Category: Life with Belle

Stuff that really happened to Thumper and/or Belle Fille

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MSM cuckoldry

CNN just posted an interesting article on cuckolding to their website.

In our current political climate, the term “cuck” — short for “cuckservative” — has become an insult of the so-called alt-right, aimed at men they view as spineless and emasculated.

Since I don’t identify as a conservative, I’ve never been called a “cuck” but I think it would be one of these weird non-sexual things that occasionally crosses over to give me a little thrill.

Anyway…

According to a recent study by David Ley, Justin Lehmiller and the writer Dan Savage, acting on cuckolding fantasies can be a largely positive experience for many couples, and hardly a sign of weakness.

The paper Dan contributed to deals with cuckolding in gay male relationships. I follow a few tumblrs on that topic and have to admit it’s something that doesn’t really trigger any kind of significant sexual response. I can’t explain it, but for me, the formula that works is “woman + other guy – denied male partner.” In the best case, the husband is cucked against his wishes (but then comes around after the fact because, you know, it’s all fantasy anyway). For whatever reason, if she turns into a he, the helium totally escapes from the fantasy ballon. The paper also suggests the issue of interracial cuckolding isn’t prevalent with gay men as it is in straight couples. Again, for me, that’s not a critical element. I do respond to it, but it’s not an element in my relationship fantasies. The fantasy guy just needs to be one with a better tool.

The article quotes Lehmiller as saying…

We found several personality factors that predict more positive experiences acting on cuckolding fantasies. For those who have a lot of relationship anxiety or abandonment issues, who lack intimacy and communication, and who aren’t careful, detail-oriented planners, acting on a consensual non-monogamy fantasy could very well be a negative experience. In other words, not everyone who has a cuckolding fantasy should think about acting on it.

This makes so much sense to me. I’m no expert, but it seems perfectly logical as a person who is confident in the strength of his relationship that either of us going outside the marriage for sex simply doesn’t seem to bother or threaten me. Far from it.

Ley said…

For men and couples considering the issue of cuckolding, it’s important there be honesty, integrity, communication, mutuality and shared values. I’ve seen men who try to trick their wives into cuckolding them, and this never, ever ends up well.

Guys, DO NOT trick your wives into this. Come on. What a dick move. Otherwise, yes, honesty, communication, integrity. It’s not on his list, but also trust.

This really surprised me…

Lehmiller surveyed thousands of Americans and found that 58% of men and about a third of women had fantasized about cuckolding.

Holy shit. Most men!? And a third of women? That’s so many more than I would have guessed.

Part of what makes cuckolding arousing for heterosexual men is that they tend to view it as a taboo act.

I can remember my earliest reactions to the concept of cuckolding (helped by writing about it at the time). Not being an expert in human sexuality, I can’t say for certain how taboo influences what turns me on, but cuckolding for me seems just another expression of sexual inequality, domination, and denial. In that post I wrote nine years ago, it seemed clear to me even then, though I certainly would not have written it in the same way today. I have evolved.

Unlike then, the concept of inferiority is clearly motivational for me when it comes to the idea of being cuckolded. Of being inferior to the fantasy him. He’s got a cock more to Belle’s liking and can fuck for days (and he knows it) whereas I know I’m not as big as she would prefer and I can’t fuck for very long at all without needing to stop well before she’d like me to lest I orgasm. I still feel in most aspects of our life Belle and I are equals, but certainly not in our sexual relations and I’m clearly inferior to this fantasy sex partner of Belle’s.

It’s one of the things that has complicated the potential of being cucked in real life. The actual guy who might make it a reality is, it turns out, an emotionally stunted turd (IMO — she’s more charitable). Literally the only part of him that’s superior to me is his cock. He has and might again hurt Belle emotionally and so my dander is up in general. It’s an interesting situation to be in. On the one hand, the penis never strains against the steel more than when I’m thinking about him fucking Belle, but on the other, he bugs the shit out me for being such a putz. Belle might see him when she goes through London on this trip and, if she does, then something else might happen, too, but neither of us are counting our chickens just yet. And I’m more likely to want to go punch him for being a dick to her than I am wanting to stroke myself at the idea of him putting his dick in her.

