Tag: chastity devices

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Mailbag

Welcome to part 732 of an ongoing series of posts where I occasionally remember to answer questions sent in by my readers.

Zel zipped:

I need a piece of advice, which device is more stealth? Holy trainer or the looker?

I’m inclined to go for th looker, but looking at the pics on ur site it seems holy trainer places the tube almost vertical meaning it’s doesn’t create a bulk down there. Is the looker that stealthy?

They’re both very stealthy. Neither has any moving parts so sound is not an issue. I guess, if I had to, I’d give the Holy Trainer a slight edge on the visibility scale, but unless you have a really big cage on the Looker 02 (which you probably won’t), it’s still pretty much a wash. So, based on stealth, it’s a horse a piece. You’ll need to make your decision based on some other factor (like if you want a titanium tube shoved up your penis).

Pat partook:

I think I know a way to make the Holytrainer 99% secure, assuming you don’t break any piece. What is required is a cock ring that you put on before putting on the Holytrainer. In my case, I’ve experimented a bit with folded paper to emulate a cock ring, and found that a ring that has a circumference of 20 cm and a height of 4 cm will prevent me from reaching my flaccid penis and drag it out. It will not hurt at all either. Problem for me with trapped ball devices is that I can drag them out from the body. This creates a gap. Then I can put a pencil or something and push the penis out of the cage through the peehole, then reach in with my fingers and drag it out. With a gap filling penis ring like this, I can’t reach in with my fingers, and there will not be enough space for the penis to escape.

Have you thought about this idea before? I was wondering if you know how where I can buy a ring like this. It should be quite wide to not squeeze this sensitive part of the penis, I think it should be somewhat flexible to, perhaps silicone. But it shouldn’t be so flexible that it can be stretched over the Holytrainer.

Since you’re an expert I want to give you this idea so that you may help me dig into it 🙂 I also gave the idea to the Holytrainer makers so that they might create a product in the future.

OK, well, not to be too much of an ass, but you could just try not pulling it out of the device. I get the need for security. I get the hotness of being in a thing from which you cannot escape. Truly, I do. But at some point, you need to buy off on what the device implies as well as what it makes physically possible/impossible.

Now that that’s out of my system, I have a silicone cock ring that’s not stretchy enough to easily get back over a locked Holy Trainer (but I probably could if I had to). I thought it was from Gear Essentials but I don’t see it on their site now. Not having tried what you’re describing, I can’t say how effective it’d be, but I maintain that unless the penis is physically held in place within the device through a piercing, there’s no such thing as an inescapable trapped-ball chastity device. They can be made harder to get out of, but not impossible.

I could also see how some would not like your approach as it would make the device sit out further from the body. Also, I’d be afraid of pinching. I really hate pinching. But whatevs! If it works for you, awesome. Maybe someone else will find your approach helpful.

Mark mumbled:

I have a question I hope you can help me with. Last year we bought a mature metal jailbird as we wanted something I could wear permantly. We measured carefully, sent back for a few adjustments and all seems to fit very well. The problem is I always develop a sore spot after a few days, normally 3, under the ring just away from the top and have to remove the device 🙁 . We have tried oval as well as normal ring and the same problem always occurs ( it does not with CB ). Mature metal have not heard of this and no one else seems to

Have you heard of this? We love the metal device but I just can’t wear for more than a few days. Is it because single ring do you think double will solve this?

My first thought it stubble. Are you trying to stay smooth down there? I find that about three days after shaving that the stubble comes up and gets pressed back into me during erections. It can be quite painful and, if I try and keep the spot smooth of hair, will eventually develop into a hotspot that requires I remove the device. That’s why I really only shave every few weeks (if that).

However, if it was that, it would happen in other devices too, not just metal (unless the Jail Bird is tighter in the ring than others you’ve worn). I assume you’re using a long-lasting lube like silicone (not baby oil and not petroleum jelly and nothing water-based). Could you have an metal allergy?

If it’s not fit and it’s not lube and it’s not shaving, it could be your anatomy is, for whatever reason, just not compatible. That’d suck, if true.

4her2uz cryptically capered:

Hi there, been reading your blog for some time now, even went to the very beginning to see what I missed. Your insights on cages have been more than helpful, and allowed me to get a MM jailbird to fit on first attempt. Your interactions with your wife have been an inspiration to how I view my chastity lifestyle and has really saved me a lot of frustration and resentment. I know I would have been like you, wanting to have a release date set, no early release, etc.. But have went with your way of “its not up to me”. If its one day, one week, one month, one year…its her decision. Even though l am kinda an ass after I cum, and I lose my fuzzy feeling, if she wants it to happen, that’s what’s gonna happen.

I even started a blog after she agreed to be my keyholder to hopefully help others like you have helped me. I had looked for awhile, but most chastity info was based on maids, sissification, cuckolds, and pets.

Anyway, you gave me the tools to try this for real, I’ve never been this open, talkative, sharing, or happy with someone I love before. She loves it as well, she has been with cheaters before, and this gives her peace of mind. Granted I know I could still cum or get my penis out, but could never get the whole thing off.

Anyway besides the thank you, I wanted to ask you a question about your wife…Once you told her about your chastity idea and she agreed to live this way with, did any of her kinks that she told you about start to actually turn you on?

Example…I was never into spanking, collars, or restraints…but once she told me about them, I am into it totally. Anyway, did your chastity let her reveal kinks, and even though you weren’t into that before, change your thoughts about them?

My Belle has not been forthcoming with too many kinks, per se. She’s admitted a preference for cocks that are bigger than the erect penis I was born with and she’s toyed with the idea of taking a boyfriend on the side, but other than that, no, she hasn’t shared any kinks or predilections.

Regardless, she has embraced a version of femdom that works for her which it really important. It has to work for her and, even if it’s not the cliched version we read about on the web, it’s very hot for me because it’s authentic and makes her happy. In a way, that’s a kind of “revealed kink” in that I had to adjust my preconceptions as to how I’d be dominated so that she was comfortable doing it.

Also, as you say, the amount of communication that comes from being able to successfully integrate a kink like chastity into one’s relationship has all kind of positive side-effects. Great that it works for you! Glad the blog was a help to you both.

