Tag: chastity

Posted on

Mailbag

Adam made this comment to my CB-6000 tips and tricks page:

hi thumper. sorry for the weird question but, not sure if i missed it but was there any advice you can give please about dealing with the emotional side of being locked in chastity? how to cope/deal with…… not sure how to explain just really struggling here and only been in cb6000 just over 3 days now. lol. very inexperienced. been feeling really anxious etc.

In a way, this whole blog is about that. But since that’s a lot of reading, let me try and summarize.

First and foremost, being locked up is supposed to be fun, hot, sexy, etc. It is not supposed to be anxiety-inducing (well, not the bad kind of anxiety anyway). If you’re not having fun or feeling hot and/or sexy, STOP.

Second, you don’t mention if this is something you’re doing with yourself or a partner. If with a partner, you need to talk it out with them. Was this their idea or yours? Or a joint venture? What were you hoping you’d feel versus what you’re feeling. Try and suss out why it makes you anxious (assuming it’s more than just being really horny which can be enough, I know). I guess what I’m saying is, if this is a dynamic you’re trying out with your partner, they need to be part of the solution.

If it’s something you’re trying by yourself, then take the damned thing off and have an orgasm. When we first started, I could barely go 24 hours being denied. The day after I didn’t come for the first time I was bouncing off the walls. I had to build up to days at a time before days turned to weeks then months. There’s an adjustment period your body has to go through as it processes the hormonal load that usually dissipates after orgasms. So don’t try and jump right to advanced denial. Walk before you run.

Now, all that said, sometimes chastity is supposed to be really frustrating. Sometimes it’s about the struggle of coping with the anxious edge of being locked up and separated from your dick and horny as hell and totally controlled. Just like other types of sadomasochism (because that’s what enforced chastity is), there’s both a good and evil side. Pain can be a total turn on or a terrible turn off. Same pain in the same place administered in the same way, opposite results. Same with chastity. You need to be in the right frame of mind when you enter into it or close enough that the fact it’s happening can coax you over the line. But if you’re freaked out to begin with, it’s not going to work. Good luck!

Alex mused:

Hey Thumper, love your blog! My girlfriend and I have been reading it for a while and just purchased our first chasity device. The Holy Trainer 2. We got the clear normal sized one. Took a couple try’s to get it on. However, whenever it’s on, it protrudes 1-2 inches from my body. Basically pulling the whole device with my balls/penis away. And the pelvic area that protrudes is hard tissue, but not due to being aroused as I had just orgasmed to help that issue. Any advice?

Hmm. That sounds like you’ve got an erection. Pretty typical stuff when sporting wood. If that’s not the case, is it too tight? Are your balls cold and blue? (BTW, cold and blue is a bad thing.) Is your flaccid penis six inches long? You’ve stumped me on that one. Readers?

Had the following exchange with someone getting pinched in their tube by their PA ring:

Hi Thumper – I just received my new Steelworxx CB-Zero and thought you would like to see – http://fetlife.com/users/667861/pictures/34437364

Dims – 45mm Ring, 31mm cage, 82mm length

Fits very well – except night time erections are OUCHHHHHHHH!!! I believe it is pinching between the open rings – basically feels like cloths pins.  Hopefully time will help this a bit, but if this continues I will probably send a message to Dietmar to get a steelheart cage and just use the CB-Zero cage for when my wife wants that one on.  (She loves the look of this cage and having the ever so slight view of what’s going on inside.)

I think there might be some pinching with the PA fixing also – I’m using a 5/8″ 8ga smooth segment ring.  It’s really difficult to tell – do you have any advice on the PA fixing and preventing pinching and/or twisting?

Before I had a chance to reply, he added:

Hey Thumper – I sent you a message yesterday and I wanted to follow up.

I believe I determined the source of the “pinching” with the PA fixing.  I believe the segment ring is getting pushed into the top of the urethra during an attempted erection.  There must just not be enough room in the tip of the cage with the glands and segment ring.  Have you ever heard of this compliant with a Steelworxx device utilizing a captive bead or smooth segment ring?

And I said…

I was going to say it was the ring. I have a segment ring and can’t wear it for the same reason, either in or out of the SH. I’d try a captive bead ring. That’s what I use. Even though my piercing is a 4ga I wear an 8ga ring because it takes up less room in the tube. 

He replied…

Any idea what the difference between the smooth segment ring and captive bead ring is?  Is it lower profile on the bead side?

Me…

In my experience, the edges of the segment ring can be too sharp (and you have four of them). The ball ring has nothing but smooth surfaces. Nothing to bother the very tender tissue inside the urethra. 

