Tag: male chastity

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Becoming what she needs

Belle has informed me that I will be locked up until we go away on Spring Break. That’s, roughly speaking, about six weeks of being enclosed in steel. Of course, the thing she’s really good at is doing whatever she wants and exercising her prerogative regarding the penis, so it’s entirely possible she’ll wake up one morning and decide she wants cock and let me out. Or she’ll stick to her statement and leave me in. I don’t have any way of knowing and it’s entirely out of my control.

Her reason for this (relatively) long lock-up (at least by recent standards) is because I’m apparently being insufficiently subbie lately. It’s not surprising considering the shocking number of orgasms she allowed me in recent months. Two in the past two or so weeks, even. That’s approaching 30% or so of what a normal man would have! Heavens.

I do know what she’s talking about. I can feel it. I’m doing my best not to second-guess her now that I’m fully engaged with the “she decides” model, but I know I don’t feel now the way I feel when it’s been a really long time since I last came. It’s actually hard to talk about because I feel like I should be removed from that decision. Whatever I say will influence her and I don’t want to unduly do so, but I will admit to getting used to coming (even if it’s still at a far reduced rate from what other men enjoy).

The thing I have to remember is she controls the penis so she controls me and she controls how I’ll be as a result. Sure, I can try and live up to her expectations, but the hormonal wall of denial is a sturdy backstop that helps keep me where she wants me.

She’s left with a difficult choice. She likes when I come in her and likes letting me feel that. She also likes letting me inside her, though she tells me now that she’s more or less off dick as a means to orgasm. She’s adjusted to non-penetrative techniques involving fingers, vibrators, and tongues. We tried Blue the other morning and it didn’t do much for her. In any event, she digs it when I can fuck her.  But she also digs how I am when really well denied. All the salubrious affects that go along with the pent-up hormonal load. I know when it’s been months I’m totally different and she likes that Thumper better. I can only really be that Thumper when I can’t really remember what orgasm feels like. So, her choice.

We’ll have to wait and see. Six weeks solid is a relatively long time to be locked up. I’m not in the frame of mind yet where I feel really settled into it. I haven’t had that “it’s part me” feeling about the Steelheart. Well, not much. This morning, she let me get her off and she said it was a really nice orgasm so that makes me happy. She also told me she like feeling the hard steel against her thigh. That makes me feel…oh, my. I really wanted out. I really wanted to feel the penis inside her pussy. But I never said it because she, of course, knew I felt that and I, of course, knew it wasn’t going to happen. So instead, while she purred and basked in the afterglow, I felt the PA ring pinch inside the end of a steel tube packed tightly with insistent erectile tissue.

She’s entirely right. Extended lock-up is what I need. It’s what needs to happen to make me that better Thumper she prefers and the person I’d rather be for her.

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Merry Male Chastity Day

Seems implausible that I’d let the second annual Male Chastity Day slip by without some kind of mention…right?

A couple of weeks ago, I was contacted by the managing editor of Simply Sxy to write a piece for their site. Feeling sorry for them and their apparently congenital vowel deficiency, I agreed and suggested something introducing the practice of enforced male chastity on Male Chastity Day would be place to start. I may not know a lot of things, but I know male chastity. So I wrote it and, today, they posted it.

Yay, right? Well, yeah, I like it. But there was a problem1. In it, I said:

The motivation behind Male Chastity Day may have been equal parts commercial and sincerity. In 2014, UK-based fetish shop UberKinky picked February 15th to celebrate male chastity (and maybe sell a few chastity devices along the way). While 2015 is only its second year of existence, male chastity enthusiasts (such as myself) have embraced it.

That is not correct. As Keyheld pointed out to me on Twitter, chastitylife247 was the first to propose a male chastity day. This is definitely the truth. They also, in that first Twitter exchange on the topic, settled on February 15 as the date. Keyheld is a prolific male chastity booster and worked with a number of other bloggers on Twitter to get the word out to retailers and manufacturers which led to UberKinky’s blog post and, it seems, a fair bit of confusion as to the date’s origins. Most links I’ve seen to the “source” of Male Chastity Day go to that UberKinky post I linked to in my piece and they’re the ones who set up the Male Chastity Day event on FetLife. So, good on UberKinky for being so supportive, but all props to chastitylife247 and Keyheld for originating the concept. I’ve sent a suggested correction to Simply Sxy for the article and I hope they’ll add it as soon as they can.

Of course, in this house, the other name we have for Male Chastity Day is “Sunday” and, as such, I woke up in the Steelheart. Belle, though, doesn’t feel compelled to follow the mandates of an arbitrary holiday and soon enough let me have the key and, as promised, let me come. This led me to say we needed to change the name of the blog considering I’ve had about 2,700 orgasms (roughly) so far this year. “Used To Be Denying Thumper” was suggested but my favorite is the simpler “Denied Thumper.” The motion, however, was declined and the name of the blog will not be changing.

So yeah, around here we apparently celebrate Male Chastity Day by unlocking penises and then sating me with an orgasm. Because she decides and nobody else.

1 Actually, two. There’s also a confusing typo in the final paragraph. Grrr, typos.

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The best male chastity device

A bit over a year ago, I was asked by a reader what the best male chastity device on the market was. I penned (keyed?) a missive on my thoughts and threw it out upon the waves of the World Wide Web to float among the other jetsam and debris like any other post and moved on.

