity and I am kind of nervous..Any suggestions for someone who is returning to the lock and key after a long time away

Ten years is a long time ago in the world of chastity. What kind of device were you in back then? If you’re nervous, I’d go with one of the silicone jobs. They’re pretty tame. If you want to be a little more serious without breaking the bank, check out the CB-6000 (or CB-6000s).

You don’t say if you have a keyholder now or not. I’m curious about that. Also, why did you leave chastity? Did you have a bad experience? So many questions.

A reader named Joe and I have been corresponding. Several question came up…

I know what having blue-balls feels like (and rather enjoy the feeling for a day or two), are you in constant pain? If so, how do you deal with it – both physically and/or emotionally?

When I was being weaned off regular orgasms, there were times when my balls hurt like fuck. Seriously tender and sore. It would come in waves and, if I remember correctly, was associated with new record lengths of denial and after being edged and teased (or just left to stew after getting Belle off). Nice warm baths usually made me feel better. Eventually, though, whatever part of me that was hurting got used to it. I still have the occasional feeling of blue balls, but without the pain usually. Just a “full” feeling down in my sack. Like there’s a lot of stuff backing up. I suspect all this is what’s caused my balls to be bigger now than they used to be. Maybe the pain was just the various parts stretching out and becoming accustomed to not being regularly relieved of their contents.

So, physically, not that big of a deal anymore. Emotionally, it was really hard at first. There are so many more hormones in me and, oddly, they usually make me act out in a more stereotypically female way. I’m more sensitive, easier to feel slighted, quicker to anger, etc. All that emotional sensitivity would make me susceptible to feeling like a freak. I didn’t understand why I felt how I did or need what I needed and when it was difficult for Belle to interpret me, I felt it was all my fault. Lots of crying back then. Not anymore. We’re good now. I don’t feel like a freak (at least, not in a bad way). But I still have surges of high emotion. Still carry around those hormones.

Is the perceived permanent state of arousal a myth, or do you ALWAYS feel turned-on?

It is a bit of a myth. When you’re first starting out, you do feel it all the time. It’s a palpable high. Then you get to come and it all crashes down. Each denial and orgasm cycle, it takes just a bit longer to feel it again and the high isn’t as high. Eventually, you get to the point where the denial high requires longer and longer periods to build to a level where you can feel it. Past that is a different plane of existence. You find that even with no release, there are rhythms. I’ll go though periods of feeling intensely horny most of the time (going though one of those now). They last a couple to several days. I’ll can also go through periods when I feel almost asexual. Those are horrible. Luckily, they’re the least common. The most frequent feeling is one of having a hair trigger. I can go from zero to 80 in three seconds. So it’s not so much being horny all the time as it is being able to get REALLY horny REALLY quickly.

From the dates on your blog—and from what I’ve read thus far—you’ve been doing this a while. In all sincerity, do you miss: 1) the ability to orgasm, 2) the ability to achieve an erection, 3) anything about your sex life prior to the introduction of chastity?

1) Yes. But the five to ten seconds of bliss isn’t worth what I get in return for not coming. If I could somehow come and then take a pill to feel denied 15 minutes later, that would be perfect.

2) YES. I love having a full erection. But…I really fucking like how it feels to be locked up and constrained. I like rolling over in bed and feeling the steel shift and pull me around and how nice and hard it is to lay on and how it squishes the penis and how it’s always there in my pants and how sometimes, if anyone was looking, they’d be able to see it (if they knew what it was). I also love all that because it’s how she wants me to be. She’d rather I be locked up than free. That means a lot to me.

Since she keeps me locked up almost all the time now, I’ve come to feel that being locked up and constrained is normal and being floppy and free isn’t. A real erection is a treat (and usually associated with her wanting it). The stifled one is what I’m supposed to feel. Honestly, when she leaves me out for more than a couple days, I really miss the feeling of a tight and straining tube. It almost feels like I’m cheating. Like I’m being indulged.

3) The only thing I really miss is the ability to jack off whenever I want to. And I want to all the time. But it’s not just not allowed, it’s impossible since I hardly ever get out when she’s not around.