I find that my segment ring has exposed edges and those edges are sharp as fuck. I really like the look of a segment ring, but I can’t wear it at all. Captive ball rings FTW.

That’s all, folks. Happy new year!

Posted on

Mailbag

A dude calling himself shinycell asked:

I’ve been a lurker for a few years and finally ordered a Steel Heart with CB fix and anatomical ring. It is awesome. My wife loves it and what it does. Oh… I love it too.

I’ve had it since May and find that after about a week, with her daily teasings, I get a crazy pinching between the A ring and tube…on both sides of the tube. that bunch of skin gets trapped between. It gets pretty bad to break skin and I have to go without til it heals.

I can tell that my scrotum gets pretty full after a week. Not a blue swelling, but just a fullness. It goes away after I take the tube off.

I’m wondering if you’ve had a similar experience with the pinching. I was thinking, haven’t tried, if the fullness would go away with a milking :). The A ring is a 50 and I’ve worn cockrings that size for weeks without the fullness, so I don’t think it’s too small.

No, I don’t think your ring is too small. It sounds like the space between the ring and the tube is. Did you go with the standard gap or change it? For me, the standard spacing was fine, but you might need to have Dietmar tweak it. Also, did you get the vaguely named “stainless steel ring?” The Steelheart I wear has that. It’s supposed to make the edge of the ring not so sharp. Perhaps he could add that if you don’t have it already.

WRT to milking, that would relieve buildup from your prostate, not your balls. I’m very familiar with the swelling you’re talking about. Pretty sure that’s unused testicular product backing up in the epididymis. In fact, that swelling is pretty obvious in this picture I posted to Tumblr earlier today. It would definitely get pinched by a tube with either too sharp an edge or too small a spacing (or both).

Aaaaand, that’s it. Thought I had more, but all the rest either needed no reply or were simple email replies.

Posted on

The Stocking Method

I mentioned the other day that I was going to be wearing the Holy Trainer v2 for a while in order to write up a review of it. The tube of the small HTv2 is fairly tight (about an inch high and maybe an inch and a third wide) and squishing an octopus-like flaccid penis into it is rather tricky. This is compounded by the unique nature of the biosourced resin used in the device. It’s softer and grippier on the surface than the kind of polycarbonate used in a device like the CB-6000 (though nothing as soft and grippy as silicone).

In any event, a device such as this requires employment of the venerable “stocking method” of penis insertion. Just clip the end off an old pair of women’s stockings (or a very thin pair of men’s stocks, I suppose) and do what I do in this video.

[wpvideo xyqoMprX]

The benefit of the stocking method is it puts the end of the penis about as far as it’ll go into the device. In the HTv2 (perhaps due to the sticky nature of the resin used), this means it will stay down in there pretty well and not sneak back up the tube. I find this makes urinating easier and may even help keep things cleaner.

The full review will likely be posted in a week or so.

Posted on

Running man, continued

Earlier today, I said:

My preference would be to wear some running tights. They would offer some compression which helps with things like shin splints while also keeping me from getting cold when I run through the shadowy bits of my route (also, I think my legs look pretty fucking hot in them). Alas, the Steelheart isn’t made for that kind of thing. It’s not only plainly visible (which, all by itself, isn’t really enough to cause me not to wear them), but it gets pushed awkwardly to one side and I can’t imagine that would be comfortable on mile four.

After I wrote that, I went to Dick’s Sporting Goods (because of course) and found my Goldilocks running tights. Seems they received some new pairs and/or reconfigured their floor so they were easier to find, but right there in the middle of all the other Nike running stuff were a few pegs with a different style of tights. The standard pairs, as I said, have a seam running right down the middle of the crotch forcing hard steel tubes to choose sides, but this new pair, besides being made of a cooler looking patterned material, has two seams that run down each leg into the crotch. Here’s a photo of me in the Steelheart in these wonderful tights:

tightness

Not, too bad. I mean, that could be a real penis. Sorta. If you didn’t have anything to compare it to, that is…

Of course I took a comparison picture. Are you new here? As you can see below, even when not sporting steel, these tights leave little to the imagination. You can even just barely make out the PA ring I’m wearing (it’s the big one — 4ga) in the top shot. The fabric pulled across the tube down below even lets a little of the steel’s sheen show through.

au natural vs secureHaving been left out by Belle following this morning’s sex (she came, of course, and I didn’t, of course), I was able to take these out for a run absent the Steelheart. I assume passers by were able to see the free meat moving around, but then again, the same was true for each of the other guys I passed who were wearing something similar. If letting the world see an outline of your package was an issue for them, then they wouldn’t be wearing this. Natch. You can guess how I feel about it.