But then a funny thing happened. People, it turns out, Google “best male chastity device” quite a bit and, through a happy coincidence of longevity and narrow subject matter, this site does pretty well in those kind of searches. That post I chucked out there one afternoon without a great deal of fanfare all of sudden started being among the top visited here every day.

Turns out, I no longer agree with my conclusions from 15 months ago. So I will, with this post, reassess the field in a slightly more thoughtful way than before.

Gray stuff

When people ask me about chastity, they’re usually coming from a pretty particular point of view. They are not the kind of people looking to wear a device or have their man wear one for a simple evening’s romp. They’re usually thinking about it in the same way Belle utilizes it with me in our marriage. That is, a semi-permanent thing leading to long-term orgasm denial (“long-term” having no set definition, just longer than a day or a week). They’re also usually (the guys, anyway, though occasionally their partners, too) really hot and bothered over being locked in the mythical impossible-to-defeat device that they can’t ever take off no matter how hard they want to OH GOD how horny CAN. I. GET!?

I’m sorry. That device does not exist.

Not as an off-the-shelf thing, anyway. You hear about these inescapable devices in the hawt chastity porn, but you might notice their description is always a little vague. That’s because the flaccid male penis has all the structure and significance of an octopus arm. It really can’t be easily contained. A guy, especially a wet and soapy one, can get it into and out of all kinds of crazy little nooks and crannies as long as his fleshy friend stays soft. So no, there is no trapped-ball device (that is, one that is worn around the penis and scrotum) that cannot be defeated with little more than cursory effort.

Yes, I know, a trapped-ball device can be made inescapable, but only if you’re willing to get a genital piercing like a Prince Albert. For a lot of guys, that’s way over the line. Short of that, no, there is no inescapable trapped-ball device, I don’t care what that one guy on Chastity Mansion wrote.

This is why I say the very best chastity device is the one between your ears. I know (trust me), the idea of being forced against your will to remain locked and horny is a significantly powerful fantasy, but it is just that. A fantasy. You, as the man being locked up, have to be invested in staying locked up. That means, you need to have the will power not to cheat and slip out the back for a quick wank when nobody’s looking. If you can’t do that, then don’t even bother with anything else. Don’t even bother your partner with the idea. Chances are very good you want to be locked up. So let yourself be and don’t fuck it up.

Personally, when I’m in an easily-escaped device, I tell myself it’s not. I suspend my disbelief and act as though there’s no way out for me and I’m stuck with my fate. I also think very hard about the commitment I made when I allowed Belle to lock me up in the first place. I do it for her as much as myself. I do it for us.

I view the device as what it is: Not an impenetrable fortress, but a symbol of respect for an agreed-upon dynamic I asked for in the first place.

So, before we get to the aspects that should be considered when choosing a device, the very best way to enforce male chastity is to get your brain on straight. The best device is the one in your head.

Devices

I’ve worn twelve (12?!) different chastity devices over the years: CB-6000 (both clear and “chrome” edition, standard tube length), CB-5000, Holy Trainer v1 and v2, Birdlocked Neo/Mr. S Boytrainer 2.0, Steelworxx Steelheart (one larger, one smaller), Steelworxx Looker 02, Mature Metal’s Jail Bird (two different devices), and the KHD X3 espresso 3D-printed device. I can tell you right off that I wouldn’t recommend the CB-5000 or any device made of silicone. The CB5K is an odd duck because it requires a PA piercing and all silicone devices pretty much suck as chastity devices. No, they just do. Trust me.

That said, there are five attributes I judge when considering devices: Cost, comfort, perceived security, hygiene, and stealth.

Cost

You can spend anywhere from about a hundred bucks for a 3D-printed device to thousands and thousands for one custom-made of stainless steel. If you’re just starting out, my advice is to stick with plastic. The most popular device is certainly the CB-6000 which will run you about $150. The other leading plastic device is the Holy Trainer. It costs a bit more (about $170). Custom stainless from manufactures such as Mature Metal in Texas or Steelworxx in Germany will average about twice plastic once you factor in options (though they can be had for less with fewer bells and whistles [no, not literally bells and whistles]). The KHD X3 espresso can be had out the door for under $100, but it’s not without issues.

Protip: If you go with the Holy Trainer, don’t buy it from their site. Some people end up getting charged exorbitant duty fees (though, for some reason, not all). I got mine from Kept For Her. Paid a little less with shipping and had no nasty surprises from the government. 

Personally, I wouldn’t cheap out on something that will spend hours and days locked onto what is likely the part of your body you have the closest and most emotional connection to. Buy name brands from reputable retailers and check Google for reviews. Cheap devices fail (usually by splitting along seams) which can lead to injury or they aren’t finished very well and have spots that rub or cause discomfort.

Thinking about a newbie, it’s hard not to give the edge in this category to the CB-6000. Its price is reasonable and you get a lot of sizing options in the box. The only thing you need to decide when ordering is how long you want the tube (and you probably want the short one, sorry). Even though the KHD X3 is the cheapest I’ve worn, the device has too many other shortcoming to recommend at this time.