Was this an expected/desired outcome; i.e. that your interest be abated?

The only thing from which my interest has honestly abated is orgasm. All other interests of a sexual nature (ALL of them) are greatly enhanced.

There was no way I expected way back when the CB6K first landed at our door that five years later I’d always be locked up with no hope of coming. The desired outcome was a more fulfilling sex life and emotional connection with Belle. We got that. in spades. But I guess that’s how life is.

More Mailbag posts. Have a chastity question? Ask away.

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Chastity at the gym

Been in the Looker 02 recently. Couple of random observations regarding it and my thrice weekly personal trainer sessions.

  • He’s made me do Supermans recently (and today). This is a totally cake excercise for me usually, but, since I’m basically putting all my weight onto my hips, it ends up feeling like I’m being impaled on the L02’s urethral insert. The other day, I had to do them rolled out onto an exercise ball. Not painful, but like, “Oh, yeah. I’ve got this thing shoved up me. Right.”
  • Shoulder shrugs are a standing exercise where you lift a bar hanging down around your hips using your shoulder muscles (like a shrug, right?). No issues except for when, instead of sliding smoothing up and over as it would with an unencumbered penis, the bar gets caught by the rigid cage of the device and noticeably flips it up and then back down. It just looks in no way natural.
  • When you’re laying down on a bench doing decline crunches, the odd little lump in one’s workout shorts will often be visible. This can also happen when you’re doing any other kind of recumbent bench press, but is more pronounced when you’re laying in a position where your head is lower than your knees. In particular today, while doing barbell skull-crushers, the penis felt like it was moving down the insert while I was exercising (like, I could feel the insert sliding along inside the shaft of the penis), making the entire package at least feel a lot more present.
  • Occasionally, my sessions will end with my trainer stretching my hip flexors by laying me on a mat and pushing my knee forward into my chest while my other leg stays flat on the ground. Lots of stretchy crotch bits being stretchy and pulling the shorts flat along the line of my legs except, of course, for the bits that don’t stretch and just stand up all perky and weird. Bad enough, but worse when one of the other gym rats is standing there looking down at you and your trainer and chatting while your pronounced little bump sits there being pronounced. Worse yet when you’re wearing the only gray shorts you have rather than the black ones you normally wear and you notice that not only is the lump prominently visible, you can even see the bars on the sides of the L02’s cage and the ridge made by the device’s lock pressing through the material.

When I first started working out with this guy, the idea that my condition would be noticeable by him was mortifying. Now, even when I may be getting busted by other random gym goers, I just let it roll off me. I haven’t a clue what anyone thinks if they’re even noticing the weird little lumps and bumps (and I’m pretty sure they are) and I really don’t care. I’ve wondered if the trainer would ever bring it up and what I’d say if he did. He’s also Belle’s trainer. I think I’d probably come clean, but I don’t know for sure.

In any event, for the prospective chastity device wearer, all these things are totally doable while locked up. Doable while being as stealthy as possible? Maybe not so much.

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Mailbag

A couple of quickies.

Reader Rudi writes:

I’m reading your blog for some months. You’re doing a good job by writing about your feelings and the effects of the chastity thing on your relationship.

I read that you have children. They must sometimes feel your device, as they climb on your lap or you’re hugging them. Are you never afraid that they discover your secret?

Sure I am. I try to keep things situated so that unintended contact with oddly hard bulges is as unlikely as possible. My son’s 14 and can barely bring himself to acknowledge my paternity most days and has quickly mastered the fine art of the bro hug, so he’s not a problem. My daughter is 10 and likes to hug and snuggle so, when standing, I usually turn my hip into her and hug her kind of sideways. Whenever I’m in bed or sitting or whatever and she comes in, I’ll shift my legs or place the TV remote next to the device or otherwise make contact harder and/or plausibly explained by something else. I’ve even gone so far as to move her hand if it gets too close. The girl can be quick, though, and I know she’s hit it before, though it wasn’t more than a glancing brush.

Keeping them out of our sex life is one of the reasons I like silent devices. Integrated locks and lighter PA jewelry make a big difference.

