Horny + sick = bleh

I’m sick. Bleh. I feel like crap.

Usually, Belle’s sympathy for me in these situations would lead her to be somewhat more lax with regard to the enforcement of my chastity (meaning she’d let me take the thing off, not let me come), but I already had it off due to more penis head irritation.

This is the second time I’ve had this issue with the new Steelheart Short (SHS). It’s happened a few times in the old one, so I was willing to look the other way and just chalk it up to life in steel, but now it’s happened both time I put the device on after not wearing one for a while. The last time, after things had cleared up (usually takes about 24 hours), I was fine for two weeks. This time, I was also sick and felt miserable and was honestly glad to be rid of it, but this morning I woke up extraordinarily horny and sick. Since I’m at home and unsupervised, I voluntarily went back in. The last thing I need to do is waste my energy jacking off for 12 hours.

Anyway, about the irritation, I think it’s due to things being so cramped in there. In SH1, the head of the cock bounced around against the wall of the tube and only reached the bottom when it was becoming erect. In SHS, it’s against the curve of the end of the tube more frequently. I wonder how things would be different if I was uncircumcised (only for about the four millionth time in my life [And how screwed up is it that uncircumcised is only word we commonly use to describe the natural state of a penis that hasn’t been fucked with? Circumcision should start with “un.” Like “unnatural”. But I digress.]). Another factor I can’t put a finger on is urine. Every time this happens, I feel a burning when I pee (on the outside). What I’d like to know is can urine be acidic? Are there times when, if it’s allowed to remain in contact with skin, it will result in irritation? Usually, I’m good at shaking a lot of the excess urine out when I pee and cleaning it up at night, but that might be a factor. I suppose the Google could tell me…but I don’t want to look. I’m sick. *cough*

As I said last time, we’re about to go on vacation so I don’t expect to have any seriously uninterrupted tube time until we get back. Then again, Belle commented after my last post that perhaps we’d bring it along and use it for those times it was practical and only let me out when it wasn’t. We’ll see how it turns out.

I other news, Dan Savage linked to an interesting account of a guy who allowed his girlfriend to peg him since he was interested in anal sex with her. First off, good for him, right? Sounds eminently fair to me. The cool bit was this:

After it happened, I felt the same exciting relief I imagine a girl feels after losing her virginity on prom night. I never realized the incredible amount of bravery it takes to let someone inside you. It’s asking someone to stab you in the back, but lovingly. Masculine courage is throwing yourself headfirst into danger, like jumping out of a plane, but feminine courage is letting danger throw itself headfirst into YOU. It’s even more badass. I look at women like soldiers now, and older women as grizzled retired Generals that I wholeheartedly salute.

I also never realized how instantly bonding sex can be on the receiving end. I already felt close to her before we began our little experiment, but now I feel like she’s tattooed under my skin. Even though she was staying the night, I almost begged her to call me the next day.

I read that and I think, Wow, maybe there is hope for our culture. That’s just so awesome. But then I read this in the comments on Dan’s blog:

Ah yes, another bullshit masculine/feminine binary.

And I think, Oh Jesus, just fuck off, OK? Can’t we have heart-felt accounts of intimate acts? Does everything need to be passed through a bullshit sieve of some self-proclaimed thought cop?

Sorry. Sensitive topic, I guess. Anyway, I thought it was a beautiful piece (as, I hope, he was for his girlfriend).

Reader Mike left a comment to my last post:

Please don’t take this as criticism, but I wonder if your expectations on her are too high? It took me some time, but I had to realize that I was the one who wants to be locked up, and if I ever said I was done with it, than she would probably agree and move on without skipping a beat. I have a great wife, and she “plays the game” wonderfully, but in truth, its just an adventure, and not the epi-center of our relationship.

What I wrote was not to say, Gee, I wish Belle took this chastity thing more seriously. Rather, it was that I had stopped respecting it and its role in our relationship (and, ultimately, her right to put me in it whenever she wanted). In fact, Belle’s told me on several occasions that she prefers me as a mate when I’m locked in the device. She’s really not “playing the game” anymore. If I were to say I was done with it, I’m sure she’d go along, but there would be a great deal of conversation around the decision. It’s not just mine anymore.

And while I wouldn’t go so far as to say enforced chastity is the epicenter of our relationship, it is clearly a significant component. It has been integrated fundamentally into how we relate to each other and has radically changed how I perceive my body and its functions.

So, I’m no expert, and defer to your experience and machinations of your marriage, but ultimately, I have to guide my wife through this. I have to let her know that I’m ready to get locked up, and she plays the role well, but she is just supporting my fantasy. If I had never said “chastity device”, she would never have brought the cb-6000 into our life.

Clearly, our experience in the beginning was similar to yours. I brought chastity into our relationship and it took Belle a while to really own it in the way she does now. However, we’re way past the point where this is about my fantasies. This is about both of us and equally as much about how she wants me to be as it is about how I want her to be.

So, when you say “I know (I really do) that it’s all up to her in the end”, I wonder if you are correct? Who drives this element of your life really, you or her? If it is her, AWESOME!! But if this is really all about you, is it fair to ask her to think about your sexual fantasy 24/7 and be able to read your mind?

