Category: Chastity Nerdery

Those posts where I (mostly) drone on endlessly about living in enforced chastity.

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Wanting to want to

Strongandsubmissive said in response to the idea of permanent denial:

I don’t quite get permanent denial. I’m not saying it’s fiction only, just that it’s not for me. Perhaps it’s just my inexperience with chastity talking, but part of the fun of the whole process and not knowing when you’ll be allowed out or allowed to orgasm. The perpetual drive to be better and the emotional changes seem to be linked to the idea that “maybe if I’m a good boy, she’ll reward me with an orgasm”.

If you are permanently denied, that mystery or trump card is gone, because you’ll always know what the answer is.

That may work for some, but I’m not sure it’s up my alley.

Of course, everyone’s different. And it’s possible with the knowledge that there would never be another orgasm ever again that a certain edge would be removed from the practice, but for me anyway, it takes so long to get to a point where I actually crave an orgasm over the feeling of being denied one.

Take this morning, for instance. I knew when I put my hand on Belle’s hot, wet pussy that I wasn’t going to get in there, let alone make it a gooey mess. It is an established fact that I’m months away from coming again. What I find is it’s only that knowledge that really allows me to get into it. See, I do not want to come. Not one bit. I want to want to come, but I don’t want to come. If that makes sense. And this is in the face of absolute knowledge that it will not happen. With the possibility of orgasm removed, I’m more free to enjoy having sex with her.

Not every guy is like that. Most men are entirely driven by their desire to squirt. That’s OK. It’s “normal” and culturally acceptable. Other men (a smaller number in practice, but I suspect there’s a much larger unrealized number out there) like to have their orgasms controlled and even limited. An hour, a day, a week. Whatever. Take it as far as you want, at the end they want to come, even if they don’t know when it’s going to happen. I can get to this place, but it literally took me three months last time. Then there’s a third type. The type I think I may be and the type Sarah’s John may be. The type in which it is all about the chase, never the capture. Unending, unquenched desire. The absolute end of orgasm.

But I’m not really in that position and am unlikely to be as Belle shows no interest in it, so it’s impossible for me to know exactly how living with the understanding that I have come for the last time in my life would work with me. I do know, since I just finished a month where she let me come nine times, that I like the denied me more than the sated me.1 Sure, I liked (most of) them. We’re wired to enjoy the feeling of orgasm. But I did not enjoy the wasteland of sensation that followed the afterglow. The near-constant state of being sexually charged and frustrated has apparently changed my basic psychology and/or brain chemistry. At least, I think it has. I can’t really know, right?

In any event, the juxtaposition of this comparatively ejaculate sodden month to the newfound near-certainty that I’d like to stop coming forever is not entirely lost on me. I don’t think this is the hormones talking. I think this is as rational an insight as I can achive.

It’s obvious to anyone who does it that this whole orgasm control, denial, chastity thing comes in many flavors and styles. If it didn’t, we wouldn’t need all these damned blogs, would we? As with so many other things in life, the right way is the way that works for you for as long as it works for you. Maybe that’s the root of the issue people have with permanent denial. Forever is a really long time.

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1 Pretty sure Belle like the denied me better, too, but not, ultimately, better than she likes the feeling of me coming inside her. ↩

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Rubbed raw

Today is thirteen weeks, four days since the Unfortunate Incident. AKA, ninety-five days since my last orgasm (and officially over my previous record).

The earliest I’ll be allowed to come is day after tomorrow: December 1. However, knowing my Belle like I do, I’d bet she’ll make me wait until the weekend. Saturday will be 99 days. Will she make me wait until Sunday for the even 100? Will she allow me to be out of the Steelheart until then? As I mentioned yesterday, she let me out of the tube on Saturday. Since then, I’ve literally rubbed the penis raw in frustration. Is it any wonder I prefer to be locked up? Do you have any idea how long it takes me to get out of the bathroom in the morning like this?

As an aside, I may need to come up with a better term then “locked up” since the double cock ring also has a lock, the key to which is not in my possession. I am, technically, still locked up, but not at all in the way I am in the chastity device. 