In any event, it’s somewhat encouraging to see mainstream articles on non-monogamy. Gives me hope that what seems to be such a natural part of our sexuality won’t have to live in the closet forever.

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Of trust and locks

Tom wrote a thing about keys. Go ahead and read it if you haven’t already, but long story short, Mrs Edge took all the keys, even the “emergency” one, and has left poor Tom without any.

But not having a key at my disposal at all? To go all day, every day, for weeks, maybe months with not even an opportunity for access to a key? The idea of turning that absolute control over to her was surprisingly hot for both of us. Remember, on these devices, there’s no padlock, no locking pins, and certainly nothing to be broken or cut. That cage is not coming off without actual power tools.

And it made me think about a conversation that was happening on Twitter a few days ago about keys and locks and I said something about the real lock being the trust a keyholder has in he who they lock. This is more or less what I was talking about when I said, “The very best chastity device is the one between your ears.”

Locks and keys and access to keys and where the key is and if she’s wearing it around her neck or giving it to her friend (boy?) for safe keeping (you wish) or leaving it in her desk drawer at work or what have you really gets a locked guy’s crank cranked. I get it, believe me. The key becomes…the key. Where is it? What’s she doing with it? Did she bring it? What if she looses it? Ooo, there it is! Etc.

First of all, what Tom says in his post is true. The emergency key idea is kind of bunk. I can remember the number of times needing an “emergency” key in the approaching ten years I’ve been locked up on one hand. And most of those times, I didn’t have it and I survived each time (look, here I am writing this thing). In a real emergency, neither Tom or I or you would have time to get to the key anyway. In reality, emergency keys are convenience keys. And most of the time, access to the key is planned for planned things like air travel or medical procedures.

Except when all that is on its head.

Belle doesn’t hide the key. She’s been gone for two weeks and she left it behind. I know exactly where it is. I have my own key all nicely secured in a locked thing (and I sometimes even remember where it is), but it doesn’t matter. If I need the key for whatever reason, I know how to get to it. She knows I know all this, too. Belle just doesn’t seem to care about the key as an object of power. She could, but choses not to. It’s not the significant thing in our dynamic. She trusts me to do the right thing and follow the rules.

This flies in the face of the One True Way to do enforced male chastity, I know. It probably seems a bit of a let down for some. But what I’ve grown to understand is that key obsession goes against the spirit of submission. I submit to Belle, not her key. My involved fantasies about how the key should be handled are my fantasies. If she wants to play a game with it and where it is and keep it hidden, etc., that’s her choice. For me to require her to do so because I can’t be trusted knowing where it is puts too high a burden on her to play this game my way.

I said on Twitter just this morning…

Man, that sounds like a guy who really should not know where his key is. But what the fuck would the point of all this be if I took the key and used it to give myself relief? And what’s the functional difference in knowing exactly where it is (a little box in her nightstand drawer) versus hunting all over for it on a desperate search?

I have no time at all for men who can’t be trusted to hold up their end of the deal when it comes to enforced chastity. Slipping out the back of an unsecured device for a quick wank is the same as using the key to take the whole thing off for the same reason. I do understand how security adds to the hotness of the situation (an inescapable device and a mysterious key), but just like at the airport, it’s all theater. The keyholder should set the terms of their keyheld’s containment and he should respect and honor their wishes. Maybe they do some things because the keyheld wants it or likes it, but that’s optional for them. What’s not optional for he whose junk is locked is following their rules.