Simon says:

My partner and I have entered into male chastity and we are both loving it! However after a tease and denial session how do you get the penis back into its cage? I saw a video where she puts cream over his cock and it seems to become flaccid quite quickly, is this some sort of numbing cream? How do you get your penis back into its cage without orgasm?

Numbing cream takes a long time to work, I find. And even so, I am sometimes so turned on that even a numb penis will stay hard (sometimes because it’s numb). The best advice I have is one of two options. First, a swift kick in the nuts. But some might have a hard time with that. The other idea is a bag of frozen peas (or an icepack or bag of ice or whatever). No hard penis can withstand the affects of something colder than 32º. A few minutes with icy peas on your pecker should do the trick. Just move fast after the cold goes away.

Locked in the Desert dissertated:

Keyholder has locked me in a Holy Trainer 2, 40 mm ring, short cage. The fit seems perfect. However if I start to get aroused it is most painful. Keyholder inquires if I am to be unlocked when receiving anal sex or if this is just something I mentally need to work through when he desires to penetrate me anally. I have been locked for 7 days without orgasm.

Painful how? Like a testicle pain? Or is it in the tube?

Fitting a penis in a hard device is difficult because there are so many variables. On the one hand, I’d say pain is an integral part of the chastity experience. I really believe that. But it can’t be pain that’s too intense for you to take (and that level is purely personal and varies from person to person). I know when Belle and I have sex and she keeps me in the device that I am often feeling a lot of pain. As much if not more than the daily 4:00 AM pressure test. But it passes and I accept it as part of my situation. Some men, however, cannot take the pain. They don’t, like me, take a certain comfort or strength from it. If that’s you, you could look into a silicone device or you might need a bigger ring (if it’s pain in your balls) and/or a bigger tube (if you have a really big dick).

Michael mentioned:

So I’ve been though (like most) a few devices in my search for the perfect fit, so far my favourite is the Holy Trainer V2 with a short shaft and large ring. I tend to be pretty short shafted (just the head or smaller when soft) but large balled (I think it’s actually large scrotum). So far I’m happy with what I’ve got device wise, but I’ve been thinking about getting a PA.

If i were to modify my trainer to allow a PA ring to hold my penis forward do you suspect there’d be any issues with that? Assuming of course I wait the appropriate time for healing, would a constant gentle tug forward cause a PA to migrate or irritate? I definitely CAN fill out the cage comfortablely while soft I just don’t tend to extend fully into the cage which causes some issues during urination.

I found that kind of pulling you describe to be absolutely excruciating. Like, debilitatingly so. When a penis retracts, it’s not just shrinking. There’s a tendon called the suspensory ligament that actually pulls back with a slow and steady pressure. No matter how well you’re healed, the pull on your piercing will be very painful. Not only that, but if you were somehow able to deal with the pain, over time it could cause your piercing to migrate. Do yourself a favor and don’t Google migrated PA piercings.

I did a lot of experimenting with this when I was in the CB6K back in the day. I know of where I speak. At least for me. Use caution.

Babyjosh64 said over on Fetlife:

Hey I have a question if you do not mind. I have tried several Chastity devices such as the holytrainer, CB-6000s. In which I can slip out of all of them because my penis so small. What would you recommend I get?

A PA piercing and an appropriate device to take advantage of it.

Time4Kink said, also on the Fetlife:

I am having a problem with the v2. After wearing it for 24-48 hrs I get redness on the top and tip of my penis. It’s a glowing red and sore. What causes this? Have you heard of this before?

Hmm. Sounds like a bad fit? Or maybe a hygiene issue? Or is there some roughness inside the tube? Could be your cock is too big for the tube or something. Or maybe you’re very sensitive to urine being in contact with your skin.

Buck_Pup on Fetlife said:

So I wound up getting the Holy Trainer, and it’s definitely awesome! 😀

One question about a problem I’ve had with this and the cb6k.. is there any way you’ve found to avoid the irritation when fabric brushes up against the tip that’s exposed at the end of the cage? Or do you just end up getting used to it, because right now it’s hard to pick out something to wear that wont keep brushing up against the tip painfully.

Yeah, that just sucks. For whatever reason, I don’t have that issue as much in the Holy Trainer but I sure do in the Jail Bird. I find wearing underwear a must and it needs to be somewhat thick, especially in the pouch. Flimsy fabric or going commando are a no-go.

That’s all I got for now. Got a question or a comment or whatever? Send it to me.  Maybe I’ll get around to reading it.

 

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Rigid Chastity Halfshell

There’s a new (to me) player in the stainless steel chastity device game called Rigid Chastity out of Otwock, Poland (just south of Warsaw). I think it was someone on the Twitter who first brought them to my attention.

As of right now, they sell eight devices on their site. Four are classified as “Chastity Devices PA” since they’re designed to work with PA piercings, but they all stick straight out from the body in an odd way that may be sorta hot for scene plate but would seem to make them impracticable for lifestyle wear (in which case, why bother with the PA?). [EDIT – They’re supposed to be supported by the PA. I see that now. I blame my old eyes on not seeing if before. Still, if they’re made of stainless, I can’t imagine that’s in any way comfortable or tolerable.] They have another category called “Chastity devices,” one of which also has a PA security option, but the other three don’t. At least they’re curved like you’d expect to make them wearable all the day long.

Then there’s a third category called “Modular chastity devices” in which it’s indicated there are seven options but only four are displayed. Not sure what makes them “modular.” At first I thought maybe they were making stainless steel devices with interchangeable parts but they say on the site they’re custom made and require fitting if options are added after the fact.

All in all, their products appear to be knock-offs of Mature Metal and Steelworxx designs at perhaps slightly better prices (though it’s hard to tell with currency fluctuations and option costs) which, all by itself, would make them barely worth a mention. But. They have a PA security design I’ve never seen before and it’s really interesting.

halfshell-2-700x700It’s been implemented in one device in particular that has caught my eye. It’s called the Halfshell and, from the front, looks like a Steelworxx Steeheart (even in how it uses the now ubiquitous integrated brass lock) but, from the side, you can see there’s something different going on. The backside of the tube is cut away and there’s an extra ring with a bar that comes down the bottom of the penis shaft. That’s the cool bit. That bar. Rigid Chastity has an extra piece that fits over the tube’s pins and goes through the PA from underneath. It doesn’t attach to PA jewelry the way Belle’s Steelheart does. The fixing is integrated into the device. That’s made my inner chastity gearhead all giddy.