Speaking of rubbing, the new Steelworxx double cock ring (DCR) has forced me to modify my technique. As I pointed out yesterday, when fully erect, the skin on the penis isn’t as loose with the DCR in place. Based on my own first-hand experience with other erect male penises, the skin on “mine” is relatively pliable. I hardly ever have had to use lubrication when jerking off. One guy I know with a particularly fine specimen had to lubricate. When he was hard, it was all monolithic and tight (and so wonderfully hefty). I have always suspected this difference was due to how our individual circumcisions took place (i.e., how much did the doc cut off), but I’ve never been with an uncut guy to verify.

But I digress. My point is, the rings keep things tight down there and that’s partly why I’m raw. I didn’t use enough lube. The other factor is how the skin on the shaft seems to get more sensitive after it’s been locked away for a long time. The other other factor is overuse. Plain, simple self-abuse. Having not been told by Belle not to do it, I have been indulging myself repeatedly.

Besides that, the other new wrinkle the DCR has added to my style is how it’s effectively reduced the length of the penis’ shaft. The penis, as I’ve said here before, is, when fully hard, a perfectly average 5 5/8″ long. The DCR takes about an inch of pullable meat away. Then, on the other end, is the PA ring which can be tricky to masturbate over. Typically, I rub up to it and let my fingers open so they go around. Too much pushing and pulling on the ring can make the hole sore. Take that into account and I’m left with less than four inches of beatable meat. My palm is about 3.5″ across. You see my predicament.

Which, of course, I like. I am, technically, free. And in December, I’ll be even freer since Belle has said I’ll be able to come whenever I want. But the DCR complicates that a bit. I can jack off but it’s awkward. I can get pleasure, but there are still some boundaries and issues. I’m all about boundaries and issues.

I’ll close this post by thanking Tom for the nice call-out the other day on his blog:

Thumper is one of the few — very few — “chastity blogs” that has managed to stay fresh and interesting. I don’t always agree with him; hell, I don’t even always understand him. But there’s no question that Thumper is writing from a special, deep place, and you simply can’t doubt his honesty and emotional openness.

At first I was like, “Aw, that’s nice,” and then I was all, “Wait, doesn’t always agree with me?” and then, “Doesn’t understand me!?” before thinking, “Am I disagreeable? Am I that weird!?” Which, of course, is one of the things about me I’m sure Tom doesn’t understand. In any event, I truly appreciate the props. I’ll do my best not to obsess over the agreeing and understanding bits. As I said…boundaries and issues. That’s me.

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HNThumper XL: Annulo duplici

Yes, I understand today is not a Thursday. Still, I’m calling this an HNThumper entry. Creative license, OK?

Last Saturday, I got back home from the annual Thanksgiving family trek (mother and her husband in tow, but no Belle who stayed an extra day) and found a small parcel from Deutschland sitting on my front stoop. The Steelworxx Double Cockring had arrived. Having been set free of the Steelheart Short the day before, I bundled it off to a secluded spot to check it out and try it on.

Steelworxx Double Cockring with integrated lock

My initial impression was that the gap between the A-ring and the penis ring was enormous. When ordering, I didn’t even think about that, to be honest, and gave Dietmar no direction regarding that measurement. I know I would have asked him to make it smaller had I considered it and, after wearing it, I’m glad I didn’t. While it’s a much bigger gap than on the SH-S, it’s also a very different device. While the SH-S is meant to suppress full hydraulic pressure, the double cock ring has to operate with all systems go. In a sense, they’re purposes are opposite. The Steelheart is meant to compress, restrain, and stifle an erection while the DCR is designed to embrace and perhaps even enhance one. In any event, the penis ring is the same beefy steel used for the A-ring and makes for a much more muscular look than I was expecting. This is a device that seems to celebrate a hard-on rather than squish it into submission.