Since Belle’s been gone, I’ve been in six different devices. Just because I could. She has no rules about what I’m locked into, just that I’m locked. And my travel during her trip has required me to be in the Holy Trainer which is fine for travel but I far prefer metal when I have the option. I’ll be using her key to put myself back in the Holy Trainer tomorrow since I have to fly again. I might even take it with me so I can swap into the Steelheart before flying back. Crazy, right? Madness. But not really.

For me, the thing is the device. When it’s on, it’s fucking well on. I don’t take it off for reasons other than health, national panic, alien invasion, etc. When it’s off, I’m a basket case and really can’t be trusted. The flesh is weak. The mind, too. A hard shaft in a hand is a potent thing to a guy who comes once every 12 weeks, on average. But that’s why the device is there. That’s why she requires I wear it. And I have accepted that submission willingly and wholeheartedly.

Truth is, to succeed at enforced male chastity over the long-term, you have to want to be locked up. You have to like it. You have to crave it. We are party to our own imprisonment. I fully admit to all those things. If I ever fucked up so bad she stopped locking me up, I’d be miserable. She knows that. It’s the ultimate leverage she has over me: My fear of her withdrawing her domination. My burning desire to submit and give her control over the penis is what keeps me honest. I always always want that. I’m not fooling anybody.

 

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Active bisexual

I was jonesing to write a post and luckily enough a reader going by the handle 60and40boyfiend commented on a recent post…

Thumper, this may be in the wrong place but I am curious if you still consider yourself an active bisexual since you ended your relationship with Drew? You don’t talk about him or men in general much now, so did that get it out of your system so to speak? I am in a similar situation and have had my fun but now think it’s time to get rid of the guy so not sure what to do. Did you have regrets? Have you found other men?

Btw, how are Drew and Fro-to? I miss hearing about them.

I used to think like you do. That my urges regarding men were transitory and once they were “out of my system” I’d go back to whatever passes for normal. But that’s just wrong. A bisexual in a monogamous opposite-sex relationship is still bisexual. A bisexual in a monogamous same-sex relationship is still bisexual. We are not defined by who we’re fucking or being fucked by. Being bisexual isn’t about the physical arrangement of one’s life. It’s about how one’s brain is wired to their junk.

If you were in my imagination (or perhaps perused one of my Tumblrs), you’d see I’m still very much an “active” bisexual. That doesn’t mean I’m always and equally attracted to both genders (or, for that matter, that my taste in porn is an accurate reflection of my feelings — I’ve always been more drawn to gay porn than straight). My sexuality is a continuum that oscillates along the Kinsey scale from about a 2 to about a 4 with maybe some brief excursions into 1 and 5 from time to time. I can’t explain that. I don’t know why I feel like that. I’ve tried hard to identify the “triggers” that make me move in one direction or another (and started doing so back when what I wanted more than anything was to be a simple 0), but I’ve decided the factors are either random or so multilayered that I’m never going to figure them out. Also, that I don’t need to. I’m never going to stop oscillating and I’m never going to be gay or straight. Luckily, I’m in a long term committed relationship where that’s not a problem. Belle accepts me as I am and has allowed me the opportunity to express my desires (with some specific limitations).

Regarding not talking about men here, that’s more a function of what this blog is about (Belle and I) than what I’m thinking or doing. My adventures with Drew and Frodo were never supposed to star here in any great detail. They’re both hanging around and both remain tantalizing possibilities that, based on the previous paragraph, you’ll understand I’m more interested in some days than others. And they’re both doing well. With Drew, you don’t need to take my word for it.

The thing that keeps me from engaging with them more than I might like to has nothing to do with how bisexual I feel on any given day. My issue currently is that a chronic injury has led me to slack off dramatically from my exercise routine which has in turn left me feeling very dissatisfied with my body and decidedly unsexy. I’m trying to turn things around, but I can’t separate how I feel about myself from how I feel about being with anyone (even Belle, if I’m honest). So that’s a whole ‘nuther layer that really only I can do anything about.