PA fixing is maybe the trickiest part of chastity device design. I’ve noodled over it myself quite a bit and it led me to a PA fixing design Steelworxx sells to this day. It works really well, but it’s not perfect. It depends on a U-shaped bar that goes down into the tube with the penis and through a PA ring which allows the penis some degree of movement (which is good) but also will occasionally cause pinching where the jewelry meets the bar or when the skin on the penis shaft get’s caught between the bar and the tube during erections (which is bad). Rigid’s design seems minimize the pinching possibility. Thanks to the cut-away tube, there’s a minimum of area for the fixing bar to pinch against the tube. Plus, their design utilizes a single bar, not two. It also fits over the pins like mine does in a way that makes the device (at least sans penis) look more complicated and busy, but is undoubtedly just as secure.

The only downside to their fixing that I can imagine from a comfort perspective is, since it goes directly into the PA piercing, that the penis, as is its wont, can’t lengthen or shrink over the course of the day. This particularity of the penis is what drove me to design a fixing that would allow a bit of movement. But it’s also true that when I designed it I was wearing a tube that was altogether too long for the penis I was born with. I presume that a correctly measured tube and its Rigid-style fixing wouldn’t need to much variability in design.

So I ordered one. It was just too intriguing to pass up. If Belle likes it, it’ll be hers. If she doesn’t, I’ll wear it enough to write a review then I’ll put the Steelheart back on.

Unfortunately, Rigid’s ordering experience hasn’t been fantastic. I got an email saying my account had been set up but not one confirming my order. I was charged, but when I log in to their site, my account records don’t indicate I’ve placed any orders. Worrisome. I’ve contacted them through their site and will update this post when I hear something back.*

So, how about you? Any interest in their designs? Are you wearing a Rigid device right now? What do you think? Let me know in the comments below.

*UPDATE: I did receive an email from them. Their site does not confirm orders automatically. All is well.

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May Metrics

We’re in June now so that means another month is in the books and another post in my metrics tracking project is at hand. At the end of April, I had been locked into a chastity device 70% of the time. In May, that year-to-date percentage increased slightly to 71%.

imageThe Steelheart remains by far Belle’s most-used device and accounted for two-thirds of the time I was secured in May. The Holy Trainer is on the charts for the first time this year making up the balance of the time. I wore it for about a week and a half leading up to a trip the two of us made to DC. I needed something that would pass through security, though she left me unlocked throughout the trip (accounting for the lion share of the 24% of May I was unlocked).

She let me come two more times in May bringing my total number of orgasms on the year to eleven. She didn’t think she was letting me come that much but, after seeing the list, I think was a little surprised at how often it’s happened. Belle isn’t planning on letting come again until at least August when she sees TOG. At the current rate, I’m on track to come 26 times in 2016 (which seems like a metric shit ton of coming to me), but if I don’t come again until late summer, the trend will be towards 18. Even that seems like a lot based on past experience, but Belle decides and all I’m doing is tracking, not lobbying.

I was planning a trip this month which could have led to being unlocked for about a week, but work is conspiring against that opportunity so I expect June may end up looking a lot like January during which I was locked up 94% of the time.

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Mailbag, “The end is nigh” edition

Still going!

Louis lamented…

We recently received our Looker 01 and have had no luck getting the urethral tube in. We’ve done soundings before and are surprised at this as we didn’t except the size to be a problem but apparently it is. Do you have any suggestions on insertion or sounding stretching or? 

Gosh, no. Did you order the default size? While I’ve played around with it, I’m not a sounding expert by any means. You could try lubricating the insert beforehand, but I’d only want to do that with fresh, presumably uncontaminated lube. I suppose it’s also possible the size of the cage is small enough to be squishing the urethra so as to make insertion an issue. That’s all I got. 

Mike mentioned…

Just found your blog, it’s fantastic. I’m just getting into chastity, and pleasingly my wife is happy to participate. I’ve tried a steel cage with a 2 inch hinged ring, found this very tight with pain, as if I had a UTI, which I’don’t think I did. I then tried a CB6000 with their optional large rings, 2 1/4 inch, but still found it tight at very bottom of the ring, but at times could pop a ball through accidentally if they rode up, so clearly haven’t got the size right yet! I have very large balls (smallish penis) so I think I need these large ring sizes. You said that you started with 2 inches and went down to 1.5 over time, how does that work/happen? How much time? With the oval cages, I think the wide part is on the sides? For me I think I would want the wide part to sit vertically to deal with the pressure I’m feeling at the bottom pushing on my urethra. I was wondering about getting a custom cage without the full circle, with a small gap in the cage at the base of the cage to deal with that. Mature Metals Jailbird is the custom one I’m looking at. I would be very interested in your thoughts. Thank you.

To me, it sounds like your problem is the CB-6000 ring design which it awful and torturous and should be banned by international agreement. If you were wearing a ring like that found on the Holy Trainer, you’d likely be able to tolerate a smaller size. 

Regarding going down in size, I did go smaller after a while. I can’t say for certain why that was but I suspect it was various bits adjusting in their placement internally or just getting used to being squeezed and/or a result of my scrotum getting stretched. Regardless, oval rings are more comfortable because the most sensitive stuff down there are the tubes on the side running down to your testicles and the surrounding parts. As I said, if you’re feeling it mostly underneath, I’d say it’s because the CB6K ring is terrible and sharp.

If you get an MM device, I’d suggest you get the double-width ring option. It makes the device more comfortable overall.

George gorged…

Just want to say thank you for the website and sharing your experiences. I have been in an HT2 for one week, my wife has been a willing participant and am excited to see where this journey leads. So just want to say I appreciate your posts and info your website has. It has been helpful to me.

Excellent! Another satisfied customer. Best of luck to your and your wife.

Kinkngso croaked…

Just ordered a chastity devise with a uretha tube. What should I know about wearing it, maintaining it, etc.