DCR versus the Steelheart

I spent some time worrying about the penis ring sizing. My plan is to wear this device whenever Belle leaves me out of the SH-S and that means it needs to be big enough so that shit doesn’t start turning purple on me. In the past, I had measured the penis to be ~40mm around at its base and wanted something that was snug and noticeable yet not too constricting. I wasn’t sure how the A-ring would affect the plumpness of the erection, though, and wasn’t in a position to figure it out (being all locked up when I bought it). Originally, I ordered the penis ring at 38mm since that was the closest option on the page, but after some consideration, I asked Dietmar to make it 39mm (note that he can make sizes not listed as options on his site – just ask). The A-ring is 45mm (versus the SH-S which has a 40mm ring and 35mm diameter tube).

The result is just about perfect. When hard, there’s just enough constriction. I definitely know it’s there yet blood seems to be able to flow. The A-ring bites enough to have some teeth when the penis is really hard and, not unlike the SH-S, causes some of the erection to back up behind it (which, oddly, has become a normal and almost comforting sensation for me). The two rings cause the skin on the erection to be pulled tight making it less pliable. Even though I can get fully hard, the tightness of the skin and biting around the base of the shaft still provide me with a sense of being constrained. Due to the tightness of the skin, jacking off practically requires lubrication.

The flip side to that is when the penis is in its most flaccid state. Then, the big steel penis ring makes it look even less impressive and even somewhat pathetic. Like a little old man wearing a linebacker’s padding. Regarding security, yes, just like with any other trapped-ball device, this one can be backed out of, though there’s obviously not much point in doing so. The gap between the rings, while greater, is not nearly big enough for me to slip my nuts though, so I would not be able to get  it entirely off.

After the jump, you’ll find the obligatory in situ picture (which, while perhaps not as graphic as recent entries, is what makes this an official HNThumper entry – number 40!).

Continue reading “HNThumper XL: Annulo duplici”

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Escape Proof

While drying off from my shower this morning, I decided to make the attached video to demonstrate how inescapable the Steelheart Short is with its continuous PA fixing in place.

As you can see, pull all you want, there’s no way out of this thing.

[wpvideo BHamNIKT]

For the overly geeky in the crowd, this video was produced entirely on an iPhone 4S using iMovie.

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Central Standard Penis Time

When you’ve got a 5 5/8″ long penis stuffed into a 2 3/4″ long tube, you will typically find yourself waking up at some point early in the morning when the penile tumescence kicks in. “Penile tumescence” is, for those who don’t know, a fancy way of saying “morning wood”. Unless you’ve got something wrong with the plumbing down there, it’s inevitable.

For me, the Steelheart Short is like a stainless steel alarm clock nestled between my legs. After wearing it for weeks, I will sometimes only wake slightly from it, but I will always wake up at least a little. That didn’t happen as reliably with the first Steelheart, but its tube was much bigger and its A-ring was 5mm larger.

Yeah, so anyway, every stinking morning, weekend or weekday, at some point give or take 15 minutes from 5:30 AM, the magical tumescence reaches its zenith and my eyes open. Every. Day. Except for this morning. Today, being essentially the first real morning of Standard Time, the penis woke me up at 4:40. In the morning.

Apparently, my circadian rhythm hasn’t fallen back yet.

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Thirty before sixty

“It’s nearly November, Thumpie.”

“Yeah…?”

“November’s your month.”

“No it’s not. You said December was.”

Pause. “I did?”

“Yes! You said December!”

I pulled up the relevant blog entry on my phone and showed her.

“Oh,” she said, “You’ve still got a ways to go, don’t you?”

Fuck.

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We were out Saturday night on a date when that exchange took place. We saw a movie and were having a late dinner (by Midwest standards). Apparently, she forgot I was being punished. Had I just gone along with it, I’d be coming in a matter of days. As it is, 30 more days before it’s even an option.

After we had that misunderstanding resolved, she surprised me by telling me that once I come in December, she plans on leaving me out for up to two months during which time I’ll be allowed to do whatever I want. She says she recognizes I’ve settled into a nice place living without orgasms and she likes what I’ve become, but she wants to see what I’ll be like if I go back to living like I used to. As if I’m Pinocchio and she’s the Blue Fairy come to turn me into a real boy. Regardless, she says I will be locked up and denied again at some point and she expects me to be whiny and complain about it when it happens but that I will have no choice.

