Tag: enforced chastity

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A tale of two lubes

There are a few different points of view with regard to lubrication and the practice of wearing male chastity devices. When we first got into it, most of the advice I saw online said baby oil was the way to go. Some said lotion. Others maintain you don’t really need lube at all and if you think you do, you have an ill-fitting device. With this last group, I totally disagree. I’ve worn three different devices made of both plastic and steel and have always, to one degree or another, need to lube it up. I think individual body chemistry is a big part of determining if one needs to keep things slippery down there. If you’re one of the lucky few who are just naturally oily, then this post isn’t for you.

The contenders

I tried baby oil early on. It’s main benefit is that it’s easy to find (though not always in a non-baby scented state) and it’s cheap. On the minus side, it’s oil and tends to run all over. Plus, I didn’t find its lubrication properties to be all that terrific or long-lasting. By lunchtime, it was as if it had never been. Lotion, I found, ended up getting sticky and left residue so that it eventually did the opposite of lubricate. Regular water-based lubes like KY or others meant specifically for intercourse didn’t last and also can also leave a sticky residue. Plus, many of those types include sugars that one really should not be using in close contact with warm and moist environments. That led me to silicone lubes.

The first one I tried was System JO’s Premium lubricant. Compared to the other alternatives, it’s quite expensive (around $20 for a small bottle), but a very little bit goes long way, so in practice a 4.5 oz. bottle can last months and months (4-6, on average). It’s entirely odorless and leaves no residue whatsoever. Also, it’s terrifically slippery stuff. After applying it around the ring of the Steelheart, movement is practically frictionless. By the end of the day, while most of it is gone, I can still detect a bit of it still doing its job, especially down under the scrotum where it’s most important. In short, I was thrilled and recommended it without reservation.

Then, I found another silicone lube for sale at Target. It’s called Astroglide X and was a bit cheaper than System JO (around $10, though in a smaller bottle) plus, since I’m in Target about a half dozen times a week, it’d be way more convenient should I run out and need more.

Even though they’re both “premium” and both “silicone”, in actual fact, they’re not the same at all. Their ingredients tell the story best. System JO Premium wins purely on complexity. Its label says it has four ingredients, two of which contain 28 letters each(!), and it says it’s “hydroxy-terminated”, whatever that means. The Astroglide X, on the other hand, has only two ingredients, neither of which are found in the System JO product and there’s no hydroxy termination claimed. They’re entirely different.

This become evident as soon as you pour a little out. The System JO is like clear, fantastically slippery maple syrup while the Astroglide is much thinner and nearly as slick. You can put a dime-sized dab of System JO on your fingers and have time to close the bottle and put it down before it’ll start to run away. The Astroglide is harder to tame and will start to slip through and around your fingers as soon as it’s set free.

big boy bottleOK, so which is better at lubricating a steel chastity device? System JO, hands down. The Astroglide X is a fine product and good in a pinch, but the System JO Premium lasts longer. It just does. Also, when the Astroglide has run its course and is no longer lubricating, it feels to me like it leaves a slightly grippy texture behind. The device feels less free to move around than it would had I used nothing and there’s a residue left on the steel tube. The JO totally dissipates. As I said above, it will still be noticeable 12 hours after application, but even when it’s all gone, there’s nothing at all left behind. It’s clearly a superior product for my purposes.

As I was beginning to run out, I decided to invest in a large pump bottle of the JO Premium. It was about $45 for 16 ounces, but it filled both my smaller bottles (one for the bathroom and one for the nightstand) with a lot to spare. This one bottle will last me way more than a year, I’m sure. I figure it comes out to about 20¢ a day (applied twice over 18 months assuming I’m locked up 75% of the time).

So, with all that said, you might still be in the baby oil camp or the hand lotion camp or one of those people who says no lube at all is the best, but, if you’re not so set in your ways that you’re willing to try something new, System JO Premium receives the official Denying Thumper seal of approval. Highly recommended (still).

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Slinky snake attack

Yet another thumb-pecked missive.

Today, I went scuba diving. Anyone who is even passingly familiar with that sport knows it is typically done while wearing a skin-tight wetsuit. Luckily, prior to my heading off to dive, Belle asked if I didn’t think taking the device off beforehand would be a good idea. While I wasn’t wearing it when I had the suit on, I can say the big old honking SH-1 would have been quite visible while the petite SH-S might not have been (maybe).