Regarding steel, keep in mind that the Steelworxx site displays all its prices in Euros including VAT (value-added tax). If you’re outside the European Union, you don’t pay the VAT. Register an account with your shipping address to see the real prices. I think Mature Metal and Steelworxx are about a wash, price-wise, for those in the United States, but I find their designs to be different enough that it doesn’t matter. Most seem to gravitate towards one look over the other anyway.

Comfort

Enforced chastity is, by its definition, not always a walk in the park. Penises grow while devices don’t. However, it’s also not supposed to be a test of pain tolerance. In a well-fitted device, one’s discomfort should be limited to feeling the pressure of an erection being arrested and contained. Depending on how you’re wired, that’s not necessarily a bad thing. Far from it.

The degree of comfort desired is also something of a personal choice. Some men and/or those who lock them up are trying to inflict erotic pain as part of the chastity experience. Some devices have add-ons or options specifically designed to make a penis trying to be erect very uncomfortable. I don’t think these kinds of tactics are good for the kind of long-term thing Belle and I practice, but it’s entirely possible excessive comfort isn’t on one’s shopping list.

Plastic device design has advanced quite a bit in recent years. In this category, the CB-6000 scores very low in my book. Its rings are perfectly round and have sharp edges and gaps and seams that bite into the base of erections and cause sores. Wearing a CB6K can be a miserable experience. The Holy Trainer, by comparison, is significantly better thanks to it’s ergonomically-shaped A-ring (the part that goes around the penis and scrotum). The KHD X3 is also quite comfortable.

On the steel side, Steelworxx offers an “anatomical ring” which is slightly bent to allow some testicular pluming from getting crimped. I find the Mature Metal A-rings to be too narrow, though they will build them double-width if you ask (and I think you should). MM also has an oval option which, like Steelworxx’s anatomical ring, is meant to allow the testes extra room. I also recommend that.

Plastic or metal, sizing is critical. Read my chastity sizing guide for tips. Short story is, the tube should be the size of your normal flaccid penis. You might think a longer tube would be better for when you get hard. You would be wrong. Smaller tubes are better.

Comfort is the thing most people are thinking about when they decide to go with a silicone device. I found these devices to be difficult to size and keep on. Also, an erection in a stretchy, squishy tube is an erection that can be all too easily coaxed into orgasm. I don’t recommend silicone. The Holy Trainer is just as comfy and feels like a real enforcement of chastity.

Security

I know, I said there wasn’t any such thing as security in a chastity device. It’s true, unless you want to punch a hole in your dick (which, all by itself, is pretty fucking hot, but totally a personal taste thing). However, some devices feel more secure which can be very helpful in the little game I think we should play with ourselves regarding the total inaccessibility of the penismeat.

To a large extent, the feeling of security is a product of fit. A loose, ill-fitting device won’t feel secure at all while a nice tight one will but may cause you too much pain to wear during the fun parts.

Some devices feel more secure as a result of their design. The Holy Trainer, for example, with its sleeker and simpler construction creates a greater illusion of security than the CB-6000. The KHD X3 never really felt that secure to me while I was wearing it for some reason. This may be something that varies from person to person.

Devices like the Looker 02 from Steelworxx feel a tiny bit more secure thanks to their integrated urethral inserts. They have hollow tubes that go inside the penis and extend a bit past the back of the device. This may sound like the worst possible torture you can imagine, but I’ve actually found Belle’s Looker 02 to be the most comfortable metal device she locks on me. The hollow tube in the penis is far from uncomfortable. In fact, it can be very stimulating.

Hygiene

In general, metal stays cleaner than plastic and open designs like the Jail Bird stay fresher longer than closed tubes like on the Steelheart. This is another thing where fit is important. If the tube is well fitted with an absence of space inside while the penis is flaccid, more urine will flow out and less will be trapped. If the design features a cage, this is not an issue at all (though errant urine streams and splashing can be a problem).

If pee squicks you out, chastity may not be for you. It’s part of the bargain. That love rocket you’re having locked to the launch pad is also the main way you eliminate waste from your body. There’s just no getting around that chastity devices need to be attended to or they’ll start to stink.

Stealth

Stealth has two components: Visible and audible.

In my testing, I found on the plastic side that the Holy Trainer was the least visible through clothing. For metal, both the Jail Bird and Looker 02 were pretty sneaky. Note that I was wearing the short Trainer tube and the two metal devices are both about the same size. The solid tube of the Steelheart makes a rather more noticeable lump. The KHD X3 was also very good in this department, I think mostly because it lays very flat with little forward protruding.

If you live in a situation with children as I do, audible stealth is also critical for those time when you’re padding around house in your pajamas or sweats. The CB-6000 has a separate lock that clicks against the tube as you walk while the Holy Trainer’s lock is integrated and silent. Both Mature Metal and Steelworxx offer integrated lock options (for MM, it’s a security screw rather than a lock and key). The KHD X3 also has an integrated lock (the same kind as is used on the Trainer and Steelworxx devices).

Another advantage of the integrated locks is they leave a lower profile to show through your clothing.

Conclusion

My old advice for newbies was to go with the CB-6000. However, the second generation Holy Trainer is a better device in nearly every way. It’s simpler to use (only three pieces rather than seven) and so much more comfortable. However, it is more expensive and you need to be more certain of your ring size then ordering. Another issue that seems to follow the Holy Trainer around is breakage. The plastic they use is affected by body heat in a way that makes it a bit pliable (though not much). Some people report the tube cracking and breaking, but I’ve not had that problem (and, with my last unit, really tried to “accidentally” break it). Personally, I have no problem recommending the Trainer with that caveat. I think its design is that much better than the now long-in-the-tooth CB-6000.

