I was in, I was out, I’m back in again.

She took me out last weekend and, as usual, I had no idea it was going to happen. She fucked me (or, I should say, let me fuck her) and apparently I was supposed to go back in the next day, but she neglected to follow-up in the morning so I didn’t and by the time she mentioned it that night I gave her kind of a face or something so she said something about taking a break. I took that to mean we were taking a break, but she didn’t, so I was apparently breaking the rules for a week or so.

Thing is, I had just come, so my inclination for incarceration was quite low. In these situations, I might know instinctively what I’m supposed to do, but I find reasons not to absent her firm hand. So, in any event, I was out and about for the week until Monday when she told me I would, in no uncertain terms, be going back in. But not before she let me come again. So, I’m back in, but my head’s not as I’m still recovering from the post-orgasmic subdrop (two in seven days!).

Truth be told, I’m happier when the cock’s locked up. It’s what feels normal and natural now. Being out feels like I’m getting away with something and just leaves me feeling a little out of balance. Regardless, I wasn’t inclined to put myself back in without her explicit direction. And that’s the other part of what feels normal and natural (and happier). I am, again, being “maintained” and cared for. I have her attention. And that makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside.

She was giving me shit about it last night. Wanting to know if I was suffering, etc. Come on, I said, it’d only been one day. How much suffering could there be? But, she said, she liked knowing I was squirming. She liked knowing my exact condition. And, she says, she likes me better in the steel.

So, I’ve been out (it seems) quite a bit lately. Also, it seems as though I’ve been coming a lot (though in reality, it’s hardly at all — that I’d ever think a couple of times a month was a lot says much about how I’ve changed). Next week, we head to tropical paradise for a week where she’s already said I’ll be out of the device for the whole trip (even the parts when I don’t have to be out for national security purposes). If past is prologue, I can probably expect some more orgasming. And the thing is, I don’t want any of it. I don’t want the cock to be free for any longer than it has to be and I don’t want to come. Not at all. Not for a really long time. I know I can’t wear the thing on the plane and I know there will be activities that will require I remove it and I know she’ll probably get frisky and want a romp and I know (I really do) that it’s all up to her in the end, but I also know that I, too, like me better when I’m starved for orgasm and without access to the meat.

I crave desperately to be back in that deprived state, craving desperately the thing I don’t want to have. Regardless, I’ll do what she says. If I get to come, I’ll enjoy it. If I stay out for the week, I’ll probably enjoy that, too. But that doesn’t mean I can’t hope for the other options. She and I both know it makes me a better man.

4 thoughts on “Retrograde

  1. Thumper, my KY and I just got back from a week in Costa Rica….I was free the entire time and really missed being locked up. She surprised me during the trip by not initiating any sex. I was puzzled because usually the combination of bathing suits, warm ocean, sun and booze work their magic….but not this time. She would tease me every day, with long kisses and touching me when I didn’t expect it (or in places where I couldn’t retaliate). I realized after a couple of days that I was being ambushed.

    Try as I might to figure out how to make my move, she was one step ahead of me. For example, when we climbed into bed exhausted from a long day of sun and fun, she would lean in, kiss me passionately and then in a stern voice, tell me that she was too tired to play so we would only be snuggling tonight. Then she would back up against my now raging hard on to spoon and fall asleep. Every so often she would wiggle her ass and it drove me crazy for half the night. The next morning she said with a sly smile on her lips, did you sleep well?

    I think next time I am going to pack the CB6Ks anyway. At least then I will feel like I have a fall back position when I am ambushed….ha!

  2. Something I have learned from being locked up is that while it “takes two to tango”, chastity is really driven by me. While my wife may be supportive, the truth is, that I am getting more out of the experience than she is. Please don’t take this as criticism, but I wonder if your expectations on her are too high? It took me some time, but I had to realize that I was the one who wants to be locked up, and if I ever said I was done with it, than she would probably agree and move on without skipping a beat. I have a great wife, and she “plays the game” wonderfully, but in truth, its just an adventure, and not the epi-center of our relationship.

    So, I’m no expert, and defer to your experience and machinations of your marriage, but ultimately, I have to guide my wife through this. I have to let her know that I’m ready to get locked up, and she plays the role well, but she is just supporting my fantasy. If I had never said “chastity device”, she would never have brought the cb-6000 into our life.

    So, when you say “I know (I really do) that it’s all up to her in the end”, I wonder if you are correct? Who drives this element of your life really, you or her? If it is her, AWESOME!! But if this is really all about you, is it fair to ask her to think about your sexual fantasy 24/7 and be able to read your mind?

    Like I say, I’m not trying to be a jerk. I’m learning a lot from you, and am very new to chastity. However, I had to learn the hard way that this was more about my kinky ideas than hers.

  3. – and I know (I really do) that it’s all up to her in the end, but I also know that I, too, like me better when I’m starved for orgasm and without access to the meat.

    This sounds so… woundingly truthful. It always makes me happy to hear how you need to know she cares (by demandind you stay in or go back in and that she prefers it that way) and how you are happier, when you are being strictly bound.

    I think that I feel most loved when my husband sets strict boundaries for me. There’s no metal involved in my case, but a lot of emotional and physical surrender. It, too, I think, has made me a better person – and keeps on doing so.

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