In any event, when Belle handed me the key, the morning wood had not fully subsided and, in fact, was well reinforced by her warm and beachy presence next to me in bed. Therefore, when I started to pull the tube off, I witnessed an interesting illusion. While the tube itself is only about 2.5″ long, a nearly six inch erection came out of it. I was reminded of one of those slinky snakes that come flying out of a fake can of nuts. It just kept coming.

Once free, I watched the cock’s erection stiffen and cure, pulsing to life. While I had not been given permission to do so, I admit to having my way with it for a while, especially as I showered. The sensation of my fingers running across the soapy flared head of the cock nearly made my knees buckle. Of course, I didn’t take it too far as my next orgasm is still almost five and a half months away.

In related news, I realized today that my body’s become quite accustomed to the SH-S. It hasn’t woken me up in days and, when I do stir and feel the meat’s intense compression, I just roll over and go back to sleep. It’s remarkable what we can get used to.

Once I was back from the dive, I put the device back on. That’s what Belle had told me she wanted before I left, so that’s what I did.

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Quickie from Paradise

Fair warning: I’m writing this with my thumbs on a small screen. Typos and other strange word combinations may result.

I have two quick updates to pass along. First, as I mentioned before, the SH-S did come along for the trip and is, in fact, locked on to me as I write this. It’s even had its first dip in the sea. Here’s hoping the brass lock doesn’t corrode…

The new device is so small and relatively light weight that I hardly know it’s there, regardless of activity. I’m in the “it’s part of me” zone at the moment so having it on is actually a comfort to me. I’m laying on the bed in our room as I peck this out, on my stomach, and can feel its firm density pressing up into me even as its contents swell expectantly. So far, the experience has been comfortable and without incident. I left the rinse bottle at home by accident so hopefully the salt an pool water flushes it’s receiving will be sufficient to keep everything in balance.

The other news is somewhat more momentous. Seeing as how Belle prefers me when I’m locked and denied and seeing as *I* prefer me that way, too (which is to say, we like how I behave and feel and act when the hormonal build-up works its magic), Belle has decided to leave me without orgasm for six months. My previous record was just about three, but she’s assured me that she will *not* be swayed by any pathetic begging on my part. Next time I come, the leaves will be changing. They haven’t even come out where we live.

Truth is, the idea was mine (surprised, right?), but I was very clear that it was just an idea. I was perfectly prepared to deal with whatever she wanted to do, including letting me come on the trip or whatever. After a few days of thought, she’s on board. I’m now about two weeks into a 26 week experiment.

To celebrate the decision, she let me give her an orgasm this morning. It was the first since I got sick last week, so I needed it as badly as she did. Feeling her nipples in my mouth and my fingers working her hot, wet snatch made the tube contents strain so hard my nuts turned purple. After she came, I cleaved to her and felt the device throb with stiff, stifled meat and my intense desire to fuck her with it and the equally intense realization that that would not happen for a very, very long time.

And it was good.

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Horny + sick = bleh

I’m sick. Bleh. I feel like crap.

Usually, Belle’s sympathy for me in these situations would lead her to be somewhat more lax with regard to the enforcement of my chastity (meaning she’d let me take the thing off, not let me come), but I already had it off due to more penis head irritation.

This is the second time I’ve had this issue with the new Steelheart Short (SHS). It’s happened a few times in the old one, so I was willing to look the other way and just chalk it up to life in steel, but now it’s happened both time I put the device on after not wearing one for a while. The last time, after things had cleared up (usually takes about 24 hours), I was fine for two weeks. This time, I was also sick and felt miserable and was honestly glad to be rid of it, but this morning I woke up extraordinarily horny and sick. Since I’m at home and unsupervised, I voluntarily went back in. The last thing I need to do is waste my energy jacking off for 12 hours.

Anyway, about the irritation, I think it’s due to things being so cramped in there. In SH1, the head of the cock bounced around against the wall of the tube and only reached the bottom when it was becoming erect. In SHS, it’s against the curve of the end of the tube more frequently. I wonder how things would be different if I was uncircumcised (only for about the four millionth time in my life [And how screwed up is it that uncircumcised is only word we commonly use to describe the natural state of a penis that hasn’t been fucked with? Circumcision should start with “un.” Like “unnatural”. But I digress.]). Another factor I can’t put a finger on is urine. Every time this happens, I feel a burning when I pee (on the outside). What I’d like to know is can urine be acidic? Are there times when, if it’s allowed to remain in contact with skin, it will result in irritation? Usually, I’m good at shaking a lot of the excess urine out when I pee and cleaning it up at night, but that might be a factor. I suppose the Google could tell me…but I don’t want to look. I’m sick. *cough*

As I said last time, we’re about to go on vacation so I don’t expect to have any seriously uninterrupted tube time until we get back. Then again, Belle commented after my last post that perhaps we’d bring it along and use it for those times it was practical and only let me out when it wasn’t. We’ll see how it turns out.