On the metal side, it’s really about aesthetic preferences and how important each of the above variables are to you. I prefer Steelworxx designs, but Mature Metal makes a very good product and their customer service is fantastic. Also, their domestic location makes communication and alterations much easier for US-based buyers. I don’t recommend anyone’s first device to be custom steel. It can be tricky getting the fit right and, until you know chastity is something you really want in your relationship, it’s a more than insignificant investment.

Which do you think is the best? Leave a comment below.

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Mailbag

Quick one today. Reader Alex opines…

Hey Thumper, love your blog! My girl friend and I have recently started to experiment with chastity. She loves the idea of being able to send me on business trips locked! But we have a couple concerns. The main one is sleeping in the device (Holy Trainer 2). She has read some horror stories about things happening at night, rolling and breaking it, cut off circulation, pain, ect. Do you have any advice or know about any of these risks? She is very nervous about it.

Also, have you tried to fly or go through security in the holy trainer 2?

I don’t think the Holy Trainer (1 or 2) would just break from rolling over in bed. At least, not the ones I’ve worn. Breakage of that device still baffles me. I never found it to be all that fragile, especially at body temps.

Will it cut off circulation? Perhaps, if it’s not fitted properly. It will be tight, but your balls shouldn’t turn purple or get cold. If so, the A-ring is too small. They might flush a darker red. That’s not unusual.

Pain. Well, it’s a little plastic tube and your erection is probably a lot bigger than it is. That said, it’s not pain so much as compression. I find the Holy Trainer (1 and 2) to be quite comfortable even while the penis is doing its usual morning thing. If you feel actual pain, again, it’s probably not fitted too well. I’ve gone on at some length about fitting a chastity device.

I don’t think she should be nervous. As long as you’re paying attention to the signals you’re getting from your body and nothing it turning cold and blue, it’s all good. No permanent damage is likely.

Regarding security, the HT will go through a metal detector just fine. The large walk-in scanners, though, should be able to detect it. I’ve had readers tell me they’ve done so without incident while I’ve read others who have said they got patted down. Probably you’d be OK, but there’s no guarantee and each trip through is a roll of the dice as I think it’s highly dependant on the operator of the scanner and their discretion.

When I travel with the Steelheart, Belle lets me go to the airport unlocked. I keep the SH in my carry-on and, once through security, I lock it on in the bathroom and send her a picture as proof. You could do something similar with the HT, but then you need to figure out a way to secure the key in a tamper-proof manner. Something like the Steelworxx key safe is nifty, though expensive. There are other homemade solutions out there if you’re handy enough.

Bonŝancon!

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Protecting muggle sensibilities whilst naked

Me on Twitter this AM:

The place I get my hair cut is right across the street from where I work. Super convenient and the nice gay man who cuts me is obsessive compulsive about it and makes me feel like I get my money’s worth (and it’s more than most people would pay for a simple haircut, I’m sure). They’ve been building a massage room there for about the last ten years (or so it seems) and the masseuse they have is really good (if a 15 minute chair massage is any indication). I’ve been very excited about the prospect of having a massage option so close and convenient and have been bugging them every time I’m there about when they were going to start accepting table massage clients. Today is that day. So I booked a 90 minute rub down.

Problem is, the above tweet (and its fucking typo1). I’m still locked up. Of course, I am not embarrassed by this. No, really. If the dude giving me the massage was in on my private life and cool, I’d be perfectly happy staying inside the thing as Belle wants and/or answering any questions my state would raise for him, but I really don’t know him. Plus, of course, reputable massage therapists are always having to fend off jokes and innuendo about their profession, so the good ones treat anything sexual like kryptonite. Plus plus, it is entirely uncool to bring someone into your kink without consent.

This is something I struggle with when seeing the trainer. I know for a fact he’s seen the odd bulge in my shorts and I do little to hide it (though I do do a little). There’s a fuzzy line between not dragging someone into your kinky sex life against their will and needing to live your life as you’ve chosen. In the case of the trainer, I feel like I’m on the right side of it. In the case of a (presumed) muggle masseuse, wearing a device that would be obvious through the sheet and/or clank a little when I roll over definitely is not. I get the concept of being forced into a potentially embarrassing situation like that might be uber hot in a chastity femdom porn story, but seriously. Not in real life.

Processed with VSCOcam with b4 preset

Since I forgot all about it, I don’t have Belle’s key which means I need to break into the one I have in case of emergency. Kinda bummed about that for no other reason than I’ve been able to maintain seal 1871290 since mid-March of last year. Now it has to die and be replaced with another silent key keeper.

It’s possible, I suppose, he’ll put a thick towel over me or a heavy sheet. And it’s possible that towel or sheet would be enough to hide the odd bulk of the Steelheart. But I recall one massage I got (at the Grand Californian at Disneyland of all places) where the sheet was ridiculously thin. Thin enough to figure out if the penis was circumcised. For real. Had I been locked, all would have been known instantaneously. It just seems really super creepy to me to not do something about the device if I can. Of course, I can. So I will.