This news has left me with mixed emotions. On the one hand, as soon as she told me her plan I wanted immediate release. Why wait, I asked. Let’s just go now! But no, I have 30 more days, like it or not. Knowing that I will not only come in about a month but likely come a lot has got me so horny I can feel it in my teeth. She’s perfectly happy watching me squirm over it.

Then again, I admit to also feeling a sense of loss at the prospect of regaining this element of my life. When you live as I do with a deep well of desire never far away and a piece of equipment immovably affixed to your body, there’s a certain sense of specialness that goes along with it all. The device and my denial demonstrate that someone cares for me enough to take on the responsibility of tending to my sexual release. I’m not like the other boys. Once it’s off and I can squirt away to my heart’s content, I become like any other guy who can masturbate in the shower and come weakly whenever he wants. After living as I have for the past three years, I don’t ever want to go back.

Which, of course, is not to say I don’t have the raw desire to jack off daily. Of course I do. That’s nature. It’s my lizard brainstem pushing to execute its programming (and right now, it’s pushing pretty hard). But enveloping that is the belief (perhaps enhanced and perpetuated by the very hormones it produces) that being denied my orgasm has made me a better person. Once I come (and I will, a lot), this sense of “enlightenment” will evaporate. That’s the thing about denial. It’s like a perpetual motion machine. Once you start, you want to do it forever but once you stop, you barely want to do it at all.

I think what Belle wants to know is if any of my “better spouse” mojo will stick after three years of building it up or will I revert to what I was. I think I know what will happen. Knowing that she’ll eventually force me back to where I am now is a comforting thought.

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Creamery

Belle let me out of my confinement last Wednesday night in anticipation of our family trip to New York the following day. I had been encased for two solid weeks at that point, but I didn’t get much chance to enjoy my freedom since we were up late packing and the alarm went off in the wee hours of the next day so we could catch our flight. Then, three nights with the four of us in a Manhattan hotel room didn’t exactly lend itself to any penis play time.

But that’s not to say I didn’t get something out of it. Like any great city, New York is all about walking. Having not seen the light of day for so long left the head of the penis extraordinarily sensitive. As I’d walk, the motion would cause the penis to move against the fabric inside my pants and I’d find myself very distracted. What’s more, I’d eventually develop a raging boner, all from nothing more than incidental contact with my clothing.

We got home very late Sunday night and Belle told me I’d go in the next night. Monday morning, I found myself edging in the shower. It’s been two months since I came and I’m too weak to keep my hands off when I have the opportunity. Getting out of the shower, I decided to conduct an experiment that would provide me with practical information and make sure I didn’t spill any seed.

I’ve played around with lidocaine cream in the past and found it to be a really good way to temporarily deny myself the ability to orgasm even without a device in place. Recently, I’ve read several accounts of men in my position who’ve used it to allow their partners full penetrative sex while removing worry that it’d make them come (like this one). I told Belle this and she seemed somewhat interested in the idea since the most limiting factor of my denial is her enjoyment of riding the erect penis. Also, I have felt guilt in the past in not being able to give her this activity that she likes so much.

So, I bought a new tube of the stuff, this time at a 5% strength versus the 4% cream I’ve used in the past. What I wanted to find out was A) how long would it take before the penis was numb enough to safely use, and B) what parts of the penis could I leave with sensation and still not be concerned with orgasm?

First off, this stuff ain’t cheap. I got a 2 ounce tube (this one, marketed as an anorectal cream – sexy!) and paid $50. I don’t recall how much the 4% cream I got last time was (and I can’t find it on Amazon any more), but it wasn’t anything like that much. The 5% version is more expensive, but I figured it’d also be 20% faster/longer lasting. Good news is, it doesn’t take much of the stuff to do the job so we should be able to get many session from the one tube.