I other news, Dan Savage linked to an interesting account of a guy who allowed his girlfriend to peg him since he was interested in anal sex with her. First off, good for him, right? Sounds eminently fair to me. The cool bit was this:

After it happened, I felt the same exciting relief I imagine a girl feels after losing her virginity on prom night. I never realized the incredible amount of bravery it takes to let someone inside you. It’s asking someone to stab you in the back, but lovingly. Masculine courage is throwing yourself headfirst into danger, like jumping out of a plane, but feminine courage is letting danger throw itself headfirst into YOU. It’s even more badass. I look at women like soldiers now, and older women as grizzled retired Generals that I wholeheartedly salute.

I also never realized how instantly bonding sex can be on the receiving end. I already felt close to her before we began our little experiment, but now I feel like she’s tattooed under my skin. Even though she was staying the night, I almost begged her to call me the next day.

I read that and I think, Wow, maybe there is hope for our culture. That’s just so awesome. But then I read this in the comments on Dan’s blog:

Ah yes, another bullshit masculine/feminine binary.

And I think, Oh Jesus, just fuck off, OK? Can’t we have heart-felt accounts of intimate acts? Does everything need to be passed through a bullshit sieve of some self-proclaimed thought cop?

Sorry. Sensitive topic, I guess. Anyway, I thought it was a beautiful piece (as, I hope, he was for his girlfriend).

Reader Mike left a comment to my last post:

Please don’t take this as criticism, but I wonder if your expectations on her are too high? It took me some time, but I had to realize that I was the one who wants to be locked up, and if I ever said I was done with it, than she would probably agree and move on without skipping a beat. I have a great wife, and she “plays the game” wonderfully, but in truth, its just an adventure, and not the epi-center of our relationship.

What I wrote was not to say, Gee, I wish Belle took this chastity thing more seriously. Rather, it was that I had stopped respecting it and its role in our relationship (and, ultimately, her right to put me in it whenever she wanted). In fact, Belle’s told me on several occasions that she prefers me as a mate when I’m locked in the device. She’s really not “playing the game” anymore. If I were to say I was done with it, I’m sure she’d go along, but there would be a great deal of conversation around the decision. It’s not just mine anymore.

And while I wouldn’t go so far as to say enforced chastity is the epicenter of our relationship, it is clearly a significant component. It has been integrated fundamentally into how we relate to each other and has radically changed how I perceive my body and its functions.

So, I’m no expert, and defer to your experience and machinations of your marriage, but ultimately, I have to guide my wife through this. I have to let her know that I’m ready to get locked up, and she plays the role well, but she is just supporting my fantasy. If I had never said “chastity device”, she would never have brought the cb-6000 into our life.

Clearly, our experience in the beginning was similar to yours. I brought chastity into our relationship and it took Belle a while to really own it in the way she does now. However, we’re way past the point where this is about my fantasies. This is about both of us and equally as much about how she wants me to be as it is about how I want her to be.

So, when you say “I know (I really do) that it’s all up to her in the end”, I wonder if you are correct? Who drives this element of your life really, you or her? If it is her, AWESOME!! But if this is really all about you, is it fair to ask her to think about your sexual fantasy 24/7 and be able to read your mind?

Enforced chastity has allowed us to be much more communicative, but as improved as all that is, there’s still a bit of mind reading that goes on because we’re both imperfect people.

Like I say, I’m not trying to be a jerk. I’m learning a lot from you, and am very new to chastity. However, I had to learn the hard way that this was more about my kinky ideas than hers.

I don’t think you’re being a jerk at all. Eighteen months ago, you would have been spot-on. Now, though, I feel like we’ve achieved the goal so many men think they want. That is, both partners being equally invested in the many benefits of controlling my orgasm. I am, as I have said so many times before to her and here, an extraordinarily lucky and thankful rabbit.