While writing this, I’m still locked up. I’ll stay that way until I undress when I’ll pop the key and take the Steelheart off. Then, when redressing, I’ll put it back on. I’ll only be unlocked during the actual massage. Assuming, of course, that the key in the key safe is the right key. Damn. Just thought of that. Fuck.

Well…it is what it is. I’m pretty sure it’s the right one. We’ll know at about 3:10 this afternoon. Here’s hoping for that super thick towel or heavy sheet just in case…

UPDATE: The idea that I had the wrong key freaked me out enough to break into it and give it a test. Yes, it’s the right one. And yes, I’m still locked up.

1 Seriously, Twitter!? We STILL can’t edit fucking tweets? Facebook figured this out years ago now.

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Feral, free range rabbit

It’s been an odd couple of weeks around here.

First off, I was off in the woods over the long MLK weekend. Belle let me out the weekend before that, let me come, and then didn’t put me back in since I was flying on Wednesday. Got home Monday night and I just stayed unlocked. All of a sudden, it had been two weeks with no locked steel between my legs plus no sex.

The universe has decided to do interfere with our lives in a coordinated way. Things are going on both at her work and mine and together they’re a significant bummer. We’re maybe seeing the light at the end of the tunnel now, but we’re still living under this combined overhang and it’s no fun. That, as much as anything, also explains the gap in posts here.

In any event, we did finally fuck Saturday. Bummer or no, my hormones eventually overwhelmed the damper on my libido and, when shown a glimmer of hope from her, sparked into a sudden and raging need to be inside her.

She has a longstanding rule that I’m not allowed to play with the penis when unlocked absent her permission and, in the past, I was usually pretty good at following it, but I pledged that in 2015 I would follow it absolutely. The last few days were a significant challenge (and I was more or less neglecting the Tumblr for obvious reasons) but I found that whenever my hand was inexplicably on the hard penis, the idea of stroking it was really unappealing to me. Our base desires really can be rewired through conditioning. I wanted to feel the sensation of my fist pumping up and down around the hard shaft but even more badly wanted to feel as though I was doing what she expected and that I was keeping my word.

So yeah, when the time came, I was pretty fired up. It’s at those times when just a tiniest tease of my finger against her hot snatch will make me nearly combust and I’ll get a little more insistent with my actions than she likes.

“Remember,” she said, “This is supposed to be about me, not you.”

Years ago, I yearned for her to feel that way and act like it was true. Now it just is. Hearing the words were enough of a reminder to cause me to slow down and follow her body’s signals, not mine. Knowing that this dynamic was so deeply woven into our relationship left me feeling secure and comfortable in a way that’s difficult to explain as part of a hot sex scene. But there it was.

The entire time I was working on her, the penis was throbbing hard. Erections come in various strengths from happily plump to raging boner. When at the high end of the scale, you can feel the hardness. The straining of the erect tissue against the skin containing it. These are the erections of teenagers, but I had one then. I wanted so badly to fuck her. Then she came and immediately I felt the release valve go off. I could feel her heart beating with my fingers buried in her soft, hot wetness and my heart beating in the hardness between my legs and with each thump the penis was deflating just a little. It would shortly be too soft to use.

But I didn’t have time to worry about it. Just a few seconds after she came, she told me I could fuck so I hopped right up and got to work. The penis rapidly regained its strength. Then, even though my last orgasm was just two weeks ago, she said she wanted me to come. I didn’t even consider whether I wanted to or not. Of course, I wanted both. But she told me to so it was inevitable. I held it off as long as I could before coming.

I think it’s the case now that most of the time when she lets me come (which isn’t all that often) it’s those breathless few seconds of inevitability right after the building orgasm is at its peak (when, if edging, you back it off and let it die) and just before the ejacualte squirts forth that are the most enjoyable for me. It’s the very peak of the experience. Often, the intensity of ejaculating is so great that it hurts. As if something internal is getting flexed or pinched in a way its unused to. Far too much intensity. And then the crash. The crash I hardly ever feel in its full glory.

Belle told me after I had to go back into the Steelheart. She reminded me again Sunday morning that I had to after she came but, due to the visitation of her monthly visitor overnight, I was left out of the love tunnel. She did let me jack off but I wasn’t allowed to come this time and I got there so quickly suddenly that I didn’t have much time to enjoy it.

After more than two weeks, I really didn’t want to go back in. I got used to sleeping through the night. Of not dealing with the steel. Of not trying to hide it at the gym.

“Are you fighting me on this?” she asked. No, of course not. But…

“This is just proof how much you need to be locked up,” she said. “You know you need it, too. You’re better when you’re locked up.”

Swoon. Ache. Whimper.

Of course she’s right.

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Fishing for offense

Belle read my previous post about the penis problems from the other day and, while liking it in general, thought I was being defensive in the comments. Mostly because she was on the same page as the other women who left their thoughts. Essentially, women are conditioned/assume that if a man can’t get it up it’s somehow a reflection upon them, the woman he’s with, and not something else going on with the guy. The male commenters who indicated an opinion on the matter seemed to back me up. That erections were not as simple as showing a guy something sexually stimulating and waiting for the spongy tissue to fill up.