The reason I wanted to know how long it took for numbness to set in is, of course, I don’t want to leave Belle waiting. Plus, I wanted to know how much advance planning it’d take to use. Turns out, I was sufficiently sedated after about 10-12 minutes (which is a bit faster than the 4% cream). I could still feel a little, but not enough to come. I applied it only on the head and maybe 30% of the end of the shaft, making sure to use the PA ring to get it down inside the urethra, too. I left some of the shaft with sensation since I’m worried that total lack of penile feeling would make keeping an erection difficult. Interestingly, once it had taken affect, the penis felt warmer than it had before. I assume this is because its skin couldn’t feel the air around it anymore. In any event, that was my clue that it was ready to try. I washed the remaining cream off and towel-dried the meat.

I jacked off pretty intensely for about 10 minutes. For most of that time, I had the sensation of wanting to come (my nuts even drew up as if I was about to), but I could never quite get there. It was like having a sneeze ready to come out, but never being able to get it out. I could feel the lower half of the penis pretty good, so my brain knew what was happening, but all the nerve endings in the business end were silent. After maybe 15 minutes, I started to feel like an orgasm was about to happen and I found myself edging again, even with a mostly numb dick. Unlike last time I tried this, there still was sensation in part of the shaft and that seemed to be enough after a long while to move the internal machinery in place. Next time, I’ll make sure to apply the cream further down the bottom of the shaft as feeling in that area seems to be integral in achieving orgasm even when the head has none. Also, if I have the time, I might also apply a second coat.

I think Belle wanted to have sex last night, but it was not to be. She told me I could stay out one more day, but I find being unprotected to be maddeningly distracting. Especially after two months with at least one more to go. Based on that, she allowed me to lock myself back up. After she fell asleep, I did (though not before giving the penis one last round of wanking). If she wants to use it tonight (or whenever), I can get it out quickly enough. If she gives me 15 minutes of warning, I can even make it safely fuckable.

I woke up at 5:00 AM for the first time in days with the incredible pressure of a secured erection. It was intense, as always, but not in a way bad. The discomfort was actually comforting. It’s a feeling only a happily denied man can appreciate, to be sure. The feeling of not being tempted by the annoying penis and there being zero chance of accidentally squirting. It felt safe and secure and perfectly natural.

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Tickleberry è morto?

I’ve only just noticed that Tickleberry.co.uk appears to be…dead. It was one of the very first sites I found three years ago that helped me wrap my brain around this nascent chastity kink I was getting into. It was full of some really excellent practical information. Not only that, they had some freakin’ hot videos of sexy guys being tormented by evil women.

I admit to never having purchased from them, but they were in the UK and the shipping charges were prohibitive. Plus, most of their stuff I could get from a US seller. Anyway, I’m sad about this.

Poor Tickleberry. Ye shall be missed.

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Fitting advice

Last month, reader Chris asked for some Steelheart buying advice. He’s back!

An update: I’ve been wearing the CB6000s for a few days now and it is a tighter fit for sure…

I bet! I never got a CB6Ks tube because I misunderstood why one would want it. I would ask if it was better or not, but then you said…

But my erections now seem to just push the entire device fwd so that the A ring slides up the shaft and pushes the balls forward. It’s uncomfortable to wear the device when the ring is not at the base of the cock but riding up it instead.

Is there a solution for this? Is it likely that the cock ring is too big? I’m using the middle sized ring and second to smallest spacer… I can fit into the next ring down but its rather tight and I can’t wear it for long… it can be painful at times and feels too tight

Do you have any secrets for keeping the ring in place and/or readjusting when it slides up?

Are you using lubricant at night? It doesn’t work miracles, but lubed is vastly better than not. How long have you been wearing a device? I don’t think you mentioned in your first note. Based on my experience, I’d say your scrotum hasn’t yet adjusted to being an anchor. As I’ve said in the past, my scrotum stretched over time. At the very beginning, the stress on my nuts was very painful (exacerbated, I think, by the sharp edge on the CB6K cuff). Now, they’re much more “relaxed” and the erection doesn’t pull on them any longer.

But does that mean your ring’s too big? Hard to say. If you can’t wear the next size down without discomfort even when flaccid, then you’re in the right one. You should be able to hook your pinky in there when soft. Remember that over time, the smallest ring  you can wear will change. It kinda sounds like your ring is a tad too big, but if the next one’s too tight, you have to wait until your body changes enough to allow you to wear it. This doesn’t go on forever, of course. There is an absolute smallest size you can wear and it’s probably not the smallest ring that came in the box.