The pants were great. I was warm even though there was a stiff wind and the lack of flapping material made me feel faster (and I put in my best 5k time, so maybe it was more than just a feeling). Since my comfort will likely not be impacted by these were I to run with a device on, I’m sure I will next time I take to the trail and it’s cold enough to warrant them.

And yeah, I do think my legs look pretty awesome in them. 😉

Posted on

Rings

On the subject of the significance of a chastity device, I just said:

Of course, it is a sex toy. But the “only” part doesn’t really do it justice. It’s a sex toy that represents something larger. It represents a level of commitment equal to, say, a collar in any other D/s dynamic. While it’s hard to wear a collar in public, it’s relatively easy to wear a chastity device. I think the drive to find the perfect device that can be worn in all situations and at all times stems from those who, like me, see it both as a physical restraint ensuring her control and as a symbolic expression of how significant and profound the changes wrought by denial and chastity can be on a relationship.

I’m thinking hard on this today (pardon the pun) since I’m about to take off on a week away from Belle in the wilderness. She’s let me out this time around (though I’ve done it before locked up). Sometimes I don’t want the device on. I like being free. More often, I don’t. Part of that is driven by the unique Venn diagram of kinks that makes up who I am but it’s more than that.

There are two ways one can integrate chastity into their lives. One is purely tactical. That is, they wear a device during a specific scene but don’t all the rest of the time. I’d guess these guys typically come at the end of their play. The other way is more strategic. That is, the device is employed as part of something larger. Neither is right or wrong or better than another, obviously. Also, I admit to simplifying. There’s as many ways to do sex as there are people. 

In any event, ours is the strategic approach. Belle locks me up because that’s how we live in our D/s dynamic and we both like how being locked up and not having regular orgasms changes my personality and the way that improves our relationship. I’ve given her this control over me and, even though there’s this steel thing involved, being true to our dynamic is mostly in my hands. That is, I could cheat. I could find ways. I could come without her knowing. But I don’t. I’ve made a significant commitment to her. She decides when I come and when the penis is free. 

The way we do it is in conjunction with our healthy marriage. It’s not a pathway to a healthy marriage. You don’t fix your relationship with chastity. You get to do chastity because you’re relationship is already fixed. 

I take my commitment to her very seriously. That’s why I find so much significance in the devices she locks onto me. As I said, they’re both physical and symbolic. Not unlike a wedding ring. In the same way I feel naked without my wedding ring, I feel naked (most of the time) without her device locked onto me. I resent not being able to wear it. 

In a comment to my last post, Tom called out those guys who wear their devices into gym showers, etc. I don’t think that’s cool, personally, but I do understand the desire to let the world know about my commitment to Belle and our relationship. I think that’s human nature. I’d guess a lot of these locked-up gym goers are exposing their states for different reasons, but there’s a big part of me what wishes we didn’t live in society where chastity and what it can represent is so…weird. 

Anyway, I won’t be in any device, but I will try keeping the old locking cock ring on while I’m gone. Not at all the same experience, but the symbology is the same. At least to me.

Posted on

The sporting life

Venerable chastity blogger Tom (I bet he just loves being called “venerable”) expounded on something the other day I’ve been meaning to get back to for a little while: Chastity and exercise.

His opening bit about looking for the perfect device that allows for movement and comfort yet is inescapable and undetectable and light and cheap and perfectly hygienic and sexy and not actually carved from a block of solid unobtanium was pretty funny to me because it is how a lot of guys are, especially when they start out, and not entirely unlike how I was at one time. While new devices are still intriguing to me, I’ve got enough time under my belt (ahem) to know the Goldilocks device just isn’t out there. But I digress…and we’re only on the second paragraph.

Tom’s post (and apparently this one) was about how one exercises and stays active from the point of view of a person invested in “the chastity lifestyle.” His ultimate advice is fairly simple:

After a dozen or more years of reading chastity oriented groups, it occurred to me that I don’t remember anyone saying something like “It’s not a life-support system, it’s only a sex toy. Just take the damn thing off for an hour, why don’t you?”

Tom is an eminently reasonable fellow. Very Spock, in a way. I find his point of view to often be practical and not especially emotional. That’s not a bad thing. Not at all. But it’s a difference between he and I. I’m more…I don’t know. I don’t want to say emotional, though I am that. I’m more sentimental. I’m more idealistic, perhaps. And I think enforced chastity is emotional more than it’s practical.