Read this and then this and then this and then this and then all of this. That ought to do it. 

Lea labored…

I am very interested in your lifestyle and your blog. I would like to read it from the very beginning but can’t find the way for that. I know there’s link to the very first record in about section but how to continue to next ones? Can you help me please and advise of the way how can I go from oldest to newest? 

Man, these are easy ones. Here you go.

Ben buoyed…

I currently wear a holy trainer and is going well so far. 

do you have any opinion about strap ons for this chastity device? what works well with, etc… 

thanks for all your help

Here’s a relevant post. With regards to harnesses, try and find one that has two straps underneath that can go on each side of your locked penis. You’re more likely to find those on sites that cater to gay men. 

An unidentified woman asked…

Greetings Thumper, I know you don’t write an advice column, but maybe you can help me understand the realities in my current situation. I am a 54 year old woman’s with “hard wired vanilla sensibilities.” I discovered your blog as I was learning about male chastity. I love your writing, your story, your blog, and your posts. If I could have dinner with you, Belle, Drew, Axel, Ferns, GeekDomme, and a few others whose names I can’t remember, how fun would that be? Anyway, my partner and I have been living together two years. Dave is 10 years older and is retired. He came out to me as kinky shortly after we started sleeping together. I have never had any kinks or fetishes and I was very unfamiliar with anything to do with what he was telling me about, so I sought as much information as I could, in order to be “GGG” and see where I fit in and what I might like. I have always considered myself a sex-positive woman, and have found that sex over 50 has been the best of my life. Fewer worries, more freedom. I know myself better, and what I like, and have the confidence to ask for it. My partner Dave is a master cunnilinguist. I have never been able to orgasm from PIV, so this is ideal for me, although I do enjoy a lot about cock. First, he told me he enjoyed erotic pain, so I started by experimenting with electro-sex with him, which included bondage and a little cock and ball torture, and I thought it was mutually satisfying. It was fun to see him squirm and his cock definitely liked it, which was what I enjoyed the most. I will admit that as these scenes continued and escalated as I tried to find more things to turn him on, they seemed to amount to a lot of work on my part, and at some point I think Dave assumed that I was play-acting for his sake, and that took him completely out of the head space and it was no longer enjoyable for him. I am not a domme, it just doesn’t interest me, so yes, I was doing it for him. Words or acts of humiliation are anathema to me, and I could never ever humiliate, or cuckhold or sissify him, even though I know he enjoys exactly that. When Dave brought up chastity, and I read books and blogs, including yours, and it seemed like a way to meet both our needs. I wanted Dave to get horny- hopefully for me after enough time. I wanted him to be able to get an erection- again hopefully with me (usually it takes Viagra for him to get it up with me, although he masturbates with no problem at all, so I thought chastity might help with that.) I have been feeling that he has been spending too much time with his fetishes and fantasies on the Internet and in his head, and I want him to focus on reality. Right now, he is obsessed with cock- he wants to get fucked, he wants to suck cock- and I am okay with that. I want him to be able to go outside our relationship to get what I can’t give him. I want him to have his Drew, or his Frodo, and then come home and fuck me when I want it. I don’t want him to spend time watching sissy training videos and masturbating. I feel like this is taking him in the wrong direction, so that’s why I put him in chastity. So now I am a little confused- he said he never should have told me about his latest fetishes because now I am trying to change him and get him to give that up. I told him that I don’t care what gets him off in his head when he’s masturbating or coming, but that I don’t want him wasting time on sissy training videos with fantasy porn stars. If he wants cock in his head, he should go out and get some IRL. So which is it, is putting him in chastity trying to change him, or am I trying to control his orgasms? I am sorry I am not as kinky as he is, because I want him to be happy. I have never been able to get him off- not with my mouth, my hands, my pussy. But I am not trying to make him less kinky, am I? He was single for almost 20 years before me and jerking off was his life when he wasn’t working. I am sure he has settled into patterns that he enjoys, so I know he is reacting to not being able to enjoy that any more. He tells me he can’t imagine living without me, and that he loves me, but perhaps we just aren’t sexually compatible? Because of his skill at servicing me orally I could be happy with just that forever. I have dildos and toys that he or I can use in lieu of an erection, but I still think some of his porn viewing and jerking off is an issue- hence the chastity. So just wanted to know if I am off base thinking chastity is appropriate in this situation? If you have suggestions where he should start IRL for his cock fix, let us know. Thanks for listening!

Dave needs to figure out if he wants to be with a caring woman invested in his happiness (which means he may not get the entire salad bar of his kinks satisfied) or if he’d rather be in a relationship with his hand and the computer for the rest of his active life. I can’t say if you’re compatible sexually, but it sounds like you’ve been more than GGG in trying to find a place where you’re both able to be happy. To me, Dave sounds like he can’t get over the fact that the real world isn’t his fantasy world. I get that. It’s a trap a lot of men fall into who have been jacking off to their kinks without acting them out with a real person. 

I will say chastity cannot change anyone who does not want to be changed. If it was your idea and isn’t a thing he kinks over, then it’s got no place in your relationship. However, you should not be expected to be everything he’s ever wanted in a sex partner. That’s not a kink thing, that’s a life thing. None of us is everything our partner will ever want or need. That said, you’re well within your rights to ask he stop spilling his seed looking at porn by himself and focus on you. In fact, that’s his responsibility, as far as I’m concerned. I have zero tolerance for that stuff. 

I hope you can find a way for you both to be satisfied. 

And that’s it! The end of the feedback mailbag. Whew. Got a question or a comment or whatever? Send it to me. I’ll get to it. Eventually…

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Mailbag, the “There’s more where this shit came from” edition

We will continue to dig through the mailbag backlog, this time starting with the most recent.

Zel zipped…

First of all thanks for keeping the blog alive. In some weird way it feels that I know u and the rest of ur close friends. 

I was wondering if u could have tried the axel from drew or any steelwerks extreme. I think it’s time to replace my dickcage for something that can be used more permanent. But I’m between steelworxxs and steelwerks extreme. 