Enforced chastity has allowed us to be much more communicative, but as improved as all that is, there’s still a bit of mind reading that goes on because we’re both imperfect people.

Like I say, I’m not trying to be a jerk. I’m learning a lot from you, and am very new to chastity. However, I had to learn the hard way that this was more about my kinky ideas than hers.

I don’t think you’re being a jerk at all. Eighteen months ago, you would have been spot-on. Now, though, I feel like we’ve achieved the goal so many men think they want. That is, both partners being equally invested in the many benefits of controlling my orgasm. I am, as I have said so many times before to her and here, an extraordinarily lucky and thankful rabbit.

14 thoughts on “Horny + sick = bleh

  1. urine is acidic and can definitely irritate skin. I know from experience that when it dries on even fairly non-sensitive places it can start to get itchy and burny if I don’t get to wash almost right away. So it could definitely be a factor in the irritation.

  2. Thumper,

    Thank you for your thoughts. The wife and I are very new to all of this, and there is a certain mix of surprise and uncertainty. So, I may have been projecting some of the very new revelations we are going through onto your post. You have been really helpful, and it’s nice to see a blog that seems more “normal” and easy to relate to. It feels like most are 24/7 hardcore S&M lifestyles, and that just isn’t really the right fit for us. You write with an honesty and vulnerability that I relate too, so thank you.

    Btw, I like Dan Savage a lot too, but as the someone who gets pegged I think your assessment is correct. I used to like the harder femdom action (cause that’s what I only saw in porn), but the wife and I have discovered a gentler and more loving method, and it truly can be described as being made love to. Lets face it, taking it in the rear is pretty taboo for guys, and having a partner that will support and accept this desire is a pretty amazing feeling.

    Ok, I’ll stop bugging you. These topics are not exactly something I get to chat about with the old high-school buddies, so thanks for indulging my yammering.

  3. What I’d like to know is can urine be acidic? Are there times when, if it’s allowed to remain in contact with skin, it will result in irritation?

    Thumper, don’t you know what diaper rash is?

    1. Well, sure, I’m familiar with it, but have never connected acidity to it.

      According to the Wikipedia, urine’s pH can vary between 4.4 to 8 (with 7 being neutral).

      *The more you know…*

  4. It’s funny how people react to the whole pegging thing – ranging from fascination to horror. It just doesnt fit into any of the neat little pigeon holes that people want to ascribe everything to. My advice – just do it – then comment instead of joining the ignorant WTF gawkers. You know what no one ever says either? From a female perspective, I now appreciate the pelvic control and thigh muscle strength- oh, and aim!!

  5. The thing that interests me about that is that for weeks and months, everything will be hunky dory and and then, all of a sudden, it’ll get irritated. I’m going to be paying more attention to what I eat next time it happens since some foods lead to more acidic urine.

  6. Someone tell me….. how do you know when the pegging session is over? Is it when she decides or does a pegging session end the same as when you are milked?

    1. To me, it would seem to be over when…

      A) She says it is/she comes.
      B) You’re milked.
      C) You just can’t take the prostate stimulation any longer.

      I’ve not been pegged (alas) but I know from playing with dildos that I’ll usually be over the top stimulated before milking occurs.

  7. “And I think, Oh Jesus, just fuck off, OK? Can’t we have heart-felt accounts of intimate acts? Does everything need to be passed through a bullshit sieve of some self-proclaimed thought cop?”

    Well, reading that as a woman, it does come across as pretty patronising. ‘I understand now, what all the poor, brave, brave ladies go through with those big, bad, scary penises’? Maybe he didn’t have a good experience with penetration, but I don’t think it’s fair for him to assume that all women find it as terrifying as he did.

    Of course having his own heartfelt experiences is fine, but he wasn’t talking much about his own experiences there, he was talking about the ultimate and profound ‘female experience’, which he feels he now has access to as a result of having been pegged.

    1. I have to completely disagree with you SodaPop, because what he describes is exactly the way I feel.

      I don’t think admitting our basic, fundamental physical differences and the emotional ones that come with it as patronising. It’s not anti-feminist or anti-sex to feel (and analyze) that being penetrated is different from penetrating. Neither is submissive as an act itself, but they are fundamentally different things. Him having his first glimpse of what it is to be in the receiving end, what it means to be penetrated, didn’t translate into “a bad penetration experience” to me, but an insightful thought on the differences. I’m not threatened or patronised by someone trying to voice it.

      Have you really forgotten what it felt like for the first time? I haven’t. I never realized the incredible amount of bravery it takes to let someone inside you. It’s not even just a feeling, it’s a lot more than that. It’s a real-life threat to health, that we have to deal with, because it’s the way our bodies work. (Not even considering all the wear and tear, bigger possibility of STDs transmitting or the fact how vulnerable we are in the act.) Just because it’s inevitable if you want to have sex as a woman, and axiomatic to us, who experience it as the routine, doesn’t make it less true.

      I was actually really, really taken with Max Levant’s story. (And wrote my own one because of him.)

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