In any event, I recall back to when I started doing the regular gym thing. Got a trainer and everything. I can’t recall at the moment which device I was in at that time (probably the Steelheart), but I do recall suggesting to Belle I might need to have an easily accessible key in order to take the device off while working out. She wouldn’t have any of that. I had to see my trainer (actually, trainers since I was handed off to one of three people including a 6’5″ West African and a tight lesbian kick-boxer) locked up. I don’t know if it was that she didn’t trust me to have access to the penis or if she just didn’t want to break the dynamic. Maybe both.

At the time, I was terrified. Gyms are pretty masculine places and I’ve never been good in especially masculine situations. Now she was telling me I was going to need to go into that wearing flimsy gym clothes and an odd, hard bulge in my crotch. The solution to this predicament was two-fold. One, I bought some compression shorts. Second, I chilled the fuck out.

In actual fact, I have found no physical reason to be out of a steel device (even with part of it shoved up inside me) while working out at the gym. I’ve done just about every kind of weight-related excercise possible now and there are only a few times it’s even marginally an issue. Tom mentions deadlifts and that’s one example, but I’ve never feared for my safety. All that happens is sometimes the bar will catch on the device rather than sliding smoothly over it like it would with a natural penis. The other time it comes into play is when I’m doing any exercise involving laying on my stomach (like supermans — especially interesting in the Looker 02).

There’s really only two reasons to be unlocked when in the gym and, IMO, they’re both mental. One is you just can’t bear the idea of someone seeing your state and knowing you’re locked up. So much is written about stealth in chastity. It’s one of main things guys want to know about when discussing a new device. How well can it be hidden? Is it visible through jeans? On the one hand, I get that. I do. But on the other, I’m really far removed from caring anymore if some random person sees something out of place between my legs.

Case in point. My current trainer (the only of the original three I liked) has had a neophyte trainer shadowing him for a few weeks. She just sits off to the side while he works with his clients. The first time she was present when I was working out also happened to be when the only clean gym shorts I had available was a light gray pair that is the worst at hiding any kind of protrusion or steel, even in compression shorts. At some point, he had me doing a decline sit-up. With my legs hooked over the end of a declined bench, my shirt pulls up a bit, the shorts lay flat, and whatever’s between my legs becomes its most visible.

C’est la fuckin’ vie.

What are these people going to think? I can tell you, “chastity device” is not even on their list. Most muggles have never even heard of the things. And for those who have? Who can put two and two together? I don’t care. I’m not ashamed. On the contrary. Probably what someone uninitiated with chastity devices (and the hidden kink all around them in general) would think is that I had a really big cock (which is what the Steelheart looks exactly like under clothes). Most men would welcome that, I think.

The second mental reason not to wear it would be the issue of forcibly involving others into your sex life. You could argue (as I have with myself) that any time the device is visible I am risking exposing something about myself to others without their consent that they probably don’t want to know. My rationalization is that I can’t always hide the device, most people will have no idea what it is even if they see it, and I do nothing to be excessively exhibitionist about my sexual proclivities (this blog notwithstanding). There’s a fine line between being cognizant of the rights of others not to be involved in one’s sex play and shaming oneself into non-existence. I’m comfortable with my choices. This is, of course, something that everyone needs to figure out for themselves.

This is getting longer than I thought it would be…

So, to recap, IMO, no reason not to be locked up in a gym. Note I don’t have to change at my gym or shower there. If I did, that would change things for me and require more creative thinking (like, I would do those things elsewhere).

The other physical activity I’ve started doing quite a lot of lately is running. Three to five miles at a time three to four times a week (51 miles in the last month, according to Strava). Almost all the time, I’m wearing either the Steelheart or the Looker 02. In the Steelheart, there is slight yet totally audible clank with every stride. The PA fixing inside the device has some play in it and it along with my PA ring will strike the inside of the tube. There’s no pain or discomfort associated with this. I have no idea if anyone I run by even registers the sound (most runners don’t clank) or, if they do, what they make of it. See above for my position on that.

The Looker 02 can be an issue when running in that the bulb end of the urethral insert can cause irritation in the first day or so of wearing it after having not worn it for a long time. This irritation lasts about 24 hours then is gone. Lately, I’ve worn the looker for weeks at a time and run a lot and don’t feel a thing. I don’t even lubricate the L02 before running. I will when I think about it with the Steelheart, but the sweat usually creates enough lubrication to keep me chafe-free. I’ve never run with a plastic device on. I can’t imagine doing it with the CB6K.