As the conversation went on, I realized that perhaps I was being a bit defensive, but I honestly don’t think it was underserved defensiveness. Usually, when I feel that way, it’s because the basic point of whatever post is being commented on has been missed. While that post didn’t have a salient point (some do, some don’t), I did try to establish as a man with a penis attached to his body that the simple stimulation = hard-on idea was incorrect. Yes, even men in all their supposedly binary simplistic ways, have a bit of nuance in how their sex works.

The notion that men’s sexual stimulation is as simple as a flicking a switch and that any issues he has, assuming they’re not physiological, are the responsibility of his partner seems to me sexist all the way around. As if men are simple bits with on and off settings and nothing in between and no psychological dimension to their arousal and, similarly, if he can’t get it up, it’s her problem, not his. That’s all kinds of fucked up.

I try not to go out of my way to find offense in things like this and I’m not trying assign the label of “sexist” on anyone in the conversation (and I’m fairly surprised to feel as though I’m on the other side of a sexist notion, to be honest about it). It could even be argued I’m overreacting. But it’s how I feel and, I think, the root of my “defensiveness.”

Of course, I didn’t need to write a post about erectile dysfunction issues. I could have glossed right over it. I don’t write about everything, after all. But I did and part of why I did was to hash out the difference between not getting it up because I wasn’t turned-on and not getting it up even though I was. Plus, I very specifically wanted to disabuse Belle of any idea that she was responsible. She may own the penis but she can’t control its function with such granularity. I became annoyed because the comments immediately went to where I specifically tried to redirect the issue. It’s fair to say women are conditioned to think their partner’s erections are their problems, but it’s frustrating to see that notion defended by women. I don’t think it’s fair nor anywhere near as simple.

I’ve written many times here that chastity and denial have rewritten some of the basic penis programming. It gets hard significantly less often due to stimulation while locked up than it does when unlocked. Additionally, once she comes, my body reacts in many ways as if I’ve come, though with less intensity than if I actually had. I also don’t think it gets quite as hard as it used to in similar situations nor does it stay as hard for as long. It’s very much a different organ than it was when we started (this even extends to the physical — there’s a permanent dent in the shaft now right where the Steelheart’s tube would hit during an erection). Plus, of course, chastity, denial, and D/s make me think about it and its role a lot more than a vanilla guy would. So it’s not really surprising to me at all that it would, on occasion, develop a hiccup. Even if only once in a while.

I can’t say to what extent Drew factors into any of this except to make the point as delicately as possible that the penis is usually not hard with him except when I’m under very specific stimulation. I have some theories as to why I seem to have had an issue resetting to being with Belle, but none of them are scary or menacing or anything at all anyone needs to worry about. It’s just how it is. A temporary blip.

For the record, the Sunday morning the penis worked exactly as designed. She told me I could fuck her and, as soon as I felt her wet pussy, it was ready for the task. No delay. It stayed that way the entire time until I came. The orgasm was intense, even painful, but not unpleasant. Clearly, whatever the cause of the previous day’s issues, they were resolved. I’d prefer not to think of it as a “problem” and it’s certainly not Belle’s to worry about. I really wish she wouldn’t, regardless of conditioning.

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How to measure for a male chastity device

“How do I measure for a chastity device?”

I get this question a lot. Just yesterday, someone on Twitter asked for the advice. I’ve never put it all in one place but have decided to do so for two reasons. First, it’ll make those looking for the information more likely to find it and, second, it’ll save me the time of having to say it over and over. And over again.

There are three measurements you need if you’re trying to size a trapped-ball style chastity device even if you’re going to buy a mass-produced one (like the Holy Trainer or CB-6000):

  • Flaccid penis length (tube/cage length)
  • Flaccid penis diameter (tube/cage diameter)
  • Circumference of both the penis and testicles combined (A-ring circumference)

You may also need to specify the gap width between the tube and ring but I’ve always left that to the manufacturer’s default and been satisfied. As far as I know, the only plastic device that lets you play with this is the CB-6000. The others are fixed.

In my experience and opinion, erect size is not a thing you have to worry about since the entire purpose of a chastity device is to arrest and defeat an erection. I’ve been asked if this is still the case for someone who’s a “grower” (i.e., their flaccid size is far smaller than their erect size) and my guess is no, but I don’t know for sure. I’d be interested to hear the experiences of others in this regard. My hunch is the difference would have to be really big for the erect size of the penis to be an issue. Chances are, sport, that ain’t you. But every penis is like a snowflake: unique. What’s worked for me or the majority of men may not work for all of them.

Also, with regard to issues of erect size, you won’t be doing yourself any favors if you buy a device with room in it thinking it’ll be better for when your dick tries to get hard. Smaller devices are more comfortable than larger ones (as unintuitive as that sounds). If you give the penis a little room to grow inside the device you will experience more pain and discomfort than otherwise, based on my experience. Therefore, you want to determine the normal size of your penis when it’s flaccid and size the device to that.

The thing every owner of a penis knows is that they’re all over the place with regard to size. They shrink up and they plump out (even when you’re not turned on) and can be any size in between. The same goes with scrotums. They’re constantly moving around (seriously, just sit and watch them someday). It is their function, after all, to maintain the temperature of the testes the best they can and that means pulling them closer or letting them hang farther away from your core body heat. Also, some men are “high and tight” in that their scrotums don’t hang down very far at all even when they’re at their most relaxed. Wearing a device is more difficult for these guys, especially at first. Over time and with extended wear, a chastity device will actually stretch a scrotum a bit and loosen that skin up, but it takes a while.