I’ve never tried it on. Chris at Steelwerks is, as I’ve said, an artist. His prices are high but, if anything, they’re low considering the amount of passion and craftsmanship he brings to his work. Steelworxx are far more affordable but also well made, though using very different techniques and materials. I don’t think you can go wrong with either. It’s all a matter of how much you’re willing to pay. Don’t forget Mature Metal. Also affordable and they offer excellent customer service.

AJ asked…

Do these male chastity devices completely rob you of tactile sensation? Im interested in something that will prevent me from being able to feel my penis rub the inside of my clothes. Ideally, it would also keep me from being able to become, um, engorged to any degree.

If you get a closed tube device like a Holy Trainer or the Steelheart from Steelworxx, no, you will definitely not feel your penis rubbing around inside your pants. However, if you wear them as much as I do, you’ll feel nothing but your penis inside your pants when you’re not locked up. Being enclosed and robbed of feeling makes the skin hyper-sensitive for a while right after getting out. 

They also don’t keep you from getting engorged. Your dick will still try and get hard, it just won’t go very far. It’s a common misperceptions that chastity devices keep you from getting hard-ons. They don’t. All they do is squish the fuck out of them (which can be, in itself, an intensely erotic sensation).

Chris crooned…

I’ve been reading your blog for a while and I’m hoping maybe I can get some advice. My wife and I have been practicing chastity and orgasm denial for a little over a year and we’re both enjoying it. My wife enjoys denying me orgasms and keeping me locked up, but she also likes my cock and getting fucked by it. The issue I’m having is that, after a few weeks or even months without being allowed an orgasm, I can’t go more than a few strokes without wanting to explode inside her. 
You might say “Well, what do you expect?”, but after reading some of your blog posts, it appears that you can go long enough to at least allow Belle an orgasm. I don’t know if she cums especially quickly during PIV or maybe there’s something I’m not seeing, but I just wanted to ask for any advice you have on holding back your orgasm so that you can give Belle hers. 

We’ve purchased a cock sleeve and my wife likes it, but sometimes just wants *me* inside her. Did you work up some “tolerance” over time? Numbing cream? Any advice you have would be great. Thanks!

Ah, yes.

No, you don’t develop a tolerance. If anything, the longer you go without coming, the less time you’ll last while fucking. The only way to last longer is to come which, of course, defeats the purpose of the excercise. 

Also, context matters. When Belle wants me to fuck her so she can get off, I find it incredibly difficult to last. I can’t sustain any kind of rythym and she can’t get off from me. Some of this is because the pressure of my having to hold off so she can come first is too great, but also she makes all these wonderful noises while getting off and that can make me come all by itself. If she’s already come and just letting me fuck, I can sometimes go for a long time (but also sometimes not). Then she asks, “Where was that when I needed it?” You’re right that I used to be able to do this for her, but then I also used to come more often. It’s nearly impossible for me now.

You can try numbing cream. I’ve written about it before (here and here and here at least). It works really well, but it takes time to take affect and you need to take precautions that it doesn’t get on her and numb her bits up, too. It’s not a good thing for us because Belle doesn’t like to wait around or use condoms. Hoestly, I think the sleeve is the best compromise. When she really wants to feel you in there, she should wait until she wants you to come and do it then. 

Jaime juxtaposed…

I’ve been reading your blog intermittently since forever, and I think my beloved has read the occasional post as well. It certainly has influenced our sex life, in good ways, which is a good thing. So, Thanks.

But now that I’ve figured out how to conveniently get here more regularly, I’ve noticed that you’re scarce. So this is a note hoping you are well. And if you’re not, sending you best wishes for the great “out there.” However tenuously connected, I’m sure you know there’s a wide net of folks who care about you.

Aww. Thanks. 

Rick rocked…

I don’t know if this has been discussed before with the CB6000s , but I produced a simple anti-pullout device out of a piece of fishing line, and in my opinion, it seems bullet proof to me. I created a 6″ length of line which has about a 3/4″ diameter loop in each end created by a single “overhand loop” (see wikipedia for an example). then I created a slip knot out of one end by feeding one loop through the other. Just before attaching the cage, place the slip knot around the penis and feed the other loop through the bottom slot on the side of the cage. Feed the loop up to the one of the pins and slip it on, then install the cage, trapping the loop — one end captured on the pin, the other around the penis behind the head. The length should be enough so the slip knot can grow to the inside diameter of the cage, but there should be very little extra length to play with, so you might have to make a few to get it right. When you try to pull out, the noose tightens around penis preventing pullout, but even if you do get out, it is almost impossible to get the noose back around the penis without removing the cage. The best thing about it, is that its not noticeable, and the worst thing about it is that you know it’s there and it would be a mistake to try to defeat it, because she’ll know.

Clever. I think the “if you do it she’ll have to know” kind of security set-ups are second best to the ones you can’t defeat at all, but since those require body modification, second best is pretty good for most. 

Mike marked…

Can u plz re explain sock method for cb6000 trying to understand and re read and re read

Even better, I’ll show you a video.

Allison allowed…

Hello! We have praise and questions. First, thank you ever so much for your awesome blog! It’s been a HUGE life-changer for us and is simply the most educational site for what we’re into (for example, we learned almost exclusively from your blog that we’d fallen victim to the “room-to-grow” fallacy (phallus-y? 🙂 ) so anyway, big love for Belle and Thumper. 

Question: We can’t find info on this anywhere else, so we are to ask you. Did Thumper get his Prince Albert before, or after starting chastity training? Our training is such that we are about ready to get a custom steel cage, but she has also decided she wants him to get pierced, and he will wear a cage whose design accommodates that. What we’re wondering/trying to decide, is if he’ll be doing any chastity training during the recovery from his piercing? Would the cage cause problems during healing? Would it be best to simply regard the new jewelry as chastity enough until it’s healed? Obviously he can’t have sex during the healing process, and I hear erections during this time can be total hell. Not that we’re trying to torture and inflict pain, and we certainly don’t want to cause any damage to our …uh….favorite toy.

I got pierced after we started locking the penis up and in large part because it would allow a more secure chastity experience, but I also really liked the look of a pierced cock and really got off on the idea of physically modifying the penis to make chastity more hardcore. Let’s say it was 80% about function and 10% about fashion and 10% kinky hot shit. I had no idea that it also made sex and masturbation so much more pleasurable.