Tom also mentioned biking. Hard to disagree with him there. Biking in a device can be miserable. I don’t like doing it and it’s one of the reasons I prefer running (just one, though — it’s not like I run just because I’m almost always locked up). Interestingly, the one device that’s not as bad on a bike (over the CB6K and Steelheart) is the Looker 02. But yeah, if you’re going to be a serious biker, you’re going to need to take off your device.

The same goes for lots of other sports. Team sports or contact sports. Sports that require cups. Hard to be able to do those in chastity. Dangerous, even. Imagine playing rugby or American football with a steel ring locked around your balls. Good god.

The biggest point of differentiation between Tom’s logical and sensible POV and mine (which, I guess by comparison, is…illogical and insensible?) is summed up his calling the chastity device “only a sex toy.” Of course, it is a sex toy. But the “only” part doesn’t really do it justice. It’s a sex toy that represents something larger. It represents a level of commitment equal to, say, a collar in any other D/s dynamic. While it’s hard to wear a collar in public, it’s relatively easy to wear a chastity device. I think the drive to find the perfect device that can be worn in all situations and at all times stems from those who, like me, see it both as a physical restraint ensuring her control and as a symbolic expression of how significant and profound the changes wrought by denial and chastity can be on a relationship.

Of course, that may not be how you practice chastity. It may not be that big a deal to you or your keyholder. As Tom said,

To be fair, I also see guys on chastity groups try to convince some newb why he could — or even should — wear his device 24/7; often going pretty far in their attempts to overrule objections or concerns. … Such responses probably induce a mindset in new guys which makes them think that 24/7 is the only acceptable way. I mean, why bother if you’re not going to do it the “right” way?

There isn’t a “right way.” The right way is the way that works for you and your partner. I’m not saying if you want to wear a chastity device that you must wear it while at the gym or running or you’re just a pretender. I am saying you can wear it at those times if you’re willing to accept a little discomfort once in a while and/or modify your routine enough to allow it. It’s entirely possible. And if you feel the need to do so, I understand perfectly where you’re coming from. 

Posted on

The Reddit tsunami

Yesterday, a thread was started in the WTF Subreddit regarding a chastity device with an urethral insert (never seen it before so no idea who made it). Later on in the thread, after all the “OMG!!1!”-type comments, someone posted a link to my Looker 02 review (specifically mentioning the insertion video).

That was at about 1:00 in the afternoon, give or take. Almost immediately, I got a WordPress notification saying my stats were “booming.” I didn’t see it because it was a nice summer day and I was in the pool. My hourly views were about 13 times average. An hour later, I got another notification I also didn’t see. My hourly views were now 31 time average. Sometime between that notification and the next, I saw what was happening and why. The next bulletin from the WordPress bot was two hours later telling me my hourly views were 42 times my previous hourly average (which was itself inflating due to the tsunami of Reddit looky-loos). The last alert from WP told me I was getting 56 times my previous hourly average.

Screenshot 2014-08-11 08.03.53
The tsunami, visualized.

So yeah, Reddit can send a site a lot of traffic. At the end of the day, Denying Thumper had received over nine times the traffic from its previous highest day (when Dan Savage linked to me from his column).

This is one of those times where the venn diagram in my head that represents this blog gets fuzzy. On the one hand, yay, eyeballs. On the other, ew, eyeballs. I don’t really want to be a public figure but I do want to share my experiences and thoughts on a subject that isn’t often talked about in polite society. When Dan linked to me, I was thrilled because that audience is pre-qualified as the kind of people I’d like to think are reading me. The Reddit thing is the exact opposite. I was linked to from the WTF Subreddit, for fuck’s sake.

The silver lining came from Caged Bob on the Twitter following my tweet on this event:

I reckon that while the majority would be are fucktards, there will be a few who stick around to read & learn about chastity

This is the big question, of course. How many people curious about chastity and denial will hang around to learn more versus how many were just here to ogle at the freak? WordPress’ stats are pretty rudimentary (and, last time I looked into it, there was no way to integrate Google stats into a hosted blog). Oddly, the page linked to had twice as many views as the number reported as being referred from that post on Reddit. Most of the traffic seemed to hit that page and bail, but the homepage, the chastity advice page, and several others had about three to six times the normal views. That’s encouraging, I guess. Those people did more than skip off the site like a flat stone.

I’ll admit that my initial reaction to this attention was not positive. I don’t like being used as a sideshow freak. I pondered changing the URL to the page so the links would 404 and the prurient voyeurism of those clicking it would go unfulfilled. But I didn’t do that. While I don’t enjoy the attention, I’ll leave everything as it is and take the attitude that more than anything, Reddit is ravenous and will move its attention to some other site quickly enough (as the chart above already shows). The link to me will get buried in the Subreddit and the attention will quickly fade. And maybe 1% of those who found me from there will be open and receptive to what I’m doing here and get something out of it.