On a related topic, I recently said this on Twitter…

I still haven’t quite wrapped my head around that, but it feels true. Perhaps because I’m bisexual and round off to a Kinsey 4 (dead center) it’s easier for me to say it. Also, if there was a Kinsey scale for Dom-sub, I’d be pegged at the sub end (haha, see what I did there?). In general, I’m a person who lives in gray spaces between the poles, except in this one way. I have essentially no dominant tendencies.

I wonder sometimes if my predilection towards being a bottom (in the male homosexual sense of the word, not the “synonymous with sub” sense) is partially due to the fact that I have no access to the penis. For me, the penis has transmuted into this (usually) steel numb thing between my legs that pressurizes when I’m horny and whose absence leaves me feeling off-center and weird. I don’t like seeing the penis. I don’t like being free. I don’t want to use it for anything other than what Belle tells me to (and even then I do it more because she likes and wants it). The Steelheart in particular is more me than the thing within it. In some ways, I feel like the epicenter of my sexual focus has migrated backward a few inches and inward. I’m not a person who fucks, I’m a person who gets fucked. I’m not a person who takes sexual pleasure from others directly, I’m a person who allows others to take their pleasure from me. Being used in whatever way someone needs to use me to achieve maximum sexual pleasure is, TBH, the hottest thing I can possibly imagine.

You might read that “get fucked, not fuck” thing and think, geeze, you sound gay to me. But I’m not. I still love Belle. I still love pussy and tits and hips and women. So it’s a conundrum. And I do what Belle wants me to do with the penis because, like I said, I’m a fucking sub. If what makes her happy is to have me feel or do a certain thing, then that’s what I’ll do, to the best of my ability.

Living with bisexuality for fifty years has taught me not to get too hung up in my own underwear. All I want is to know myself better than I have before. To understand my motivations and predilections. To explore how my sexuality has been changing as age and circumstance have changed around it. But I won’t worry about it. I won’t freak out as things evolve and as I realize and recognize that evolution. I am what I am and try to live without regret for that not being what I wish it could or should be.

So I wrote all that before rereading your comment while proofreading the post…

Last thing. You said, “I am in a similar situation and have had my fun but now think it’s time to get rid of the guy so not sure what to do.” Ask yourself if you’re just over this one guy or if you’re over guys. You might feel that men don’t hold much allure for you right now. I get that, totally. Or it might be you’re just kind of over this certain dude. But whatever you think, don’t imagine for a second that it’s “out of your system” because it ain’t and never will be.

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Year-end metrics

Welp, here we are at the start of a new year. That means 2017’s metrics project is in the can. Thousands of hours, a handful of chastity devices, scores of orgasms (for her) and still just the one penis.

December

IMG_0656The final month of the year was all about the Steelheart. Nearly 99% of the time I was locked, I was in the Steelheart. For the remainder of the time, the penis was left staring at the inside of the Holy Trainer v3 (for which I still have a review to write). I was unlocked for less than 1% of the month (.07% to be precise). That’s just a tad bit more than I was unlocked in November, but still hovering right around the 99% locked average Belle’s established (throwing out the oddball September). I’d chalk up the extra hour out in December vs. November to device maintenance. I gave the Steelheart a thorough cleaning and polish just before Christmas that easily could have taken an hour (vinegar soak plus buffing, etc.).

We had a house guest one weekend and no sex for those few days so I was worried Belle’s orgasm count would suffer, but the holiday break helped boost that to a respectable nine. Seven were administered by my and two she took into her own hands. She let me fuck her six times which is well above average but equal to November. Still making up for October, perhaps. I ejaculated each time I was inside her. One time resulted in a full-fledged (and authorized) orgasm because I dunno maybe she was spoiling me.

January is going to be a weird month due to her work travel and mine. I won’t be seeing her except for one mid-week night in the month after this Sunday. However, she’ll be traveling through London at one point, so…who knows what’s going to happen.