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Retrograde

I was in, I was out, I’m back in again.

She took me out last weekend and, as usual, I had no idea it was going to happen. She fucked me (or, I should say, let me fuck her) and apparently I was supposed to go back in the next day, but she neglected to follow-up in the morning so I didn’t and by the time she mentioned it that night I gave her kind of a face or something so she said something about taking a break. I took that to mean we were taking a break, but she didn’t, so I was apparently breaking the rules for a week or so.

Thing is, I had just come, so my inclination for incarceration was quite low. In these situations, I might know instinctively what I’m supposed to do, but I find reasons not to absent her firm hand. So, in any event, I was out and about for the week until Monday when she told me I would, in no uncertain terms, be going back in. But not before she let me come again. So, I’m back in, but my head’s not as I’m still recovering from the post-orgasmic subdrop (two in seven days!).

Truth be told, I’m happier when the cock’s locked up. It’s what feels normal and natural now. Being out feels like I’m getting away with something and just leaves me feeling a little out of balance. Regardless, I wasn’t inclined to put myself back in without her explicit direction. And that’s the other part of what feels normal and natural (and happier). I am, again, being “maintained” and cared for. I have her attention. And that makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside.

She was giving me shit about it last night. Wanting to know if I was suffering, etc. Come on, I said, it’d only been one day. How much suffering could there be? But, she said, she liked knowing I was squirming. She liked knowing my exact condition. And, she says, she likes me better in the steel.

So, I’ve been out (it seems) quite a bit lately. Also, it seems as though I’ve been coming a lot (though in reality, it’s hardly at all — that I’d ever think a couple of times a month was a lot says much about how I’ve changed). Next week, we head to tropical paradise for a week where she’s already said I’ll be out of the device for the whole trip (even the parts when I don’t have to be out for national security purposes). If past is prologue, I can probably expect some more orgasming. And the thing is, I don’t want any of it. I don’t want the cock to be free for any longer than it has to be and I don’t want to come. Not at all. Not for a really long time. I know I can’t wear the thing on the plane and I know there will be activities that will require I remove it and I know she’ll probably get frisky and want a romp and I know (I really do) that it’s all up to her in the end, but I also know that I, too, like me better when I’m starved for orgasm and without access to the meat.

I crave desperately to be back in that deprived state, craving desperately the thing I don’t want to have. Regardless, I’ll do what she says. If I get to come, I’ll enjoy it. If I stay out for the week, I’ll probably enjoy that, too. But that doesn’t mean I can’t hope for the other options. She and I both know it makes me a better man.

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Short respit

I was out of the new Steelheart Short for 24 hours following an episode of corona abrasion. I could feel it coming on Sunday night as a burning sensation after I’d pee but I didn’t ask to be removed because, you know, I’m a guy and we think we can just tough it out. Obviously not a good idea, but I seem to think I’ve been able to get through this when it’s happened before, though in reality, I haven’t.

So the tube came off and the coronal ridge on the right side was red and unhappy looking (and I was reminded again that if I were uncircumcised it probably wouldn’t be an issue). Probably happened Sunday afternoon when I worked out on the elliptical machine without any support. Lots of device motion rubbing against the skin. By the end of the day yesterday, it felt and looked much better. I probably could have gone back in at bedtime, but Belle had me stay out until this morning. She’s gone on a trip for the next few days, so ready or not, I was going to have to get back in there.

I don’t believe this is an issue with the new device as much as it’s a known issue with this type of device. It’s happened to me before. There’s just a higher level of awareness that’s involved in wearing a closed system like the Steelheart.

Back in the secure confines, after Belle left and I was alone in the house, I updated the Portfolio and felt again the newly constricted feeling I will be living with from now on. It’s very much different than the old Steelheart. I said in an early write up about it that the SH-1 was a more forgiving chastity experience since the cock had more room to grow in before being constrained. It’s true that the feeling of being hard in the larger tube wasn’t as intense as the CB6K I had been in before, but it’s also true that the new tube with approximately 60% of the internal volume of the old is still more comfortable than the CB6K and is at least as comfortable (in a different way) as the larger tube. It’s possible my tolerance of being restricted is higher now than it was back then based on how long I’ve been doing this now. It’s also possible the configuration of the CB6K with it’s sharp, hard edges and oval, compressive tube design just isn’t as comfy.