Maybe.

Posted on

Mailbag

Rob writes…

First of all, my compliments on your blog. Me and my wife started experimenting with tease and denial and chastity in December 2013. Looking for info on the web, I found your blog. I started at the first post, and have read almost everything up to April 2010 so far. I find it very helpful to read the process you and Belle have been trough and the experiences you have. I see a lot of similarities (but also some dissimilarities).

I feel like a lucky man that my wife wants to give this a try. In general I get the idea she likes it, and that is also what she tells me. But everything is very new to her, and actually to me to. One of the things is that she find it hard to make it difficult for me. She likes to please me as well. I like that too, a lot, but I crave denial and I rather want to please her, and that she loves to be pleased, while I am being denied. I tell her many times, but I get the idea that she doesn’t fully understand my desires. I guess this also has to evolve over time.

Above sounds like it is only about what I want, and not what she wants. When I ask her, the answer is more general like us being happy together (which we are, very much).

I offered her to find a good book on the subject. She really liked the idea. What we are am looking for is a book that explains to her how male submissiveness works, more on a psychological way. Why do want men to be submissive, are they really happy that way, etc…

Also something on how to dominate a man, how to start, how to expand and different styles of femdom. We are not looking for a book describing only Ds-games/scenario’s. Although this will be helpful, she is also very creative.

Do you have a good suggestion for a book?

On your blog, you wrote something about Uniquely Rika. Is this a book you can recommend for starters?

I have also been reading some posts of Sarah Jameson. She wrote some books too, but the site doesn’t seem to be active anymore. Do you know her books? I think they might be interesting. The free ones as well. But I’m not sure if these are still available (at least I don’t get a response when filling in the contact form).

If other readers have suggestions as well, they are welcome as well. Also suggestions from females. Sorry, I don’t want to discriminate here, but my guess is that as a female, you may have a good idea on what might be helpful for my wife to read.

I liked Uniquely Rika a lot. It was the book I was reading when I realized I was actually a submissive and not just playing at it. I also think Sarah Jameson has some interesting things to say on the subject, but her bias against submissive men makes it hard for me to enthusiastically recommend her stuff. The Mistress Manual are Male Chastity: A Guide for Keyholders are also good. We got those early on. When Someone You Love is Kinky is highly regarded, as well.

Readers? Any other suggestions or advice for Rob?

Nina enquired…

I love your blog for all of the detailed information you give on chastity devices! Thank you for offering such a helpful resource on this subject. I noticed that you have written a lot about the Holy Trainer device and I was wondering if I could ask your advice? I recently received the device I ordered (2nd version, short tube, middle-sized ring, black material). It is very well constructed, looks good and seems reliable and easy to use. Unfortunately, I may have miscalculated or made some mistaken choices on my sizing. I measured myself and felt like the larger base ring would be too loose to hold the device on, especially because the shaft of my penis does not have a large diameter and, though not very tiny in length, is also not long. However, with the short tube, I am pushed very deeply to the end when the device is on all the way and it seems like the scrotum is pulled too far from the body to sit securely or comfortably. In fact, I noticed that with the device fully on and locked, there are still “folds” between my scrotum and the shaft of my penis on the “outside” of the ring, as if the whole package does not fully fit into the device. My question is, do you think this sounds like it would be best remedied with a larger ring or a long tube? I’m afraid that with the large ring, the whole device would not stay on at all and also, conversely, with a longer tube I would not fill it up enough to keep the device securely in place. At the same time, as it fits now, it seems somehow way too easy to slip my penis out of the tube and the ring when I am naturally flaccid. Anyhow, I know you are not one of the Holy Trainer manufacturers, but seeing as you have such extensive knowledge and experience with these devices, I thought I would ask for your view on the subject.

I wonder how tight your scrotum is naturally. Have you worn devices before? The folds of skin don’t sound terribly unusual but I can’t see them so I’m not sure. In any event, if your balls don’t turn blue or purple when you’re hard, the ring probably isn’t too tight. I found that my scrotum became much more flexible with time. Erections pushing against the tube anchored to my ball sack over and over stretched the skin. It may be the case that your scrotum is of the “high and tight” variety. The middle ring for the Holy Trainer is 45mm and I think that’s pretty darn big. It’s big on me, anyway. Sounds like, if anything, you may want to consider the 40mm ring.

You say your penis is all the way to the end of the tube when wearing the device and you’re flaccid. That’s perfect. Just the way I like it.