2017

IMG_0657So now for the big numbers. All tolled, the penis was secured for 8,578.28 hours out of a total possible of 8,760. That’s 97.9% of the time. Had September been a normal month, that percentage would have gone north of 99%, but it wasn’t. Two-thirds of the time the penis was free happened in September.

The Steelheart was utilized more than any other device and accounted for nearly half the time I was locked up. The Halfshell was second but was still nearly 1,000 hours behind. The remaining 18% of the locked-up time was divided between seven different devices.

Belle had 97 orgasms in 2017. That’s an orgasm ratio of about 19:1 since I was allowed five. I was pretty sure she was going to keep me to four since the rate had been a regular once per quarter but one more slipped in at the start of December.

Screenshot 2018-01-04 15.44.50Sixty-three of Belle’s orgasms came from my fingers. Twenty-five she created all on her own (I don’t track how those were brought about since that’s all about her). Five were the result of me using the vibrator on her clit and two each came from me performing oral on her and her riding the penis. Of course, it’s a crap shoot when it comes to using the penis since my trigger is highly sporadic and typically very short but I’d be very happy to go down on her more if she wanted me to.

She averaged eight orgasms a month with the highest frequency being April with 12 and the lowest being June with just four.

I was allowed inside her 46 times over the course of the year. That’s just under four times a month. Three months tied for the most frequent number with six (May, November, and December) and the least amount being zero in Locktober.

At this point, keeping track of all these things has become something of a habit. I will continue to do so in 2018 and for as long as she lets me.

 

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November metrics

IMG_A38ED57DBFF7-1September was weird because I was unlocked so much, October was weird because I was only locked up, November was back to what we call normal around here. I was locked up 99.5% of the time and unlocked just over a half of one percent meaning it rounded up in my tracking app to 1%.

Most of the time, I was in the Steelheart and the rest of the time was split between the Holy Trainer v3(!) and the Halfshell. I was in the HTv2 for like a day for some reason I can’t recall but had something to do with worrying about metal detectors.

Yes, the Holy Trainer v3 has entered the mix here at Thumpermedia Global Headquarters. I am tardy at writing my review for that and hope to get around to it in the next few days.

Belle let me out to fuck her six times in November which is well over the 3.6 times averaged over the previous ten months but I expect she was making up for not getting any penis the previous month. Honestly, I felt sort of spoiled getting so much pussy. Especially since she let me have an orgasm near the beginning of the month. That was my fourth orgasm of the year.

She had eleven orgasms in the month which is the second highest number this year. Two of those she gave herself (one of those when I was present), one was from going down on her, and two happened on the same day (which is a real banner event for her). The rest were the result of prestidigitation.

Belle told me she may let me jack off for Christmas and if anything represents the spirit of Christmas more than allowing one’s husband to abuse himself for the first time in 15 months, I don’t know what it is. Gives a who new meaning to buche de Noël. More like brindille de Noël, perhaps…

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TOGgle switch: On

You remember TOG. No? He’s that British guy who’s been on-again, off-again sniffing around Belle for some time now. Search for “TOG” if you want the details. Long story short, it seemed like it was over but now it’s back on. For, like, the twelfth time or something.

Turns out, Belle’s been communicating with him quite a bit in the recent past without me knowing about it. At least, I wasn’t aware to what extent they’ve been talking. In a normal marriage, this would be a huge problem — a wife having an online assignation and planning a time and place for sex — but we don’t have a normal marriage in that I have no expectations that she needs to tell me some guy in Great Britain (or anywhere) is sending her pictures of his cock and telling her what he wants to do to her with it.

Regardless, once more, I find I have conflicted feelings. Again, not in the usual ways. I’m not jealous in the slightest. Zero percent jealously. Less than zero. In fact, Belle being fucked by another man (and one with a cock sized more to her preferences — TOG’s is claimed to be over 7″) is the single most potent fantasy I have. I get kind of weak in the everywheres thinking about it. Even just knowing she’s been having this virtual affair without telling me makes me sort of delirious.