Recently, I switched to the larger of my two Steelheart rings. My usual one is 40mm, the big one is 45. Since then, I’ve found that the device rides lower all the time, which would be expected, and is surprisingly more noisy (what with the PA ring clanking around inside), but I seldom wake up due to erections. In fact, the entire sensation of being hard in it is quite mild. Confined and nicely tight, but not uncomfortable. In the smaller ring, the erection is constricted more and the erectile tissue balloons out behind the device inside my body. The upshot of that is that it then tends not to pull on my balls as much. In the larger one, I get something much closer to a proper stiffy and find about 2/3″ of erection outside the device behind the ring. It still bulges a bit inside my body, but not as much. Long way to say, if your device has too big a ring, I might expect it to fit more like mine (and it sounds like it does), but I’d also expect it to be more comfortable. All bodies are different, especially when one’s been locked up for three years and one hasn’t, and the CB6K is not going to sit the same way the SH-S does.

I know this all makes fitting a device sound incredibly complicated, and I guess it is to a point. There’s only so far one man’s experience will get you before your own specifics get in the way. If only I had a lab full of men to test on.

Hmm. Now there’s a thought.

Thanks for everything… your blog is a great resource.

We aim to please.

My situation in many ways resembles yours. Except I have a wife AND a girlfriend that both serve as keyholder.

Whoa there, pardner. You have two women locking you up? You know what they say. Pictures or it never happened. Minimally, you need to provide more details about how that works.

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Tale of the tape

It’s been a month now since I came in that nice hotel room all by myself and against the rules. Well, not so much against the rules. More like against The Rule™. Belle says I have just one more night of having to sleep with clothes on but at least two more months before she lets me come again. Just this morning, right after she came, in my charmingly squirmy and needy way, I asked her if she was craving the feeling of her husband inside her. She said yes, but that was too bad. I had, after call, come without permission. Then she laughed at me. Ah, love.

There’s really not much else to say around here. Belle was having her period for a while and then I had a very minor medical procedure that nonetheless messed me up for a day due to anesthetic. There’s hasn’t been a lot of action to report. The one thing I can say is that any speculation on the interwebs about long-term chastity having an adverse affect on the size of a man’s erection should cease. There’s one or a couple bloggers who suggest that keeping a guy locked up for a long time shrinks erections once they’re allowed out and, I suppose, there’s a sliver of logic at work in thinking that. In reality, however, it just doesn’t happen.

As I mentioned last week, I was out of the device for a day and a half due to some irritation. During that time, I found myself with a hard penis in my hand (purely for research and reporting purposes, of course – I’m always thinking about my readers) and decided, since it seemed like it was about as hard as it gets, that I’d check to see how things were going. I got the measuring tape and verified that Belle’s cock is every bit the 5 and 5/8s inches it has ever been, even though it spends almost all the time locked inside a very short steel tube.

I’ve said before I thought all this “chastity makes dicks smaller” stuff was wrong, but it’s worth saying again, I suppose. The root of this talk is two-fold, in my opinion. First, even something as small as the Steelheart Short seems relatively gargantuan when compared to the average flaccid penis. I know while I was out how shockingly small Belle’s seemed when it was soft, especially with a 4 GA circular barbell through the end of it, but as I said, it was exactly the same size as always. Free meat always seems amazingly uncomplicated but also much less substantial and put-together somehow. Second, I think at least some men who have come to the point where they’re kept in a device nearly all the time have also found themselves in a place very unlike that of other men. Specifically, their sex life and the satisfaction of their lover very often has little or nothing to do with their penis. It’s relative importance becomes less and the oversized role it plays in their sense of self diminishes. Some of them could start to wish their dicks were less significant because it plays into the nullification kink they might also be getting off on. They start to want a little penis, it feels smaller when it’s out, therefore, chastity makes it so.

No, ma’am. I’m not buying it.