Regarding being able to pull out easily, that, I’m afraid, is just how it’s going to be. If you penis is much thinner than typical, it will probably feel even less secure. What it sounds like you need is a thinner tube, not just a shorter one. I don’t think you’ll find that on the over-the-counter plastic device market. You’ll need some custom steel. Also, a smaller ring would help. That being said, I found the Trainer to feel a little less secure than other plastic device I’ve worn. Also, of course, trapped-ball devices just aren’t terrifically secure things in general.

Hope that helps!

Reader Recon requests…

Hey there, Thumper. You have an awesome blog here. I’ve been reading it for a few years. It is very interesting to hear your first-hand account of being locked up and denied over the long term. As a matter of fact, yours is the only blog I read related to chastity. You’re also very sexy to read.

I’ve been interested in chastity since coming out 20 years ago. While at university, I bought a Carrara belt (back before they were known as Carrara), a used Tollyboy, and an original used Bird Cage. Since then, I’ve also picked up a CB-2000, one of the stainless steel guys from Mr. S, and a Dickcage. And lately I’ve had my eye on a couple of the more basic pieces from Steelwerks up in Montreal.

I haven’t really been locked up properly, lacking a guy who wants to control things, but I’ve played around with it now and then. I find that my biggest problem is using the restroom. Normally I run a finger up the entire length of the cock, from the perineum up to the head, to press out those last few drops of piss. Otherwise, I end up leaking, which I find quite annoying. Obviously if my cock is encased in stainless steel or plastic, I can’t do that. So I leak. Is this a problem that you have encountered? Any tricks to get those last few drops out?

Yeah. That.

This is a problem I deal with daily. The only tricks I can offer is to shake the damned thing out as well as you can, dab up as much excess as possible with toilet paper and exercise your Kegel muscles. Then, after all that, try to learn how not be so bothered by it and rinse the tube out when warm water at night and with soap and water in the morning. I wish I had the magic bullet to fix this, but it just is what it is.

Another reader announced…

Foreword: I am very much drunk (I don’t think I would have had the confidence to write to you otherwise).

I just want you to know that I identify with the way of life you have described in your blog. Your writings have helped me explain my sexual desires to my fiancee in a way that previously made me feel alienated and alone.

I guess all I have to say is thank you for your blog (and also thank you to Belle, of course).

And I guess all I have to say is thank you right back. And good for you (and your fiancee).

Posted on

Keys to the kingdom

Eternal IdolBelle’s gone on her trip. Due to the ballpark metal detector/plastic device issue and the timing of her departure, I ended up having all the keys to everything at my disposal.

So, just to reiterate, I am to stay locked up because I can’t be trusted with the penis and she likes knowing what I’m not doing with it when she’s not with me but I also have all the keys and am allowed to wear whatever device I want. But she has made clear that she expects me to be locked up the entire time she’s gone. Truly, this is just a different flavor of obedience chastity except I get to wake up early in the morning with a crushed erection and have to demonstrate sufficient willpower not to cheat along the way.

Grrrr.

I swapped the Trainer for the Jail Bird last night before bed. I did it as quickly and efficiently as possible leaving the penis free for only a few seconds. Just long enough to get the Trainer ring off and the JB ring on and barely enough for any optimistic swelling in between. The one thing I really like about the JB is how it feels first thing in the AM when the meat is at full pressure. Unlike the Steelheart which is fairly intense due to the slightly too small A-ring or the Looker 02 which I often will sleep right through, the JB allows a delicious amount of uniform pressure all around the penis. Just enough to feel the erection really fight but not enough to be painful in any way. Just a foot over the “uncomfortable” line. The double thick oval A-ring helps a lot with this as does the fact that I think it’s just about perfectly sized for my anatomy. Another nice thing about the JB is how, when I took it off the other day to put the Trainer on, the penis had lines from the bars embossed along its length. That’s a pretty cool artifact if you’re into the locked up cock thing.

In any event, several years ago I bought Belle a small reproduction of Rodin’s Eternal Idol. It lives on the dresser in our bedroom. I use it as a kind of dead drop for device keys whenever I’m supposed to lock up after Belle’s gone to work. I slide them in between the form of the woman and the kneeling man kissing her stomach with his hands respectfully held behind his back for Belle to retrieve when she gets home. I’ve decided that I’ll do that for the next two weeks even if I decide at some point to switch into another device. That little statue is, to me, something like a shrine to our dynamic and placing the key there or removing it is a more significant act than just throwing it in my nightstand drawer or something. If I have to know where the key is and have easy access to it, this is the place it should be.