Bob bloviated:

Having been locked into my metal cage for a few weeks I’m starting to find out some of its flaws.

Did you ever find yourself chafing at areas where the cage/ring was deep in folds of your skin?  How did you combat both moisture & chafing?

Chafing is minimized by using a persistent silicone-based lubricant like System Jo Premium. I know a lot of sites (and even some manufacturers) call for water-based lubes, but it dries too quickly and then it’s useless. Others promote the use of petroleum jelly, but I found that to be too sticky. A small dab of JO under the balls at night and in the AM after I shower is all I need. I don’t even use that all the time when I’m in the Jail Bird or Looker (the rings are little bigger).

Which, of course, leads to fit. It could be your A-ring is a little too tight. Assuming your balls don’t turn purple and go numb when you get hard-ons, it might only be a little too tight (like Belle’s Steelheart). If it’s tight, lubrication is more important.

Another thing to consider is support. I can get some irritation like you describe if I go commando (not enough support) or wear tight underwear (too much support). I really like John Sievers Natural Pouch styles. It’s the Goldilocks underwear.

With regard to moisture, are you talking outside the device or inside? Looking at your blog, you appear to have an open cage device, so you’re probably talking about moisture outside. I make sure I dry very well after showering. I don’t generally have issues, but find that when I’m in wet conditions a lot (like on the boat or by the pool or whatever) it can get uncomfortable. Again, it’s about fit. The tighter the A-ring, the greater the issues.

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More mailbag

This, from reader AB, came in right after I posted the last one:

After ordering an ill fitting Steelheart, I’ve bought the sizing rings from Mature Metal to try out some “mock” chastity. I’ve been wearing a larger ring around the base of my cock, which is tied onto another ring around the bottom of my shaft. I think i have a good size picked now due to fact that when flaccid, it’s almost unnoticeable, yet doesn’t move around.

My question to you is in regards to getting hard in chastity. When i get hard (and i do get fully erect without a cage to contain it), my junk has a dull ache, not quite pain, but almost, and the skin turns purple-ish (not flesh damaging extreme, but obviously showing that the cockring is too tight when erect).

Is this a normal part of the chastity experience? I’m imagining that this is why guys have trouble sleeping, but just want to be sure before shelling out more cash for a new device.

Your description of the sizing set-up reminds me of the Double Cockring I got from Steelworxx. With that, I ended up ordering the penisring (which is what Steelworxx calls the ring that…wait for it…goes around the penis!) to be just about the same size as the erect penis shaft (maybe just a tad smaller). I wanted to feel some grip, but not have the throbbing and purplish thing. 

Remember, though, when the penisring is attached to a chastity tube, you’re not going to get fully erect. Not even close. In my experience, the penisring and tube shouldn’t be any bigger around (or longer) than the normal size of your flaccid member. You don’t want to give it more room than that so as to avoid the issue you’re describing. I mean, yeah, it’ll still throb because it’ll be locked into a steel trap, but in a good way, and, as I’ve said before, smaller tubes and cages are more comfortable overall than bigger ones. I know for a fact that the penis on me doesn’t get purple in the Jail Bird, for example, but I know it would if the cage wasn’t there to keep shit under control.

Also, regarding your cages, does the jailbird have any of the pull out pins, and if so, what is your review on them.

Never messed around with them. I did use something similar in concept with the CB6K. They made the device a lot more uncomfortable (not always in the bad way) and perhaps made it a little teenie bit harder to pull out, but not much. A soapy soft penis can get out of any predicament. I’d think of them more of a CBT thing than a security thing, but I invite other readers who have used them to chime in.

in your SH-s, how much space did you leave to accommodate for the PA, as well as the tube size (with the addition of the PA fixing)

I think you’re asking how much additional space I left in the tube for the PA. Not much. The different devices measure tube and cage length differently, but if you see the comparisons of Belle’s SH-S and Jail Bird, the usable space inside them appears to be about a quarter inch different. I certainly wouldn’t allow for more than that.

