Still alive

While I can’t say the malaise has been shaken off, it has been given a good kick. Yesterday, the last full day before Belle went away for a week to Asia, I asked for an orgasm. It’s not that I especially wanted one, but I was at a loss with regard to my continued apathy and saw her impending departure as yet another seven days of sexual vacuum.

As I requested it, I imagined doing myself since she’s on the rag, but as the evening came alone, her fingers found the opening in my pajama bottoms and started to caress the flaccid cock. She did this for quite some time and the damned thing barely twitched. It’d been 23 days since the last orgasm and there she was paying it the most attention it’d seen in two weeks and all it did was lay there. I told her I was worried that I had somehow broken it.

I eventually closed my eyes and really concentrated on the feeling of her fingers on my skin. After a good ten minutes of this, there was life. A few minutes after that, there was a firm plumpness. Then, an honest to god hard-on. Finally.

Her grip was an odd one with most of the stroking being applied to the sides of the erection. She worked on it for what seemed like quite a while and I wondered if she’d ever get me off that way or if all she’d do was get me really, really turned on (and then if that wasn’t just as good as getting off) when I felt the tell-tale tingling and gurgling of the plumbing, deep down inside, rattling and clanging to life. Shortly thereafter, I was coming into her hand in great squirts. My entire consciousness had become that orgasm and as I felt the crest of it wash over me and the spasms start to subside I willed them to continue. Now that I was doing it – finally – I wanted it to go on and on and on. I never wanted to stop.

Today, as she busied herself around the house, I half hoped (OK, more than half) that she’d forget to tell me to get back into the device. She left me out on Friday which was why the meat was so readily available the night before. But, less than a half hour before she left, she told me to get it on. I actually begged to be left out, but she was firm. I was to be locked up. And so I am. I will have been locked into one device or another for all but two days of the previous month by the time she comes back from Asia. At least, as she clicked the lock shut, she thanked me for giving her control over it.

The truth is, I wish it was off. I wish I could be stroking myself right now and I wish I could come. I have a great desire to come. Had she left me out, I’m not sure what I’d have done. Part of me rationalizes that what I need to get my mojo back is a lot of coming. Lots and lots. I need a reset. A reminder of what I’ve been missing. Proof that I still can and still want to. Then again, as I sit and type this, it occurs to me that this desire, the thing I’ve been missing for weeks and weeks, may be my absent mojo after all. Perhaps wanting to come but not being able to marks the beginning of the end of my funk.

Maybe. I suppose only time will tell.

7 thoughts on “Still alive

  1. Is the grass always greener…?

    In an alternate universe, it’s possible that she did allow you to leave it off. Then she leaves, and you enter a great cycle of masturbating and feeling waves not only of release, but guilt that you could not control yourself, and you wish she had indeed locked you up before she left. Is that a more preferable scenario than then one you’re currently in?

    Many times in life the question is not so much “Why do I want what I want?” as “Why do I choose this path over others?”. The first question is a single frame, the second is the whole movie.

  2. Well thumper…I would be sympathetic, but my SIR has me locked up until Christmas and is threatening to make it longer for bad behavior on my part! I have already been locked up for over two months!

    Is Belle going to buy you a watch while in Asia? I hope to see a pic soon!

    Take care,
    boy brian

  3. Many times in life the question is not so much “Why do I want what I want?” as “Why do I choose this path over others?”. The first question is a single frame, the second is the whole movie.

    That was almost Yoda-like. I’ve been trying to think about the whole movie lately, but like many men, my sexual impulses are often “single frame” kinds of things. I think the issue was I was sitting through a movie that wasn’t really holding my interest. There were few scenes, so to speak, to pull me back in. The difference between a chick flick and some action Rambo thing? I dunno. As usual, I’ve taken the metaphor too far, but I like it.

    Is Belle going to buy you a watch while in Asia? I hope to see a pic soon!

    Tell you what, BB, if I get a new watch from her trip I’ll find a way to feature it in an HNT. Any G-Shocks you like more than others? She’s near a store that carries almost all of them.

  4. Thanks thumper!

    I love the mudman g-shock! Here is a link to the one I like most!

    they also have it in a tan military color that is very cool!

    Thanks again!
    boy brian

  5. thanks Thumper…can’t wait to se it in an HTN. I would be happy to see any of your g-shocks in an HTN soon!

    Hope Belle can pick up the mudman at a huge discount. Wish I had an opportunity to get a g-shocj at Asia prices! 🙂

    Thanks so much!
    boy brian

  6. The malaise is a normal part of the progression of a real Female Dominated relationship. We males are always “on” when it comes to sex. Always the reaction is “Why not?” when the possibility of sexual activity comes along. Women are generally “off.” Their reaction is generally “Why now?” when faced with sexual possibilty. By handing over the control of the sexual activity in your relationship to your wife you are naturally going to find yourself subjected to periods of “drought.” It’s a female thing.

    But as it turns out that you can find that you actually can enjoy some aspects of it. It is during the times when the focus isn’t on the sexual in your relationship that it can be on deeper personal atachments between the two of you. More on your devotion and trust and careing and mutual support of one another. And that can be very fulfilling and satisfying. That probabaly doesn’t seem like crazy-talk to the gals reading this comment, but it might seem like it to the guys.
    AIn addition, after having your wife in control of sex for awhile your body learns to react in new ways. There will be times when your “big” brain is saying “Man is she looking hot. I really want to have some sort of sexual contact with her!” while your other “brain” seems to know that there is no possibilty of that occuring and so doesn’t bother to rise to the occasion.

    Don’t sweat it. (the malaise and the slight ED) It is all part of the process and a good sign that you are happily progressing along this path together. At times like these concentrate on trying to do considerate and thoughtful and romatic things for the one you love. You don’t realize it yet, but you have been emancipated from the chains of always seeing everything through the lense of sexuality, and because of that you are free to enjoy pure romance and love in ways you probably never have experienced before.

    Go Thumper, GO!

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