I said the other day that the diameter of the old and new tubes is the same, but I don’t think that’s entirely true. Perhaps it is, but I know that getting everything shoved into the new tube (cock, PA ring, PA fixing) is harder than it was in the old. The effective amount of space in there now is so much lower that the circumference feels smaller. I’ve lost almost an inch and a half of length, after all.

In any event, in the SH-1 I would feel constrained while in the SH-S I feel compressed. Almost exactly like how the Jail Bird feels, but without the mild testicular pain (caused, I suspect, by the lack of space between the cage and the cuff ring along the bottom of the device).

Belle will be gone until late Thursday night, so if I start to feel that the abrasion isn’t healed, I’ll need to bust out the emergency key and be good. I really do not want to do that, but being all tough will only postpone the inevitable. Besides, looking on the bright side, maybe if I get out without her permission she’ll punish me when she gets home.

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Penis weaponization

The incomparable Ferns, in reference to the pictures I posted of the Steelheart Short in comparison to our original Steelheart, said:

I find it interesting that there is no ego in this. If it were me (and I actually *had* a cock and was going to wear a device and and… etc), I can imagine looking in the mirror and going ‘Well, *this* one makes my cock look like an awesome shiny weapon!! Huzzah!… whereas *this* one makes it look kind of short and stubby…”

Of course, now that I have given it a little thought, I do *exactly* this with strapons… “Awesome shiny weapon!! Huzzah!” Heh.

To which Tom replied:

Oh, believe me, we cock-having device-wearers do this all the friggin’ time. We just don’t feel the need to write about it because, well, that would be weird.

Which means I just have to write about it. Weird is my raison d’être, after all.

There are at least two sides of this for me. The first is quite practical. A shorter, smaller device is more comfortable to lug around for days on end. Less of an issue under clothes, less of a strain on the meat upon which it’s attached, etc. In addition, though it’s highly non-intuitive for this to be true, a smaller device can be more comfortable during erections than a larger one. It seems as though the sooner one stops the spongy tissues from becoming engorged, the less discomfort one will feel when it inevitably happens. After a few days, I can say the SH-S is at least as comfortable as the SH-1 while fully erect (at night) and very much more comfortable the rest of the time.

The second side to the issue is more woo-woo than pure practicality, though.

Before I start, I feel compelled to say I do not believe that large cocks or cocks in general have anything whatsoever to do with one’s ability to be dominant or assume a dominant role or that large cocked guys can’t be submissive or that mauve isn’t a completely acceptable color for your grandmother’s tablecloth or anything like that. I will remind you, what I write here comes from my head so a big chunk of it can’t be expected to apply out there where you all live, in The Real World.

Ferns touches on it herself when she says, “Of course, now that I have given it a little thought, I do *exactly* this with strapons.” I assume she’s using strap-ons on her submissive male sex partners and I also assume she uses them, among other things, as some sort of symbol of her dominance (if not, I will be happy to hear otherwise). Of course, my real cock is never used in that way. I gave it to Belle and she tops me so I am ill-prepared mentally to think of the cock as anything other than her tool with which she manipulates me. It’s size, therefore, is immaterial except that it needs to be the right length and girth to make her happy when she chooses to use it to pleasure herself.

Additionally, the cock she keeps in the device hardly ever plays a role in our sex except as a captive witness to it all. Recent activities excepted, I can go weeks or months during which Belle will have as many orgasms as she’ll let me share with her while the cock will only see what light gets though the little hole at the end of the tube. Again, its size does not matter since the basis of our sex life now, and the satisfaction she enjoys, in no way revolves around it.

Finally (and this is where I might piss a few people off), there’s a part of me that doesn not want a large cock or even to do anything that makes it look bigger or more impressive. I’ve written about this before. There is definitely a part of me now, which I trace directly to my growing acceptance and connection with my submissive sexuality, that gets off on the idea of having a small dick. Of course, I do not have a small dick. It’s totally average and satisfies Belle very well. But, it works for me to think otherwise. In fact, when I’m out and able to play with it, one of the quickest ways for me to get to the edge of orgasm is to fantasize that I have a little cock that’s not good enough for Belle. This is hardly unique to me (based on my purely scientific survey of the chastity porn out there). I’m sure there are a lot of guys reading this who can associate with my words and who are in the same boat or are actually small-dicked and are able to achieve the same kind of submissive and almost derogatory pleasure from it.