Are you going to try wearing a PA with the JB? I find I can’t do that due to pinching. I also can’t use it for security with the JB for the same reason.

And finally, you blog is so hot. I would gladly suck your cock and let you lick my armpits.

You’d be sucking steel, but that could be hot, too. The armpit thing we might be able to work out, depending on how Belle feels about it. In either event, thanks for the compliment!

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Mailbag

Reader thehonourmethod opined:

I’ve been following your blog for some years now. I think you have a very refreshing outlook on male sexuality, one that chimes with my own experiences over the same period.

I too came to this ‘male chastity’ experience following an infidelity (well, several, actually). I introduced my then-partner to the concept at the same time as a full confession. In retrospect I overdid it and only ended up hastening the end of that relationship. Still, it was an interesting experience, hopefully for her as well as for me.

It’s pretty easy to overdo things at the beginning, idnit?

One of the things that I discovered during this rather turbulent period of my intimate life was that, although I came to the concept of ‘male chastity’ as an ostensible ‘cure’ for infidelity, it quickly became apparent (both to myself and to my then-partner) that it was actually just another way of me obtaining sexual gratification at her expense. Albeit, not ‘gratification’ in the traditional sense. But you know all about that…

In my opinion, chastity play (especially the long term flavor Belle and I employ) is an advance relationship technique. It’s not a cure to infidelity all by itself. I reject that notion mostly because stock chastity devices are so easy to defeat. The only cure to infidelity is to address the issues that led to it in the first place (or restructure your relationship to allow for outside activities so it’s not being unfaithful). I think the communication and openness necessary to do chastity well is exactly the kind of infidelity-snuffing thing I’m talking about, but the resulting chastity play is the effect of the cure, not the cause of it.

When I subsequently got together with one of the ladies I’d met during my ‘summer of love’, I wanted to keep this concept going but without the more disturbing implications (e.g. that if she didn’t lock me into a chastity device I’d probably cheat on her).

I’ve got a feeling that your relationship with ‘Belle’ is quite unique in the sense that this dynamic is genuinely present but you are also capable of genuine mutual intimacy.

I did buy my current partner a chastity device to lock her cock in but, although she found it very amusing – charming even – , there’s not the slightest chance of her ever taking it seriously as lifestyle accessory.

Why is that? I ask only because there was a time when Belle didn’t take the devices all that seriously (or even liked them that much), but she does now. At least as seriously as I do. She’s not into them for the sheer gear-heady gadget lust reasons I am, but she totally appreciates their purpose and role.

What I’m wondering is, what do you think about the role of the actual ‘device’? Is it ‘just’ a kind of metaphor, which is used to represent and provide a talking point for the kinky / intimate nature of your relationship, or does it play an ‘actual’ role, without which the dynamic would no longer work?

I ask because my partner and I are currently in a ‘long-distance’ phase of our relationship and I find that our intimate communication is enhanced if I act ‘as if’ her cock were locked into a chastity device, even though it isn’t.

There are two main problems about this. The first is that, although I am now three weeks in and only have another month to hold out until I see her again, there may be a moment of weakness. I really don’t want to have to confess that I have failed in my mission; even worse to keep it a secret (I do sometimes neglect to tell her about infractions, although I am always truthful if asked).

The second is that, although the whole beauty of the dynamic that is thus set up is due to our increased intimate long-distance communication (especially concerning her tell me about her sexual dreams, flirtations or – in a perfect world – orgasms), sometimes she tends to forget or ignore what I’m going through, assuming that it is as easy for me to simply refrain from sexual activity as it apparently is for her.

My question to you is: would you consider a ‘male chastity’ relationship dynamic that didn’t rely on a physical device to be ‘more ideal’ than one that did? Could you imagine discarding the reliance on devices and simply using her word instead? Would the dynamic be enhanced or destroyed by taking such a step? Or do you think I should renew my efforts to persuade Her to take responsibility for our intimate communication in this dynamic by ‘requiring me’ to wear a device?

I hope to hear back from you! Either way, keep up the good work!

The perennial question. On the one hand, if you don’t use a device, you’re not really in chastity. On the other, if you need one, you’re a pathetic sub with self-control issues.