No, I would not advise locking him up until after the piercing is fully healed. Any kind of tension on the piercing can be very painful during that process and even slow it down. Also, the inside of a chastity tube is exactly the last place one should be healing an open wound. If he gets poked in the peepee, enforced chastity should be off the table for 4-8 weeks, depending on how quickly it heals up. 

Rusty ruminated…

I have just recently been introduced to chastity and I love it. I have not yet defined why, exactly, this is but the sensation of being locked up and out of reach from my own hands is strangely intoxicating. It’s only been about a week of being “locked & denied” but I’d like to see if I can make it a full 30 days. At least to start. 

Over a decade and a half ago, I gave up masturbating for Lent but only made it 21 of the 40 days before exploding like a fire hose. I have a feeling that being under lock and key will extend that record considerably. 

Thanks for your blog and all the advice and insights you provide. As I save up for my first metal chastity device, have you any suggestions on how I can prevent my CB6000 from pinching and even cutting into the underside of my ball sack? There are times it fits just fine and others–frequently–when it becomes so tight that the pain is not only a distraction, but its slicing into my skin requires me to remove the CB and see to the cuts. 

I do enjoy chastity, and would like to keep going, but not at risk to my health. Thank-you in advance

My advice is buy a Holy Trainer. It’s SO MUCH better than the CB6K and for exactly the reasons you’re experiencing. It’s significantly simpler, in design and construction, and better in every way other than perhaps cost and customization. Then go back to saving for your steel. 

Well, that put a dent in it. Still so much to get through. Next time…

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Mailbag, the “better late then never” edition

I am a terrible person. That’s how I feel every time I realize I have, yet again, totally ignored my Thumper email address which is where all form submissions from the feedback page go.

See, I am continually on the hunt for the perfect email client and, as yet, I have not found it (though I’ve been using Outlook for iOS for a while now and, surprisingly, like it). Each time I try a new one, I set up my main email accounts (work, work 2, personal, personal 2) “just to see how it goes” and never include the Thumper mail or other accounts until I settle in. Thing is, I often forget and those email addresses fill up with unanswered and unseen messages, most of which are crap but some of which are from real people who would like to know what I think about things.

Anyway, that’s my excuse. Let’s dig in to a large backlog…

A guy named Ray asked:

Is there a short chastity device that allows a man to pee standing, without making a mess? I’m not well endowed, but enjoy chastity!

Yep, an enclosed tube design like the Steelworxx Steelehart makes that a snap. It’s possible in devices like the Holy Trainer and CB6K, too, but a little fussier and more accident prone.

David wanted to know:

My partner and I are big fans of your blog and we decided to take your advice and make our first device the Holy Trainer v2. However since the arrival of the device, I have been unable to wear it for more than 12 hours, due to the fact that while it fits snugly when I’m flaccid, when I gain an erection I get a large bulge at the back of my device, my head pulls back from the end by about 2.5cm and the whole device shifts up my balls until it is squeezing them between the device and the base ring. This sensation becomes incredibly painful, especially when I’m so horny that my erection doesn’t go down. I have been told that there is meant to be a certain amount of erection coming out the back, but this seems really excessive. So much so, that when I am fully aroused in my device, all it takes is a little tug downwards on the device and my penis will come out of the device entirely.

I don’t know what the problem is, I was hoping that maybe you might have some insight into this.

Hmm. I’d be curious which size Trainer you got, the normal or the short. Also, how big are you when erect? Also also, how much scrotum do you have? In other words, are you high and tight or low and loose.

Yes, a certain amount of bulge at the back of the device is normal. I found that the bulge was more internal when I started wearing a device but, over time, my ballsack stretched to such an extent that it was outside as well as inside. This is normal, I’ve found. Also, yes, some discomfort during erections is to be expected. What’s insufferably painful for me might be moderately uncomfortable for another, so it’s hard to know if what you’re dealing with is too much. My rule of thumb is if things are blue and cold, it’s too tight. If they’re just flushed and squeezed, that’s more about personal threshold.

To me, your issues sound like they stem from the Trainer being designed for the high bits of the bell curve and your bits falling outside that range. I don’t know why your head would pull back like that. When I wore the CB6K, the tube was too long and if the penis was pulled back a little that’s where it’d be during erections, but it didn’t pull back because of erections. If you can so easily pull out while hard, it may be the case that the A-ring is too large.

Good old schnoff said:

I came across this on Fetlife:

Following a visit to the doctors after a few months of discomfort, it turns out I have two epididymal cysts and am in need of further scans as they’re rather large

Googling that condition shows that these cysts form when ” fluid builds up in a tube behind the testicles called the epididymis, which stores and transports sperm.” 

Have you heard of people having that kind of an issue? I’m guessing the most likely cause is a ring that’s just a bit too tight. Though for all I know any ring, no matter how well sized, when worn for months, could have this effect.

I’ve never heard of that, no, nor have I experienced it. The linked-to article says it’s an issue in a third of men, so it’s not technically a chastity issue, though I suppose not having regular orgasms and being confined in a device could exacerbate the condition. Also, good to hear it’s typically benign.

Ronjoe wondered:

As a fellow wearer of a Steelheart, I’m looking for some advice. I’ve been trying to push toward 24/7, but I’ve been having some irritation at “10 and 2” positions on the ring after about five days. I’ve got a short cage, keep well-groomed, and use petroleum jelly as my primary lube. Any suggestions?

Two things. First, knock it off with the petroleum jelly. It gets sticky which is the opposite of what you want it to do. Use silicone lube. Expensive but totally worth every farthing. Second, I find that I develop similar irritation in the exact same spots (where the top of the ballsack folds over the shaft of the penis) in the days following shaving. The newly emergent stubble rubs against itself and causes problems. This is exacerbated by continued shaving of the irritated area. I only shave every few weeks and live with the grown out hair, at least in that area. I shave once it gets to about a 1/4″ or so. I bet if you upgrade your lube and cut back on the hair discipline, your problems will go away.