Our text exchange from the other day…

B: Would you have any issue with me going to London in the Spring?
T: Besides being incredibly jealous? What’s in London? (See, I had no idea.)
B: You know.
T: (Zing!) Oh.
T: Of course I have no issue.
B: OK, I found a cheap ticket. I might end up regretting it but at the same time if I don’t try I think I would regret that too. And I’m prepared for that.
T: I understand.
B: I love you. Thanks, Thumpie.
T: I love you too.

So my initial take on this revelation was one of caution. I continue to be worried about what a flake this man has been over the time they’ve known one another and I’m worried he’ll flake out again once she’s there or before or he’ll meet her and chicken out or I don’t know what. Just something that will hurt her emotionally. That was and continues to be a real concern for me. I want to shield her from any pain.

But then, on my way home, I found I was incredibly horny. And at first, I had no idea why. The kind of horny where just shifting in my seat and causing the penis to move slightly in its confinement causes it to swell tightly. The kind of horny where a feeling of electric energy in my balls sparkles and buzzes and makes it hard to concentrate or follow conversations. Then, of course, it hit me. She might get fucked by this guy. Finally. The ultimate fantasy.

A lot of cuckold situations I read about online seem to have the cuck in a position of some control or participation. As in, he finds the men for his wife or is actively involved in the sex. To me, a purer form of cuckoldry is where the cuck has up to and including no role at all. In which the wife goes and has an entirely separate relationship that the cuck only hears about, and then only what his wife is willing to tell him. Of course, I want to hear everything. Of course, I want to see the dick pics he’s sent her. Of course, my imagination can come up with all kinds of fantastic, hot scenarios. But that’s all about me. I think cuckolding is for the one doing the cucking, not the cuck. So in that way, it’s a weirdly passive kind of sexual fantasy. And one that makes me, the wannabe cuck who sits at home locked in chastity and left only with his imagination, feeing even less in control than usual.

I’ve been so turned on by the prospect of TOG finally coming through that it’s been hard for me to keep my hands off Belle. I struggled to fall asleep the night she told me and was woken early the following morning by little else than sexual energy. When she started to stir, I was on her in a way that was supposed to show I was eager to pleasure her but not so eager that I wanted to annoy her. In any event, she let me get her off just as her alarm would have been waking her up.

That night, with fifteen minutes before I needed to leave to pick up our daughter at an evening class, I exposed her nipple and started sucking and licking it. Not so subtle this time. Then my hand was in her snatch and rubbing another orgasm out of her. Two in one day. That’s impressive for her. And I was still able to pick up the kid on time.

And here I sit, still finding thoughts of Belle and TOG floating through my mind unbidden. In meetings or while driving or anywhere really along with the commensurate tightness in the steel. Obviously, I can’t live like this for months and months. Or, maybe I can. Belle doesn’t really bring it up. I do. I keep it alive in conversation between us. Because I can’t stop obsessing over it. And that makes me feel somewhat guilty because, as I said, this is about her not me. A classic case of a denied male’s base, lizard brain in conflict with his higher, bunny one. You can imagine how pissed the lizard is since the idea of being turned on to distraction by the thought of another man fucking her isn’t even something that ever came into his reptile brain prior to the fucking bunny getting him this situation in the first place.

Breathe, rabbit. Breathe.

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October metrics

IMG_7483I guess I probably should have called this “Locktober metrics” since that little internet thing has been in control of the key all month long. When I mentioned Belle wanted to do Locktober, I said I had no idea where it came from. Since then, a follower on Tumblr sent me a link to a post on a blog called Keep Him Locked: A Wife’s Guide to Male Chastity and Cock Cages that might be the origination of the idea, though the original post only has 57 notes and I’d think something that’s become such a big deal would have more than that. In any event, I suppose it’s possible the idea came to multiple people.