But anyway, as I said, “normal” flaccid size is what you’re looking for. This means a few things. First and most important is to take several measurements over time and at different times. I’d recommend something like 10 or 12 over a few days. Second, try your hardest not to think about what you’re doing. You’re measuring for something that very likely turns you the fuck on so watch Old Yeller or pay your taxes of something beforehand to get your mind off the topic entirely. Otherwise, you know what will happen. Bottom line, nobody knows your penis as well as you do. You know when it’s smaller or larger than normal. If you’re still unsure, err on the short side. If this is a problem for your ego…I can’t help you with that.

Different manufactures use different methods of measuring so make sure you communicate how you did it to them at the time you order. Mature Metal, for example, says you should measure the bottom of the penis. Typically, the penis is measured from the top (at least in my opinion) at the point where its shaft meets your’ pelvis down to the tip. Simple enough.

Most manufacturers want to know the diameter of the penis shaft when ordering. You can eyeball this from above with a ruler but, since penises can sometimes be thicker vertically than they are horizontally, a more accurate way to measure it would be to find diameter from circumference. This can be done a couple different ways. One simple method is to wrap a length of string around it and then measure that against a ruler or tape measure. Alternatively, if you have a tailor’s-style tape measure, you could use that. Once you have the circumference you can find your shaft’s diameter by dividing it by our magical friend π (3.14).

The string method is probably the simplest way to find the total circumference of the entire package though a tailor’s tape is also workable. Mature Metal offers sizing rings to help determine the A-ring size, though remember you’re not sizing a cock ring. Cock rings need to accommodate a full erection and chastity devices don’t necessarily. Initially, I wore a ring that was too big because I sized myself after wearing it all the time, even when I woke up with a raging morning erection.

It’s also worth noting that I’ve found the size A-ring your body can tolerate will change over time, especially during the early days. When first starting out, I discovered I needed a ring that was 2″ (50mm) in diameter. The one I spend most of my time in now is just over 1.5″ (40mm). That’s a huge size swing but it didn’t happen over night. I wore a 45mm ring for several months before moving to 40mm. I think the perfect size for me is actually right now about 42mm. Yes, two little millimeters makes a big difference. What I’m getting at here is you may want to consider ordering two rings up front.

Note that significant changes in your weight or fitness level will also impact the size ring you wear. I’ve needed a slightly larger ring after becoming more active (even though that resulted in weight loss).

The other thing to consider when sizing for an A-ring is the material the device will be made of. Metal is heavier, of course, and I’ve found a ring that fits well when it’s made of lighter plastic will feel too big when used for a metal device.

Another thing I can say about A-rings is they’ll be more comfortable if oval-shaped (sometimes called “anatomically shaped”). It leaves more room for the spermatic cords and vas deferens and other associated plumbing. Constriction of these is the leading cause of pain while in chastity, I’ve found.

Eventually, what you’re looking for is a ring that is snug, but not too tight. You should be able to get your little finger under it when flaccid. When hard, as long as your balls aren’t turning purple and getting cold, it’s not too small. If you’re experiencing testicular pain like a mild version of getting kicked in the balls, it’s probably a little too small (or round). Perfect world, your balls don’t hurt or turn blue (though they may turn a darker color red) but it’s still snug. If the device hangs too low or you can get your fingers through when hard, it’s too big. If your balls pop though when flaccid, it’s also too big (remember, “trapped-ball”). Yes, this is complicated stuff, but there’s a lot of complicated plumbing down there and sensitive tissue.

Of course, all this precise measuring is only really necessary when ordering custom. I DO NOT recommend anyone start out with chastity that way. First thing you should do is buy a plastic device. I recommend the Holy Trainer at the moment but the CB-6000 is also popular for some reason. Get the device that best fits your proportions. In the case of the tube, err on the short side, and in the case of the ring, err slightly larger.

It’s entirely possible you still have questions after all this or comments from your own experience. If so, please feel free to leave a comment below.

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KHD X3 espresso review

Everyone knows how printers work (more or less): A computer program reads a file and uses its instructions to tell a printer to spray differently colored inks onto a piece of paper in specific places as the paper rolls by underneath. 3D printing is both just like that and also totally different. There’s still a program on a computer and a file with printing instructions, but instead of ink and paper the printer “prints” in layers of plastic. There are actually several different technologies that get lumped under “3D printing” but the most common is one where a machine lays down extraordinarily thin layers of plastic. Just like the head of a conventional printer, many passes are made, one over another, until the object is rendered. The smaller the particle being produced, the higher the “resolution” of the printer. Just like with ink, higher resolution results in greater detail and smoother lines.

3D printers are still pretty expensive. There are many more people with ideas of objects that can be made using them (and people willing to buy those objects) than there are printers. That’s where a company like Shapeways comes in. They have the printers and the infrastructure to list a creator’s item online, accept payment, and then ship the goods once they’re printed up. No inventory since it’s all manufactured on-demand. Want to mount your FitBit on your watch? Someone else did, too, and there’s just what you’re looking for on Shapeways. Lots of weird custom things only a small group of enthusiasts might want which makes them perfect for a print-on-demand type service. Yes, this is the future we’re talking about, but it’s happening right now.