It’s taken me a while to become comfortable with these feelings. I recall the first times I read a story in which a man was too small to satisfy his wife and she either made him use a large strap-on or took a well-hung lover and how hard it made my heart thump. I resisted it at first. Men in our culture are conditioned to think cock size is to be desired above all other things. This is the same thing that perpetuates the myth that women want ever-larger members inside them and that the size of a man’s penis bears a direct relation to how well he can satisfy women. Of course, it’s all bunk and I already knew that, but still. It’s hard to let go. It’s hard to actually get off on the idea of being “inadequate”.

Long way to say, I have no problem at all with the SH-S making the package “short and stubby” looking. In fact, besides the practical considerations, it’s one the main drivers behind my satisfaction with the new device. As weird as that is.

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Steelheart Short

I came home yesterday to find that the new shorter Steelheart tube had finally (FINALLY) found its way to our mailbox. Because I’m the compulsive nerd that I am, I immediately rustled it away into the bathroom so I could check it out.

From this point forward, I will refer to my original Steelheart tube as SH-1 and the new one as Steelheart Short, or SH-S. Technically, there’s no “short” version of the Steelheart (unlike the CB6K) because a SH tube can be ordered in a almost any size you want, but I have to call it something, so SH-S it is.

My immediate reaction upon slipping it out of its drawstring bag was, “Holy crap, that’s small!” I ordered a tube 35mm in diameter and 70mm long, 35mm shorter than the the SH-1 but the same diameter. That’s exactly what I got, but in reality it seems smaller than I thought it’d be. My intention was to have a tube with a bit more room than the Jail Bird’s, but what I ended up with was something that feels about the same size. I thought I’d need a little more room due to the internal security features (PA fixing and ring), but there’s very little if any. Essentially, the SH-S is a closed version of the JB.

Fit and finish is, as expected, very good. Steelworxx makes an exceptionally well-crafted custom steel product. I have experience with only one other manufacturer of steel devices, but I have to assume that those from Steelworxx are among the best available. A thing of beauty.

The JB looks a little shorter and a little fatter than the SH-S, but I think that’s an illusion based on their different types of construction. The JB’s bars are thicker than the tube walls of the SH-S while the gap between the cage and the cuff ring is greater than that of the SH-S tube and ring (at least at the top of the device). The SH-1 is downright cavernous compared to the SH-S and also feels wider, though it isn’t. It’s a normal sensation to feel the end of he cock bumping around inside the SH-1’s tube (like a clapper in a bell) but I haven’t felt much movement inside the SH-S at all. Note that in the image comparing the two Steelhearts, the SH-1 is shown with its original 45mm cuff ring and the SH-S is shown with my standard 40mm ring.

The SH-S, like the JB, is practically imperceivable under normally fitting clothes. Much less obtrusive than the SH-1. Also, since there’s less room in the tube, it’s practically silent, even with the PA ring in place. It may be only a third shorter than the SH-1, but it feels less than half the size in my pants. Belle said she could tell it was on but that it only made me look well-hung (as opposed to the freak of nature the SH-1 must have made me look like). In the SH-1, the tube would, on occasion, be visible in all it’s long, fat, smooth glory while the SH-S just sort of makes the bulge more pronounced but without much definition of the device itself.

In action, while the JB and the SH-S appear to be similarly configured, they interact with erections differently. In the JB, the cock will attempt to get hard and bulge a bit out of the sides of the cage, but ultimately sort of bunches up behind the device. Instead of an erection, it feels more like a mass of hardness under the device. In the SH-S, however, the erection is allowed to take more of its normal shape, though inside my body. The SH-S raises up off my body more than the JB or SH-1 do and I can feel more definition of the erect shaft behind it. The SH-S might be a tad more comfortable during erection, but it’s just been one play session and night so far, so I’m not willing to make that claim yet. I did have to change my PA ring this morning from the larger, more secure one to the smaller one because there just wasn’t enough room for it and the cock inside the tube last night. I hope the smaller one will find it easier to live in there.

But, you might be asking, I though you weren’t going to get locked back up until Sunday morning? Well, that’s what I thought, too. I put the SH-S on last night just to take it out for a spin, but Belle decided I might as well leave it on indefinitely now, so I ended up sleeping in it. Following our experiment with virtual chastity, Belle has decided she’d rather have me in a device. While I followed the rules all week and only touched myself sexually when she gave me permission to do so, she says she preferes the sense of security the steel provides. She like knowing what state I’m in and that’s only possible when I’m locked up. Also, she says I’m a “better person” when I’m locked up. More focused and well behaved. I’m like, she says, a dog that prefers to sleep in his kennel because he knows it’s his home. Finally, I think she really has grown to like the look of the steel cock better than the real one. So. Yeah. I’m locked up two days early for who knows how long.