So yeah, as I thought, Belle really wanted to let the penis out so I could fuck her with it, but she held steady and kept it locked up. Someone on Twitter called me out for not truly being part of Locktober since I switched devices a few times over the month and I suppose if one wants to consider the few moments of freedom experienced as the penis went from one securement to another violating the rules, that’s one’s choice, though since it was never out for more than a few moments and was never used for anything pleasurable, one could also find other, more productive ways ways to entertain one’s pedantic self and leave me out of it.

As you can see from the numbers above, and for the first time this year, the penis was locked up 100% of the time. Zero time out, zero times inside Belle, zero ruined orgasms. And, of course, zero actual orgasms. That makes that part of the metrics easy to report.

As you might recall, September was the month the penis was unsecured the most all year by a long shot. So much so that the cumulative time out jumped from about 1% through August to about 3% though September. Locktober brought that back down to about 2%.

Due to how our schedules interacted, Locktober was actually way longer than a month. The last time I was allowed into Belle was back on September 10 and the penis has been locked up continuously since September 19. So that’s 43 days of lock-up and 52 days without pleasurable usage of the meat. My last orgasm was August 26.

I’m not sure I’ve ever been locked up for so long. There were some really intense urges to be out that were their most acute in the moments right after she came. I’ve also felt some incredibly powerful and notable waves of craving freedom at some points when looking at Tumblr. I don’t crave orgasm at all, though. Just…something. Some kind of friction against the penis. Something more than the feeling of its hard confinement pushing back.

Belle came nine times in October. The month started with a bang but then life got in the way and we had to make a trip and share a hotel room with offspring and that put a damper on getting her off. One of those orgasms she gave herself. The remaining were inflicted by me using my fingers, though one was a team effort in which she used the vibrator while I fingered her. That was a particularly compelling orgasm, as I recall, and the second of the day(!).

November, of course, is NOvember but that’s a thing dealing with orgasm denial, not continuous enforced chastity, and a lot easier for her to accommodate if she chooses to do so. I’m in no hurry to come anyway and can be denied that while still giving her the occasional (if all too brief) fucking she craves.

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Nine

On this date nine years ago I began writing Denying Thumper. It’s equal parts hard to fathom it’s been that long, but also a wonder so many things have happened and evolved in what seems like so little time.

Looking back, I’m not entirely sure why I started the blog when I did. It was, even then, a blog about orgasm denial and chastity, but I had barely been denied any orgasms (the day after I started the blog was three whole days without an orgasm!) and we didn’t have a chastity device, though I ordered a CB6K after a few days. Clearly, right after being introduced to the concepts, the need and desire to live that way blossomed fully and with an alarming suddenness.

For me, the real beginning was on the 21st of October when I wore a chastity device for the first time. It’s pretty funny reading that now, to be honest. I’ve changed so much but so many things are the same.

I rarely go back and read the early days of the blog because a lot of that time was spent by both of us figuring things out and my attitude wasn’t always very good. I’m often embarrassed by myself. I was petulant and expectant and filled with a sort of penis-centric privilege that betrayed what I purported to want out of submitting to Belle. It took years to really find the path I think chastity and denial should follow (more or less, there is no One True Way). It took a long time for me to get my head on straight.

Belle grew into her role, gaining confidence. I settled down into mine, shedding selfishness.

And here we. Still ticking. Locked up more than ever. Just three orgasms on the year. In some ways, things have only become more of what they were even back then. But it’s also no longer new. It’s no longer novel. It’s what things are. It’s how we live. And it’s pretty darned good.

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Hashtag Locktober

I have no idea where Locktober came from. First I heard of it was from Andy and then there was a hashtag and now it’s a thing. I made something of a flippant response on the Twitter…

Except the deal with Locktober is to be locked for all of October. And I’m not always locked, just north of 98% of the time (last month excluded). I told Belle about Locktober and she was intrigued. She’s decided we will play along…for now.