Mike shared:

I am 30 straight, new to chastity first time being locked and locked myself in a HT V2 for the last 2 days I woke up today with the extreme urge to have my ass played with and i had leaked all over the place during the night and I am still leaking as i type this. I have never even thought of playing with my ass before. Is this something that I am going to have to get used to or does it go away?

Wow, two days? I mean, yes, as you become more frustrated you will find the idea of doing things with parts of you other than your penis becoming more erotic. You might find men to be sexually attractive or (and these two things are entirely different) you might suddenly develop an urge to play with your butt. There’s nothing straight or gay about enjoying ass play (the prostate gland knows no gender or sexuality). But two days? That seems pretty fast, though who knows. We’re all special little snowflakes.

Will it ever go away? In my experience, sexual desires, once recognized, never go away. However, I bet if you jacked off you’d find the notion far less attractive immediately afterward.

My wife/keyholder and I are still relatively new to chastity (less than 1 year). We have been using a CB6000S off and on since March with my current time locked now approaching 60 days, my longest such period yet. 

My wife would like to be able to wear my key as a pendant on a necklace, but the standard padlock keys are not exactly attractive as jewelry. Do you know of any site or outlet where we can find attractive locks and keys that will fit a CB6000?  

I’ve found that the prettier the key, the less secure the lock. For example, a heart-shaped lock has a fairly attractive key that could easily be worn as a pendant, but the lock itself is stupidly easy to open without the key. So, is she wiling to trust you? Can you trust yourself? If so, that’s the way to go.

Hank hunkered:

I’m looking for advice on devices. 

But first, I want to commend you on being a really great source of information on chastity. You are articulate, intelligent, but more than either of those, sane and sensible. These last two appear to be strangely (extra-) rare in the online chastity community, for some reason. The advice I’ve obtained from various sources is… strange. 

I’ve now gone through a normal progression of cheap metal devices. I have one that works… okay, but isn’t functional without significant amounts of rubber tubing covering problem areas of the device. It is also chrome plated, which means the clock is ticking on its lifetime. 

The rubber tubing, which makes the device wearable without inflicting those small cuts within hours, precludes overnight wear, as it causes the device to not slide or shift against me at all. Overnight wear becomes incredibly painful. All the skin just comes right along with, as opposed to sliding. 

I’m looking what so many others are looking for – a metal device I can wear for a week at a time (with free time for cleaning and fun). 

This is going to cost me. The money isn’t an issue, except that I’m frugal, which leads me to the question: 

Assuming I measure correctly; 

It’s obvious I can easily spend $500-$1000 on a device. Do these custom made devices actually work? Are they a long-term solution? Am I going to have the same problem with a cheaper device, where it arrives, I wear it for twenty minutes before finding 15 problems that immediately exclude it from any further use? I don’t care so much, when its 20-30$ that turns out to be a total write-off. Spending hundreds for similar results will change chastity from something my wife and I enjoy and need in our life… to a mistake we’d rather forget.

The custom device I wear most often, the Steelworxx Steelheart, would be on the low end (if not under) your range and is absolutely a long-term solution. I have worn it for upwards of a month at a time with little or no breaks (months at a time with only a day or so out for R&R). Mature Metal makes several devices that would be in the same price range as the Steelheart that are also very much “lifestyle” wear devices. 

Reader Rex rumbled:

I think I read you saying your steelheart is your most secure device? (you’d have to cut it off). So are you also able to pull out of it like your other ball trap devices. Thanks for the clarification. 

I’m in a home made harness that is quite secure. A PA would be fun someday, if my wife ever likes the idea

Without the PA fixing, the Steelheart wouldn’t be very secure at all. It’s my position that no trapped-ball device, absent a PA fixing, is 100% secure all by itself. Even anti-pull out additions only slow you down. I know full belts are considered more secure, but never having worn one, I don’t know. 

I love my PA. Haven’t regretted it for five seconds. If your wife doesn’t like the look, you could always leave the jewelry out when not using it in a device. With a small enough gauge piercing (say 8ga or so), it’d be hard to see.

OK, that’s enough for the moment. I have a ton more of these to get through still…

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Mile marker

A reader calling themselves “Dev” said just over a month ago in a comment…

Thumper, I have a question for you, but I’m worried it will just piss you off. Hence I am leaving it in comments so that you don’t feel like you have to reply at all. But, have you considered that maybe you’re really not OK with the dent? I mean have you really given yourself space, allowed yourself to consider whether it’s OK for you? (I don’t mean medically, but personally.)

I think sometimes people don’t allow themselves to go down certain mental roads (like bisexuality, for some people) because they’ve assumed a priori that those roads are not OK or lead to bad places. Like a kid in college who might be too afraid to really ask themselves, do I really want to be a doctor or is it just my parents’ idea? Sometimes our persistent feelings are trying to tell us something that we should listen to.

I’m not saying that’s what’s going on here. I just want to nudge you to be sure you are giving your own thoughts and feelings proper respect and listening.

I never went back and answered that though I thought about it several times. Since I’m in the mood to write, I’ll do it now.

For those of you unfamiliar with “the dent,” I mean come on. Try and keep up, will you? The first mention of it is here. Then I whined about it when I was depressed, last time in the post linked to above in which Dev commented.

I will admit that there were times when I wasn’t OK with it. I mean, obviously, because I kept bringing it up and I didn’t need to. I could have totally never mentioned it to any of you people and who’d be the wiser? But I feel that people read my blog and perhaps even try and model some of their behavior on what I write about and it almost felt like if I didn’t say that wearing a chastity device can do something like that to a penis (even if you have to wear it for a really long time), I’d be breaking some kind of covenant. I said in my second post that I’d always tell the truth and that includes avoiding lies of omission.

There is something I’ve never said about the dent. It happens to be right at a point where the shaft of the penis had a bit of a natural bend in it to begin with. I recall when I was a teenager I though I bent it by jacking off too much with my right hand (which is hilarious — like it’s a Gumby penis or something). Even to this day, when I’m allowed to jack off (feh, right) I am conscious of which hand I’m using because of that natural bend. Then, at some point, I made a video of me putting on one of the devices I’ve made that kind of video for. I can’t recall which one at the moment and don’t feel like seeing which it was. In any event, I was just out of the shower and my skin wasn’t totally dry and had that kind of clingy thing going on that skin can have when it’s very slightly damp. As I pulled the penis through the ring, was a bit too forceful and I gave the shaft a bruise. I remember it being very slightly visible on the video and much more visible moments later. I actually watched the bruise form and darken. That bruise, as I recall, was about where the dent is today. Right about where the natural bend is. In fact, the bruise was on the right side and bend is on the left side.