Usually on the internet, one of the first and most profitable applications for new technology involves sex. Things like online video and browser-based credit card transactions were pioneered by the adult industry. So it’s somewhat a surprise to me that there aren’t a ton of 3D printed sex toys out there. Search for “dildo” on the Shapeways site and only two come up. Search for “chastity” and you get nothing.

But, there are chastity devices there. In particular, one that’s getting some attention lately called the KHD X3 espresso.

The typical NSFW images leave the rest of this after a jump… Continue reading “KHD X3 espresso review”

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Mailbag

Adam made this comment to my CB-6000 tips and tricks page:

hi thumper. sorry for the weird question but, not sure if i missed it but was there any advice you can give please about dealing with the emotional side of being locked in chastity? how to cope/deal with…… not sure how to explain just really struggling here and only been in cb6000 just over 3 days now. lol. very inexperienced. been feeling really anxious etc.

In a way, this whole blog is about that. But since that’s a lot of reading, let me try and summarize.

First and foremost, being locked up is supposed to be fun, hot, sexy, etc. It is not supposed to be anxiety-inducing (well, not the bad kind of anxiety anyway). If you’re not having fun or feeling hot and/or sexy, STOP.

Second, you don’t mention if this is something you’re doing with yourself or a partner. If with a partner, you need to talk it out with them. Was this their idea or yours? Or a joint venture? What were you hoping you’d feel versus what you’re feeling. Try and suss out why it makes you anxious (assuming it’s more than just being really horny which can be enough, I know). I guess what I’m saying is, if this is a dynamic you’re trying out with your partner, they need to be part of the solution.

If it’s something you’re trying by yourself, then take the damned thing off and have an orgasm. When we first started, I could barely go 24 hours being denied. The day after I didn’t come for the first time I was bouncing off the walls. I had to build up to days at a time before days turned to weeks then months. There’s an adjustment period your body has to go through as it processes the hormonal load that usually dissipates after orgasms. So don’t try and jump right to advanced denial. Walk before you run.

Now, all that said, sometimes chastity is supposed to be really frustrating. Sometimes it’s about the struggle of coping with the anxious edge of being locked up and separated from your dick and horny as hell and totally controlled. Just like other types of sadomasochism (because that’s what enforced chastity is), there’s both a good and evil side. Pain can be a total turn on or a terrible turn off. Same pain in the same place administered in the same way, opposite results. Same with chastity. You need to be in the right frame of mind when you enter into it or close enough that the fact it’s happening can coax you over the line. But if you’re freaked out to begin with, it’s not going to work. Good luck!

Alex mused:

Hey Thumper, love your blog! My girlfriend and I have been reading it for a while and just purchased our first chasity device. The Holy Trainer 2. We got the clear normal sized one. Took a couple try’s to get it on. However, whenever it’s on, it protrudes 1-2 inches from my body. Basically pulling the whole device with my balls/penis away. And the pelvic area that protrudes is hard tissue, but not due to being aroused as I had just orgasmed to help that issue. Any advice?

Hmm. That sounds like you’ve got an erection. Pretty typical stuff when sporting wood. If that’s not the case, is it too tight? Are your balls cold and blue? (BTW, cold and blue is a bad thing.) Is your flaccid penis six inches long? You’ve stumped me on that one. Readers?

Had the following exchange with someone getting pinched in their tube by their PA ring:

Hi Thumper – I just received my new Steelworxx CB-Zero and thought you would like to see – http://fetlife.com/users/667861/pictures/34437364

Dims – 45mm Ring, 31mm cage, 82mm length

Fits very well – except night time erections are OUCHHHHHHHH!!! I believe it is pinching between the open rings – basically feels like cloths pins.  Hopefully time will help this a bit, but if this continues I will probably send a message to Dietmar to get a steelheart cage and just use the CB-Zero cage for when my wife wants that one on.  (She loves the look of this cage and having the ever so slight view of what’s going on inside.)

I think there might be some pinching with the PA fixing also – I’m using a 5/8″ 8ga smooth segment ring.  It’s really difficult to tell – do you have any advice on the PA fixing and preventing pinching and/or twisting?

Before I had a chance to reply, he added:

Hey Thumper – I sent you a message yesterday and I wanted to follow up.

I believe I determined the source of the “pinching” with the PA fixing.  I believe the segment ring is getting pushed into the top of the urethra during an attempted erection.  There must just not be enough room in the tip of the cage with the glands and segment ring.  Have you ever heard of this compliant with a Steelworxx device utilizing a captive bead or smooth segment ring?

And I said…

I was going to say it was the ring. I have a segment ring and can’t wear it for the same reason, either in or out of the SH. I’d try a captive bead ring. That’s what I use. Even though my piercing is a 4ga I wear an 8ga ring because it takes up less room in the tube. 

He replied…

Any idea what the difference between the smooth segment ring and captive bead ring is?  Is it lower profile on the bead side?

Me…

In my experience, the edges of the segment ring can be too sharp (and you have four of them). The ball ring has nothing but smooth surfaces. Nothing to bother the very tender tissue inside the urethra. 

I find that my segment ring has exposed edges and those edges are sharp as fuck. I really like the look of a segment ring, but I can’t wear it at all. Captive ball rings FTW.

That’s all, folks. Happy new year!