Posted on

Born this way

After threeish weeks in the Looker 02, Belle decided she wanted the Steelheart back on. Also, unlike last year, when we leave for Spring Break, I’ll be left locked up as much as reasonably possible (excepting TSA checkpoints, scuba diving [easy to spot through a wetsuit], and if she wants the penis) since being free can sometimes lead to unacceptable emotional outbursts.

The Steelheart is, as I’ve said, the most unforgiving of all Belle’s devices. After giving her a nice, lengthy fingering last night (during which, I presumptuously started down to eat her pussy but was snapped back when she said, “Have I said I want that?”) I would have slept fairly well but was woken up four or five times by moderate erections I probably wouldn’t even have felt in the L02 or Jail Bird. The big one at 4:30 was ball-crushingly intense. Sooner or later, I’ll be able to mostly sleep through those, too, but right now there’s no way.

As I laid there waiting for the penis to back off (taking a leak barely took the erection down at all), I thought about how having the penis stuffed down a steel tube less than half its erect length was one of those intensely uncomfortable yet exhilarating and pleasurable dichotomies that seem to make up my entire sexuality. I also reminisced how penis compression is something I’ve kinked over for as long as I can remember.

My earliest sexual recollection was from when I was six or eight laying on my stomach on the living room floor watching Speed Racer. I discovered that rocking back and forth on my pelvis, squishing my little boy penis into the hard, nappy carpet, felt really nice. And, if I did it long enough, the most AMAZING sensation would happen. Fast, zinging jolts from the penis. Orgasm without ejaculation. That’s what I felt, even back then.

Dry-humping the floor became the sole way I masturbated (I didn’t jack off until I was 16). I did it a lot, even before I could come, feeling that crazy intense dry orgasm each time. I discovered that I liked it even more if I could get into position before the erection developed and rolled the penis up into my body so it was up inside me as it got hard. Rocking back and forth on that flat spot that shouldn’t have been there with my little hard-on all stuffed and stifled within may have been my first truly kinky fetish. If I couldn’t do that, I would ride my full body weight on the erection, balancing on it so no other part of me touched the floor. Hard, tight compression.

The first time I ejaculated, it was with the young stiffy stuffed up inside me. I left a gooey little mess on the floor. Interestingly, I recall thinking at the time that the orgasms without ejaculation were better than those with since they lasted longer. All that pulling and pumping at a dry well was more enjoyable than gushing success.

As I got older, I discovered my first of many pervertables: The small half of the plastic egg my mom’s pantyhose came in. I would cup it over the penis and my balls and get off on feeling the erection grow against the hard barrier. I would sometimes stuff it down my underwear and keep it there for as long as I could stand the sharp edge of the egg against my skin. I had to do this when I was alone, though, because it created a big bulge where one had no business being. Even that turned me on, though I recall wishing the eggs were smaller (and looking for suitable alternatives). I was well past the age of still using my mom’s pantyhose container for naughty purposes when I felt a distinct pang of regret discovering they started packaging them in boring cardboard boxes.

The pantyhose egg play transferred to hard cup and jockstrap wear when I was a young adult. Having a hard bump under my jeans instead of a soft package was hot (though, in retrospect, probably a lot more noticeable to others than I let myself think at the time). Even though it had ventilation holes in it, I’d still get home at the end of the day with a hot, sweaty penis to jack off furiously.

At some point, I picked up a dog leash made of a light chain. No idea where that came from as I didn’t have a dog, but I discovered I could wrap it all around my balls and the shaft of the penis and cause my erections to bulge purple. I experimented with all kinds of ways to configure it and tried to keep my mind off the task enough to keep the penis from becoming fully hard before the chain was in place, wrapped up and down the shaft. I’d try to jack off like that which was equal parts painful and pleasurable. Often, with one hand pulling the chain hard making the erection throb and strain, I’d twist and pull on my nipples and ride a dildo. Just luxuriating in the intensity of it all.

Note that at no time did I even consider what this meant. I didn’t think of words like “masochist” or “kinky” and always left these desires and practices walled up away from any concept of a relationship with another person. All this was before I shacked up with Belle.

So, that fateful day I was pursuing a sex toy website and stumbled upon male chastity devices, even though I had never seen one before, never thought about them as a thing that might exist, never consciously considered the idea of someone controlling my erections and orgasms even once, it was like a bomb went off in my head. I knew instinctually that I wanted that. I wanted to be in one. Wanted to feel my erection held tight and controlled. I knew what it would feel like before ever wearing one.

I don’t know enough to know if penis constriction is just another aspect of a general bondage kink or if it could stand alone as it’s own sort of kink, but I was born craving it. I was literally made for chastity.