I say all this because I think now that it’s entirely possible the dent isn’t from wearing a too tight A-ring all by itself. It could be because I wore a device when the penis was bruised and that didn’t allow it to heal properly. Honestly, I don’t know for sure. But it’s possible.

As my depression deepened, my issues with the dent started to become almost obsessive. My mind worried on it in those times when I was just starting to go to sleep or when the tight pressurized tube woke me up in the early morning. I imagined that it was getting worse and worse and would eventually impact my ability to use it. I can say without hesitation that there’s no sign the dent has changed at all, for better or worse. Whatever caused it, it appears to be stable.

All that being said, I’m not answering Dev’s question. She asked, “have you really given yourself space, allowed yourself to consider whether it’s OK for you?” I think now that yes, I have. And it is. Really.

As I said the other day, “being a locked man isn’t something I do, it’s what I am.” I feel that all the way down. At the very, very bottom, though, lives a tiny little serpent of doubt. And my depression and anxiety feeds that little snake until it becomes like Jafar at the end of Aladdin and then all it does it try and stoke my insecurities and issues and blow them up into things that keep me up at night.

I won’t go so far as to say I’m not a little insecure about the dent. Just a little. As crazy as it sounds, I worry about what someone might say someday if they see or feel it. Someone besides Belle who’s already said she likes it. That is crazy. Like it’ll ever happen. And even if it does somehow, like I said, being locked isn’t what I do, it’s what I am. In what universe is someone in the same room as the unlocked erection who isn’t aware of that? None.

I tend to think of it more now like a tattoo. Or perhaps the scar left over from a cesarean operation. It’s a mile marker on the journey that is my life. It’s not the same as it was but, honestly, had I known it was a possibility, I don’t think I would have changed anything about how it got there. Except maybe take my time pulling the stupid penis through the A-ring that day.

Posted on

Voyage aux terres du nord

I have an interesting hobby. One that, due to its esoteric and personal nature, is difficult to share with others (in real life), let alone find someone who’s as into it and well-versed in its idiosyncracies as I am let alone have real, face-to-face conversations about it with them. So imagine the enthusiasm with which I spent my day yesterday hanging out with Christopher Miers, the man behind Steelwerks Extreme. Drew was there to talk about the device he and Axel are buying. I was just there to geek out and bask in the coolness of it all.

Middle shelf, far right in the front: The first Steelwerks device ever made

Since he was in the middle of moving to new space, I didn’t get to see any of the heavy machinery he uses to coax beautiful and sexy shapes from ingots of raw metal, but I did get to peruse a case of samples, prototypes, early endeavors, and a small collection of his clients’ old devices (to which I will be adding a few carefully chosen specimens). One was a very early Steelworxx device, one a fantastically small Mature Metal Jail Bird, and another was the first Lori’s tube I’ve ever seen in real life. It was like the beginnings of a penis predicament museum.

Chris was ridiculously generous with his time. He spent essentially the whole day just talking shop, eating lunch, walking around his Montréal neighborhood, and introducing us to his pals at Polymorphe, a manufacturer of latex fetishwear. We discussed and debated at length the merits of all the various device manufacturers (they all have strong suits and potential downsides) and then he fitted Drew in a device to help determine the size necessary for he and Axel’s new device. I was able to try on Chris’ personal device which was a big deal since he said I was the only other person to wear it (if I wasn’t worried about how much of a fanboy it’d make me sound like, I’d tell you exactly how that felt) and, as you’d expect, it was gorgeous. So, you know, just another bunch of guys hanging around locking metal to their dicks. Though, to be truthful, Chris didn’t partake (and I’m not embarrassed to say, I wish he had, because fucking yum) but based on the fit of his device on me, I have a pretty good idea of the basic dimensions of his dick (blush).

The thing I appreciate about Chris is the intersection of craft, commerce, and even art he represents. Of course, it’s his business to sell these creations and he has the same concerns as any other small businessman (regulations, rent, payroll, etc.) but the meticulous care he puts into their construction and (especially recently) the level to which he’s advanced artistic expression in the field of male chastity is truly exciting. We talked about how the merging of a few of his most recent creations would be possibly the most beautiful male chastity device ever made. It’s a device I’d like to see him make and, even better, be locked on me. But who knows. Maybe that’ll happen someday.

It’s also become really clear to me that the marketplace of fetish and kink products is divided into two camps. There’s the small manufacturers who make their wares carefully and with passion and whose livelihoods can often depend on their work and then there’s those who literally connive to steal that innovation and creativity and knock it off overseas to sell at the lowest possible price. This has happened to Chris just as it’s happened to several others like him. It’s unfortunate and, I suppose, inevitable. I get that not everyone (actually, hardly anyone) can afford the very top of the market for any of these kinds of products, but I also think it’s important that as consumers we frequent retailers who respect their suppliers. At the end of the day, someone who takes one of Chris’ creations and knocks it off in cast metal from China simply doesn’t care about you or your penis. They just want your money. If you drop a couple hundred on their crap and it never leaves your drawer following the first time you tried it on, they consider themselves successful. Chris and other makers like him represent the antithesis of this way of doing business.

My only regret from yesterday is that I wasn’t able to spend more time in Montréal. It’s such a great city and has a vibe unlike any other in North America. In the same way Miami feels like it’s in South America, Montréal feels like it’s in Europe. Belle and I have been there together a few times and have also spent time in Québec City which is even harder to imagine is North American. If you want a European-like experience for a fraction of the prices (especially with the currently favorable American exchange rate), head north.

For those interested in what I looked like in Chris’ cage, it’s after the jump. I’d call it maybe 20% longer than I’d want, but the ring and tube diameter were just about perfect.

Continue reading “Voyage aux terres du nord”