See, Belle hasn’t been fucked since September 10. I know this because I keep track of such things. We were apart for the better part of several weeks and the last time she let me inside her was way back one month ago today. And while I was unlocked on my trip for more than is customary, I have been continuously locked since 11:00 AM on the 19th of September, three weeks ago today. I’m just not entirely certain Belle can wait that long to feel a hard penis inside her again.

But who knows. Last night I came into the bedroom while she was watching the football and apparently I looked cute to her because she said so and I asked why because I thought I looked kind of schlubby and she said maybe it was Locktober. Like, I was more attractive because I was going to be locked for the whole month. And the number of times she’s had me get her off this month puts it on track for a record in that department.

So yeah, Belle likes to get fucked, but this is also kind of a classic non-intuitive side effect of enforced chastity. The one you read about in all the hawt chastity porn. Like any mythology, it does have a basis in reality. For whatever reason, the idea of not being fucked by me because she’s keeping the penis locked up for the whole month is making her more likely to want to have sex. You just can’t make that make sense to someone who’s never heard of enforced male chastity. It’s a real paradox.

It’s been quite difficult for me during those times she lets me get her off because the penis has learned that while it’s locked up all the time, it does get to come out for 20-30 minutes a week and get wet inside her. While I feel her orgasm pulse through her body, the penis is straining hard against its confinement and pushing up the memory of what sliding inside her wet pussy feels like just to torment me. It wants to fuck her badly. It becomes an acute craving. And sure, that’s painful for about 12 seconds because the yearning need is strong, but then it fades and is replaced with the equally nonsensical and paradoxical feelings of submissive gratitude for being cared for in this way. Attended to, after a fashion.

So while dealing with the meat’s disappointment at not getting wet is fleetingly difficult, I think this Locktober thing is a good idea. It reminds us that whatever attention the contents of the devices locked onto us get is the sole discretion of the one holding our key. It demonstrates how penises are not required for satisfying sex. It reinforces the natural order of our relationships. And, for those keyholders needing it, it provides a shelter for any lingering guilt they feel over leaving their partners secure.

All that said, I’m still not sure Belle can go three more weeks without feeling me inside her. We’ll see. Whatever happens, it is — as always — up to her.

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September metrics

IMG_6950September was an odd month. The issue I ran into on my camping trip along with time I was left out near the beginning of the month for some sore spots and the issues the Metal Holy Trainer gave me combined for a relatively massive amount of unlocked time. The penis was unguarded for 17% of the month. Seventy percent of the time I’ve been unlocked in 2017 so far happened in September. While none of it was by choice, I still find it personally disappointing that it ended up that way.

The device breakdown saw the Steelheart once again getting the majority of action. The Halfshell, Looker 02, and Metal Holy Trainer divvied up about a third of the locked time.

Belle and I were also apart for three out of the five weekends in September so those numbers are weird, too. She came ten times which makes September the second-highest month for her orgasms, but half of them were at her own hand. One was unique in my tracking in that it involved both the vibrator and my fingers (and, as I recall, was an especially good one). The rest were the result of my prestidigitation.

I was allowed to fuck her just three times, the second-lowest number in a month this year. I only ejaculated twice. I had zero orgasms.

IMG_6966September is also the end of the quarter. The device breakdown shows the penis living in seven different confinements. The Steelheart took up almost half the time in those three moths while the Halfshell got nearly a third. Naturally, my unlocked time was quite high at 6% thanks to September.

Belle came 24 times in the quarter, one time fewer than the previous quarter but four more than in the first quarter. Only one of those was from riding the penis. Eight were self-administered, two were from me using the vibrator on her, and the rest were my fingers. No oral. [sadface]

I was allowed to fuck her 12 times, one of which resulted in an authorized orgasm (though it sucked). Ten included ejaculation. One was “dry.” Naturally, I didn’t jack off once. In fact, I don’t think I’ve done that in more than a year now. Not since…the incident.