We’ve done it both ways. Obviously, we mostly do it with the device. I like it better and so does Belle. For me, it’s a talisman representing her power and my position. Also, I’m into bondage and like the, well, bondage. I like feeling my erection compressed and fighting the steel. I like feeling the heft of it swing around as I move and have grown to prefer the feeling of my balls being kept orderly by the A-ring. I’ve talk about it kinda recently.

When I’m on my own recognizance, the entire thing has a different texture. It’s much more distracting since the penis is always there and often reminding me of the fact. It’s more likely to respond to stimuli and I’m forced to engage more willpower. I won’t say one way is better than that other as a way to do orgasm denial  (no, you can’t force me), but for me, no device is a lot harder. We have chosen the enforced brand of chastity for us. It’s just a better fit, so to speak.

You say you’ve already cheated (not on the relationship, I mean the no diddling thing). You don’t volunteer this information, but admit it when asked. To me, that says you need the help of a physical device. Your “first line of defence” device (ie, your brain) isn’t yet up to the task of controlling your dick. Honestly, I can’t even imagine trying to be good (ie, not playing with it, let alone resisting orgasm) when separated from her for weeks or months at a time. It would be nearly impossible for me, I think, so I don’t say this with any kind of judgement.

So how about this. How about, when you’re away from her, you’re in a device, but when you’re not, you’re not. She doesn’t have to see it or deal with it or anything. All she has to do is hold the key. That way, you’re less likely to cheat (but unless you’re pierced, even that will still be possible) and get to enjoy the feeling of being kept. Tell yourself you’re doing it because she told you to. Don’t let your brain fuck around with the chicken and egg conundrum. Just don’t do it. If she buys off on this idea, you will be locked up because she told you to be. Period.

I’d also advise trying to get to the bottom of her not taking the device seriously as a “lifestyle accessory.” Does she know they come in sexier finishes? Belle didn’t really get into the devices until the first metal one came along. If she’s really GGG about all this and it’s no skin off her nose either way, it seems like you should be able to come to some agreement about it. Perhaps, in time, she’ll come to appreciate what the device can help you bring to the relationship, just like Belle. Maybe someday, she won’t even think of letting you be alone with your dick all free and floppy. But you can’t get there until you impress upon her how you feel about it and how important it may be to you.

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Houdini style

Some of you may be paying sufficient attention (or have sufficient interest) to recognize that my Belle has a bit of a pattern: I usually get extended free time over holidays. One might think this is because she’s feeling generously moved by the holiday spirit or something but I think it’s mostly because she’s more relaxed at those times and wants easier access to the device’s contents. In either event, the recent long holiday weekend here in the US was one of those opportunities for freedom. Except this time, we drove several hours to the familiar retreat in the woods only to find the means to my escape was left at home. And, really, it was all my fault.

Let’s back that up. A week or so before the holiday, Belle had let me out so she could fuck me. Weekend releases used to be multi-day affairs, but now she’s more inclined to let me out the morning of and put my back in that same day. On this particular day, she told me she wanted to “change my outfit” (meaning a different device sprinkled in). I had been in the Steelheart for months (with only these day or two releases) and she wanted a different look. In the past, even if I knew her intentions to lock me up by a certain day, I’d wait for a direct order to do so or for her to bring me the device she wanted me in. But this time, I took the initiative to follow the spirit of what she told me. I went to the pouch in which she keeps her three steel devices and selected the Jail Bird. She hadn’t told me which one she wanted but I picked it anyway.

The Jail Bird, you’ll remember, is secured with a screw, not a lock. Instead of a key, it has a special bit that fits the security screw’s odd head. You can’t screw it in or unscrew it with any off-the-shelf screwdriver. I found the JB in her device pouch along with both the little bits and put it on and placed the bits back in the pouch so nothing would get lost. Then, later in the day, when Belle grabbed my crotch and started to tell me it was time to go in, she was happily surprised that I had already taken care of it. She was even going to pick the Jail Bird, so all was copesetic.

But.

