Rings

On the subject of the significance of a chastity device, I just said:

Of course, it is a sex toy. But the “only” part doesn’t really do it justice. It’s a sex toy that represents something larger. It represents a level of commitment equal to, say, a collar in any other D/s dynamic. While it’s hard to wear a collar in public, it’s relatively easy to wear a chastity device. I think the drive to find the perfect device that can be worn in all situations and at all times stems from those who, like me, see it both as a physical restraint ensuring her control and as a symbolic expression of how significant and profound the changes wrought by denial and chastity can be on a relationship.

I’m thinking hard on this today (pardon the pun) since I’m about to take off on a week away from Belle in the wilderness. She’s let me out this time around (though I’ve done it before locked up). Sometimes I don’t want the device on. I like being free. More often, I don’t. Part of that is driven by the unique Venn diagram of kinks that makes up who I am but it’s more than that.

There are two ways one can integrate chastity into their lives. One is purely tactical. That is, they wear a device during a specific scene but don’t all the rest of the time. I’d guess these guys typically come at the end of their play. The other way is more strategic. That is, the device is employed as part of something larger. Neither is right or wrong or better than another, obviously. Also, I admit to simplifying. There’s as many ways to do sex as there are people. 

In any event, ours is the strategic approach. Belle locks me up because that’s how we live in our D/s dynamic and we both like how being locked up and not having regular orgasms changes my personality and the way that improves our relationship. I’ve given her this control over me and, even though there’s this steel thing involved, being true to our dynamic is mostly in my hands. That is, I could cheat. I could find ways. I could come without her knowing. But I don’t. I’ve made a significant commitment to her. She decides when I come and when the penis is free. 

The way we do it is in conjunction with our healthy marriage. It’s not a pathway to a healthy marriage. You don’t fix your relationship with chastity. You get to do chastity because you’re relationship is already fixed. 

I take my commitment to her very seriously. That’s why I find so much significance in the devices she locks onto me. As I said, they’re both physical and symbolic. Not unlike a wedding ring. In the same way I feel naked without my wedding ring, I feel naked (most of the time) without her device locked onto me. I resent not being able to wear it. 

In a comment to my last post, Tom called out those guys who wear their devices into gym showers, etc. I don’t think that’s cool, personally, but I do understand the desire to let the world know about my commitment to Belle and our relationship. I think that’s human nature. I’d guess a lot of these locked-up gym goers are exposing their states for different reasons, but there’s a big part of me what wishes we didn’t live in society where chastity and what it can represent is so…weird

Anyway, I won’t be in any device, but I will try keeping the old locking cock ring on while I’m gone. Not at all the same experience, but the symbology is the same. At least to me.

9 thoughts on “Rings

  1. My question to you is as follows. Will you still not have an orgasm while you are out of your cage. Will you be able to fulfill your committment to your wife while you are free. I look forward to your reply. Please enjoy your time out of your cage. Mark

      1. Great attitude. Enjoy the vacation. I hope that you can share your submissive feelings to us when you get back about being out of your cage. Or if you have an opportunity while your in the woods to give us an update. Enjoy

  2. Hey Thumps (haha wth? Where did that come from? Oh well I’m leaving it),

    Anyway, I love this post because we have written many times about how this is our take on chastity. It means so much more to us than just being a sex toy. And, you only glossed over it, but I stress that chastity will not and can not fix something that is broken. It took my hubby and I fixing our marriage and being in another, more healthy, place to be able to enjoy chastity.

    We have a story not unlike yours before starting out in chastity… my hubby also made this commitment to me, to give me control of his orgasms, erections and sexual pleasure. He not only wears the device I lock on him but we have our lock and key tattoos to deepen that commitment. It’s a permanent commitment, like our marriage and the rings we wear or the tattoos we have for that.

    Anyway, I love to hear your emotion and your love for Belle in your posts. Your commitment to her and your marriage shows and I do hope you continue to give her all of you. 🙂

  3. Our commitment is strategic, like yours. We are only seven months in and we are discovering how to use this dynamic. I wear my device with the same spirit I do my wedding ring. It doesn’t matter to me if I am in my cage or not in terms of any unauthorized play. I have an absolute commitment to my wife that the only orgasms I experience will be with her. Like you, the cage is as much symbol as restraint to me. I love the times I get to be “wild”, but ultimately I miss feeling that cage between my legs.

    It’s great to read about your dynamic and how well it integrates into your lives.

  4. I agree that this won’t fix a broken relationship, but if the cause of the relationship weakness is due to unspoken desires and needs, then it will definitely help. I’ve shared my story with you before how your blog and a forum helped me overcome my shyness and trepidation at talking about my needs and desires.

    You were the catalyst that allowed me to summon the courage to speak. So in that instance, adopting chastity and a D/s has fixed a relationship that was firmly going south. Ironically if I had allowed it to drift further I would have unwittingly encouraged the other aspect of my fantasy (cuckold) to happen. That would have been a bad thing though.

    As it is, I am currently in my jailbird and will be until such time that I am allowed out. I will have many teases, much denial and dirty talk. I will have the chance to provide foot massages, back massages and a convenient bony back to be ridden. And I won’t get to come. Because now I realise that my frequent masturbation and the ensuing funk I would be in was killing my desire to be with her. And then when we were together, if we made love I was also feeling under pressure to perform. And if I did perform I would then have this all enveloping feeling of sadness afterwards. Now, I am in a perpetual horny state, looking for ways to please and provide pleasure for her. It sounds strange, but it’s working for us.

    I love the blog, always get excited when I see your mail in my inbox and occasional tweets. I hope you are good and continue to document this very personal journey you have.

  5. Have you ever considered wearing a PA ring with the name of yourself and wife in it? You could have a personalized statement engraved in it. I think it would be cool as most people would not do that.

    A gold plated ring down under would look so cool. I’m looking at a gold plated / gold for myself.

    My wife recently made me get a PA after finding your site last year. She got herself pieced strategically as well in exchange.

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