I’ve included pictures comparing the two devices while being worn (because you really wanted to see more pictures of me in steel, I know), but I put them after the jump because they’re obviously NSFW.

Continue reading “Steelheart Short”

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Feel the burn

Last night, after Belle went to sleep and told me I was allowed to play with myself, there was a point where I had stroked the cock so much that had I dared to even breathe on it, I would have had an orgasm. I had already milked seven thick slugs of ejaculate from myself without satisfying, even in the slightest, my need to come. I was able to pull up with the awareness of how close I was, but just prior I was in a place where I wanted it so bad that my hand wrapped around the cock formed a single thing upon which every molecule of my being was focused.

And then I let go. And the cock bobbed and quivered and flexed and I knew that if my fingers so much as as grazed the flared head of the cock, that I’d orgasm (most likely dryly). Thinking about it now causes a low thrum under the stiffening cock.

It was fucking torture. Fucking. Torture. The smell of the semen was everywhere and the taste of it was thick in my throat and its sticky sliminess was rubbed all over the cock shaft and between my fingers but I did not come. I dared not. It would be a betrayal of everything I lived for now, including Belle’s trust. I existed in that vaporous microscopically thin space between desire and control and it made me burn.

When I knew I had taken things as far as I possibly could, I cleaned up and went to bed. The cock leaked and leaked onto the sheets so that after 20 minutes I was laying in what felt like a post-coitus wetspot. Besides the leaking, the cock also stung from the abuse on its skin – skin that’s not too often abused that way and has become thin and sensitive. The ring flopped in the PA hole and caused the inside of the cock to feel raw and sore. But still, I wanted more. I wanted everything I could not have because it’s no longer mine to take.

My sleep was fitful and I often found myself cleaving to Belle, pressing the hard cock into her leg and putting my hands inside her bedclothes. I want her so bad. Then, now, always. I’m consumed by desire for her and the gift only she can give.

Living this way is so much harder than being in the device. So much more intense and distracting. Belle told me I was going back in on Sunday morning (which is an odd time), and truly, I will be thankful to have the cock put out of reach. Especially if she doesn’t let me come before the key turns.

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My little secret

Cricketed wrote a post that got me thinking. Go read it, though be warned: there are many NSFW images (as usual).

He said, about male chastity and the idea that someone he knew well would be aware of his…

[O]ne of the truths of being kept in the cricket for extended periods of time is that I’m led to a very personal place inside me, where being locked is not only sexy and beautiful and symbolic and necessary, but normal. The concepts and practices we’re discovering via male chastity interest me. Occasionally, they downright preoccupy me.

It’s not something strange or shameful to me at all. I’d like to be able to talk about it with some people. Obviously, our sex life is private, and I’m not proposing that we sit around a table in a restaurant and talk dirty with people. But many of the emanations that flow from being cricketed, as well as many of the principles involved, have little to do with the intimacies of our sex life.

I don’t think I could agree any more than I do. I could have written that.

For me, the idea that someone would “find out” about my chastity doesn’t really bother me that much. Like Cricketed, I’d welcome the opportunity to talk about it with some people. That’s not to say I’d want someone to stumble upon my blog, but even if that happened, the thing that keeps me from speaking about it now is the fact that nobody knows, not that I’d be ashamed or shy. I’m also much more worried about Belle’s privacy that mine. I write this blog and am very descriptive of her and our sex life together, but I never asked her permission to do so.

I’ve said before that if somehow someone I know in real life is aware of this blog, I’d rather they tell me than keep it a secret. I don’t like secrets and am frankly not very good at keeping them. I suppose it’s unreasonable to assume my “little secret” would remain that way forever. I don’t think awareness of their knowledge would change what I write and post (everything I’ve already done would be water under the bridge, after all), but I’d still like to know.

I wonder if I’ll ever have the chance to talk about chastity with anyone I didn’t meet though the fact that I’m chaste (i.e., this blog or FetLife or Chastity Forums). For that matter, I wonder if I’ll be able to talk to anyone IRL I did meet that way.