I didn’t follow the typical ritual. That is, she brings me the device and key (or key-like thing) and I go and put it on and bring her back the key-like thing when it’s over. This time, I left the key-like thing in the pouch. Mistake. My fault.

While we were getting ready for the long weekend, it occurred to me a few times to ask her if she wanted me out while we were gone and, if so, to remember to get the key-like thing, but this time, I didn’t want to appear presumptuous. I try not to expect release and don’t ask for it and am totally satisfied being out of the decision-making loop. And I figured she knew what I was in and what it would take to get me out. So, when the moment came when Belle wanted to use the contents, she plopped the Steelheart key next to me on the bed. And the situation we were in became instantly clear. She had forgotten how the Jail Bird was different in the only way that mattered at that moment.

Of course, we had sex anyway, but the penis didn’t get wet (except at the tip and all down my balls where it leaked like a motherfucker). She really wanted it and I felt bad that my screw-up was denying her, the person who’s not supposed to be denied anything. At some point, I realized I could probably break out of it. Of course, it’s not a lock. Had it been, I’d have been screwed (well, you know, figuratively). But it was just a little screw with a weird head. I had a plan.

To be clear, I asked Belle for permission to try and break out. And that fact that I could even consider this is one of the things some folks don’t like about the Mature Metal security screw option. It’s not actually that secure (which is why some guys order their JBs with an extra hole in the post next to the screw where they can affix one of those little numbered plastic lock thingies to ensure accountability). All I had to do was go and find a pair of needle-nose pliers. I was able to grip the head of the screw sufficiently to turn it with the pliers and, just a few minutes later, handed Belle the screw. I was out and stayed that way for the rest of the weekend. It’s possible, had the screw been more tightly turned, that I wouldn’t have been able to escape. But it wasn’t, so there I was.

After that, the penis got good and wet. I was even able to hold my shit together sufficiently to allow to get off on it. Everyone was happy.

When it was time to go back into the Jail Bird back, I made sure to screw it on nice and tight.

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The book

I’ve decided to write a book about male chastity and orgasm denial. There, I said it.

I have hesitated to embark on this endeavor for a couple of reasons. One, I like to start things but I don’t always like to finish them (for example). I figured if I ever told you people about the book I’d have to deal with the occasional, “How’s the book going?” thing which, while an innocent enough question, is a poisonous thing for a habitual procrastinator to hear. Second, I have a problem with the idea of writing the guide to this stuff. I have a very deep yet narrow experience set and I don’t think it’s necessarily applicable to everyone else looking to explore this kink. I’ve never really felt entirely comfortable being thought of as an authority, though I’ve kinda let go of that by asserting in the introduction exactly that: My experiences are my own, my opinions are my own, take them for what they’re worth (which is apparently whatever the book ends up costing), maybe it’ll work for you, maybe it won’t.

I expect I’ll release it as a Kindle book. Maybe iBooks, too. Maybe even as a Lulu print-on-demand thing. Minimally, it’ll be on Kindle. One of many questions I may have for you, my readers, as this goes along is how much you think I should sell it for? I have a price in my head, but I’m looking for some other opinions.

The next thing I want to ask, as I get into the planning and structuring of it, is what kinds of things would you want to see in it? I assume there’ll be all the practical gearhead chastity nerdery stuff that I’ve already regurgitated all over the blog, but what else? Again, I have my own ideas about this, but I think now’s a better time to ask for input than after I’m almost done with it.

Finally, there’s how this will relate to the blog. I expect a couple of things. One, I probably won’t be updating it quite as often while writing since all my energy for that will be going into the book (I guess that all depends on how my room full of monkeys with typewriters experiment goes and how how many monkeys I can procure). Who knows, though. Second, I will never (ever) make this blog nothing but a front-end sales pitch to the book. Promise. I’ll probably have some kind of element that promotes the book here, but I don’t see this being a giant hand reaching into your bank account. Third, it’s entirely possible that laying this giant thing onto the world will end up being some kind of dénouement for the blog. I’m already sometimes feeling like my tank is running low and there’s just not a ton of reasons for me to do this, but then again, I can’t imagine not doing it. I’ve tried blogging elsewhere about other subjects, but so far, I can’t stop doing this. I don’t say this to encourage a bunch of “BUT WE LOVE YOU!!” kind of comments, so please, don’t. I’m just sayin’ I can’t know how I’ll feel about blogging on this particular subject once the opus has landed. If it ever lands, of course. Blogging, in general, is a better way for someone like me to write in that I don’t like the idea of a big commitment, don’t want to plan much, and would rather say whatever I want whenever I want to, not according to some master layout.

Finally finally, has anyone reading this written a book on a subject like this? Or any subject, I guess. Any pointers? How did you approach it? What would you do differently if you had it to do over?

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Random Jail Bird thoughts

Belle’s had me in the Jail Bird for the past couple of weeks for the first time in a long time. She’s made the Steelheart her main axe lately but seems to enjoy being able to poke and prod the penis through the JB’s bars and seeing it all bunched up and straining against its confinement.

In any event, having it on for a while has reacquainted me to some notable attributes of the device and a few other things worth mentioning…

  • The darn thing really is pretty comfortable. I continue to think the oval ring option is a great idea and one I think other device makers should offer. When we eventually get around to sending the Steelheart back for a new (slightly larger) A-ring, I’m going ask if they can make it oval.
  • The comfort of the device is evident in how much better I can sleep in it. It wakes me up during the early morning penile pressure check only about 30% of the time whereas the Steelheart (with it’s approximately 2 mm smaller ring) wakes me up more like 75% of the time (more often when I first get into it and less often the longer she keeps it on me). I assume this is due to the slightly larger ring circumference but also that it’s double-width and wider than any other A-ring I wear.
  • Darn thing feels really light. It’s about 20 grams (or about 10%) lighter than the Steelheart, but it feels like more.
  • So much easier to clean.
  • As I noted in my original review of it, there’s one annoying thing that’s just endemic to the design. The cage is made up of four bars: two that go along the top of the penis shaft, around the tip, and then back up the bottom and two more that make the same shape along the sides of the penis shaft. This makes a neat little square that’s more or less where the slit is at the end of the penis. All of this is fine and dandy, but I find that the end of the penis doesn’t stay lined up with that square. For whatever reason, it always shifts to the left a bit and the penis opening clomps onto the bar on that side of the square like a bear in the zoo trying to chew through its cage. Here’s an image of the clomping in action. Not a big deal normally. It only requires a moment of pinky prodding to get stuff aligned before taking a leak (otherwise, it’s radom spray pattern city). The problem comes in when the forgivingly supportive underwear I normally wear while in the Steelheart allows the JB and its occupant to move around somewhat freely in my pants. If the penis is anything other than totally flaccid, that bit of penismeat that’s left inside the square will be seemingly randomly get pinched against some combination of the underwear fabric, the seams of my jeans, and the steel of the device. That fucking hurts. Like, “FUCKWHATWASTHAT!?” kind of hurt. I find that I can’t just adjust the device to make the pinching stop. I need to shift the penis somehow. Not easily done in a casual way while in the presence of others. The way to keep this from happening as often, I’ve found, is to wear more restrictive (and concealing) underwear. It forces the device to stay situated more or less in a downward position, keeps the package from moving around as much, and the little meat flap doesn’t get pinched.
  • Finally (and this doesn’t have much to do with the device itself), my nuts are definitely getting bigger. I assume this is due to extended lack of orgasms. I can tell because of how differently it feels putting them through the various A-rings and cock rings we have. With the Steelheart, there is now always a definite moment of marked wincing as each pops though. However, if you look at the picture of me used in my review of the JB from last August compared to the image I linked to from today at the beginning of this post, they’re just fucking bigger. Maybe it’s not the testicles themselves that have grown. Perhaps it’s the epididymis or the vas deferens enlarging due to infrequent evacuation of their contents. Hard to know, but it’s a real thing and useful to know only in that it has an impact on how steel devices fit over time. I assume this is why the Steelheart’s A-ring (the oldest in Belle’s “fleet”) feels so much tighter than it used to.